A/N: Sorry guys that this isn't Ch 12, but after rereading this chapter this morning, I found that I had messed up the timeline and a few details. My OCD will not let me continue on unless I fix this problem first. So the timeline as it stands now, is that Edward found out she was alive 25 years after after he left, not 45 like originally stated. Remember, he came back the night Bella met Emmett, and that was 35 years ago in my story. If I let the chapter remain as is, that would mean that Edward found out that she was alive that very same night and that doesn't make any sense when calculating in his meditative time of 20 years. So I corrected my error, sorry again. My Beta Fate Lowe is one Awesome chick!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Bella's strong personality.

Edward looked at me with a pleading look in his eye as if saying 'Please don't make me say this', but I was having none of that bullshit. I had almost let him seduce me into a mindless ball of hormones, and while I wouldn't have minded it, I still deserved answers about his whereabouts for the past 80 years.

I looked down at him as he hung his head in defeat and let out of loud sigh. "Where should I begin?" he mumbled.

"Wherever necessary," I offered pulling the chair from the corner and placing it in front of the bed where he sat.

He stared at me with a sad smile and sighed again. Hours seem to pass as he stared at me, though it was only a handful of minutes. No doubt trying to figure out how to start this conversation.

I huffed in slight annoyance. "It's not rocket science Edward, but if we are going to try and be together again, I need to know why it took you so long to come back to me. How did you even know I was alive?"

Edward snorted softly, "That's an easy question to answer. I didn't, at least for the first twenty-five years or so. Though, I knew that if something bad were to ever happen to you, I hoped that Jasper would keep his word to keep you safe, and he did." He smiled at this last part, because he knew that Jasper had in fact kept his word to keep me safe.

"So what happened after you found out I was still alive, er undead, or whatever?" I asked softly.

The same sad smile appeared once again on his face and I almost wanted to slap it off of him and say 'Snap out of it!',but I didn't. This was obviously something he was stuggling with and even though I was almost crazy with need to find out every little secret, I remained patient for him to explain.

"I waged a crazy mental war with myself, of course," he said wistfully hanging his head down.

"And?"

"And I was so....so......"

"Relieved?" I offered.

Edward slowly looked up at me and smiled. "Yes, relieved is one feeling I had, but it was more than that. I was happy, elated, overjoyed. Pick a positive feeling; I had them all. But I was worried as well. Worried that you wouldn't want to see me, let alone talk to me. I was scared too. Scared that you would never forgive me for the sins I had committed against you. I wanted to be forgiven; I wanted that more than anything. I wanted absolution and I knew that if you were to ever forgive me for my sins, I had to forgive myself first."

"And did you? Forgive yourself, I mean?" I asked uncrossing my legs and scooting to the end of the chair. I had to get closer to him, even if by me moving to sit on the end of the chair. I had to will myself still or all would be lost and I wouldn't get the answers my heart and soul so desparately needed. I knew if my skin touched his one more time, I would forgive him, even if a part of me already had. He had kept his promise to Jasper that he would come back and explain and he was doing it now. That meant something to me; I would give him this chance.

"After a two decades, yes," he said quietly.

My eyebrows shot up. "Two decades?"

Edward's intense gaze locked with mine and he nodded slowly.

"And how did you come to your forgiveness?" I asked.

"I spent about five years in seclusion, then went to Thailand."

"Thailand?" I asked. My curiosity had been peaked again.

"I went to a Buddhist temple and meditated for fifteen years," he said matter-of-factly.

I choked on my own saliva. "Fifteen years? How did you manage that?"

"Carlisle knows most of the monks at the temple I went to. He has helped them in the past, and theysaid that if he or any of his family ever needed anything, to just show up. So I did. They knew exactly what and who I was the moment they opened the door. They weren't afraid or prejudiced, or anything. The monks gave me my own room and when I asked about food, they smiled and told me where the best place was to go," he said smiling.

"So what happened after you had absolved yourself?" I asked leaning back in the chair. I was afraid if I moved any closer to him, that I would have fallen out of the chair.

'Yeah, cause that would have been graceful!'

I thought.

"I began another sort of internal battle," he said flatly.

I cocked an eyebrow urging him to go on. Edward sighed, running a hand through hishair again and repositioned himself on the bed so that he was now sitting on the edge closest to me.

"I debated for several years as to how I was going to confront you, beg you to forgive me for my horrible mistake. But I knew, with every fiber of my being that if I had stayed all those years ago, I would have killed you, and that was something I was not going to let happen. Your anger be damned. I would rather you hate me and still exist, then exist in a world without you."

I smiled at his sentiment, and waited for him to continue. He drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly, as if preparing himself for his next words. A tight crease began to form in the middle of his forehead and to me that signaled something bad.

"After several arguments with myself, I actually did come back to see you," he said softly, and my eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

Edward nodded slowly. "The night you and Emmett leveled that building going after Jane was the night; I came back. I must say, I was surprise to see Emmett with you and the way the two of you interacted with one another. At first, I was jealous at the thought that he had stolen you from me, but as I watched, in absolute awe of your ability I might add, I realized that my jealousy was unjust. The way you two looked at each other after you leveled the building was hilarious. The two of you seemed almost giddy with excitement." Edward laughed softly to himself as he spoke.

To say that I was annoyed at this, was an understatement, and Edward noticed the stiffness in my shoulders. He shifted off of the bed so that he was kneeling in front of me, hands on both of the arms of the chair, but I scooted back from him. I wasn't ready for him to touch me again just yet. He noticed that too and stayed in his position.

I continued to glare at him as he said, "I'm sorry Bella. I don't mean to laugh, but that is a fond memory for me. The look you had on your face that night was beautiful. You looked totally free and uninhibited. You looked as though you had moved on. I wasn't about to step in and make my presence known, not when you looked so carefree."

'But I hadn't moved on, not really

,' I thought to myself.

I let his words fly around inside my head and decided that I wasn't exactly sure what I would have done if he had in fact made his presence known that night. I could have had Emmett kick the shit out of him, but I guess some small part of me still wanted the honor of doing that myself.

"So you're the reason Jane lost her memory of that night?" I asked finally softening my glare.

"Yes. It is an ability that definitely came in handy that night," Edward replied smiling softly.

"And when did you gain said ability?"

Edward moved so he was leaning back on the balls of his feet at the bottom of the bed with his back leaning against it and ran his fingers through his hair. I actually remembered this gesture, as he would do it when he was thinking hard. It brought a smile to my face remembering it. Edward noticed my smile. "What?"

"Nothing. I just forgot that you have this habit of running your fingers through your hair when you are thinking hard," I replied gesturing at the hand that had now stopped. He looked at his hand and slowly dropped it to his side.

"Old habits die hard."

"I know," I said softly.

We sat there in silence for a handful of minutes just staring at one another. "So, your ability? Are you gonna tell me how it came to light?" I asked.

Edward smiled sheepishly, "Oh yeah. Well, I am not sure how it happened exactly. But what I do know, is that that day in the ballet studio while you were unconscious and we had James restrained, I just kept thinking, 'Forget her. Forget what you know about Bella.' I didn't want his last thoughts to be of you. It was weird, because his eyes sort of glazed over and then they cleared and he looked at me and said, 'Hey, still up for that game of baseball?' I knew then that something had happened, cause he only seemed to remember the last time he saw me. I actually asked him a few questions about you and he kept asking who you were and sayingthat he had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't have to worry about anything after that cause we dismembered him shortly after and you were safe."

"How did Alice not know this was going to happen?" I asked.

"Oh she did. Once we arrived back to Forks she wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't have any answers for her, at least none that she wanted to hear and then she got the vision of you. I knew then that I had to make her forget what she saw and anything that pertained to you possibly changing. So we went hunting one night and the entire time I just kept thinking, 'Forget your vision about Bella being one of us. Forget about her changing, forget about her potential powers. You will never get another vision about Bella being one of us again.' It worked, a little too quickly and easily I might add, maybe it was because the vision was so fresh and new in her mind, but I also knew that if the Volturi ever got wind of you that you would either die by their hands, or be changed against your will. That wasn't something I wanted to happen. Jasper changed you because you were dying and he promised me that he would keep you safe. Changing you fulfilled part of that promise to me and I will be forever thankful to him for basically giving me the chance to right all the wrongs I have done to you."

Edward shifted toward me and gently took my hands in his. "Bella, please believe that I honestly thought I was doing right by you. I never meant for any of this to happen the way it did. I wanted you to be happy; I know now that you were happy. But I wasn't going to let your stubborn ways kill you, not if I had the chance to save you from yourself. Like I said before, your anger be damned. I would suffer through your anger for all eternity if it meant that you still existed and were safe."

I fought to blink back the tears that were threatening to surface. I didn't want to cry, but dammit, that was sweet. I knew I should still be angry at him, and a part of me was, just not this part anymore. What I was now angry about, was that Edward had had four female companions, while I had just had Jasper, and he wasn't even mine. He was just the one to show me that I was still capable of loving someone and having that love returned.

"You know this isn't fair right?" I asked.

"What's that, love?" Edward asked softly, his thumbs moving in lazy circles across the backs of hands.

"The fact that you had four, count them four, female companions. I only had Jasper and he wasn't even mine to begin with. I want to throttle you for having the ability to move on the way you did, but now that I know that there something about each and every one of them that reminded you of me, lessens my anger. I want to be angry with you, dammit! I want to beat you to a bloody pulp and leave you to rot, but my heart won't let me. I hate you for that."

The tears spilled over as I said those last words and the hole that hadbeen threatening to rip open, finally did. My walls crashed the instant that loud, angry sobs ripped through my body as hot tears streamed down my face. My tears hadn't been this hot against my skin before, but I didn't pay any mind to the reason. I just figured it was caused by 80 years of pent up frustration.

'I hate you

,' I thought as he enfolded me in his arms, pulling me slowly out of the chair and gathering me in his lap.

'I hate that you left me to die slowly

,' I thought again as he mindlessly rubbed small circles on my back.

"I know, but a part of me died that day too," he whispered into my hair.

'I hate that I love you, but I love that I hate you. Does that make any sense

?' I thought sourly as he kissed my hair.

"Yes, it makes sense. I love that you hate me too, but I love that you love me more. It warms my heart to know that you still love me after all these years, as I have never stopped loving you," Edward said cupping my cheek and lifting my head so that we were looking at one another.

I blinked through blurry vision as Edward gently brushed the fallen tears from my cheek with his thumb. There was such raw emotion in his eyes directed at me that I almost cried again. It had truly been a while since anyone had looked at me like this. Jasper had looked at me like this, but I saw through it for what it was. Yes, Jasper did love me like this, but it was a fleeting moment in time. It quickly changed to the love that we both feel for one another now, which is in no way the way I feel for Edward and by the look in his eyes now, they way he feels for me.

A new strength surged with in my veins and I reached up with both hands to cup his face. I stroked the apples of his cheeks with my thumbs as I gently pulled his face towards mine. Our lips were mere centimeters apart when he breathed, "I love you Bella and nothing will take you away from me again."

I searched his eyes and only found truth there hidden behind all that rich beautiful green color. I replied by simply closing the gap between us, and pressed my lips softly against his.

Edward moaned quietly at the first contact of my lips on his and moved the hand that was cupping my cheek further back to thread through my still damp hair. He gently pulled my face to the side so that he could deepen the kiss. His slowly ran his tongue along my bottom lip until I opened my mouth andteasinglytouched his with mine before retreating back into his mouth. He did it again and again, before I gave in to the sensual touch of his tongue and traced mine in to his mouth, earning me another moan. Where our first kiss was one of frenzied passion, this kiss was one of slow sensuality, a re-bonding of our former relationship.

I pulled back slowly ending our kiss with one last chaste kiss against his oh so soft lips. Edward leaned back from me and looked into my eyes. Confusion spread across his features as he looked at me. I blinked and asked, "What?"

"Your eyes," he said softly.

"What about them?" I asked.

"I haven't seen that color in 80 years," he replied. I knew now what he was talking about. My eyes were brown, the same human brown they had been before I was changed.

I mentally shook myself and blinked several times. My walls came back up as I felt my eyes change back and saw that Edward pouted at this.

'Too bad. No need to explain why they do that

,' I thought.

"You know, I rather miss your original eye color. But not as much as I missed you, right here in my arms."

I smiled at his words and moved off of his lap. Edward seemed to huff in slight annoyance, but let me up anyways. I walked over to the closed curtain window and pulled the edge back, peering outside. It was still dark out, but out in the distance there was a definite lightening to the sky. I am sure no human could see it, but any vampire could.

"It'll be dawn in a few hours," I said not turning around but opened the curtains slighty to stare outside.

"I know," he said as I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.

'This is nice

,' I thought smiling.

I leaned back against his chest and ran my fingers along the muscles in his forearms. I felt his chest vibrate against my back as he groaned softly.

"You never told me how you found me," I blurted out as the thought forced its way into my mind.

I felt Edward stiffen behind me, but he didn't move away.

"Well, I could tell you how I knew where you were going to be, but the rest is just chance."

'Huh?'

"What do you mean? The last girl I saw in your memory was the last female I munched on."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, and the memory I got from her, was of the two of you in our meadow," I said turning slightly to look up at him. He looked down at my with a small smile.

"Sorry about that, but that was the day I stopped seeing her and told her about you. I didn't tell her everything, I sort of lied and said you were an old friend of mine that I longed to reconnect with. She had asked why I hadn't and I lied again and told her that you moved away to Seattle and that you were busy with school and work. I told her that you guys could pass for sisters because she almost looked exactly like you. But her smell was different than yours; she smelled like lilac and vanilla."

'Eww....vanilla and lilac? Bleh!'

I laughed softly, "Yeah, that definitely isn't my scent."

"Your right, it isn't. Your scent is ten times better; it's the most mouth-watering scent I have ever smelled," he whispered against my neck causing me to shiver.

Edward drew in a deep breath and exhaled. "God, how I've missed you."

"Don't distract me mister. You still have more answers to give," I said in the firmest voice I could muster given the closeness of Edward's lips on my neck.

"You're right, you're right. It is just so easy to get lost in you. I am having a hard time controlling myself," he said and slowly stepped back.

"I've noticed," I said turning around and gently running the back of my hand across the apparent hardness in the front of his jeans.

'Very hard indeed

,' I thought wickedly.

"Bella," Edward growled.

"Yes?" I asked in the most innocent voice I could while battering my eyelashes at him.

"You aren't playing fair. Do you want answers or not?" he huffed.

"I want answers. I'll behave."

A/N: Sorry, but I HAD to fix the errors I found. Ch 13 is in the works!