Nobody's Fault But Mine

Chapter 13 – Break the Cycle

Life can be such a strange thing. As you travel down your very own open road, believing that your path is set, you hit an unexpected turn or encounter an obstacle. This twist whether it is a person or an event can reshape your destiny. Sometimes it is for the better, an opportunity may present itself and you find the strength to start afresh. And sometimes it is for the worst as you are tested and your greatest fears grow deeper challenging everything you believed and trusted upon.

Peyton Sawyer stirred slowly awake the following morning. The sense of dread that had settled permanently in the pit of her stomach over the past year had dispelled a little. She took in her surrounding as she began to recall the events of the previous night. She lay now on Lucas's bed. He must have carried her through during the night as she couldn't recall anything past his comforting her. She noted that he had removed her shoes and coat and covered her with the mid night blue comforter that presently draped loosely at her hips.

She craned her neck a fraction at the sound of the autumn rain beating against the window pane. The beeping and bustle of busy morning traffic and Lucas moving around somewhere else within the apartment was calming to her.

She just lay there; to just be still was so unfamiliar. Peyton allowed herself to actually feel for the first time in such a long while. She'd thrown herself into schedule and routine to block out the white noise and to manage her fears.

Antonio was still out there and he was still the threat to her that he'd always been. But that constant nagging fear of being hurt and that alerted panic she had lived upon and carried around with her like an extra limb was somewhat diminished. For the first time she felt something else. Something she had so long ago forgotten even existed.

Her fingers traced the stitched patterns on the silken fabric as she mused. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this little glimmer of hope. The feeling that told her that maybe one day she may actually be able to reclaim her young life.

"Good morning," he said causing her attention to turn to his silhouette presently standing in the doorway. "I brought you some coffee. You mind if I come in?"

"Of course not," she sat up; biting back that sudden stab of pain that she had shot through her side every time she tried to use her arms. "It's your room after all."

Lucas crossed over to her, handing her the mug that she took all too gratefully. He sat down on the vacant space beside her. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah," she looked sheepishly now. "Sorry that I kicked you out of your own bed though."

"Nah," he was all so quick to brush of her concerns. "I like the couch. Besides you're still healing."

Peyton took the mug he offered to her and sipped at the coffee, the warming sensation lapping at her throat.

"So um," his voice was a little tentative. "I thought we could go and fill out papers for you to petition for a restraining order today. I think it's important for us to put that precaution in place, so he stays away from you permanently this time. And this way, if he does break the order I can at least have him for something."

"Ok," she knew he was right. She felt that swell of apprehension. She always did but she needed to be strong. But she also knew once Antonio realised she had left him and dared to take out a restraining order against him he would go insane.

"You ok?" Her body language changed then. Her eyes had reverted downwards and she drew her knees up hugging them tightly with her arms. Her hair fell loosely in front of her face.

"You know it's funny," she found herself saying then. "Since I've been with him it's like I've been frozen. I've been so afraid of the next time he'd hit me, the next time I made him mad enough for him to put me back in the hospital. It's like I was terrified that one time he'd just take it too far but at the same time I was too scared that if I left him he'd come after me. Kind of like being stuck between two possibilities that are just as bad I guess."

"He's not going to get the chance to hurt you this time I promise." He stroked his fingers lightly over her cheek before he lifted her chin so she met his line of sight. "I promise you Peyton."

"I have this little saying, that if it doesn't kill me it'll make me stronger and every time I have to do something that seems impossible I repeat it over and over. It seems kind of appropriate right now. I can do this right?"

"Yes, you can do this," he reassured her. "I know you can do this."

She gave him her little crooked smile as she brushed back her sleep-tousled hair. "There's something else I need to do to. I want to stand by my original statement about what happened to Callie. I promised myself at the church yesterday that I would do everything I could to do right by her and her mother. I want to help bring him to justice."

"Ok," he placed a hand on hers then. "You're a strong lady aren't you?" He had to marvel at the courage of this young woman. She had been through so much and yet there was still this fight inside her. He remembered Jake's words to him back at the hospital. This girl's strength and family's heritage had probably been the only things to keep her alive during her tragic life.

"I just need to believe Callie didn't die for nothing."

"Ok, if that's what you want. I can take you down to the station now."

With a nod she swung her legs over the bed then and stood up. She didn't want to think about it or dwell on it in case she lost her nerve. She strapped on her shoes and was practically out the door as Lucas hurried to catch up to her.

-- --

Lucas took her straight to the courts downtown and had her go through the petition for the order. He had requested for an emergency "Ex Parte" order which would keep Antonio from her whilst they waited for the court hearing. She signed it off with a shaking hand. They then filed it with the clerk.

The time spent at the police station went by in a blur. She went through the motions of rewriting her statement and answering the same questions. Her heart hammered painfully in her chest. Her anxiety reached dizzyingly new heights. At the sound of every door opening she had looked up expecting to see his face.

She kept strong, she got through it and as Lucas eventually led her back out she exhaled such a huge sigh of relief.

"I felt like my heart was going to implode," she told him then.

"You did really good. You should be proud of yourself." He gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "Anyway before I take you back home someone wanted to say goodbye to you."

Peyton shot him a quizzical look which was answered as she spotted Jake making his way over from a police escort car across the parking lot. She moved a few steps towards him so that they met halfway. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She felt so bad for bringing him into the middle of her chaotic life.

"Hey." He uttered as they broke apart. His face was still marked by the gradually fading bruises and grazes. She was so glad to see him, to know that he was alright.

"Jake, you shouldn't have stayed," she protested. "You have Jenny to think about."

"Yeah I know I do. But I couldn't leave knowing that you were still with that guy. My parents have been pretty great about taking care of Jenny for me. I've just been booked into a motel for the past few days. I was going to head back tomorrow actually either way so then when Lucas called me this morning and told me that you'd left the guy for good I was so glad."

A frown then appeared across his features. "Why didn't you tell me? You should have told me Peyt. We tell each other everything."

"I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want you to get caught up in the middle of it. And I know you Jake, you would have done." Even before her parents had died Jake had looked out for her. Jake's caring nature made him want to be there. But at the same time Jake was so gentle and had so much at stake. "And you have so much going on your life. You have Jenny and you need to be a good father to her."

"I know but you're still like family to me. Just don't hide things from me again."

"Ok," she resolved. "Never again. I'm done hiding Jake I promise."

He stroked his finger over the crisscross of stitches at her temple. "Glad to hear it."

"Well at least I know you'll be safe with Lucas. He really cares about you. And you promise me you're going to start taking care of yourself and start eating properly. You're getting way too skinny."

A little smile played on Peyton's lips at his chastisement.

Jake dug a photograph out of the back pocket of his jeans. "Anyway now that I'm done lecturing you, I thought you might like this."

Peyton took hold of the picture and she ran her finger over the glossy edge. She looked at the little girl who wore her long dark hair in braids and was staring at the camera grinning from ear to ear. Jenny Jagielski had her daddy's chocolate brown eyes and cheeky adorable smile. "Jake she's beautiful." She was truly all her daddy's precious girl. Jenny was a miniature copy of her best friend. "Tell her I love her and that I think about her every day."

"Of course I will. She loves you too Peyt. She still draws you in her pictures and writes you into stories for school." She had to brush back tears as he told her this.

"Thank you for coming to help me. I'm so sorry I dragged you into my mess."

"It's ok. That is as long as you've left him for good now." He cast a glance at the uniformed officer waiting patiently to take him back to Savannah. "Well I should get going I guess."

"Yeah."

Lucas moved back over and shook Jake's hand. "You be safe ok. The escort will make sure you get back in one piece this time."

"Thanks man. Take care of her for me."

"I will."

"I love you," was whispered then between the two childhood friends as they hugged their goodbyes. Jake climbed into the police cruiser.

-- --

Lucas took Peyton back to the apartment after her farewell to Jake. He stayed as she excused herself to shower. He set about making sure all the windows and doors were secured and that she had all the numbers in case of an emergency. He had to admit he still felt a certain sense of unease with regards to Antonio now more than ever. As a policeman he didn't scare easily but he still worried for her safety. He'd never tell her that, she needed to feel safe but the man had shown himself to be brutal, tenacious and unpredictable.

"Hey," she said as she came back into the room. She wore his bathrobe, her wet hair already starting to curl wildly.

"Hey," he took a look at his watch. It was well into the afternoon now. As much as it pained him he knew he had to get back to work. "Listen I've really got to get going. Are you sure you're going to be ok?"

She was determined to stay strong and placed her hands on her hips, "yeah, I mean you've got leave me alone at some point. I'm going to be fine Luke. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself."

"I know. But I can still worry right?"

"Yeah. I think its sweet you worry." He beamed at her then and she smiled shyly, suddenly unsure of herself again. He was amazed that a girl so beautiful could be so oblivious to it at times.

With a groan Lucas then quickly fastened his glock back into his holster at the waist of his trousers; he gathered up his things and made for the door.

"Luke," she called after him causing him to stop in his stride. "You'll be careful right? When investigating Antonio? It's just that he'll be worse now that he's realised that I've left him. He was jealous of you before. He'll be more so now. And when Antonio's jealous he's capable of anything."

"Yeah," he turned to give a little move of his head. "I'll be careful."

Peyton bit her lip, her eyes changed in that split second. He hesitated to leave then taking her sudden reaction to mean she was afraid.

"Hey, what is it?"

"It's just that Antonio's fairly untouchable in this city. You can't trust anyone Lucas." He'd heard her warning before but as she continued his head began to whirl. "Not even your partner. So many cops in this city are corrupt and you probably don't even know it. I remember how they used to come into my club and they'd get free drinks just because they'd turned a blind eye for Antonio. They'd let Vincent, Mickie and a whole bunch of others deal right in front of them and they did nothing."

"They're a lot of good cops out there too Peyton." He found himself countering her. "I work with them every day and I'd think I'd know if I was being double-crossed. And I know I can trust Mitch He's a good guy."

"You really believe that?" she challenged now. "Try asking Mitch Cassidy what happened to Donnie Richards. See what he has to say about that."

That stopped Lucas, his brow furrowed as he tried to process what she had just said. He felt like all the air in his lungs had just escaped him. "Wait a minute. The Donnie Richards? The guy that Antonio assaulted in a bar?"

"Yeah," she said darkly. "Donnie was Mitch Cassidy's partner a couple years ago. And he was also my boyfriend."

He was flabbergasted. He started to pace now, the implications of her words hitting him.

Lucas knew that life was a constant battle between good and evil and black and white. And he come to accept through his career that these came hand in hand, one did not exist without the other. He also recognised that they could blur. He had seen cases where right and wrong had became indistinctive many times. He had come to terms with the fact that sometimes when locking someone away their intentions may have been justified even if their actions were wrong.

He struggled with his own inner demons as others struggled with theirs. He had always strove to rid the world of a little of that darkness. He had learnt in life you could either let violence, evil and desperation take you down and consume you or you could fight back.

He never wanted to let the bad win out again, as it had done during his childhood. But right now as Lucas faced a possible betrayal from someone he admired, trusted and confided upon, he found his own beliefs and coping mechanisms were being tested.

Fear took him over now, coursing through his veins like a deadly poison. If the brave people who vowed to serve and protect were really unjust and corrupt then he had nowhere to go and nothing left to believe in.

"Luke, please talk to me." He didn't even really hear her. "Luke please." She then placed her hands on his shoulders to stop his movement. "Look Luke I'm sorry. And maybe you're right. Maybe Mitch is a good guy and maybe he's clean. I just know that Donnie wasn't. I met Donnie when I was just getting started here and he got me involved in a lot of bad stuff."

"Just how big is this thing Peyton?" his voice cracked now; laced with confusion. Mitch might be one of the people Lucas despised most in the world. Someone who abused their power and harmed innocent people for the sake of their own benefit.

"I don't know. I learnt to survive Donnie by not asking too many questions. In my world you stay alive by not knowing too much." His face was such a mixture of uncertainty and hurt. She pulled him into a close hold. If there was one thing that Peyton understood it was the pain of betrayal from someone you wanted to trust and have faith in.

Lucas didn't know what to do with himself at the moment so he just held her, taking comfort in this sweet girl. She calmed him just by being there.

The buzzing from his cell broke through the quiet, he flipped it open, and his voice was hoarse as he answered, "Scott." He listened to the person on the other line and then terminated the call.

"They have Antonio in for questioning," he explained.

Peyton hugged her arms her body as her mouth formed a little "o".

"I should get down there." As an afterthought he asked, "Do you know where Donnie is now?"

"No. I haven't seen or heard from him in a year and a half. Luke I could be wrong," she tried to appease him then. "Maybe Mitch is a good guy and it's just all a coincidence."

As much as he appreciated her sentiment as a detective one thing Lucas didn't believe in was coincidence. He believed in fact, evidence and motivation: things that were physical and obtainable. Speculation, he'd had drilled into him, did not catch the bad guys.

"Lock the door behind me," he told her as he left.

-- --

Lucas arrived at the station, his head a mass of anger, conflict and confusion. He immediately spotted Antonio Garcia being escorted into an Interrogation room and then watched as his greying haired partner followed in after him just a beat later. Mitch would normally always wait for Lucas and they would go into the room together after they put heads together to decide on the best course of action whilst questioning their suspect. He wouldn't have thought anything of it before, but now the alarm bells sounded in the fore front of his mind.

"Tina," he said as the little red head passed him armed with a stack of case files. "Can you do me a favour when you are free next?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Thing is it has to stay between us. Not even Mitch can know. I'm sorry to ask but it's pretty important."

"What do you need?" she said immediately.

"Everything you can find on Donnie Richards."

"I'll have it on your desk before tomorrow morning Detective Scott."

Mitch Cassidy was a man that Lucas had spent practically every waking hour with for the past six months. Lucas didn't trust people easily but he had let Mitch become a mentor, close confidant and friend. As the lines of trust blurred with possible betrayal Lucas Scott faced being truly alone in his journey to bring down Antonio Garcia.

He steeled himself at the door before entering the Interrogation room.

Author's Note – Hey there and a Happy New Year to you all. I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. Let me know what you think.

Thanks again for all your reviews and alerts. They really do mean so much to me. Bye for now.