Author's Note – Hey there guys. Sorry for the lateness on this update. I've been crazily busy with everything. Thank you so much for all your great responses for the last chapter. It is one I'm really proud of and I'm glad to see you that you all enjoyed it.

Nobody's Fault But Mine

Chapter 21 – Who's Got My Back?

Lucas sat at his desk deeply immersed in the interview notes taken from Nick Saunders and the strategy plans for the raid of Antonio Garcia's club that was due to take place in a day's time. Mitch and Lucas had gone over the operation thoroughly during the afternoon and after having it signed off by the chief had gone on to debrief the uniformed officers assigned to them. Mitch had gone to grab a bite to eat but Lucas had stayed to run over the plans one more time in his head. If all went well tomorrow night Antonio Garcia would be locked away.

He hadn't expected to take the call from his brother that Dan Scott was now awake and asking to see him. It was as though ice had filled his veins as he had hung up after telling Nathan that he was on his way over. His stomach plummeted and he felt the sour tang of bile rise to his throat as the reality of those words set in.

Since Dan's heart attack just short of a week ago Lucas had almost fallen into the routine of a dutiful son. He had checked in as to what Dan's condition and prognosis was and he had visited once after his shift was over. But now as he went through the motions of shutting down his computer, and saying good night to his co workers the numbness had set in once again.

He picked up his cell to let Peyton know and as she asked him if he wanted her to go with him he had answered with an abrupt "no." She had been sweet and understanding knowing that he needed to work through this alone but he had cursed himself inwardly as he closed down on her.

Just the other night as Nathan and Lucas had sat at their father's bedside Nathan had asked Lucas about Peyton. Lucas had admitted the two of them were together. As much as his brother had been happy and supportive of a relationship he proclaimed he saw coming from the very beginning he had warned Lucas not to revert to form and push Peyton away. Lucas had vowed to himself long before that he was not going to make the same mistakes with his new girlfriend that he had with Brooke.

Lucas made his way to the hospital and to Dan's corner room. Dan, he noted, was sitting propped up by pillows in his bed and some colour had returned to his cheeks. He still looked rather weak and ragged but his eyes were focused and alert as both he and Nathan turned as Lucas pushed through the door.

Mild surprise passed across Dan's face. He seemed as equally taken aback that Lucas had shown up as Lucas was himself. "It's good to see you son," he said by way of greeting.

Lucas shuffled awkwardly inside. He had worked hard to keep Dan out of his mind and he didn't relish the thought that as the old man's keen eyes were now staring back at him he would be assessing the man he had become. "I'm glad you made it through," he managed none too convincingly.

Dan settled back against the pillows as he was clearly still fragile. "It's nice to see maybe I have a chance to correct my past mistakes," he rasped. Nathan took hold of his father's hand and Dan reached out his other in Lucas's direction. "What do you say Sport do you think you could find it in your heart to give your dad a second chance?"

The eldest son stood frozen to the spot. He had almost winced at the childhood nickname he had been given despite his lack of interest in basketball. He was reminded all too quickly as to the reasons he was wary of this man. He didn't take the outstretched palm and remained still as a statue unsure of what to do or say and barely able to breathe.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" Dan directed his request at Nathan. Nathan had looked tentatively to his brother for the nod and once it was given he left the room.

Lucas crossed the room and leant up against the window sill in an effort to put as much space as possible between him and Dan.

"It really is good to see you Lucas," Dan said then as Lucas chose to remain silent. "Nathan told me your career is going really well. That you made Detective." Status would always please Dan Scott and it wasn't really a surprise to Lucas as his father stated this nugget of information with traces of pride. "That's really good son. It's good to see that you are doing so well."

"Well it was certainly despite your influence." Lucas couldn't help the bitterness in his voice. He knew that was a slight fabrication of the truth as Lucas had built himself up to be strong to protect himself and those who needed help. But Lucas wasn't about to let Dan take any credit for his successes.

Dan gave a remorseful smile then. "I know I wasn't a good father to you and your brother Lucas. And I am truly sorry for that. Being in prison has given me a lot of time to think about my actions. I regret who I was back then. I want to change."

"Except you can't," the younger man drew his arms across his chest. "Don't you forget Dan I've heard all your bull." He remembered all too well hearing his mother begging him to admit that he had a problem. He'd grown up hearing the arguments going on long into the night when they thought he was sleeping. "You spouted it to mom. And to Uncle Keith."

"That was when I was drinking Lucas. Since I've been inside I have been clean. I've been in a counselling programme. I've accepted the man I was back then and I am trying to make amends."

Lucas narrowed his eyes. He wasn't about to give Dan an ounce of sympathy. He couldn't. Part of him almost prayed that he could find some compassion for his father. That he could rise above the long imprinted bitterness and hatred he held for his father but even if he could forgive him for his fractured childhood he certainly couldn't see past what had happened to his mother.

"I wrote to you," Dan continued on. "Part of my recovery was to write and apologise to everyone I'd hurt by my actions."

Lucas didn't respond. He had received letters and numerous birthday cards from his father. He had refused to open them.

"I figured you wouldn't read it," Dan admitted openly. "You were always a stubborn boy. You were even when you were a scrawny kid defending his mom."

That warranted Lucas's attention as he met his father's dark eyes.

"The way you stood up to me even when you were half my size," Dan let out a small chuckle. "I'm proud of you Lucas. When I look back at how I acted the only comfort I have that in spite of the fact that I wasn't a good father you still grew up to be strong and noble. You were always there to look after Nathan and your mother. I don't know where you got that strength from."

"Mom," Lucas bit back. "I got my strength from her. All I got from you is a shining example of who not to be."

Dan jerked back slightly as though the words flowing from Lucas's mouth were causing him physical pain.

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Dan said then. "I'm not asking for that. But what I am asking for is a chance to prove to you that I am trying to change."

Lucas swallowed hard. He felt almost as though he was sinking into quicksand. Every moment he spent with Dan he felt he was being dragged down. "I don't know if I can give you that Dan. You let us down too many times before."

Dan bowed his head as Lucas edged to the door. "I really am sorry," the old man uttered under his breath and Lucas left without another word.

-- --

Lucas arrived back at the apartment way past midnight. After he had seen Dan he had taken a walk to clear his head. Despite the stroll around Central Park and then the couple of beers he'd had at the local bar he could not shake the confusion and hurt that had etched its way through his mind.

He was quiet as he slipped through the door and into the dimly lit hallway. A quick scan of the small living space and he guessed that Peyton had probably turned in for the night.

He crept silently across the bedroom towards her sleeping form. Lucas dipped down to sit beside her. He bent towards her pressing a light kiss to her temple and instantly felt lighter just by being close to her. Since they had got together he had found he couldn't get enough of her. He missed her when at work and found himself thinking about her more than he could ever remember thinking about any other girlfriend in the past. Peyton had become an addiction.

Peyton's eyes fluttered open and she smiled sweetly. "Hi," she murmured as she realised he was staring and a slight blush coloured her cheeks. She had already joked that his tendency to watch her whilst she slept was verging on stalker like behaviour.

"Hey beauty," he replied tracing a finger across her jaw line.

"What time is it?" She stifled a little yawn with her hand.

"Late."

Peyton laced her fingers through his own. "Are you ok?" she asked knowing full well that he wasn't.

"Not really. I spoke to Dan," he uttered under his breath. Peyton had given his hand a reassuring squeeze. "He told me he'd changed. That he wants to make things right."

"Do you believe him?" she asked then. "Do you think he can change?"

Lucas thought for a moment and then exhaled loudly. "I don't know Peyt. He blames his actions because of his drinking. I grew up hearing all his excuses and promises. He told us all many times that he'd kicked his little habit. I just have trouble believing now is any different. And even if he has he always blamed his actions on his drinking."

Peyton bit her lip before speaking. "Alcohol does change people Luke. I'm not proud of who I was back then. But I admitted I had a problem and I got help."

"I know. But you also didn't hurt anyone." They had never fully discussed her problems with alcohol or drugs. He had gathered enough from remarks she had made and a background check he had done on her when she was still with Antonio but even so he couldn't never really place her in the same category as Dan Scott.

He remembered reading once when he was growing up that an alcoholic was always an alcoholic. And that no matter how long an alcoholic remained sober for as soon as they began drinking again they would revert back to who they were.

"No," she agreed with the statement. "But I also didn't care about myself or anyone around me. Look I'm just going to say that I can see it from both sides. And I know that I made a lot of mistakes and it was hard to recover from that."

"Look Luke," Peyton sat up fully then taking his hands in her own. "You can be mad at me for saying it but I just worry that you are going to hold on to the bitterness of the past. And I don't want that for you. You've seen what bitterness did to your family."

"Yeah maybe you're right," Lucas conceded. He didn't trust Dan. Instinct and past experience told him that his father couldn't be trusted. But he was also tired of the internal war he battled inside himself.

"Let yourself be happy Lucas Scott," she drawled then.

He cracked a smile and pulled her into his arms. He closed his eyes tightly as he held the one person who gave him more strength and clarity than he believed she even realised. She was a far cry from the frightened girl he had first met. "You're pretty amazing you know that," he told her as he rested his chin in the crown of her curls.

"I have my moments."

"No I mean it." He moved to kiss her gently on the mouth. "I love you so much Peyt."

"I love you too," she nuzzled at his neck.

"I'm sorry," he muttered then.

"For what?" she furrowed her brow.

"For earlier," he stated simply. "I didn't mean to shut you out. And I don't want to push you away like I did with Brooke. It's just hard you know."

"Luke," she cupped his face with her hands. "I'm not going anywhere. And if you want to talk I'll listen ok? You just need to admit that you need help sometimes."

He let out a small sigh, "ok," he conceded before pulling her into his arms once again.

"Are you tired?" she asked softly.

"Not really," he answered huskily as he met those enchanting green pools. He could lose himself in her eyes.

"Me neither." She gave him one of her looks that only led to one thing before drawing him down onto the bed with her.

-- --

Aaron Mercer the chief of the NYPD sat at his desk early that morning. It was just another twenty seven days until the long endless hours were over and he got to retire after a lifetime of police service. He'd served the good citizens of the Big Apple for the past fifteen years. Since he had graduated from the academy he had been an officer of the Law. He had dedicated his life to his career, he had towed the line and helped put away more criminals than he could remember.

The chief of police had started out as an idealist. He had believed and only seen things as black and white and people as good and bad. Once he had progressed beyond the rookie stage he had learnt that this career path did not come without sacrifice. He had surrendered his own ethics and political beliefs to climb up the hierarchy. He had worked the system and in doing so had missed countless precious moments in his wife's and child's life. His family had suffered but he had to his detriment always been a good cop.

That was until Antonio Garcia.

"Call it an early retirement present," Antonio said stirring the man from his thoughts. "For everything you've done."

Aaron stared at the bottle of single malt whiskey that stood between them.

"It's over Garcia," he said as he traded Nick Saunders's statement and the warrant he had only signed off yesterday to raid Antonio's club.

The man's mocking eyes didn't even bother to look down at the pages in front of him. "You really think so?" he sneered. "I'll just change the meeting place. Simple as that."

"I can't do this anymore Antonio. I want out."

Antonio merely tutted and sat in the leather chair in front of the man. "Well that is a shame considering that your association with me has earned you and that lovely wife of yours a nice healthy sum to retire on. It helped pay for that big house of yours and it put your kid in college."

"No more Garcia," Aaron had uttered almost pleadingly. He was in this too deep and there was no way that he could cover for this one. "I'm sorry."

Antonio had stood then. "If I go down Aaron, you go down too. We both know you don't want that. I'll change the venue; you keep your guys off my scent."

He had turned on his heel then and met the eyes of Mitch Cassidy. "Enjoy the whisky Aaron. I'll stop by to celebrate tomorrow."

A/N - I hoped you liked that update. There more to come ;)