Author's Note – You guys rock! Your responses were all so great. It's you lot that make me want to write and do the best job that I can with this story. And it was really nice to see my readers who have been with me from the start haven't given up on me and my slow updates :). And it was great to get some new readers too! So hopefully now my life will go back to normality! It'll be quick updates all round then. Yay.

So this chapter is one I've had all planned out in my head since the beginning and I've been so excited to actually get to write it. It is shorter but it is kind of a big one which you will see why soon enough. Ha. So thanks guys, I hope you like it and here we go.

Nobody's Fault But Mine

Chapter 20 – Hopes and Fears

Peyton and Lucas had walked back to the apartment block after they'd shared the kiss outside the hospital. They stayed silent. Neither of them really knew what to say to one another and instead secretly basked in the spontaneous yet heartfelt moment. However once they entered back into the confines of the apartment Lucas couldn't help himself and caught her up into his arms. In his mind what had just happened between them was perfect and something he had wanted for so long. He felt like a teenage boy who was finally with the girl of his dreams. He ran a hand through her hair before he bent to kiss her.

"I forgot how good you were at that," he said as they finally broke from their kiss and she grinned back looping her curls behind her ear. His arms pulled her in to a tight embrace as though he never wanted to let her go. He pressed his forehead against hers. "God I love you."

Lucas may have uttered the words unconsciously but with them out he knew that they were the truth. It felt good to say them as he had held them back for so long.

"Luke." Peyton bowed her head to avoid his gaze. She didn't feel ready for what she knew was coming.

"I love you Peyt." He cupped her face in his hands so he could look at her. "You don't have to say to say it back. I just need you to know that I'm in falling in love with you."

Peyton pulled from his arms. Traces of fear quickly spread throughout her core. Her instincts of self preservation kicked in to full as she put some distance between them and wrapped her arms tightly across her chest. She hated herself as she retracted from someone who was reaching out to her.

"Peyt?" He wore a look of shock and surprise as he stared at her in disbelief. He was obviously hurt and confused by her abrupt change.

Peyton bit hard on her lower lip. She had always been drawn to him. He had initiated the kiss earlier but she had reciprocated. She had tried to deny what she had felt from the start. However there was no denying what was happening between them. She could not hide from the fact that she wanted to be with him too.

Lucas ran a shaken hand through his short blonde locks. "Can you talk to me?" He had seen her clam up and shut down on him before. He guessed from the way she was acting she must regret their kiss. Although if she did regret it he needed to hear her say that she did.

She had opened her mouth to speak but nothing would come. She was trying so hard to be strong. She was so used to running from love, from opportunity. She'd guarded her heart and soul fiercely for so many years. She'd fallen for Donnie, his words and reassurances and had been hurt because of it. That experience had only served to reinforce that she had it right to begin with. People had disappointed her, they had hurt her. People scared her.

"Peyton?" Lucas moved slowly towards her and when she didn't back herself away again he placed his hands onto her shoulders. "Peyton please. Just talk to me."

"I'm scared," she said simply. She didn't know what else to say.

"Of what?" his brow furrowed before he ventured. "Of me?"

"Kind of," her voice was shaky. "I just.....I just don't want to get hurt again."

She wanted to be honest with him. She wanted him to understand her hesitations and fears weren't because she didn't feel the same way. That in fact her desperate instinct to retract back into her shell was actually because she did feel the exact same way. From the moment she had met him that had been it. Their connection had been instant. When she was with him her heart felt lighter. She felt less broken and scarred. There was something about the beautiful blue eyed man who seemed just as tortured as she was.

"Hey," he uttered gently. He could understand that. He knew enough to be sensitive to what had happened to her and what was probably going on inside her head. "I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you."

"It's not that." Peyton knew in her heart, despite the fact that getting close to another man and trusting him terrified her, that Lucas Scott would never hurt her. "It's just that I'm not used to feeling like this. You're so good to me. I'm not used to that."

"Hey," he whispered reassuringly. Lucas offered her one of his lovable half smiles as he brushed the stray tear away that had coursed its way down her cheek. "Come on. It's ok."

She bit down on her lower lip in an effort to stop it from trembling. She almost felt foolish as she looked into the face of this gentle guy. "It's just that," she struggled to keep her unsteady voice even. "By letting you in to my heart means I have so much to lose." Her body shook harshly as she admitted the sad reality of her worst fears. "I couldn't bear to lose you Luke. I can't."

Lucas had gathered her to his chest as she sobbed out those fears she'd had building up for so many years. He held her as she wept soaking through his shirt rubbing his hand up and down her back to comfort her. "Peyt," he lifted her chin after she had stopped trembling. "I know this is scary. I'm scared too. But you're not going to lose me. Believe me I have no intention of going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," she uttered as she wiped back her tears. "I'm supposed to be being strong for you. And instead I end up crying like a little girl."

Lucas gave her a little smile and drew her in closer. He traced his thumb over her cheek. "How about we be strong for each other."

Peyton nodded her response and he pressed one of his sweet protective kisses to her forehead. She had always been so afraid and reluctant to let herself need anyone since she had lost her parents but as Lucas held her tightly she realised how much she truly wanted him in her life.

Her mouth found his, and this time she was more insistent. Lucas kissed her back just as passionately as their flames of attraction ignited. In the entire time they'd known each other it had always been there. Since they had been living together in such close quarters they had both hidden their feelings and denied their wants and needs. They understood each other, they needed each other. He'd saved her and she'd saved him back.

"Peyt," he managed. He broke from their clinch whilst he still had some resolve. "We don't have to. We can wait."

She shook her head before pressing a kiss to his lips. "I want to."

The inevitability of the moment overtook them and they gave into passion and desire. Their kiss deepened, his hands moving up over her shoulders, across her neck before burying themselves into her hair. His simple gentle touches sent sparks of electricity through her body. "I want you," she breathed into him.

"I want everything with you," he whispered into her ear before leaving a trail of kisses over her throat. Waves of suppressed emotions radiated through him. This young, brave and beautiful woman was all he had ever wanted. "I loved you from the first minute I laid eyes on you."

"Me too." She broke from the frenzied kissing. Her expression was both honest and coy. "I love you too." A beaming smile had burst its way over his mouth. Those were the words he had so desperately wanted to hear from her.

Lucas swept her off her feet in one quick motion and he was carrying her to the bedroom. He set her down onto the bed looking at her with pure adoration. He took into the cascading blonde hair, the softness of her lips before Peyton pulled down with her with a deep sense of urgency.

Their lips and hands caressed each other. Clothes became the next target as garments were tossed carelessly to the floor. Peyton's fingers moved delightedly over his defined muscular chest as skin met skin. She was always a little uncertain with someone new. She felt even more so with the one man she had let herself become truly vulnerable with.

Lucas was so tender and gentle with her. He worshipped every inch of her. He kept his eyes locked with hers throughout. He intertwined their fingers as they reached ecstasy together. "I love you's" were traded as he braced himself above her as they both struggled to regulate their breathing. Peyton smiled up at him, she was so shy and so happy. The look she wore right at that very moment of time was one he'd capture forever. It was such a delicate mixture of sheer contentment and her own insecurities in her own beauty.

After Lucas's heart began to slow from its rapid pelting he collapsed back against the cool dishevelled sheets before taking his beautiful Peyton into his arms.

-- --

Lucas lay wide awake in the early hours. He had fallen asleep quickly after they had made love. However after he'd slept enough to alleviate his exhaustion his mind had woken him as it buzzed with activity. He felt so energised after her declaration and yet so confused as to his feelings and emotions towards Dan.

He watched over Peyton as he couldn't bear to leave her. She was so angelic as she lay lost to a peaceful slumber. He let his eyes run over the length of her figure. He wanted to memorise every line, every curve, every freckle, and every detail about this perfect moment with this perfect woman.

Peyton stirred slowly lifting her head from its resting place on his chest. "Hi," she murmured. She draped her leg over his as she snuggled closer into the warmth of his body.

"Hey," he pressed a kiss into her curls. "I thought you were sleeping."

"No. The rain woke me."

"You're not going to run from me again are you?" he joked uneasily. The sound of the rain pelting down from the skies and the whirlwind their night had been gave him that unsettling feeling of déjà vu.

"No. I just wanted you to know how much I love you."

He beamed. "I love you too Peyton."

"I feel so happy when I'm with you." She said as she drew meaningless invisible patterns over his abdomen. "So safe and content. Like everything's finally going to be ok."

"Me too," his stroked his hand over her bare shoulder. "You're really beautiful you know that."

Peyton blushed slightly, she could never take a compliment especially not when it came to her physical beauty. He guessed maybe after he told her over and over she may start to believe it.

"This is good right?" she asked then. "Us?"

"Us is perfect."

So that was my first attempt at a love/sex scene. I'm not sure how it went. I had fun writing it though and just focusing on Lucas and Peyton. I hope that you all enjoyed the chapter.