Chapter 2: Did I do right?

Bella

I left Jake downstairs and went to go take a much needed and desired shower. I worried my lip a little as I gathered my stuff and some new clothes. Had I done the right thing in kissing Jacob? Had I made the right move in accepting what he so obviously wanted to give me? Starting the water up, I undressed and then stared at myself in the mirror. I usually tried to avoid looking at myself, I was so plain. Ugh, brown hair and brown eyes; pale skin and too big lips. But then, the kissing may have had something to do with swollen lips, I allowed my mind to think.

What was it about me that had first him and then Jake wanting me? I was nothing special, just your less than average teenage girl. I was clumsy as hell and really had more faults then virtues, like the fact that I couldn't even keep something I loved. But that thought hurt, so I pushed it aside and got into the now hot shower.

God, it felt good. The water beat a tattoo on my back, soothing all the aches from my jump and struggle, and from Jake's crushing hugs away. Not wanting to give this up I just stood there for a minute before turning and letting it rain down on my face, washing away the salt and dirt that I could feel caked there. With a groan I raised my sore arms up and ran them through my hair, making sure it was completely wet before blindly reaching for the shampoo.

All too soon my personal ablutions were done. I had washed my hair, twice in fact. I had soaped all the salt away, and scrubbed my skin almost raw because it just felt so good to shed the feelings of being unwanted. I wasn't unwanted, because I had Jake. He didn't care if I was clumsy. In fact, he laughed about it half the time. Then again, Jake could laugh at almost anything. He was always a rather amusing and amused person. That was why he'd been so good for me these past months, why I had even thought about trying. Because he deserved some happiness, and I deserved it too.

The fact that Jacob was willing to do daring things with me was even better. Of course, Jake didn't know I did it so I could hear the sound of his voice in my head, but I didn't think it really mattered. The point was, Jake was a great friend, one who would do about anything for me and with me.

Shutting the shower off I wrapped one of my fluffy towels around me and began to hum while I combed out my hair. After I finished dressing I went back into my room and neatened it up, putting my dirty salt encrusted clothes in the washer on my way to start dinner. I had left Jake alone long enough and it had even gotten to the point that I wanted to be near him. He made me happy, kept me warm and was focused on my safety. That felt good, reassuring.

He was crunched up on the couch, his big feet dangling over the side and his arms wrapped around his chest. He was snoring softly and his mouth hung open. I smiled at the sight. At least he had taken the opportunity to catch up on his sleep. As quietly as I could I crept into the kitchen to begin dinner, having decided to fry some fish and maybe bake some potatoes.

Of course, my attempt at stealth was ruined by my inherent clumsiness when I was setting the potatoes in the oven and hit the rack with the back of my hand. It was barely even a first degree burn, certainly no worse than having sat in the sun for hours and getting scorched, but my startled cry woke Jake up and he was immediately there, his eyes almost popping from his head as he tried to scan the room for intruders or whatever had hurt me. When he saw it was just me being me again as I ran my burned fingers under cold water he sighed and pulled a chair out from the table and sank into it, peeking at me from between his fingers as he rested his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.

"Bella," He said. "Can't you even cook without hurting something?"

"Yes." I replied, blushing. "I was just not watching carefully enough where my hands were."

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair then stood up and wrapped his arms around me from behind. Taking my hand out of the stream of water he examined it, then lightly kissed the red burn.

"You will survive, I think."

"Of course I will. I've been through worse than this." I reminded him as I pulled away to finish my dinner preparations. His face tightened as he remembered last spring.

"Yeah, and I wasn't there to protect you, but now I am. And no stupid bloodsucker will hurt you on my watch." His deep eyes followed me back to the stove.

"I believe you." I honestly replied as I readied the pan for the fish. "And I'm glad for it."

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did, but yeah."

He gave a short laugh at my answer. "Why did you kiss me, you know, out there in the truck?"

I didn't look at him immediately as I thought about my answer. It was something I had been thinking about as well, so it didn't surprise me that he'd mentioned it. Jake really wasn't one to keep his feelings to himself.

"Well," I began slowly, turning from the stove and taking a seat across from him. "I think it's time to do what Charlie said. I mean, these past months have been the best and I owe it all to you, Jake. You kept me alive when all I wanted was to fade away into nothing. You kept me from falling apart."

I picked up his hand and began to play with his fingers, running my fingers through his and over his knuckles. "You helped me move on, and I think I owe you something for it."

"So what, this is all just, like, a pity thing?" He pulled his hand back, but I didn't let go.

"No, no! Not at all. Just listen, okay? I'm trying to explain what led up to this." I took a deep breath. "And then today when you rescued me from my stupidity of jumping without a partner in bad weather I realised that this is a turning point. I have to get on with my life. I could have stayed in my little hollow place, living without really living, or I can follow the path set before me. Jake, you've helped me through so much already, and now it's time you got something back. Like I said earlier, I think I can love you. It may take me time to figure out what love is, since my original thoughts on the subject were obviously wrong, but Jake, I am willing to try."

I wished I knew what he was thinking as he stared at me, but I guess what I had said appeased him, because he grinned at me. "That's okay, Bells. I can show you what love means."

I eyed him cautiously, not really wanting to know where his mind was going. Obviously he had an idea of what was going through my head because he laughed. He shook his head and held up his free hand in a fist.

"One, love means staying with the person you're devoted to." He held up a finger. "Two, it means not leaving the one who depends on you like they are used rags. Three, love means that you would do most anything for that person, even if it means just being a friend to them." He put his hand down.

"Bella, honey, I love you. I was willing to be what you wanted me to be because that was what you needed at the time. But if you are serious about trying, then I want to be yours. I have always been there when you needed me, and I always will be there."

"Well, not always." I let my eyes close as I tried to block out those painful days when he had refused to speak with me.

"But I wanted to be with you then." He replied earnestly. "I wanted to be and I couldn't, and it killed me! But that's in the past, Bella. Now that you know what I am, what the others are, it's okay."

I opened my eyes and regarded him silently, remembering my dream of me and Emily in the woods, waiting for our wolves to come home and I realised that my wolf had come home. He had come back to me when the person I thought loved me had left, taking my heart with him. Edward had my heart, but Jacob loved me and was there for me. I pressed my palm to my chest, amazed at the beat of my physical heart, the slight warmth I felt there. Could a heart once broken be fixed? I hadn't thought so before, but I have been known to be wrong.

He grinned suddenly and gave a laugh. "Charlie's home."

"How'd you know?" I asked, jumping up to finish the fish and check my potatoes.

"I have super hearing, Bells." He laughed. "I heard his car."

"Bella?" Charlie's voice rang out as he entered the house. I could hear him removing his jacket.

"In here dad." I heard him approach the kitchen. One look at his face and I went to hug him. "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to miss Harry." He sighed. "And poor Sue. She's coping, but it will be a tough time. And the kids. Leah is only a year older and little Seth is only fourteen."

"It'll be okay, Charlie. We're all here for them." Jake said, his voice rough with emotion. Charlie looked a little surprised, as if he had not realised Jake was here.

"Jacob," He brightened up a little bit. "How is Billy handling it?"

"He was okay when I left to drive Bella home." Jake replied slowly. Obviously since Charlie had no idea I had jumped from a cliff he didn't want to say anything that might compromise the situation.

"Good, good. Staying for dinner son?"

"Wouldn't dream of missing out." Jake's grin just lightened the mood in the room.

"You sound a little hoarse, Bells. Not getting sick, are you?" Charlie peered at me closely as if any virus I might have had was prancing around on my forehead with a sign.

"I'll be fine in a day or two." I said. "But how about supper? I used the last of the fry."

"Oh, great." Charlie tried to be excited. "Let me just go freshen up. I'll be down in a minute."

I turned to Jake after Charlie had left the room and held out my arms in a question. Had my explanation made any sense? Was he really still willing to be with me even though he hadn't been my first choice?

"Calm down, Bells." He whispered. Reaching out he snagged the bottom of my sweatshirt and pulled me forward until I was sitting in his lap. "I love you. And I would never leave you until you tell me to."

"Let's hope that day never comes." I answered and kissed him.