Robotics (Ep 13 - Three Days of Snow)

1. Don't forget the robot

Lily stood, hands planted firmly on her hips, and gave Robin a withering stare. "So…? You hit on Marshall?"

She watched Robin's expression flicker between emotions: Confusion, realisation, panic, denial, confusion again and, finally, terror.

"NO!" Robin exclaimed, horrified. (Just the one "no", Lily noticed). "Lily, you know I'd never-! I mean, it's Marshall! Did he tell you that my car is still buried in the snow because I tried to get him to the airport to meet you on Tuesday? And… it's Marshall!" Robin lowered her voice. "He's so totally not my type," she gulped. "He got it all wrong…" She began to back away, waving her hands in front of her, arms bent at the elbow like she was doing some weird 80's robotic dance. "I covered him in snow! I wasn't-! I would never!"

Lily couldn't keep a straight face any longer. "Robin, honey, shut the hell up. I don't really think you hit on him!" She giggled.

Robin gaped with a "Whu-?"

Lily smirked. "If I thought that for even a minute, I'd break your arms, not chat about it!" She paused for effect then laughed gently.

Robin joined her, uncertainly, and sat down on the couch. "Er… So…" She said, glancing towards Ted's bedroom as if for moral support, laughing uneasily again. "Er... glad to be back in New York?"

Lily grinned, showing her teeth. "Oh yeah! I missed you all a lot!."

She was surprised at how relieved Robin looked when she hugged her.

2. Must… do… robot

The door burst open, Barney storming through it, a whirlwind of arms and legs. "Ted! TEEEEED!" He shrieked.

Ted emerged blearily from his bedroom. "Hey Lily," he said, nodding to her.

"Hey Ted!" She smiled and nodded.

"Ted!" Barney rushed up to him, coming to an abrupt halt just before he would have bumped right in to him. "You have to come outside with me right now!"

Ted grinned, enjoying Barney's antics. "Dude, it's like ten degrees below outside. It's freezing."

Barney made two prongs with his fingers, pointing at his own eyes, then his friend's. "Ted! Ted! Ted! Right here!" He took a deep breath, as if calming himself.

Lily and Robin smirked at each other.

"Everyone from the bar is outside in the snow, throwing it at each other!" Barney announced.

"Ooo, sounds fun!" Lily said. Robin chuckled.

"And that means?" Ted asked.

Barney rolled his eyes. "Frozen, soaking-wet cutlets who are just looking for someone to strip them down, warm them up and get them off." He grinned widely. "What UP!"

Ted frowned, as if he was considering it. "Eh… okay!"

Barney slapped him on the back and laughed. "Yeah! Let's do this!"

While they hunted for Ted's jacket, Robin turned to Lily and whispered: "Can you believe those two? They're just getting worse, I swear. Did you hear about the party with the marching band? It's like they're brainless machines, powered by their dicks!"

Lily giggled and put her hand around the shell of Robin's ear, whispering. "And we both know that those two are both practically half dick…"

Robin raised an eyebrow and whispered back. "Or three-quarters in Barney's case… Which explains a lot if you think about it…?"

Lily was laughing too hard to answer.

2. The robot falls in love

"You know, you've got a dirty laugh, Aldrin!" Barney said as Ted dithered about whether putting on a hat would flatten his hair.

"And you're a dirty dog, Stinson!" Lily shouted back.

"Yeah, uh, actually, Barney… " Robin said, getting to her feet. "You've got to stop having sex in my room when we have parties! I know that was you last night."

Lily spluttered.

"I did not have sex in your room!" Barney laughed.

"Barney, you left… evidence."

"Ew!" Lily sniggered.

"I had sex in Ted's room!" Barney insisted.

"Hey!" Ted said, looking up from his search for gloves.

"Barney!" Robin said, warningly.

"Okay, I might have had sex in your room once!" Barney admitted, his expression going a bit dreamy before he winked. "Okay, a few times. But I've had sex in Ted's room, like, thirty times!"

"You had sex with Ted?" Lily said, po-faced, trying to stop her lips from twitching into a smirk.

Ted looked outraged. "Seriously, we didn't! We never had sex!"

Lily thought he was blushing.

"Not with you, bro! With the lay-deez!"

Lily and Robin were, by now, laughing hysterically.

Barney harrumphed, shooting them both a glare as fled the apartment, Ted closely following him.

"You boys be safe!" Robin yelled after them. She turned to Lily. "I've got some red wine in the kitchen?"

"You don't want to go down to the bar and throw snowballs at the guys?" Lily asked, grinning mischievously.

Robin shuddered. "Nah, I'm making the most of the heat in this apartment before the super comes and fixes it tomorrow." She looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. "Besides, Barney's driving me crazy right now."

"Three-quarter dick?" Lily grinned.

"Yeah… TQD. He's just- he's being super-Barney right now, you know? Like some crazy clockwork toy that's been wound too tight. And Ted's just encouraging him…" Robin frowned. "And Marshall called me a robot! Huh!" Robin struggled to get up from the couch, Lily giving her a helpful push. As Robin disappeared into the kitchen, Lily watched her, sadly.

"Oh sweetie…" She sighed. "You're not the robot… you're the toaster oven…"