Nobody's Fault But Mine
Chapter 15 – Hands Held High
Lucas felt the pangs of shame as he came to groggily the next day. Opening his eyes he raised himself from the couch massaging the crick in his neck. He could hear Peyton already awake in the kitchen, the aroma of fresh coffee brewing tickled at his senses. He cast his mind back to how he had bailed on her so abruptly and inwardly cursed himself. It hadn't been her fault, she hadn't meant any harm. To say that he felt self-conscious was an understatement.
He walked sheepishly into the kitchen to find her sitting at the breakfast bar, a coffee mug beside her as she read "To Kill a Mocking Bird". He had noticed that she'd taken to reading his books since she'd been staying with him. "Do you like it?" he asked breaking her concentrated silence. She jumped a little and he motioned to the book.
"Yeah. It was a favourite of mine back in High School." She set the novel down after marking her place. "You've got quite the collection," she continued on about his books. "You know it's a crime really that so many first editions are buried away in boxes. Books have to be able to breathe and be appreciated."
Lucas gave her a wide grin. He wasn't sure how things were going to be between them and he was grateful for this common ground. He went to get himself a cup of coffee and pulled up the seat next to her.
"My dad loved to read." Her eyes did glisten as she talked about her family but she smiled too captured in the memory. "Books were his thing. I had many a lecture if I dog eared a page or broke the spine. He was pretty passionate when it came to the written word. It looks like you were once too."
"Yeah, I loved to read when I was growing up. I wanted to be the next great American author. I remember that every birthday or Christmas mom would have to go on a hunt to find me first editions of who ever I loved at the time."
"Well then they shouldn't be in your closet gathering dust. So why did you stop? Loving books and dreaming of becoming a writer I mean?"
"Because," his voice faltered as he tried to find the words. The answer was simple; he'd drifted from his aspirations and desires because he had needed so desperately to protect the people he loved. And he'd lost sight of everything else. But admitting that to her right now seemed impossible.
Peyton gave him a look of unspoken understanding before continuing, "You know I used to want to be an artist. I'd spend hours in my room drawing and painting. I'd draw anything; people, buildings, feelings whatever I wanted. I was going to go to art school and move to Paris and make a living off doing what I loved. Then my parents died and my dream died too."
He quietly drank his coffee and then gave her an unsure smile. "So listen um about last night...." his voice trailed off. He owed her some kind of an explanation.
"Luke," she shook her curls, "you don't have to say anything." She could still remember that tortured look his face had worn.
"No. I do. I'm sorry"
"You don't have to apologise." She wanted to ease his conscience. Peyton was concerned for him. Concerned for the way he'd reacted to her, he'd shut her out and whatever he was hiding was obviously painful.
"It's just," he wasn't really sure how to explain. "I'm just not used to being open and you caught me off guard."
"Me either. It's alright. Really I get it." Peyton was an expert at hiding and denial. She'd become accustomed with hiding both her feelings and what had happened to her. From an early age she had closed herself off from everyone around her. She didn't trust anyone, didn't let anyone in. That way she wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't be disappointed. That had gradually begun to change over the past month. She had found herself slowly allowing herself to open up to Lucas, letting herself put faith into another person. It hurt a little that he hadn't been able to open up to her but then she guessed he wasn't ready.
"How's your head?" she was keen now to change tact from the tender subject.
"It's fine." He touched at the side of his head now. He had completely forgotten about the injury.
A knock sounded at the door and Lucas went to answer it. He saw Tina standing at the other side and she handed him over a file. "I thought I should bring this to you personally. It's everything I could find on Donnie Richards. Including an address on where he's staying."
Lucas thumbed through the pages. He was grateful that she had once again managed to come up with the goods so quickly and efficiently.
"You should also know that I was asked to draft up a letter informing you of disciplinary action that is being taken against you. They had me mail it to you and as of today you will be suspended."
That news hit Lucas like a stab of ice but as the red head continued he did feel a glimmer of hope. "That's why I came here first thing. I figured if you left now to follow up this lead you could have just missed the letter."
He smiled at her ingenuity, "thanks Tina. For everything I mean."
"No problem." She glanced at her watch. "Well I should get going. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for."
Lucas went back to the kitchen. "I found Donnie," he announced. "He's in New Jersey. I need to go see him."
"I know." The idea of Lucas and Donnie meeting wasn't something that she relished but it was necessary.
"I need to go now. There's a good chance I'll be suspended after today." He knew he had to act fast; this was an opportunity that he could not pass up.
She nodded her head. She knew that it was important for Lucas to discover whether or not Mitch was corrupt. And there was a chance that her ex boyfriend may be able to help with the investigation into Antonio.
He gathered his things together hurriedly. "Will you be back in time for tomorrow?" Peyton was hesitant but she had to ask. Her court hearing was scheduled for then.
Lucas touched her arm lightly. "I'll be back in time." He had promised to be with her as she faced Antonio in court. "Well I should go. I'll call when I get there."
-- --
Lucas travelled down to New Jersey and found himself navigating through Donnie's new neighbourhood. He had driven straight down without so much as one stop and as he climbed out of the car he felt his legs cramp up . He stretched them; the walk to the front door pleased his aching muscles.
A woman answered on the second ring of the door bell and her hardened expression pierced through Lucas. She leant against the door, "who are you?" Her eyes matched those of Donnie; Lucas had studied the man's file on the way over whilst stuck in commuter's traffic. He guessed given her age and the close family resemble that she would be his sister Nora Richards.
"I'm with the NYPD." He flashed his badge,"you mind if I come on in Miss Richards?" She let him in begrudgingly. She quickly glanced up the street.
"I take it this is about my good for nothing brother," she said folding her arms.
"Is he home ma'am?" Lucas surveyed the lounge that was in complete disarray.
"Donnie doesn't even live here?" she huffed. "It's just me and my son. I haven't seen that jackass in months. So if you wanted to talk to him you've had a wasted trip."
Lucas smiled; his keen eye had passed over the man's High Vis safety jacket as soon as he had entered the modest home. "You're lying to me," he said causing her to scowl at him but he merely pressed on. "I just need to talk to him Nora, that's it. I'm not here to make trouble."
Nora Richards sighed, "he works construction. He'll be home within the hour. I guess you may as well wait then Detective."
Sure enough Donnie was soon home. Lucas listened as his sister caught him in the hallway to explain that he had a visitor. A spate of shouting was closely followed by stomping footsteps up the stairs.
Lucas turned to see Donnie Richards enter the room. Donnie was well built, shorter than Lucas himself but easily a hundred pounds heavier. The man's eyes glared at him. "Get out," he said simply.
"I just need to ask you a few questions Mr Richards."
"I don't care. I'm not answering any questions," he opened his door. "Get out or I'll throw you out."
"It's about Antonio Garcia and why you were forced to leave New York."
"GET OUT." The man's voice was dangerous. Lucas left without another word.
-- --
Peyton hadn't slept well that night. Partly because she was nervous about being in court and partly because she was alone in the apartment. Every sudden and strange noise had scared her. She missed the secure feeling that Lucas's presence gave her.
Lucas had called earlier to check that she was ok and had told her what had happened with Donnie. He had sounded so frustrated. He had told her that he didn't want Donnie to be a wasted effort and she had suggested that he stay and try again tomorrow. He was surprised and hesitant to do that. He had promised to be there for Peyton tomorrow and was vary to leave her alone for too long. They had talked it over and they both knew Lucas wanted to make one more attempt at talking with Donnie. They'd compromised that Nathan would take her as his brother was the only other person Lucas fully trusted.
She had sat up for most of the night writing down what she was going to say in front of the judge. She had been advised to prepare, it was supposed to make it easier. She knew it wasn't really what she had to say as she couldn't forget what he done to her. It was having to admit it in front of the man who'd inflicted the pain upon her. Her stomach flipped every time she thought of being in the same room as Antonio again.
Finally after she had reread her hand written scrawl for the hundredth time she decided to shower and get ready for the hellish day ahead of her. She styled her unruly locks so her curls hung loosely around her shoulders. She dressed in a tailored black skirt and white blouse; she kept her makeup and jewellery simple.
After what seemed like an eternity Nathan came to pick her up and escort her to the courthouse. She had stayed silent on the ride over and presently sat on the hard wooden chair wringing her hands nervously.
"You want some coffee?" Nathan asked breaking her silent anxiety.
She shook her head as she turned her attention to the man beside her. "Thanks for doing this for me Nathan."
"You're welcome. Besides any friend of Lucas's is a friend of mine. I'm sorry about what Antonio did to you. Any man who can raise his hand to a woman is lesser in my book," his voice was laced with contempt for Antonio. "I just wanted you to know that I had no idea what he was really like." Truth was he had felt sickened when he had learnt that a man, who he had gone out for drinks with, with his own wife, was capable of domestic abuse.
"You don't have to justify yourself. He fools everyone. He fooled me."
Nathan had known Peyton from when she had first managed Club Meth. He'd thought she was sweet. He'd flirted with her a little bit. It was totally harmless. He loved Haley, Haley was the world to him and he'd never do anything to risk that. He had simply seen innocence in the young club owner which reminded him of the small town girls he had grown up with.
After a torturous wait the clerk called Peyton in to the courtroom. She presented the facts in all their grotesque detail. She prayed that this would be the last time she would have to re experience her life with Antonio. Antonio hadn't bothered to show up and the judge had granted her the Order of Protection.
"I'm glad that's over," she said to Nathan as they walked back out onto the street. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised he didn't show."
"Men like that don't like to admit to their actions," he stated and she nodded in agreement. "Come on. I'll take you for some coffee and a sugar fix. You look white as a sheet."
Nathan took her to a little cafe close by. Peyton hadn't been out in public for the past week so had accepted the invitation gratefully. "Thanks for bringing me here," she said once they had ordered. "I've been going kind of crazy on my own in the apartment."
"No problem. It's nice to do something normal for once. My life's been all training and basketball since the start of the season."
"I can imagine. Pro Ball must be kind of intense."
"More like regimental." He grinned at the blueberry muffin that the waitress set down in front of him. "Now this? My coach and personal trainer won't be best pleased."
Peyton broke off a piece of her our muffin and popped it into her mouth. "I don't think I'd have the discipline for competitive sports. Being told what to eat, how much exercise you have to do."
"It's tough. But I love it so it's worth it."
She smiled. Nathan was so down to earth despite being a celebrity. He was so like his brother though calmer and less conflicted. They instantly connected as they talked about his teenage marriage, basketball, the New York club scene before coming on to the subject of Lucas.
"So did my brother apologise to you for the other night?"
"Yeah he did. Although he didn't need to." She shrugged her shoulders. "Everyone has their secrets right?"
"Yeah I guess so. Luke just has this habit of clamming up on people."
Peyton stared into the milky swirls of her latte. She thought about whether to press the subject further. "It's your dad right? I mean Luke never talks about him." The dark haired Scott brother was silent so she quickly retracted, "You can tell me to mind my own business." She expected a reaction similar to Lucas's.
Nathan to her surprise then began talking. "Luke just finds it easier to pretend that our dad doesn't even exist. Our dad is a bitter man. He's not made what he wanted out of his own life and he likes to make everyone else's life hell because of it. Growing up was pretty tough. He'd drink all the time and he'd bully his family. I guess I got off easy because I played ball and was kind of the prodigal son. Luke was more into books and my dad didn't get it so Luke was more of a target. In my dad's eyes he was a disappointment."
Peyton bit her lip as she digested the information that Nathan was supplying.
"I feel guilty about it." A frown etched its way across Nathan's face." I had it easy I guess. I mean I was the basketball star. I made dad proud so he didn't really bother me. But even so I couldn't really deal. I couldn't deal with coming home and finding him passed out on the couch. I used to stay at my girlfriends' houses just so I could stay away. I couldn't cope with it I guess. But Luke would always stay and would always stand up to him."
She placed a hand of comfort on his own. "Living with an alcoholic isn't easy," she said in a hushed voice.
"I learnt from my dad's example who I did not want to be. I try to be a good father and a loving husband. I don't ever want Haley or Jamie to be afraid of me. I don't want my own son to be ashamed of his father the way I am of mine."
Peyton smiled gently, "well from what I've seen Nathan you are doing a great job. Your son's gorgeous and Haley seems really happy."
"I just worry about my brother." He spoke from the heart. "I worry he's stuck in the past. I worry that he spends far too much time working. Burying himself in some crusade or another. I mean he's just got divorced because he neglected his marriage. I just don't want him to wake up one day and realise he has become what he didn't want to be."
"Yeah," she uttered quietly. Lucas was such a great guy, and had so much to offer. She didn't want that to be his fate either.
"You're good for him Peyton. I've never seen him care so much about anybody who wasn't family."
She took that disclosure and held it close to her soul. Lucas Scott had broken down so many of her defences and it felt good to know maybe she had done the same for him too.
-- --
Lucas drove to the construction site where he knew Donnie worked. He arrived there just in time for lunch and spotted the hefty man as he made for the diner across the street. Lucas picked up his pace and caught him at the parking lot.
"You don't give up do you?" the man sneered.
"No I don't." Lucas had decided to try and appeal to the police man in him that he had once been. "Don't you remember what it's like? Having an instinct about a case and a lead? And you can't let it go no matter what. And you keep at it, pulling because you know in your heart that you have something."
Donnie turned to him. He gave something that could almost be interpreted as a smile. "Fine. I'll tell you what. You buy me lunch and we can talk. But I'm not promising anything."
"It's better than nothing. I mean I stayed in the fabulous "Welcome Nights" motel on a lumpy bed. Least now it wasn't a complete waste." Lucas massaged that crick in his neck for effect.
The two men sat down at a booth and Donnie ordered a large meal with extras. He was going to make the rookie cop earn his right to question him.
"So how did you find me anyway?" Donnie asked sipping on his thick chocolate shake. Donnie had taken great care to make sure that he disappeared. He'd even changed his name to Lance Richmond. Lucas knew if it hadn't have been for Tina's keen eye and computer hacker's ability it would have taken a lot longer.
"It wasn't easy," he admitted to the former cop.
"It wasn't meant to be." He met Lucas's eyes now. "So what is it you want to know? I mean to drive down here all by yourself it must be pretty important."
Lucas realised he was going to have to cut to the chase. Donnie struck him as the kind of man who wanted straight answers and didn't take too kindly to time wasters. Lucas hated to admit it but Donnie Richards kind of reminded him of himself in that respect anyway. "I want to know what happened two years ago. Why did you get kicked off the force?"
That prompted a low whistle from Donnie. "Direct aren't you rookie boy?"
"I figured you would want this over quickly." Lucas stated matter of factly.
"Ok. Fine. I'll play. I got involved in some stuff behind the scenes that I shouldn't have gotton involved in."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Stuff that makes you feel like the world is yours. I got involved with people I shouldn't. People who break the law and have us cops there to cover it up for them. You know in training when you make that promise to protect and serve and you think you mean it and you'll never break it. Well I was tested. I took bribes. I attended exclusive parties. I got my pick of beautiful women. I moved up in the world. All I had to do was bend my ethics and turn a blind eye."
"So you sold out? Who'd you cover for?" Lucas could possibly have him confess. He watched as Donnie's eyes trailed across the room. He was losing him so he persisted. "Come on Donnie. Who were you covering for?"
The man turned his attention back to him. "You know these guys ruined my life right? I mean you really think that I wanted to be working construction and living in a dump with my sister? I had it all man. And they took that all away."
Lucas leaned over the table that separated them. "Just a name?" he ventured.
"You know I had to get clean off drugs. I lost my job, my apartment and my life all in one split second. Then I hit rock bottom. I just lost it. I've only been out of rehab for the last seven months trying to rebuild my life. I had to change my name because I don't want these people to come after me."
"I really need your help Donnie." Lucas kept his tone solemn. "Cop to cop. It stays between us but I need a name."
"Antonio Garcia." Those two words slipped through Donnie Richards' lips. That was the first time Lucas had got that much. He felt his heart skip with that little prize nugget of information.
"So you accepted bribes from Antonio Garcia?"
"Yeah. And I helped him cover up some stuff."
"Like what?"
Donnie shook his head becoming agitated. "I'm sorry but I left this behind me."
Lucas tried a different line of questioning. "So why did they strike you off the police force? I mean you aren't the only cop to ever accept a bribe right?"
"No. But what I knew could cause too much trouble. I knew all of Antonio's contacts. The guys he dealt drugs to. The guys on the force he bribed. They offered me an out. I could leave the force and forget it ever happened. It was better than the other option so I took it."
Lucas's head spun, he wanted to know more. He knew he had only begun to touch the surface of this under belly of criminal activity. He opened his mouth but Donnie was already standing. In his mind the conversation was over.
"Well I should go," Donnie said as he reached for his safety hat. Lucas accompanied him back over to the site.
"Here's my card. Just in case."
The heavily built man took the card from Lucas's outstretched hand and placed it into the back pocket of his jeans. Donnie Richards began to walk away.
"Hey" Lucus said and the man turned back to face him. "I get that you don't want to be drawn back into this. But I need to know one thing."
"Shoot."
"Your partner back then, Mitch Cassidy? Was he one of the corrupt cops?"
Donnie's brow knitted together at the question. "He never accepted bribes. But he was the one who signed off my career."
"Thank you."
"Watch your back Scott. These guys don't play nice." Lucas gave a small bob of his head at the ex cop's warning before he got into the car and headed back to New York.
A/N – Hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think. Thanks for your continuing reviews and support. And thank you to all of you for being so patient with me and my need to throw in mystery at every possible opportunity.