wow, this took a long time. it is a long chapter though, so i am forgiven, right?
Dear Diary,
So. We got home from school after a journey of complete silence. It was not entirely comfortable. I passed the time by thinking of some more words to describe Edward, but he didn't seem to notice. He was being infuriating. I could feel the fury boiling up inside of me.
Once we arrived at the house, we all headed for the dining table we used for conferences. Carlisle and Esme were already sat there. They looked worried.
I can't believe what Edward has done to us! He's going to destroy this family soon. The fury bubbled angrily in my chest. I glared at him as I sat at my place and held my gaze without shifting. Emmett sat next to me. I was pleased when Jasper stood on my side of the table. He was of my point of view, and would stand behind me as far as he could.
Alice entered the room, her eyes glazed over, trying to see the future. The sat next to Esme, rubbing her forehead, no indecision shown. Jasper flinched, debating. I held my breath, but he thankfully stayed.
'Edward started to speak. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty action.'
Typical Edward, trying to make everybody forgive him and forget all about what happened. Then he wouldn't have to do anything about it. The fury was rising to the surface. It was bound to boil over sometime. I had felt this before.
'What do you mean, 'take full responsibility'?' I asked, glaring at him, the fury evident in my tone. 'Are you going to fix it?' Obviously not. He would rather us all think him a saint without so much effort. I mean, getting rid of the evidence will be so hard, seeing as he wants her so much. It just makes sense for him to kill her. The fury bubbled closer.
'Not the way you mean. I'm willing to leave now, if it makes things better.' Edward strained to keep his voice calm. I should have known. Willing to sacrifice himself for the better of the family; he makes me sick. I will not be able to contain the fury much longer.
Of course, Esme would never let him go.
'No. No, Edward.'
'It's just a few years,' Edward said, comforting her. Why does he want to go? It can't purely be for the safety of this girl, can it?
'Esme's right, though. You can't go anywhere now. That would be the opposite of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever,' Emmett said. I was prepared to argue, so that Edward would go and Jasper and I could deal with the girl, but I saw the truth behind Emmett's words and managed to hold my tongue. Only just. I could not hold it for too long.
'Alice will catch anything major,' Edward said. He really did want to go.
'I think Emmett is right, Edward,' Carlisle said, shaking his head. 'The girl will be more likely to talk if we disappear. It's all of us leave, or none of us.'
Hmm. I don't know about that.
'She won't say anything,' Edward put in quickly. He obviously wanted me to know that before the anger he could sense in my thoughts exploded.
'You don't know her mind,' Carlisle said.
'I know his much. Alice, back me up,' Edward said. Why was he defending the girl? Why did he put us in this position in the first place? Why doesn't he just let us sort this out quickly and efficiently? The fury bubbled dangerously close to the surface. It could explode any second.
'I can't see what will happen if we ignore this,' Alice said. She gazed accusing at Jasper and I.
That did it.
My palm smacked on the table with a loud bang.
'We can't allow the human a chance to say anything! Carlisle, you must see that. Even if we decide to disappear, it's not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind – you know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be more careful than anyone else!'
'We've left rumours behind us before,' Edward said.
'Just rumours and suspicions, Edward. Not eyewitnesses and evidence!' I couldn't believe how calmly he was taking this. Like it was nothing that hadn't happened before.
'Evidence!' he snorted, trying to pass it all off as nothing. But Jasper was nodding in agreement with me.
'Rose - ' Carlisle began. He hated killing, even in situations like this when it was essential.
'Let me finish, Carlisle,' I said, trying to settle his conscience. 'It doesn't have to be any big production. The girl hit her head today. So maybe that injury turns out to be more serious than it looked. Every mortal goes to sleep with the chance of never waking up. The other would expect us to clean up after ourselves. Technically, that would make it Edward's job, but this is obviously beyond him. You know I'm capable of control. I would leave no evidence behind me.'
'Yes, Rosalie, we all know how proficient an assassin you are,' Edward said, snarling. I hissed at him. How dare he! He knows Royce deserved what he got as well a I do.
Carlisle did, too. 'Edward, please.'
Then he turned to me. 'Rosalie, I turned the other way in Rochester because I felt that you were owed your justice. The men you killed had wronged you monstrously. This is not the same situation. The Swan girl is an innocent.'
'It's not personal,Carlisle. It's to protect us all,' I said through clenched teeth. Why couldn't they see that this was the only choice? That the Swan girl couldn't be allowed to live? However, much to my delight, after much deliberation Carlisle nodded.
'I know you mean well, Rosalie, but…' he said. I had obviously misinterpreted him. 'I'd like very much for this family to be worth protecting. The occasional... accident or lapse of control is a regrettable part of who we are. To murder a blameless child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk she presents, whether she speaks her suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk something much more important. We risk losing the essence of who we are.'
I almost rolled my eyes. We lost every essence of who we are when we became monsters.
'It's just being responsible,' I explained.
'It's being callous. Every life is precious,' Carlisle said.
Every life is precious. She's one stupid human, for crying out loud! One stupid human who could ruin everything. I huffed and pouted my lip. Emmett patted me on the shoulder.
'It'll me fine, Rose,' he whispered.
Carlisle started to speak again. 'The question is whether she should move on.'
No! That was too much. I was sick out the boring lessons and stupid cliques I was never part of. At least I got a few years away from it when I graduated. Plus, Forks was not actually too bad compared to some other towns we've been to.
'No! We just got settled. I don't want to start on my sophomore year in high school again.'
'You could keep your present age, of course.'
'And have to move that much sooner?'
I hated moving continuously almost as much as I hated high school.
'I like it here! There's so little sun, we get to be almost normal.'
'Well, we certainly don't have to decide now. We can wait and see if it becomes necessary. Edward seems certain of the girls silence.'
I snorted. What makes him so sure? He can't read her mind, after all. She's a curious human. Of course she'll speak. That is why we should stop her from being able to speak. No-one would listen to me. No-one ever did. It was hopeless. I couldn't do anything now. However, someone could.
'Jasper,' Edward said. Jasper wasn't showing any expression on his face as he turned to face Edward, but I could tell that he was set on the right course. Edward obviously could as well.
'She won't pay for my mistake. I won't allow that.'
'She benefits from it, then? She should have died today, Edward. I would only have set that right,' Jasper retorted. At least someone was seeing sense.
'I will not allow it.'
Jasper's eyebrows shot up. How far would Edward go to protect this fragile human?
'I will not let Alice live in danger, even a slight danger. You don't feel about anyone the way I feel about her, Edward, and you haven't lived through what I've lived through, whether you've seen my memories or not. You don't understand.'
'I'm not disputing that, Jasper. But I'm telling you now, I won't allow you to hurt Isabella
Swan,' Edward said protectively. I was still confused. Why on Earth was he acting so defensively over the Swan girl?
'Jazz,' Alice interrupted.
'Don't bother telling me that you can protect yourself, Alice,' Jasper said. 'I already know that. I've still got to - '
'That's not what I'm going to say. I was going to ask you for a favour.'
Edward gasped at whatever Alice was planning to say next. Was she really going to do the right thing? Was she going to ask him to kill Isabella?
'I know you love me. Thanks. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't try to kill Bella. First of all, Edward's serious and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly, she's my friend. At least, she's going to be.'
Whoa. Not quite what we were expecting.
'But... Alice...' Jasper stuttered. His face was a display of utter confusion.
'I'm going to love her someday, Jazz. I'll be very put out with you if you don't let her be.'
As Jasper's determination to see the girl dead floundered, Alice's eyes glazed over.
'Ah,' she breathed. The image of Bella dead was fading from her mind now. All hope of convincing the others to see that ours was the best way vanished, leaving me feeling defeated and angry.
'See? Bella's not going to say anything. There's nothing to worry about,' Bella said to Edward.
'Alice... what... does this...?'
'I told you there was a change coming. I don't know, Edward,' Alice said. She was tensed, rigid. I realised there was something else, something she didn't want Edward to know about. She was concentrating on not thinking about it. What could it be? Maybe it would help Edward to change his mind...
'What, Alice?' Edward asked. 'What are you hiding?'
Emmett growled next to me. He hated these half conversations; he didn't like to feel like he was missing out on anything.
'Is it about the girl? Is it about Bella?'
Alice gritted her teeth at Edward's question, but it can't have been enough.
'NO!' he roared, and he was suddenly on his feet. The chair made a sharp bang as it hit the floor.
What was it? What had Alice seen?
'Edward!' Carlisle said as he got up and put a restraining arm around Edward's shoulder.
'No,' Edward repeated more weakly. He seemed likely to collapse. What was happening?
Emmett was on the same wavelength as me.
'Will somebody please let the rest of us in on the mystery?'
Edward ignored him.
'I have to leave.'
'Edward, we've already been over that. That's the best way to start the girl talking. Besides, if you take off, we won't know for sure if she's talking or not. You have to stay and deal with this.'
'I don't see you going anywhere, Edward. I don't know if you can leave any more,' Alice said. What does she mean? Why wouldn't he be able to leave?
'I don't hear that,' Edward retorted to something Alice had said in her head. I wondered what it was.
'Why are you doing this to me?' Edward groaned. Ugh, why do they have to do this to us? Could they do us the honour of letting us know what on earth they were talking about?
'Love her too?' Edward asked. Alice sighed.
Love her too? Alice sees herself loving Bella... and she sees Edward loving her too.
Ugh. How sick. How gross. How... typically Edward.
'No. I don't have to follow that course. I'll leave. I will change the future,' Edward said, shaking his head.
'You can try,' I said sceptically. No-one, especially not someone as weak as Edward, could change love, even in a situation as warped as this.
Emmett still didn't get the horrifying scenario that was unfolding.
'Oh, come on!' he shouted.
.Pay attention,' I hissed. Sometimes he could miss the most obvious of things. 'Alice sees him falling for a human! How classically Edward!'
I gagged at the thought. It was unnatural, like a tiger falling in love with a kitten. It just didn't make sense.
'What? Is that what's been going on?' Emmett asked, grasping the idea. 'Tough break, Edward.'
Emmett put his hand on Edward's shoulder, but Edward shook it off.
Esme was mulling over it now.
'Fall for a human? For the girl he saved today? Fall in love with her?'
'What do you see, Alice?' Jasper asked. 'Exactly.'
'It all depends whether he is strong enough or not. Either he'll kill her himself – which would really irritate me, Edward, not to mention what it would do to you – or she'll be one of us someday.'
I gasped. So: she was going to die. Yes! This is exactly what should happen. It's too dangerous to keep her alive, which Edward would never do. He's far too weak, as he's proved by running away from her. A weak, pathetic human.
He seemed to realise which was the most likely option, too.
'That's not going to happen! Either one!'
'It all depends. He may just be strong enough not to kill her – but it will be close. It will take an amazing amount of control. More even than Carlisle has. He may just be strong enough... The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause,' Alice deduced.
The room grew still. I didn't like to think about the thoughts Edward was hearing his head; I didn't like to think anything about Edward right now. It made me feel sick.
Trust Edward to do this. Trust Edward to fall for a human girl. I always knew he was different, right from the beginning. It had confirmed my thoughts when he didn't respond to the clear affections Tanya was displaying towards him. Any man in their right mind would go for her without a doubt, but not Edward. Oh, no. He preferred a rather more tasty sort of girl...
Ugh.
Carlisle finally broke the silence. 'Well, this... complicates things.'
'I'll say,' Emmett chuckled. Trust him to find amusement in the most disgusting of situations.
'I suppose the plans will remain the same, though. We'll stay, and watch. Obviously, no-one will... hurt the girl,' Carlisle said.
I didn't like that idea. It would be so easy for her to say something... to reveal who we really were. Jasper was not keen on that prospect, either.
'No. I cannot agree to that. If Alice sees only two ways -'
'No!' yelled Edward in a strangled voice. 'No!'
It had all become clear to me now. Why he was so protective over her. Why her heart was still beating, when she should be as cold as us.
Because he was in love with her.
It was warped and horrible: I couldn't think about it any more, or else I would wretch.
Edward seemed as equally horrified, which surprised me. He was the one who jumped in front of a van to save her. Maybe he cared for her too much to force her into this kind of life. That would make sense, apart from the fact that it was Edward we were talking about. I doubt he had even kissed any women apart from his mother.
Edward darted out into the rain. I briefly wondered if he would come back soon before I remembered he wasn't worth it.
next chapter will be along quicker, i promise. but you have to reveiw!!!