AN: So I'm back, magically. The files have been sitting on my computer and well, I've been looking for a good time to post these up without having all the reviews I wanted. So I'm just going to put them up every week or every other week, depending on how school goes. I love how I picked the end of junior year to pick this thing up again -.- Even I'm confused when I comes to the chapter numbering things but that's because I've switched from my desktop to my laptop and well, some of my chapters weren't uploaded for some reason . I'll fix the numbering of the chapters when I reload this thing after it's done .

Chapter 20: The Way I Am

It was the March Quidditch finals at school: Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. In less than two minutes, this would be over. Over the noise of the crowd and the blood beating in her ears, Hermione heard when the whistle blew and took off quickly. She, Ginny and Katie beamed the Quaffle into the hoops and by the time Harry caught the snitch in two minutes, they had scored about sixty points alone while Ravenclaw scored twenty.

"Gryffindor wins! Gryffindor wins the Quidditch House Cup!" Luna yelled.

"You were great!" Harry ran to Ginny on the floor and they embraced, inciting fake vomiting motions from others near by.

"You all did great!" Hermione yelled to the rest of their team, "And we'll do it again next year too!" Hermione pumped up her fists in the air and the team cheered louder than the audience until they swarmed unto the field.

"Gryffindor! Gryffindor!" The crowds chanted as the team lined up to shake hands. The minute Cho and Ginny shook hands, there was intense glaring and a growl. Hermione looked shocked because at the next second, Cho was all happy and shaking hands with Harry.

"Creepy…" Hermione muttered before being handed the trophy, "Gryffindor! Gryffindor!" she began and the crowd chanted again until the Gryffindors went to party in their common room.

They were in for a even bigger surprise when Mimosa was in the common room when they entered. The Head Girl had recovered from her bought of illness and came to celebrate with her house. After a few hours, Mimosa had to leave and Hermione volunteered to take her there and come back. She was there on the sidelines for an emotional reunion that happened between the Head Girl and Head Boy. Rigel helped Mimosa into her room and well… they never came out while Hermione was there. She smiled at the joy she saw in their faces when they saw each other. She wanted to head back to the common room but Draco made her stop. He had completely ignored her sitting on the couch and stormed briskly out the dorm. Curious, she placed a Disillusionment charm on herself and followed him as he walked to the seventh floor.

'This is it,' Hermione thought as they walked around the painting, 'This is where Draco always hides.'

Draco soon stopped in front of a large regular door and opened it and Hermione followed quickly behind him. They passed over Fanged Frisbees and firecrackers and anything illegal that wasn't allowed in Hogwarts ground. Draco stopped in front of a Vanishing Cabinet and checked over it. Satisfied, he got a piece of paper from his pocket and put it in the last drawer. Then he walked back out casually and left Hermione alone with the Vanishing Cabinet.

"What have you done Malfoy?" She muttered and she opened the drawer, careful not to make a sound. She lifted the paper and read.

Eleven is when no one will notice. The goal might be gone on an errand and that will give us time to plan. I will send date to launch present. Hogwarts operator.

'So that lying snake is actually helping them more than I thought…' She ran a hand over her pendent, the one she hadn't taken off since Christmas, 'If I take it off… he'll know I know something… dammit!' Hermione put the paper back and closed the drawer. She turned to walk to the door and felt a presence behind her. There was Draco once again two yards away from her and he knew someone was there but hadn't seen the drawer open.

"Who's there?" He called and felt around him for a body. Panicking, Hermione put a silencing charm on herself nonverbally and cautiously combed the walls for an escape. Draco seemed to sense her and broke into a run once she was out the room.

"Who's there?" Draco called out as he passed Hermione who had hid next to a suit of armor. "Whoever was in that room really is nosy…. Uncle Severus!" Draco muttered and he raced back passed Hermione and down the stairs. Panting slightly, Hermione went into a passageway that Harry showed her that lead to the common room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Henry, Harry, Ron, Draco get over here." Jason yelled in the locker room after Saturday practice in April.

"Yeah Jason?" Henry asked as he and the others jogged up to their nicer coach.

"It seems that Krum, Michal, and Kevin, our Chasers, and Dominik our Keeper have all fallen ill and won't be able to make our final match against the US tomorrow. So, we need you four to fill in."

"On the actual team?" Ron asked.

"In an actual match?" Harry said.

"Krum's not going to be there?" Henry said brightly and Jason glared slightly.

"As good as that sounds, we need our star seeker to beat the United States so instead of Krum, we have Harry." Jason muttered to Henry and that shut him up.

"So… what do we do, Jason?" Draco asked.

"Come in at ten in the morning so we'll go over the plays and everything and get you acquainted with the rest of the team." Jason then turned to the rest of the trainees. "Everyone listen up! We're not going to work tomorrow! We're going to watch a real game of Quidditch. It's the finals tomorrow of the United States versus yours truly, the Bulgarians. You're going to be there at around noon. Ok, go hit to the showers." Jason waved them off and everyone left but Henry.

"Jason…" Henry whispered and Jason saw the look on his face.

"Don't worry Henry. They're going to buy the same excuse you use here. Don't worry, they'll be ok even if they found out you were a girl." Jason patted Henry on the shoulders and took off his shirt to take a shower. Henry blushed slightly as usual and left quickly after picking up his broom and duffel bag.

"Jason, you know what's going to happen right? Tomorrow?" Draco, clad in fluffy white towel, said from behind Jason and Jason sighed.

"I know what's going to happen at Hogwarts Draco but I still don't like it." Jason replied, not looking at Draco.

"What? You think I do? The old man may be crazy but he has been like a grandfather to most of my classmates. I don't like the thought of finishing him off." Draco told Jason and Harry's eyes widened as Jason and Draco returned to the showers, not knowing that he had hidden in the row of lockers behind them. Abandoning his shower, he put on his shirt and shoes and raced out of the locker room with his stuff to fly to Hogwarts.

"Hermione!" Harry called as Henry mounted his broom out of the pitch.

"Harry! Don't call me that." Henry hissed as Harry mounted his own broom.

"Sorry. But, you wouldn't believe what Jason and Draco were talking about." The wind blew against their faces.

"Oh what? Were they sharing women advice?" Henry said sarcastically but with no venom for her friend.

"No. They were talking about something happening tomorrow."

"Yeah, tomorrow is when the practice OWLs are for Ginny. The finals are tomorrow too. Practice NEWTs are in a week. What's wrong with that?"

"No. They're going to kill someone."

"What? Who?"

"I think Dumbledore. They said that the old man was crazy but he was still like a grandfather to some of us at Hogwarts. That, and Draco said he didn't like the idea of finishing him off."

"Harry… we've got to be prepared if anything like that happens. I guess now would be a good time to tell you that it'll be at eleven at night."

"What?"

"The attack on Dumbledore. I followed Malfoy the night Mimi came back and he went to the Room of Requirement and put a piece of paper in this Vanishing Cabinet that was there. The paper said that eleven would be the best time seeing as 'the goal,' now named Dumbledore, would be on an errand and that would be time to plan." Harry almost hit Henry upside the head, but his glare told him that.

"How can you keep that from us Hermione? Are you crazy? We could've already warned Dumbledore about any attacks on the school and here you are with the exact time period it's about to happen and you don't tell me?"

"I'm sorry Harry but I thought-"

"You were actually thinking?" Harry cried as they touched down in the Quidditch pitch at school. Luna and Neville were there pouring over a Herbology book and looked up to see the two fighting.

"Yes, actually I was Harry! You know, thinking is that thing I do when I'm being smarter than you!" he yelled and shoved Harry a bit in his shoulder.

"You want to bring up our grades now? Forget them Hermione because when Voldemort comes to attack us, he won't care if you had twelve NEWTs or two so forget about them!" Harry yelled and Henry looked like got slapped.

"Until Voldemort actually comes to attack me, I'm not going to be brought out of my daily routine and be glad I remembered the letter this time instead of getting caught and being obliviated again!" Henry shoved Harry again.

"Well, you would've been more helpful if you told us the day you found out instead of partying with the rest of us!" Harry finally got really angry and shoved him back.

Henry punched him right in the nose and Harry stumbled as blood flowed out. Glaring, Harry tackled Henry and the two had a rolling contest on the Quidditch grass. Luna and Neville ran down to the floor to see Henry punching Harry again in the face. Harry finally got on his feet and when Henry tried to, he tackled him again and the two once again began their fist fight. Harry was not backing down even for his cousin so he grabbed a bunch of his shirt and punched in across the cheek and Luna gasped. At the sound, Henry and Harry looked up at her while Harry had pulled back his hand again, held up in midair. Neville got Harry off of Henry and Luna helped the boy up. Harry had a black eye, broken nose and a cut lip while Henry had the busted lip, bruised cheeks and a long cut running from his left eyebrow to his hairline.

"What's with you two?" Neville asked while Harry glared at Henry, who had managed to change back to a girl.

"The DA has just been reestablished you two. We're having meeting after Ron comes back from practice." Harry growled.

"There he is. RON!" Neville cried and waved Ron down.

"Hey you two. Why'd you leave so quick?"

"Not now Ron. Let's find Ginny and go back to our DA room. I'll use the coins to see if they're working." Hermione lead them to the common room and lead them to the old DA hangout in the Room of Requirement. Draco hadn't come back yet from practice and so he hadn't been in the room. It had the Hogwarts unifying theme everywhere and there were couches and bean bags as well as hardwood tables and three bookshelves as high as the ceiling.

"Ok Harry, what gives?" Ron asked as he plopped down in a bean bag.

"Something's going to happen tomorrow."

"Yeah, my practice OWLs. What else is new?"

"No, Ginny. Harry and I think Death Eaters are going to attack Hogwarts when Dumbledore leaves, most likely for the Quidditch World Cup." Hermione clarified.

"What?" the others cried (okay, these are who are here: Ron, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Cho, Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Parvati, David, Amy, Teresa).

"That's why we need you. If it does happen, Hogwarts will be in grave danger and we need all the Dumbledore supporters we can get. And, we are the DA: Dumbledore's Army. So all I know is that it's us plus the teachers against whoever is sent against Dumbledore." Harry said.

"How'd you find this out Harry?" Cho asked.

"Well, we've been suspecting Draco Malfoy for a while of being a Death Eater and well, we've been getting proof of it along the way. As well as Snape helping him out or at least trying to from what Hermione found out at her detention." Hermione and Harry told the others all that they'd accumulated over the past school year and Luna snapped her fingers slowly.

"My father was right!" she smiled in her usual in-a-daze way. "He knew that Snape was still a Death Eater and not a spy for our side. That and he knew Lucius Malfoy would bring his son into Voldemort's affairs. My father said it was only about time."

"Well, your father was right about this Luna so you can tell him that after we catch Malfoy and Snape." Harry smirked.

"Hey, um… Harry… why do you look like you've fought with a troll and lost?" Neville asked Harry and Hermione glared.

"Oh, so I'm a troll now? I'll have you know that Harry and I were in a fistfight." She fumed and Ginny grabbed her wand before bending over Hermione's face.

"Why didn't you just say so then? Episkey. Tergeo. Evaneso. There Hermione. C'mere Harry," Ginny cooed and she healed Harry as well, "I'm surprised no one else told them about that."

"Well, we were all wondering what the meeting was about to notice more than what was necessary." Parvati shrugged and Seamus agreed.

"Let's go." Dean said and once outside, Harry waved them on.

"I'll catch up later. I'm going to check that remembering potion in Myrtle's bathroom." Harry said and the others nodded and watched him go down the stairs.

"I better go too. He might even destroy it with his skills, even with my textbook there." Hermione said and the group went in one direction while Hermione followed Harry's route.

"Malfoy!" Hermione heard someone cry from inside the bathroom and looked inside Myrtle's bathroom to see Harry and Draco about to duel. Draco looked like he had been crying again and Harry had caught him in the act.

"Potter, what they hell are you doing here?" Malfoy called out.

"I should ask you the same thing."

"Please stop! Don't fight! Please." Myrtle called from above, the ghost crying at the two boys.

"Forget this and leave Potter."

"Eat dung Malfoy. Mobiliarbus!" Harry got a sink to fling itself at Draco and he dived out of the way.

"Avis Oppungo!!" Giant hawks appeared above Draco's head and zoomed at Harry.

"Protean!" Hermione cried from the door and her own hawks appeared and zoomed at Draco's.

'Levicorpus!' Harry thought and even though upside down, Draco fought back.

"Draco!" Hermione and Myrtle cried.

"Crucio!" Draco yelled and Harry cringed in pain.

"Harry!" Myrtle and Hermione cried but Hermione actually did something.

'Liberacorpus!' Hermione thought so that Draco dropped down and his concentration on the Cruciatus curse broke.

"Sectumsempra!" Harry yelled from the floor to make a double spell combo (combo points).

As Draco fell, he was given multiple slashes across his chest and everything went into slow motion as blood squirted out of his body. Harry, nor Myrtle, moved as Hermione slowly made her way to Draco's limp body.

"It'll be alright! I'll heal him and he'll be good as new! Harry, get me that sink and fill it with water. Myrtle, get me a towel and bandages from the utility closet in the hospital wing but don't get caught. Move it! And don't tell a soul." Hermione sat on her legs and put Draco's head in her lap while the other two did what they were told.

"Oh Draco…" she muttered as she caressed his face.

Sniffing, she grabbed hold on his white button down shirt and ripped it open to see the wounds. Deep cuts graced his pale but muscular body and she placed both her hands on his chest where the cuts were. Closing her eyes, she transferred her magic to the wounds to heal them in a bright white light. It took twenty minutes to close the wounds so forget about wiping the blood off. She moved her hands to wherever there was a cut without even opening her eyes and Harry and Myrtle came in to see her in this position and couldn't take their eyes off of her as her whole body, especially her hands, began to glow in a bright white light. She opened her eyes and they were as transparent as Veritaserum, glowing with immense power as Draco began to get more color into his cheeks and stir a bit before lying motionless again under Hermione's hands.

"Don't just stand there. Help me wipe off the blood." Hermione said as the light flickered back inside her and she turned her brown eyes to her cousin and the ghost.

"Oh yeah." Harry came with the water and Myrtle brought the bandages, confused at why they were needed when the cuts were healed.

"The bandages are to make it look like he was healed by regular wand magic." Hermione elaborated as she wrung out a towel and wiped Draco's f ace clean of blood.

"I should go." Myrtle sobbed and dove into her toilet while Harry sunk to his knees and stared at the Slytherin in front of him.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." He whispered and Hermione nodded.

"I know." She said, not looking up to see Harry's eyes water.

"I almost killed him… I almost killed someone…" Harry breathed as he put his head in his hands, "I didn't want to kill him…"

"You didn't kill him Harry. It was merely self-defense. But I told you not to try that spell without knowing what it was." Hermione looked up to finally see tears coming out of his eyes. She wiped her hands on a clean towel and touched Harry's shoulders, "You didn't kill him Harry. He's alive and breathing on the floor right now."

"Because of you. You healed him. You did that amazing healing magic without any help from me. I almost killed him Hermione… I don't think I could live with someone's life on my conscious." Harry said, getting up, and Hermione sighed.

"Harry. You didn't mean to kill Draco and you didn't kill him anyway. No one's life is on your conscious right now. But you need to remember that you are required to kill Voldemort. He's the only one you need to kill." Harry came down next to her.

"I know that. But Malfoy's different. Not because you know him so well Hermione but because he hasn't killed anyone. Hermione, what if Malfoy died right now and because off me?" Hermione stared at Harry.

"No 'what ifs' Harry. That's like saying 'what if Voldemort never got Hagrid in trouble?' You know that Hagrid would've probably finished school and been teased forever on his heritage even if he worked for the Ministry. Things happen for a reason Harry. You got the scar so that you can kill Voldemort. We don't know what would've happened if you never got it or your parents never died so stop saying what if. 'What if' isn't going to get us anywhere closer to the Horcruxes or to Voldemort. So stop thinking them." Hermione told him and he shook his head.

"I can't stop thinking 'what ifs' Hermione. I just can't get that picture of Malfoy being bled to death by me out of my mind." Harry got up and ran out.

"Oh Harry… how will you beat Voldemort if you can't accept even the concept of death?" Hermione looked at Draco, now clean and without a wound in sight.

"How will I explain to Draco what's happened? How will he explain to me the note?" Hermione got up and left the bathroom to go to the Head Dorm while hovering Draco's body behind her. She placed him on his bed and tucked him in and as she turned to leave him to sleep, he stirred and moaned and opened his eyes. They were pure white, like the healing light that had consumed Hermione when she healed him but then reverted back to gray slowly.

"Ughhh… Where's Potter? I'll kill him." Draco said, still thinking he was in the bathroom.

"He's not here Malfoy. Only I am." Hermione sat next to Draco and wiped a strand of hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear; his eyes widened when he heard her use Malfoy.

"Oh… what happened?" Draco asked.

"You and Harry dueled and you lost and Harry was in shock."

"Why?"

"You're wrapped in bandages after what he did to you."

"What did I do?"

"You used an Unforgivable on him. The Cruciatus curse." Hermione told him and he cringed.

"He saw me crying. I didn't know what else to do. I was in there talking to Myrtle when he found me."

"Yes well, he had reason against you. You're lucky he didn't kill you. But he didn't have the heart anyway."

"What? I almost died because of Potter? And what do you mean that he didn't have the heart?"

"My little cousin is still actually very innocent with all the stuff that he's been through. It's just the way he is. Just like a little idiot I believe there's good in everyone, he believes that killing is wrong, even for the right reason." She had glared pointedly at Draco when she said 'good in everyone' but he took no notice or didn't want to.

"That's stupid. There's killing everyday…" Draco muttered, still not fully strong.

"Well, Harry believes that killing is stupid yet he knows that someday he'll have to kill Voldemort. It contradicts his philosophy so I guess that's why he broke down."

"Potter cried?" Draco asked, shocked that Potter could cry.

"Yes, he cried his little green eyes out when you went down on the tiled floor earlier. He couldn't believe he did that to anyone, even you. I suggest you get some sleep Malfoy. It's been a long day."

Hermione closed his eyelids with his index and middle finger as she transferred some white magic to him and watched as he fell asleep before going outside to see Harry trying to go into the Whomping Willow. She ran quickly but he had already entered the passageway and the tree just sprang back to life the moment Hermione dove into the hole. Lighting her wand, Hermione went up the deep passageway to meet Harry in the Shrieking Shack in the top bedroom where they had been in third year. Harry merely looked at Hermione with emotionless eyes before staring back at the piano in the room. The only thing Hermione could do was sit next to Harry and lean her head on his shoulders, willing that he would become himself soon because she couldn't stand seeing him sulking and detached from the world as he was.

AN: Yup, emo Harry. Again. I just think he should be like that all the time. He's fun to write like that and he needs people to depend on. Plus, I think he really can't kill anyone but Voldie. Or Bellatrix. And hopefully another update sometimes next week ^^

Thanks for reading!

-Ceci