Hello! This is the second to last chapter of this fic. It's in Tomoya's POV. Nothing more to say so... read and enjoy, please!

Chapter 4: Snowmelt

Nagisa… do you remember the snow?

Time passes by in an unstoppable flow, and many of my memories have been erased by the years which have gone by. Nevertheless, one of the things which has remained engraved in my heart is the unstained purity of the snow. It's curious how our mind retains certain details, which we might not even be conscious of, and recalls them throughout our life for no apparent reason. Well, for me, snow would be that simple detail. I always unwillingly see snow when I look into the past.

Snow was there during our many, many days together. I recall some of those days as being beautiful, like the day when we fulfilled our first promise. The day when we constructed our first snowman. I remembered how you had to convince me about the snowman being tall enough, even though I had wanted to construct one taller, tall enough to reach the sky.

Snow has been there in the decisive moments of our relationship. Well, at least I think so. It was there during so many days… Snow was there when we had that snowball fight so long ago. It was there when you were let out of the hospital, and it was there when you fell ill again. Snow was there when you died, and it was also there when Ushio was born. Snow was there for the five years that I had to live without you. Snow… it was there when Ushio died. Snow was almost always there, like an eternal companion.

Don't you think snow is contradictory? It's so beautiful, so ethereal, so… well, I don't really know how to describe it. So perfect, yet, at the same time, it bears a different meaning to us, that makes snow seem like a curse rather than a blessing. While snow represents happiness and pureness for many people, bringing joy to both children and adults, it is the image of tragedy and pain to our family.

In a way, although it might be strange, I've come to agree with you over time. I now think we resemble snow. In our own way, our relationship was doomed to melt. I promised you that my heart would be your snowfield, Nagisa. And you indirectly told me that yours would be mine. But Nagisa, when you died… what was left for me? Your heart left, and I died with the subsequent snowmelt. You're still alive, because my heart is your home. Your snowfield. But I died the moment you left me.

I never truly understood why you liked the Big Dango Family so much. I think you would've liked to have a family as large and happy as the one on that show. Well, I must tell you that you accomplished your dream, Nagisa, although it came true after you died. All our family reunited. Your parents, our friends, teachers, job companions, and even those people who we helped once a long time ago… they all reunited in your funeral. But it wasn't a happy family.

It's funny, right? The only time when families become completely reunited is at the time of tragedy. It's then that everyone truly realizes how much they loved that person. Good news might bring some people over, but bad events move whole families. Everyone was there, Nagisa. All the people we had known were there, giving you their blessing to go onto the other world. Even Ushio was there, although she spent all the time crying in Sanae's arms. She couldn't have known what was going on, but I like to think she sensed that her precious mother had left her.

I spent five years alone. I refused to be with anyone, and I even kept my own child away from me. Will I ever be forgiven? Was the tragedy which fell upon our daughter a punishment for my sins? I loved Ushio more than I loved myself. She resembled you in so many ways, Nagisa. She was as gentle, selfless and caring as you. Every time I looked at her, I could see your reflection within her. I especially remember how shocked I was the first time I saw her, that summer when we travelled together for the same time. I could swear I was seeing you as a child again, in your old room, with the nursery uniform. It took me time to convince myself that it was my daughter and not you. Afterwards, seeing her resting with a Dango plush in her arms, I saw you again, Nagisa, as if it were you there, sleeping by my side.

Even though you two are alike, she was also different from you in many ways. It might have been because she spent too much time with Akio. Or, who knows, she might have inherited more things from me than I had thought. She was much more active than you were, and she didn't hesitate to tell the truth whatever the consequences were. Her sincerity was overwhelming, except in those cases when she knew the truth would result in other people's unhappiness.

I always thought we would be a happy family. When years ago, I tried to picture our future, I always saw you in a family photograph, smiling happily at my side. I never thought that you'd leave me so early, Nagisa. The picture now has a void in the place you should have rightfully occupied as the family's matriarch.

You never told me you had fallen in a snowstorm. Snow falls much quicker when there's wind, right? You told me so. That's why you took such a short time to reach the ground. You didn't take 2000 seconds to fall from onto the earth. Because you had the bad luck to descend in a stormy weather.

I remember each and every single detail of the day you passed away, Nagisa. I blame snow for that. If it hadn't been for the snow, you would probably be alive right now. I remember your pale face drenched in sweat, your last smile, and your limp hands on the futon. Each and every single day of those five years I spent alone in this apartment I recalled that moment on uncountable occasions, each time reviving the pain which my heart had tried desperately to leave behind and failed.

There is no use in recalling all of those things right now. The past has been left behind, and there's nothing we can do to change it.

In spite of the seemingly endless pain which waited ahead of me, from which I saw no possible escape, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. After so many years of suffering, my reward came into my life. Our little snowflake. Ushio. I would have never imagined that, as a parent, you could love your children so much.

She was my everything. After you left me, and I underwent so much loneliness and sadness, she was my savior, the person who gave me the strength to face life again. Don't you think it's somehow ironic? Parents should be there when children cry to console them, and not the other way around.

Our tiny snowflake, that seemingly unimportant tide, that small current, was the result of so many people's efforts. When I think back, I realize how many people made this miracle possible. Kyou, Ryou, Kotomi, Sunohara, Mei, Misae, Sanae, Akio, Tomoyo, Rie, Nishina, Yukine... all of them collaborated so that Ushio was born. Our daughter was not the result of love, but she is love itself: the embodiment of the efforts and feelings of all our precious people.

However, she was also doomed to melt. Nagisa, you were a liar. You told me that we would melt once we reached the earth, but you failed to mention that snowflakes could melt in midair as well. Our little snowflake, our heart's tide, our daughter, Ushio, was unlucky enough to melt before she had the opportunity to touch the ground.

Thinking about how our daughter left her life behind is sad, Nagisa. She had such a bright future, and so much time to live. She was full of life, a reflection of vitality itself. I thought that, just as her name, she would live eternally, always going up and down, making the sea fall and rise, always and forever. I later realized how mistaken I was. As much as I wanted to believe otherwise, she was mortal, and she died.

The day when she died, it snowed, too. In her case, it was the snow that brought about the downfall. She died as soon as snow started to fall. As winter neared, her health became worse, and I found myself staring at her for days on end, unable to do anything. I'm glad that, at least, I could see her die happily in my arms after I fulfilled her last wish. If our daughter had left this world with a single tear rolling down her cheeks, my heart wouldn't have been able to withstand it.

Of course, after you two left, there was nothing else for me to live for. What I did afterwards was meaningless. I, eventually, died too. But I somehow didn't see death as a punishment. Instead, I welcomed it. Opening my arms to embrace that redemption from the endless pain.

My wish has always been for all of us to live together as a family. I'm sure you would've been a wonderful mother. I can picture you taking care of Ushio perfectly. She would've grown up next to her real mother. Of course, Sanae and Akio did a wonderful job in raising Ushio. They taught her how to be a good person, and I will never be able to repay them for what they did for me. What they did for you and Ushio. I couldn't have done it any better. Nevertheless, I would've wanted to see our daughter grow up by our side, supporting her when she fell and drying her tears whenever she cried.

I also think someone deserves a special mention here. Ushio made a friend whose name was Fuuko. She was Ibuki-sensei's sister, who had been seven years in a comma. Although she was only two years younger than me, she looked like a high school girl, and she had a very bizarre character. She was very random, and loved starfishes as much as you loved dangos. But she was Ushio's friend, and played with her many days for hours on end. She truly helped in making Ushio smile.

Another person who collaborated a lot was Kyou. She became Ushio's nursery teacher. What a coincidence, right? Well, I'm not sure if fate wanted it to happen this way. With time, the energetic and aggressive girl we knew turned into a well-mannered, calm woman, who was the best nursery teacher our daughter could've had. Kyou was patient and strict, so she also helped Ushio to slowly grow up.

I tried to do it as well as I could. During the six months I spent with her, I tried to teach her how to behave well, and how to take care of herself so that when I came home late, I knew she had taken a shower and put on clean clothing. I tried to keep up with Sanae's education. I'm not sure if I did it or not. However, I'm sure that Ushio was happy while she was with me. Kyou, who had known her before, told me she was much livelier since she had moved in with me.

Nevertheless, I sometimes can't help but to wonder, Nagisa. I imagine what it would've been like if you hadn't died. I'm not sure if Ushio would've grown up differently then. Would we have been happier? Would our fate have changed? Would Ushio have died? We would never know, and, unluckily enough, for as much as we would want to, we could never be able to go back in time to change the things that we wanted to change.

Would things have been different if snow had never fallen? If we had never talked about snow, if we had lived in a tropical country, if we had been freed from our cursed tie to snow… would you have lived? Is snow the reason why we were together or the cause of our deaths?

We were snowflakes. You fell in a snowstorm. Ushio melted while falling. And I was left for the weather to toy with after you both left me. And, as my unavoidable fate imposed upon me, I died. All the Okazaki family left this world. The snowmelt caused us to turn into water. And probably, our souls will be recycled and we will reincarnate in another life. And I'm sure that we'll meet each other again, maybe even in another world.

I died the moment you died Nagisa, because my heart left with you. I was alive again when I met Ushio. But when the snowmelt came and she died, I truly died along with her.

I regret not having done many things before: not having told you how much I truly loved you, not having spent all the time I could with Ushio, not being able to repay your parents for their generosity, not having forgiven my father before. All these will be burdens I will carry forever.

I love you, Nagisa. And I love Ushio, too.

But my snowmelt came, and I will not be able of telling you these things ever again.

-

I'm in a world. A world that ended. A vacant, unmoving world. A vast, white world. Light orbs fill the air, slowly rising towards the sky.

In this world, there are only two lives. Mine and the girl's.

However, one of the lives is vanishing. In this sad world, where there is no place for happiness, in the midst of the white snow falling from the sky, a girl is slowly dying. I''ve always been with that girl. Only the two of us, alone, in this sad world.

I only wanted to take her to another world, a world where the sun shines every day and where she can meet other people and be happy. A lively, warm world. Although winter was coming and she had to stay at home to survive, I took her on this journey to try and find that world. I was unable to construct anything on my own and, after our flying machine collapsed, I insisted on going by foot.

But winter was faster than we were. It caught up with us. And the girl became unable to continue. She collapsed onto the snow, and hasn't woken up ever since.

A life is slowly disappearing. The girl is lying on the ground, and the snow is piling up around her. She's almost half-covered. Her white dress is barely distinguishable from the frozen droplets of water. The small particles get caught between her chestnut hair. She looks asleep, but I can tell she's dying. I hold onto her hand. However, I'm unable of feeling her warmth.

Why did we have to go on this journey? I could have stayed with her forever, and there would have been no need of anything else. So what made me do this? I should have just lived on with her in this world. We would have been alone, but, for me, just being with her is more than enough. I wanted to take her to a place where she would've been happier. But I ended up making her even more miserable instead.

She's dying in the snow. The white powder makes her cold; it slowly freezes her soul and takes life away from her. It is slowly killing her. Is this the end of our journey?

Is this what snow is? Is it the end of everything? The world's finale?

I don't want it to end like this. I don't want to let her die here.

I try to get up and pull her along. But it's futile. I can't bring her with me. She's going to die.

Suddenly, her eyes flutter open, and a clear voice sounds within my head.

'You're there, aren't you?'

I'm always here, I want to say.

'I'm glad I can finally hear your voice.'

You can? Can you truly hear me?

'Yes, because I won't be a human for much longer.'

Then, the girl explains a lot of things to me. She tells me we're people living in another world, a world where we've met, living other lives right now. She tells me how these floating lights are the feeling of people within that other world, and how she herself is this world. And, as the clear voice sounds within my head, snow stops falling, clouds open, and a ray of light is able to touch the white snow. The girl then starts humming a tune which sounds very familiar.

'This is the song which you used to sing to me as a child.'

Suddenly, a blinding light emerges from an unknown place, accompanied by a strong wind. As my body starts to disintegrate, and I try to maintain my eyes fixed on the girl I see her smiling, and I hear her softly mutter her last words.

"Goodbye... papa."

And as I disappear form that sad, vacant world, the last thing I see is snow. Snow that I know is going to melt.

Maybe, just maybe... snow is not the ending, but a mere beginning. The key to open the door to other worlds.

Phew... this ended up being a harder chapter to write than I thought it would be. Well, I hope you liked it. Please, read and review.

COC