Once more, with feeling (Episode 12: Benefits)
1. Bear
2009
He left it perched on the samurai sword because when he gets home from work it makes him smile. The little stuffed toy looks like he's sliding along the sword, like he's having a fun time. At least one of them is.
Barney moves the bear into the bedroom and pops it on the side of the bed where chicks sometimes sleep (no-one's been there, not for weeks) and he leans back on the bed, feet dangling off to the side as he stares at the ceiling.
He reaches out, fingers groping for the soft, soft fur. When he was a kid, he never had a bear, never had a dog, never had anything that made him feel young and alive and innocent.
He knows it can't last but he'll take all the good-feelings he can get. He's surprised to find that he gets them at all.
Is it worth it? Is this glimmer worth the hours he spends with an ice-pick stuck in his rib-cage?
Barney sits up and switches on the TV, squinting as the screen blazes into life. He reaches over for Feely, perching him on his lap as he kicks off his shoes.
He smiles as his fingers squeeze the toy.
Worth it.
2. Someone always gets hurt
1996
Lily always felt a little out of place in the cool gang - Harry and Julia and Daniel and Pam. She suspected (no, she knew) that she was only accepted by them because she was Scooter's girlfriend. She didn't feel rebellious or talented or hard edged or real. Not like they were. And when Julia announced that she was breaking up with Harry just before prom, Lily couldn't understand it. How could someone do something like that? She'd seen Julia's incredible blue shot-silk dress and Harry's weird European cap and they would definitely be the most radical couple there. It made little or no sense to her. It rattled her because it made her realise how naïve she was compared to them.
It made her think a little about the future.
So when Julia said, a few days later, that she and Harry had hooked up again, Lily found herself enthusiastically egging her friend on. She had always been in awe of Julia. Julia had sex, proper sex - not just fooling around like the stuff she and Scooter did. Julia said that she and Harry didn't care about a relationship - packaged, plastic, homogenised. They said that sex was fun and that's all they needed. They didn't actually love each other.
Lily had barely noticed that Pam had flinched when Julia made her announcement. But she did see the row of fresh, tiny, parallel scars on Pam's arm the next morning, where the sleeve of her shirt pulled up a little when she rested it on the desk.
Lily watched Pam, transfixed and embarrassed, and she saw what Pam saw. Harry. Longing for Harry. Unrequited Love.
It suddenly struck Lily that she'd never felt love like that, or misery like that. She wondered if she ever would.
3. Tacos
2009
Robin had never wanted Ted to get hurt. But for just a couple of weeks there, he's been the perfect boyfriend: Not too clingy, not too possessive and not at all annoying. The mind-blowing sex has helped too, she thinks to herself with a smile.
Shame he had to go and blow it but he sounded pretty final. And, let's face it, if he's starting to get all feeling-y, then it's probably for the best. She can't handle anything serious right now and she certainly can't handle Ted moping around her like a love-sick schoolgirl. Robin has enough to cope with, what with her lack of job and dwindling self esteem.
Nope, if Ted wants to stop their arrangement then she's okay with that. Surprisingly okay. After all, the dishwasher and the milk and the sparklingly-clean apartment really helps.
She clinks her glass against Barney's, finishing her taco and licking her fingers, glad that the smile on his face doesn't seem forced for once. She wonders what exactly has been going on with him lately. All his nervous ticks and weirdness are really starting to freak her out.
She sighs. She guesses she'll find out sooner or later.