Rodeo (Episode 8: Woo)

The fourth time he went down, he stayed down.

Lily, genetically unable to ignore an animal in distress (even a Barney Stinson in distress) got up to help him. Robin, reluctantly, followed.

Barney showed no signs of life when they got to him so Robin poked him with her toe. He groaned, reassuringly (Lily felt) although he still looked very pale.

"Hey," Lily said, getting down on to her knees beside him.

"Lily! Ew! Bar floor!" Robin said with disgust.

"Robin!" Lily countered, matching her tone. "He's not well. Five minutes on the bull shouldn't have this effect on him."

"Three hours!" Barney insisted, weakly.

"I'm pretty sure Ted paid them to tell you that-" Robin interjected.

"Three hours!" Barney interrupted her, opening his eyes.

"Are you okay, honey?" Lily said.

"M'awesome…"

"Sure you are. Can you get up?" Lily tried to help him move, but Barney's grey pallor quickly turned to green as she managed to get him into a sitting position. "I think he's really sick," She said. "Hey, are you faking this to pick up chicks? Cos I might have to call your mom!" Lily threatened.

"Nah," Robin said as she helped Lily get Barney upright. "He's got this inner ear thing?"

Barney moaned, tilting off balance like a sailor who'd just got back from sea. Lily knew that the minute they let him go he'd just collapse again.

"I can't believe Marshall did this to him," She complained. "Barney, you need to try and walk, sweetie."

Robin snorted as they supported the swaying man between them. "You don't know, Lily, it was probably entirely deserved. Knowing Barney…"

"Hey!" He mumbled, unable to put up much more of a fight than that.

"Hey yourself. Was this something to do with getting Ted that job? Barney Stinson, did you job-block Ted?" Lily asked him.

They finally got Barney out into the fresh air and Robin hailed a cab. "Think I'm gonna hurl," was all they got out of him.

"He did!" Robin said, laughing. "But was too guilty to go through with it! I bet you, like, a million dollars that's what happened!"

It was awkward getting Barney into the back seat of the cab when he kept trying to roll on the floor but they finally managed it. Although Lily did wonder quite how he managed to get his head nestled in her lap. That self-satisfied smile on his face made her roll her eyes.

"When I feel guilty, I stop being guilty and start being awesome inst-" Barney's eyes rolled back in his head.

Both girls sighed then Robin giggled. "True story," She finished for him.

*--*--*

Barney had spent about an hour throwing up in the bathroom while Robin raided his fridge for some wine and she and Lily sat and talked.

"To quality time!" Robin said, as they clinked their glasses. "Who'd have thought it would be courtesy of Barney?"

"I know!" Lily said, looking around her. "You know, this appartment isn't so bad without him lounging around it like a lizard. Except you've gotta watch out for his spy cameras." She waved vaguely at the ceiling.

Robin laughed. "No, really?"

Lily nodded, then turned as she heard movement from the bathroom. They both got up to investigate only to find Barney literally crawling along the floor to try and get into bed.

"I think we should leave him. It's a good lesson."

Lily shook her head. "There's a difference between justice and cruelty, Robin."

So the two of them helped him on to the bed and attempted to prop him up on the single pillow.

"So…" He muttered. "You chicks made out yet?" He attempted a leer.

"Barney!" Robin scolded him, but Lily giggled.

This seemed to perk Barney up a little bit. "What? Lily Aldrin, you are a Woo Girl! Woo girls make out with each other all the time. Have you seduced Robin Scherbatsky? Tell me everything. Tell your uncle Barney. In great detail!" The speech seemed to exhaust him and Barney slumped back on the bed.

Lily felt herself flushing. "It was just the one time. I was curious!" She sputtered. Barney tried to punch the air triumphantly but barely managed an arm wave.

"Oh Lily," Robin said, giving Barney a teasing glance. "Don't be so modest. You were great!"

Lily couldn't help but grin. "I was, wasn't I? I- I mean, I can't pretend that I haven't thought about it since!"

Robin took a step closer to her, trying not to laugh as Barney let out a sort of "Nnnngh!" noise from the bed. "And since we haven't exactly got any functioning dudes in the room to satisfy us, we might just have to made do with each other…"

Lily gave Robin a mock-smouldering look. "Why, Robin Sherbatsky, are you offering?" She giggled as she felt Robin's hand on her hip. Too many sparkling shots followed by a chaser of about a bottle of Barney's good European wine had made her tipsy and bold. "I do believe you are!" She leaned forward and felt Robin's palm caress her face. In heels, there wasn't a much of a height difference between them.

Robin's mouth was soft on hers at first, and sticky with lipstick. Lily squeezed her eyes shut and parted her lips, too drunk to be surprised at how eagerly Robin kissed her in return. Almost instantly, she had her hands twisted in the material of Robin's top and it took her breath away when her friend took the lead, almost aggressively. She could hear Barney moving about on the bed, fighting to get into the action and this only seemed to make her more eager, more enthusiastic. Robin's fingers were in her hair and Robin's tongue was skimming her teeth and Lily liked it - the taste of her, the soft, warm feel of her skin - she opened one eye and saw Barney lying, open mouthed on the bed, his eyes practically on stalks. How easy it would be to swing Robin around and accidentally-on-purpose fall on to his bed. It was big enough for three. It's not like she'd never been curious, but Marshall would have never-

"OhmygodMarshall!" Lily squeaked incoherently and broke contact.

"Nooooooooo!" Barney whined. "Don't stop! That was the hottest thing since- well, I thought the T-rex was cool, but THIS!"

"I'm sorry Barney," Lily said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand and trying to collect herself. "As much as I'd love to scissor all night long with my main girl, here, I really ought to be getting back to my husband."

"Lily!" Barney protested, desperately. "I'll give you ten-th-, no, I'll give you fifty-thousand dollars to stay here for another half hour. No, I'll give you sixty thou if you take off your top."

Robin sniggered and Lily couldn't help but grin, although she felt a little churned up inside. Robin really was an aggressive kisser. Who knew?

"SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!" Barney shouted as Lily gave Robin a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Wanna share a cab?" She asked.

"Nah," Robin said, with a fond look back at the bed. "Someone had better keep an eye on him." She said.

"S'long as that's the only body part you keep on him!" Lily sniggered.

"Hey-oh!" Robin said, high-five-ing her.

"No...! No! Come on… NO!" Barney was saying, trying to sit up, but Robin pushed him back down.

"Bye Lil," She said, smirking.

Lily made her way to the front door. "You guys have fun!" She shouted out.

And she wondered, a little wistfully, just what might have happened if she had stayed.