My insignificant other - Episode 21 - The Three Days Rule
Robin thinks she's been spending far too much time with Barney Stinson.
When did she go from groaning at his jokes, to laughing hysterically at them? And when did she start actually sounding like him? When did she start expecting high fives and getting a little peeved when she doesn't get them?
Oh god, she's turning into him!
How did this happen?
Trouble is, she's been noticing more and more that she kind-of agrees with the Barney Stinson philosophy of life. It's always been at her core - an independent spirit, a self-reliance - but she's been a little… apologetic… for it somehow. It's like, girls are supposed to behave in a certain way. And if you like a guy and you want a bit of romance, you have to pretend to like things you don't: Couple-y stuff, plans for the future… Certainly Ted, her only real boyfriend, really wanted that stuff. Perhaps everyone else did? Perhaps it was just her…
But Barney didn't. Being with Barney makes it okay to scoff at the ridiculousness of dating. When he's in full flight, like with his Jesus theory, it's like watching some stand-up comedian do his thing. He's just really, really funny and light and carefree there's no side to it, no deeper meaning.
And maybe Barney's been a bit weird lately, but then so's she. It's ups and downs when the only person you can rely on is yours truly. You kind-of have to be your own thermometer.
Trouble is, she's reminded how far she's drifted into the Barney-zone only when she's outside of his sphere of influence - which, to be honest, doesn't stretch very far once the man himself has left the building. Yesterday, she cracked a joke with Ted - a crude, inappropriate joke - and the guy had barely smiled. Barney would have been whooping.
She kind of misses the Barney-zone when Barney's not there.
And when did this happen?
When did she go from being appalled and slightly amused by him, to acting like him?
*--*--*
Barney thinks he's in love with the idea of being with in love.
That's just the thing, see? Romance, seduction, all that crap, that's what excites him, that's what inspires him, that's what makes him get out of bed in the morning.
The actual reality of love - what it leads to, a relationship, even a marriage - that reality is starkly boring and, well, pretty lame.
He knows many more couples who are miserable, who cheat on each other, who hate each other, than he knows are actually happy with the person they've voluntarily shackled themselves to.
And even in the most perfect relationship, the ideal of love, his ideal, just seems to flicker and die.
Marshall and Lily are in danger of becoming boring. He hasn't even seen Lil in a week.
James and Tom might as well be seventy years old and retired.
When he's seventy, Barney promises himself he's going to hire a prostitute to do… something. Whatever sex act they've invented in 2045.
Word.
But sometimes, just sometimes, something reminds him that he has a soul, that he used to believe in-
He doesn't really know what he used to believe.
Chances are, even if he'd got together with Shannon, he'd have cheated on her by now anyways. Because he doesn't really think there was so much difference between the college kid who grew his hair long and believed in free love and the suit who is awesome and believes in expensive love.
Not so different.
And yet…
Stan…
Man, that dude could wax lyrical. He's never known a man who could get any woman he wanted just by weaving words, his sultry, soothing voice floating over them until they melted under the flow. Heck, even he'd almost wanted to have sex with Stan. Even Marshall-
Although, to be fair, it never really takes much for Marshall to develop a man-crush. He was all over male Gail like a rash.
But it takes a certain kind of something to bowl Barney Stinson over. And Robin, too, so it seems.
Sad thing is, he doesn't blame her. Hell, if he'd have been born a chick (a slutty chick, what up!) he'd definitely have been crawling all over Stan's junk.
He hopes Robin enjoys herself. Really. He hopes Stan is good for her.
He's just kind of kicking himself, that's all. Because for a few moments, when he'd been caught up in Stan's words - in Pablo Naruda and the sweet, sweet agony of longing - Barney Stinson had thought of Robin Scherbatsky and…
But it was never gonna happen and it wasn't real.
He's just in love with the idea of being in love.