TiVo
1. Never seen it
Barney's favourite part of Robin's new show (although he'll die before he'll admit to having seen it) is the cooking segment. He loves seeing Robin get flustered because she always starts goofing around. Peppy, giggling Robin is very different from the Robin who collapses next to him at the bar, flashes him a cynical smile and looks like she's running hard on adrenalin and caffeine.
Wait.
Backing up…
Did he just think the word "love" again?
Barney's lips twitch into a smile. Damn, he thought he was over that.
Again.
Still, he thinks, as he stretches back in his bed, wrapping his comforter around him (single blanket in winter? Please!) at least he gets to see her every day.
Thumbing a button on the remote control, Barney squints as the wall opposite his bed flickers into life and he scrolls through the previous week's programmes. Damn! The TIVO was nearly full again.
DVD archive time…
He's just pondered a new filing system for his home-made DVD collection (Alphabetical by title? Battlestar, Bimbos, COGUNK, Lost, Metro News One, Résumés, Tokyo Ichi…) when his hand strays beneath his nightshirt (night shirt!), fingers travelling across his thigh, higher and higher. As Robin appears on the screen his hand freezes in place.
Whoa there!
Was he just going to jerk off while watching her lame middle-of-the-night show?
He tells himself it's a reflex action due to the ease of access (damn nightshirt) and scratchs his balls instead.
After five minutes, he turns off the TV with a scowl.
Way to ruin the moment, Stinson.
Five minutes after that, the TV is back on and he's down on his knees beside his wall-of-porn, looking for a decent Bimbo DVD to watch. In another ten, he's given up and settled on watching Battlestar Galactica instead. Hot chicks, no guilt, raptor/cylon fire-fights. Perfect masturbation material.
Thank god for TIVO.
2. Deal
And somehow Barney managed to get a copy of her amazing Friday morning show (because he knows a guy) and so they all watch it on Sunday, complete with popcorn (Marshall), ribs (Ted) and a bottle of scotch (Barney).
Lily still looked twitchy, Robin thought, running around being super-nice to Ted because that annoying, horrible Karen-girl dumped him. Ted didn't seem too cut up about the whole thing (which was sweet) and was shouting and screaming with enthusiastic laughter right along with everyone else. By the end of the broadcast, they were all whooping and hollering, demanding to see it again.
"Everyone say their favourite bit!" Barney yelled out, bouncing up and down on his seat. "Mine was the bit where Robin delivered the baby! Midwives are hot! Ted?"
Ted flashed her a smile. It was great, how they'd eased into this friendship thing. "When she saved the weather guy's life." Robin sat up a little taller. He was being so… sweet.
Crap.
Was that the second time she'd thought the word "sweet"?
Was she still in love with Ted?
Robin swallowed a swig of beer, trying to hide how much this weird-ed her out. It was just… her luck with guys had been… well, lately it had sucked. And the job - her schedule was just brutal. And then there had been that deal.
Christ, would she be really be that desperate to get married by the time she was forty? She started to feel panicky. Were she and Ted going to be like Ted and Karen, breaking up and getting back together over and over, stuck on repeat like an old TV show recorded on TIVO, no deviation... no hope of change?
"So, honey…" Lily was saying to Barney. "I hear that Marshall's talked you round into approving of marriage now?"
Robin looked up sharply.
"What!?" Ted shouted, looking incredulous.
Barney's expression flickered from sheer panic to mock-casual and back again so many times that he looked like he might have a stroke any minute. "No! No no no no no! That's ridiculous, no! I never said-"
Lily chuckled and Marshall beamed. "Oh, say what you want now, buddy, cos you wanna look mean in front of the cool kids…?"
"Marshall, leave him alone-" Robin interjected.
"But we both know that you're a hopeless romantic at heart, Barney. And you just want to wake up next to the woman you love every morning for the rest of your life…"
Lily said "Awwww!"
Ted looked insufferably smug.
And Barney… Barney looked…
There were really no words to describe how Barney looked. Somewhat terrified, somewhat disgusted but also just a tiny bit hopeful. Robin could decipher every flicker, every nuance, because it was exactly what she felt when Ted had suggested they move to Argentina and have kids. She and Ted just wanted different things at such a basic, instinctive level. She had the feeling he'd still try and change her, get her to settle down, if he could.
She looked over at Ted and she could faintly hear the sound of glass shattering at the realisation. She guessed she really, finally and at long last was over him.