The Way It Had To Happen (Episode 5: Shelter Island)

Barney sat bold upright on the bed with a gasp. He staggered to his feet, almost losing his balance as his legs threatened to give way. Somehow he made it to the door and clung to it as the room span around him.

What the f-?

The bedclothes were straight and neat, if every-so-slightly rumpled from where he'd been lying a moment ago. His hands balled into fists, and he brought them up to his forehead, rubbing it with his knuckles.

Only just now he'd been on that bed (naked, sweaty) with some chick (Stella's sister) panting with post-coital (and very, very non-vegan)…

Oh god…

He breathed in hard. He could smell his own aftershave - oddly fresh. Something really weird was happening.

Only a moment ago he'd been on that bed, limbs all tangled up with Nora's and he'd been screaming inside his own mind. He'd been screaming her name…

Oh Robin…

And he'd wished (fervently, like he was nine years old or something) that he'd not done this. Not sabotaged his chance to get (win?) Robin. He'd hated himself. He's asked (God?) to take it all back.

Now, a second after, he'd woken up to weirdness - fully-clothed weirdness. Perhaps the mistake of Nora was more serious than he'd supposed. He'd thought he'd judged her correctly on the hot/crazy scale but perhaps he'd had "want to have sex with her" blindness? Had she drugged him? Put all his clothes back on? If so, why? Perhaps Nora didn't want Stella to know? Was there a sisters code? Had they violated it? He wouldn't be surprised...

But Barney Stinson was not given to self pity and told himself sternly to get over it, get back down to the party, (apologise to Ted - always good to come clean) and go find Robin.

He felt much better until he checked his watch.

*--*--*

Barney didn't believe that Nora was the sort of chick who'd take the trouble to set his watch back an hour. But he'd been wrong before - so he went and found the nearest clock in the bar. Sure enough, it agreed with his own. He'd lost a whole hour! Well, strictly speaking, he'd gained an hour.

He smirked. Time travel? Please! There must be a rational explanation for it.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he almost jumped out of his skin. It was Nora - looking exactly the same as when he'd first seen her - dress, boob-shaped-boobs, shiny hair, eager expression… Now, if only he didn't know about that tattoo on her inner thigh, he'd believe he'd dreamed the whole thing.

Time to test that theory.

"I wondered where you'd gone, lover boy!" She announced. "Ten minutes and counting! And you'd better be as good as I've been told you are." She said, as if she hadn't been moaning his name not ten minutes before! "I really need some serious distraction right-"

He leaned in and whispered something in her ear.

She went pale, stuttered, and said, "How in the hell did you..?", thought better of it and slapped him, hard.

He smirked, nodded his head and rubbed his cheek tentatively.

"Thank you Nora," he said. "I needed that."

*--*--*

So, time travel. Really? What was this, Groundhog Day? Not that Bill Murray wasn't awesome and not that Barney didn't appreciate being given a second chance with Robin but… Really? It all seemed so clichéd.

He wandered back to his room in a bit of a daze. Ted had waved at him from across the bar (hah! Lame no-alcohol policy) but he'd ignored him. Whatever problems the prospective husband had at this stage, he was sure Marshall was more equipped to deal with it.

Letting himself into his room, Barney sat down heavily on the low, uncomfortable bed. It was probably good for his posture or something, but it was certainly bad for his knees. Barney wondered if anyone had any sex as remotely dirty as what he and Nora had been doing in the last hour. Word.

But then again - had they? The whole hour had been wiped out. He was the only one who remembered it. Barney un-popped the top button of his shirt and undid his tie - mirroring the exact same sequence of events exactly one hour before when there'd been a knock at his door.

Knock knock!

He sat bolt upright. Nora again? He smiled slightly - yeah, Nora was just slutty enough (crazy enough?) to have been a bit turned on by what he'd said to her. Perhaps she was up for another (a first?) round of hot, rough-and-ready sex?

He opened the door and was surprised to see… Robin. But of course - if everything had been reset then Robin had never caught him with Nora and she'd never… It was still possible to…

"Hey, Robin…" He gulped nervously and the world tilted around him again.

*--*--*

"Barney…" She said, smiling, although she looked exhausted and her eyes were kind of desperate. "I am having… a horrible day," She said. (No kidding). "Uh, I snuck some scotch in from the Duty Free store, d'ya wanna join me?" The same words - the same expression. But before, she'd sort of trailed off when she had registered that he was standing there clad only in boxers, desperately trying to shield himself with the door while also appearing to lean against it nonchalantly. Before, Robin had realised, horrified, that he'd had Stella's sister tied to his headboard... Stella's sister… She'd shouted at him…

But this time…

"Yeah, yeah… c-come in!" He said with a stutter, opening the door fully. God, she looked gorgeous. "Unless you'd rather do it in your room… And by do it, I mean…" He wiggled his eyebrows, making her laugh.

"Actually, they- they didn't get me a room. I was hoping I could stay with you…"

Bingo!

"No problem," He said smoothly, leading her inside and grabbing two glasses from the night-stand. "I think I saw some ice in the corridor outside. Unless you'd rather take it as it comes?" Again with the eyebrow wiggle.

She took a glass from him and set it down, collapsing back on to the bed. She looked upset - like she'd just broken off an argument with someone. He grinned inwardly. Angry sex was second only to despair sex! This couldn't get any better! He poured her a drink.

"Sooooo. What happened?" He said, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"Everything, nothing…" Her brow creased and he could see she was thinking, simmering, bottling things up.

He stroked her arm with the back of his hand. "Hey, you can tell uncle Barney…" He said with a grin.

She laughed, grabbing his hand. "Right now, talking's the last thing I really want to do…"

This time, she wasn't even drunk…

*--*--*

Barney probably should have picked up on that. But when you really (desperately) want to have sex with someone, the last thing that springs to mind is to search for reasons not to. It's only (always) afterwards that you realise what a huge mistake it was. And usually that's not a problem - because you never have to see them again. But this was Robin.

She lay there, her body stiffening against his. It didn't feel right to hold her, but he tried to anyway. He could feel the knot inside her as if it were in him too, twisting his guts. Jesus, this was worse than their first time! What the hell was wrong with her?

He heard the hitch in her breath and stroked her hair, very gently.

"Hey…" He said softly, "Hey…? What's wrong, Robin?" He wanted so desperately for there to me nothing wrong. He had her here, naked, soft and oh-so Robin… But she wasn't his. Perhaps she'd never be his.

And sure enough… she said that magic, hateful word… "It's Ted…"

He felt cold inside.

"I quit my job, Barney. It was literally driving me crazy. The were like a bizarre-o version of Metro One. And I was homesick even though I'd never admit it, even to myself. I missed you all. I missed… When he called me to say he was getting married and actually invited me… It was like a knife right through me! How could he be that insensitive…?"

Oh.

Barney saw it then and saw it perfectly. How painful must it have been for Robin to be invited to this ridiculously-rushed wedding? Why had none of them seen it? They were supposed to be her friends!

"It's Ted," He forced himself to say, "Locked in his lame little romantic bubble. Damn it, Scherbatsky! You know he can't see anything else outside him and Stella and playing happy families…"

"So I told him," Robin continued as if she hadn't heard him, "how much it hurt. And I realised then that it means I still have feelings for him. Unresolved feelings. And… Barney… He's getting married…" She let out a sob and he held her close. "He's getting married and I'm all alone…"

"What about me?" Barney thought. But even as he stopped himself from saying it, he knew the answer. Robin had done exactly what she had to - used him for sex, for comfort. Used him just as she'd used him before, when Simon had dumped her. Because Barney was safe, and sex with Barney was just sex.

It wasn't just sex for him though. He knew that now.

But of course, now he had only confirmed to Robin that he'd forever just be that guy.

He didn't want to be that guy. Not to her.

Barney closed his eyes before his own tears could come. And he wished… he wish so hard: Take it back. Take it all back.

*--*--*

Barney sat bold upright on the bed and staggered to his feet. He stood, panting for a second, checked his watch and sobbed with relief. He ran all the way down to the bar, looking around wildly. There was Nora, standing at the bar. He let out a bark of laughter, almost a little hysterically, and gave a little "thank you" to the big guy upstairs.

He leaned, mock-casually, against the reception desk.

"Hey, are you okay?" The girl behind the desk said, her dreadlocks bobbing as she nodded her head. Something about her appealed to him. Perhaps there was something of Shannon in her, of more innocent days.

"Well, Belinda," He said, squinting at her name-tag. "It's complicated…" He let out a heart-felt sigh and gave her puppy-dog eyes.

"Here at the Namaste Yoga and Meditation collective, we're here to unravel your most complicated issues," The girl said, grinning.

Barney raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

Perhaps today, what he really needed to be, was that guy.

*--*--*

"Hey Robin," Barney said, opening the door and leaning against it nonchalantly. He knew that there was very little he could do to stop her seeing Belinda but he made a show of trying, of even being embarrassed. This time, of course, the conversation went a little differently.

"See you Barney," She eventually said, and left, obviously disappointed, obviously still in pain.

He stammered, let out a sigh and rested his head on the doorframe. It hurt - more than he'd expected it to. But he'd done the right thing. Barney Stinson had done the right thing. By not having sex with a girl! What was this freaking world coming to?

And then Nora was there, her hand on his shoulder, carrying a bottle of champagne. He jumped.

"Okay, let's do this."

He didn't say anything. Things would play out how they had to. Now there was nothing he could wish for differently - nothing for him to take back.

"Who the hell is that?" She said, pointing to Belinda.

"Uuum, it's the… girl… from the… front desk," He said, grinning.

And weirdly, magically, she grinned to, and strode into the room.

Barney's legs seemed to lose the ability to hold him upright and he staggered after her into the room.

The tricycle? Really?

If this was his reward for doing the right thing, he'd make sure to try it out more often…