It's that time again. The first part of the chapter is a bit disturbing. I hope you enjoy.
Cindy.
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"No…please…no," Sam cried softly, his head rolling restlessly on his pillow, sweat soaked hair sticking to his forehead as if glued in place.
Dean awoke, the sounds of Sam's distress pulling him instantly from a sound sleep. He pushed up from his bed, his legs swinging over the edge of the bed before the covers had even been pulled away. He was next to Sam's bed in an instant, his hand immediately reaching out to rest on his brother's fevered brow.
"Hey Sam…wake up kiddo," Dean coaxed as he gently shook Sam's shoulder.
Sam continued to cry out as tears began to trail lazily down his flushed cheeks. "Nononononono…" he chanted, his voice filled with anguish that tore at Dean's heart.
"Sammy, please…please wake up. It's just a nightmare. I'm here…I've gotcha," Dean pled, unable to stand to hear the hurt in his baby brother's voice.
Sam's eyes darted open as he suddenly screamed, his tone this time filled with unimaginable pain. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Uhnnnn…God…" he gasped, his eyes flitting fearfully around the darkened room.
Sam flinched violently when Dean cupped the back of his neck, his wide eyes flying to Dean's shocked face. His breathing bordered on hyperventilation before he finally started to calm as recognition finally spread over him. "D-D'n?" he whispered hopefully, his hands reaching out to grasp at Dean's free arm.
"Yeah Sammy…it's me. You're safe…I'm here…they can't hurt you anymore," Dean answered as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his brother's trembling form to him.
Soft sobs shook Sam's body as he buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck. Dean held his brother tight, refusing to deny him the comfort he needed. Sam's sobs subsided into small hiccups and he collapsed tiredly into his protector's embrace. Dean rested his cheek on Sam's head, the soft hair tickling his nose as he softly whispered to the distraught young man.
"Was it Mom and Dad?" Dean asked as he pulled slightly away from Sam, his hands not giving up their protective hold.
Sam looked up with wet, glistening eyes and shook his head slowly. "N-no…not Mom and D-Dad. J-Jess…" he whispered softly.
Dean bit back a curse as his heart filled with pain for his little brother. He had hoped that the demons would leave that little part of Sam's life alone, but he knew that was asking way too much. He had held out hope only because Sam had never come out and told him that she had been used as a way to break him. Of course they had used Jess. They'd done everything else to Sam while wearing his loved ones faces, why not Jess? Dean's anger grew as he imagined what they could have used Jess for. His eyes softened as he looked at Sam. His brother needed comfort and understanding, not a raging big brother.
"Shit, Sammy. I'm so sorry. Tell me about it?" Dean queried, wanting to help his brother and knowing the only way he could was to know what they had done.
Sam swallowed, his hazel eyes taking on a distant look for a moment. He pulled away from Dean and pushed himself up to rest against the headboard of his bed. Dean sat forward and pulled the pillows from behind Sam's back then gently took Sam's shoulder and pulled him forward before placing the pillows behind him. He eased Sam back, nodding as Sam smiled softly. Sam's eyes fell to his hands that lay fidgeting nervously on his lap. Tears once again began to trail down his cheeks and he lifted one hand up to wipe absently at the wetness on his face. He looked up to find Dean gazing patiently at him and he sighed heavily before beginning to speak.
Alastair pulled away from Sam's suspended, sweat soaked body. He eased around until he stood to the tormented man's right then he leaned in and ran his vile tongue up Sam's arm, licking a trail through the blood that coated his skin. Alastair snickered as Sam gazed at him with hate and loathing, the young man unable to mask the pain and shame he felt at once again being violated so cruelly. Sam closed his eyes, willing himself to fall away into the blackness that always followed a round of torture, but he was denied that escape as a sharp slap stung his cheek and his eyes flew open to stare at his tormentor.
"Uh-uh, Sammy boy. I'm not quite done with you yet. There's someone who wants to see you. Has a bit of a bone to pick I'd say," the demon hissed, a short chuckle following his hateful words.
Sam stared at the vile creature, his body trembling with fatigue and unbridled anger. Movement to his right pulled his attention away from the demon and he gasped as the familiar figure came into view, long blonde curls flowing loosely around the beautiful face. Sam swallowed as the girl came to stand before him, hands on her hips, an unrecognizable sneer curling her perfect lips.
"J-Jess?" he whispered, longing mixing with pain as he continued to stare at his long dead lover.
"Well, well, well… I never thought I'd get the chance to see you again, Sam," Jessica said, her slender fingers lifting to brush softly over the tortured man's lips.
"Jess…I…I'm sorry. I'm s-so sorry…" Sam said, his voice soft and filled with remorse.
Jessica suddenly reached around and grabbed a handful of Sam's hair, pulling it painfully as her mouth turned up into another hateful sneer. "You don't get to apologize, Sam! You let me die, stuck to that ceiling, bleeding…and then the fire! You just laid there and stared before you let your brother pull you to safety while you left me there to burn!" she screamed as she suddenly let go of Sam's hair and raked her fingernails over his cheek, drawing four thin lines of blood.
"I c-couldn't save you…I tried…I…"
"You didn't try! You knew it was going to happen! You didn't warn me…you left me alone to go traipsing around with your brother! I died because of you, Sam…and you know what? You weren't worth it. You didn't deserve me."
"I-I know. I'm s-sorry, Jess. It was my f-fault…I know that."
"You know what the kicker is though? I died because of you and I didn't even love you," Jess started, turning her head and smiling as Alastair handed her a long, slightly curved knife.
"No…please…no," Sam cried softly, his eyes pleading with the girl to take it back.
"Yes Sam. I was only with you because you were so smart and I needed help with my studies. I had other boyfriends…lots of other guys. Dean was right when he said I was way out of your league, Sam. You weren't worth anything. You were nothing to me but the answers I could get for my classes."
"Nononononono…"
Jessica raised the knife, digging it into the flesh over Sam's sternum and dragging it down to just below his navel. She smiled menacingly up at him before plunging the knife deep into his belly and ripping up until it stopped at his ribs. Blood spewed from the wound and over Sam's lips as he screamed, his eyes wide as he stared into Jessica's hate filled face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Uhnnnn…God…" he gasped as the light began to fade from his eyes.
The last thing Sam saw before everything went black was Jessica and Alastair embracing, their mouths locked in an ungodly kiss before they turned to him and laughed as he choked on his own blood.
Dean stared at Sam, his eyes wide with shock as Sam collapsed back into his pillows, new sobs wracking his body. "Oh my God, Sammy. You have to know that wasn't her," Dean said softly, his heart breaking as he watched Sam fall apart in front of him.
"No, Dean. It was her. I'm s-sure it was her. N-not only did I kill her…but, I condemned her to hell too," Sam cried brokenly.
Dean leaned forward and took Sam's face between his hands, making sure the younger man was looking at him before he spoke. "Sammy…Jess loved you, of that I'm certain. I could see that the night I came to take you to look for Dad. I know that wasn't Jess because she would never betray you like that. She would never blame you for what happened."
Sam pulled away, his hand moving to absently run up and down the phantom wound that Jess's knife had left. "Why wouldn't she, Dean? It's true! I killed her! I didn't tell her about my dreams. I didn't do anything about them…just ignored them. I left her there, alone and unprotected! I betrayed her!" the broken man cried, his arms wrapping tightly around his body as he began to rock back and forth.
"God, Sam…it wasn't her! It wasn't Jess. You have to believe that. You didn't know the dreams were visions, Sam. How could you know they would come true?"
Sam shook his head, his hands coming up to cover his ears. His sobs turned to gasps as he started to hyperventilate and Dean shot forward in a panic, grabbing Sam and cupping his face again, rubbing comfortingly as he coaxed his baby brother to calm down. Sam's breathing only became more desperate, more labored and Dean suddenly screamed for Bobby. Bobby instantly rushed into the room and Dean surmised he must have been awakened by Sam's earlier screams and had been standing outside the room, listening to Sam's heartbreaking confession.
"He can't breathe, Bobby! Call 911! Please, Bobby…please!" Dean cried frantically.
Bobby looked at Dean and rushed from the room, returning a few moments later and hurrying to Sam's bed. "Here, Dean…make him breathe into that," the older man said as he shoved a paper bag into Dean's trembling hands.
"Wh-what?" Dean stammered as he looked blankly at the bag.
"An ambulance would never make it here in time, Dean. He needs to calm down. Make him breathe into the bag…get him to calm down," Bobby instructed as he moved to rub his hand over Sam's hunched back, the wheezing sounds of Sam's breathing causing him great concern.
Dean nodded and pushed the open end of the bag up over Sam's nose and mouth. Sam reached up and grasped Dean's wrists, his wide eyes staring helplessly at his brother as his vision began to fade. Dean's calming voice broke through his panic and he began to take as deep of breaths as he could into the bag, the paper crackling as he breathed in and out.
"That's it Sammy…just breathe… deep, even breaths. You're gonna be okay…I've gotcha…I'm not gonna let you go, Sammy," Dean said, breathing with his brother, calming himself as he calmed Sam.
Finally, Sam's breathing was under control and Dean gently eased him back against his pillows, the younger man's eyes glazed over with exhaustion. Bobby moved back a step and ran a shaky hand through his thin, unkempt hair. He stared down as Dean pulled Sam's blanket up over his brother's lap, the older sibling whispering softly to the trembling younger man. Sam's eyes began to droop and Dean reached forward to help guide him down until he lay flat on the bed. Bobby moved to straighten Sam's pillows beneath his head, smiling as the young hunter turned onto his side and slid his hand underneath his cheek. Both older men watched, finally relaxing as Sam's breaths evened out as sleep claimed him. Dean brushed his hand over his face then turned his gaze up to Bobby.
"Shit, Bobby," he said shakily, his eyes bright with unshed tears.
"Poor kid. I wish we could kill that bastard all over again!" the older man seethed as his eyes moved to the sleeping Winchester.
"I know…me too. He must have blocked those memories. That's why the nightmare hit him so hard. God, Bobby. He believes it really was Jess. What's worse…I think he still believes it was Dad and Mom too. He has so much guilt about all of them. I'm so fucking worried about him," Dean said, his voice low so as not to wake his exhausted brother.
"He'll be okay, Dean. He'll figure out that it wasn't them," Bobby replied softly.
"I don't know. I hope he does, but I…I just don't know."
"Well, he's sleeping now. Why don't you try and get a few more hours in."
"I can't sleep now, Bobby. Gotta watch over him, wake him if it starts up again. You go get some more sleep though."
"Naw…I'm awake now, might as well stay that way. I'll go put some coffee on. I'll bring you a cup. You want anything to eat?"
"No, coffee's fine for now. Thanks, Bobby."
Bobby nodded and left the brothers, Dean smiling warmly at the sound of the older man's bare feet padding down the hall. He turned his attention back on Sam, watching for any signs of distress. He carefully climbed over Sam's body and lay down behind him as he draped an arm protectively over him, hoping the touch would keep the nightmares at bay. When Bobby returned fifteen minutes later, he found two sleeping brothers, one curled into a tight ball, the other curled around him as if to shelter him from any harm. Bobby smiled affectionately then reached for the blanket from Dean's bed. He covered both brothers and with one last look, he left the room, closing the door silently behind him.
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Sam sat silently on the couch, his brother sitting near enough next to him so that their shoulders were touching. Bobby sat in the armchair to their right and Castiel stood in front of the fireplace, his blue eyes gazing intently at the brothers. Dean leaned forward and picked up the coffee cup that sat on the coffee table before him. He took a long gulp then set the cup down again. He cleared his throat and looked up at the silent angel.
"So, where's Uriel?" he queried.
"He was called back. Something about being needed elsewhere," Castiel answered evenly.
"Oh…huh. So…" Dean started, his eyes moving to his still silent sibling.
"You had questions for me. What are they?" the angel questioned.
"Yeah. I…uh…I want to know if it's over. I want to know if Sam is well and truly free now," Dean said, his eyes staring wide at Castiel.
Before Castiel could answer, Sam's soft voice sounded. "I'll never be free, Dean. There's still one more seal. There are plenty of demons to take Lilith's place."
"Maybe not, Sam. You don't know that for sure. Right, Cas?" Dean replied, his hand moving to softly squeeze Sam's knee.
"We have to keep that seal from being broken. If we don't, nothing will have mattered," Sam said, his voice sounding tired and lifeless.
"You are wrong, Sam," Castiel said as he moved to take a seat on the coffee table, facing the siblings.
"What? How is he wrong?" Bobby queried.
"As I told Dean, his breaking in hell was the first seal," the angel started, his eyes moving to Dean as the hunter lowered his eyes to the floor.
"Dean, don't…" Sam said, his arm moving over Dean's shoulders.
"I told you that it would be you who would have to stop the final seal from being broken, but…"
"But what? I started this whole ball rolling…how do we stop it now? Lilith's dead…"
"What I told you was the case, before Sam came to us with his plan for a deal," Castiel continued. "Tell me, why do you think Lilith was so open to accept Sam's deal? Why not just cleanse his blood? She didn't know at the time that his abilities were his and his alone. Why make the deal unless…"
"Unless what?" Dean asked with irritation when the angel paused.
"Unless she knew that the final seal would be broken if the psychic was broken."
"Wh-what?" Sam stammered, his eyes going wide.
"What are you saying Cas?" Dean asked, his heart suddenly hammering in his chest.
"I'm saying that Sam was the final seal. I'm saying that if Alastair had succeeded in breaking him, the seal would have been broken and the apocalypse would have been upon us. That's why Lilith was so eager. She had no doubt that Sam would break. She underestimated the bond between the two of you. She didn't realize that the bond would be strong enough to carry Sam through the four months."
Sam sat in stunned silence, his body listing slightly until he was leaning heavily on Dean's shoulder. The sudden revelation made him dizzy with the implications. He never realized just how much had been riding on him making it through his time in hell. Dean nudged him, smiling supportively when Sam turned his eyes his way. When Sam smiled back, Dean turned back to Castiel.
"So, if Sam was the final seal, then how could I have stopped the seal from being broken?" he asked, his stomach roiling nervously.
"By either stopping Sam from using his powers and if that didn't work…by killing him," the angel answered, lowering his eyes as the two older hunters gasped with shock.
"You said you never told me to kill Sammy and now you're saying that I may have had to? What the fuck, Cas!?" Dean cried, calming a bit when Sam grasped his forearm.
"I was trusting that you would be able to stop him and that killing him would not be necessary. Then he came to Uriel and I with his plan."
"Okay, but…there are plenty of demons. Couldn't another just take Lilith's place? I mean…they could still try to break me…some other way…" Sam queried softly, comforted when Dean moved closer to him, instantly protective.
"No…not without the demon blood running through your veins. That seal is no longer viable."
"There are other seals. There are vast numbers aren't there? Couldn't they just try to break another one?" Bobby asked.
"No, that 's not how it works. They have to start over now."
"Well, it didn't take them all that long to break the seals. Less than a year," Dean stated.
"There is no other demon, at this time, who can take Lilith's place. Alastair would have been the next in line. It will take centuries for them to get to this point again, just as it took centuries for them from the last time they tried to break the seals and failed."
"So…we don't have to worry about them coming for Sam again?" Dean asked hopefully.
"Well…the demons are very afraid of Sam now. They were afraid before, but had confidence that he could be turned. Now…without the demon blood, they know that won't happen. Most will stay as far away from him as possible. Others however…"
"Others may try to prove themselves…down there. Try to bring down the psychic who defeated Lilith," Sam whispered.
"Yes. But, you have your abilities and are now able to use them without the threat of turning dark. I must warn you though, the demon blood made you stronger, able to withstand the stress using the powers puts on your body. I think you know how weak using them can make you. Of course, you used them to destroy Lilith and Alastair while you were still recovering from your time in hell. You won't get that weak again, but you will still be weakened a bit each time you use them and will need time to recover each time too."
"So…we keep Sam from using the powers unless absolutely necessary. We did it before…we can do it again," Dean stated, his eyes moving to Sam.
"Like I said, most will stay away so I don't think you'll have too much of a problem."
"I hope you're right, Cas," Dean said.
"Don't worry, Dean. I will be keeping an eye out. I'll warn you if I sense any turmoil coming your way. Now, I must return. If I have answered all of your questions that is."
Sam stood as the angel did the same. He reached out his hand, taking the hand that Castiel offered. "Thank you. For everything you have done for us. I know you didn't have much faith in me," Sam said softly.
"I had more faith in you than you had in yourself, Sam," the angel replied with a smile.
Dean stood and took Castiel's hand, shaking it twice before letting go. "Thanks, Cas. Don't be a stranger."
"You'll see me every now and again," Castiel said.
He smiled once more, tipping his head in Bobby's direction before he disappeared before the hunter's startled eyes. Sam sighed and dropped back to the couch, running a hand through his thick mop of hair. Dean turned and looked down at him with concern.
"Wow. That was…wow…" he said softly.
Sam looked up, his hazel eyes wide. "Yeah…I know."
Bobby stood, loudly clearing his throat to get the brother's attention. "I'm gonna fix some lunch and you two are going to eat. That means you especially, Sam," the older hunter instructed.
"I could eat," Dean said, patting his belly and smiling at the man.
"And you, Sam?" Bobby queried, both older men gazing down at the youngest.
Sam smiled up at Bobby and he nodded. "I am a bit hungry. Thanks, Bobby."
Bobby nodded approvingly and headed for the kitchen. Dean started after him, turning to look at his brother over his shoulder, relieved when Sam smiled warmly at him. Once the two hunters were in the kitchen and sounds of a meal being prepared could be heard, Sam collapsed back into to the cushions of the couch and took a deep breath. His smile disappeared as his thoughts moved to darker things. Without his brother and friend there to watch him, he allowed the sorrow and grief to take over again. He rested his head back against the seat back and closed his eyes. He felt that he would never feel free again. Regardless of how many times Dean and Bobby insisted that what he had been put through in hell was solely the work of the demons, he knew without a doubt that the things that had been revealed to him were true. He knew that his father, mother and former lover truly hated him. Almost as much as he hated himself.
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Okay, what do you think? There is one chapter left and I actually have not finished it yet, but I promise it will be ready for tomorrows post. I plan to finish it tonight so I can post it on tonight and then here tomorrow. I hope to see you all there.
Cindy.