Chapter 4: Lead Me Up To Where You Are and Let Me Feel the Sun

Bella

I dreamed of that green woody place again, the one that always seems to show up. This time it was me alone, and then Jacob in wolf form came out, that amused doggy look on his face. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in the fur around his neck. In that weird dream way the image shifted until it was him in human form, hugging me back and whispering something to me, and the woods were on fire.

I sat up with a start, blinking at the rare sun that streamed in the window. Not fire, I thought. I frowned, knowing that it wasn't fire, but it was dangerous all the same, and Jake was there protecting me.

Getting out of bed I got dressed and headed downstairs. Charlie was sleepily staring at a bowl of cereal that he was obviously less than enthused about. I got my own cereal and sat down across from him just as the phone rang. Sighing I was about to pick it up when Charlie beat me to it. I was a little surprised at his speed, he had looked practically zombie-ish moments before.

"Yeah?" He said into the phone, listened for a minute then turned to me, a scowl on his face as he spoke to whoever was on the other end. "No, she's sitting right here in front of me. Besides, I don't see it as any of your business anymore."

I wondered who he could be talking to, and frowned. None of whose business? Certainly he couldn't be talking to Renee, he would never be rude about my well-being to her. But then, he had had a trying day and maybe it was her, although I still didn't think he'd be so terrible about it.

"Well, thanks for calling, I guess. But I don't think you should call anymore, okay? Bye Alice."

"Alice!" I said and jumped up, practically mauling Charlie in my haste to get to the phone.

"She hung up already, Bells." Charlie said as he placed the handset to the cradle. "She said she had just gotten a feeling about you and was calling to be sure you were okay."

"Oh." I sighed and sat back down, poking at my cereal.

I could feel Charlie's eyes on me and I avoided his gaze. "Bella, why would Alice be calling, after all this time, to check on you? It's been months with no word."

"I don't know, Dad. Alice has always been, um, empathic." I was lying through my teeth, but I certainly couldn't tell Charlie Alice was a future-telling vampire. "Maybe she just felt I needed to hear from an old friend?"

"Maybe." He sat back down also, but I really don't think he was satisfied with the answer. After a minute he spoke again. "So. Going to La Push today?"

"Yes." I frowned at him. "Why?"

"Ah, no reason. So, you and Jake, huh?"

"Yeeeeees." I replied slowly.

"That's good. He's a great kid, Bella. Very mature for his age."

"Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's hard to remember he's younger than me."

"He's especially grown up in the past few months. A lot." Charlie ruminated on this fact.

"I noticed. He's like 6 foot 7 or something, now."

"Now, you're not, uh, not going to be rushing into this relationship, right?"

Charlie's red face indicated exactly what he was trying to say and I felt my own face get hot. "No, dad. Jake and I, well, it's not like that."

"Good, good." He said, slightly distracted. "Have fun with Jake, Bells."

"Uh, yeah. Okay dad." I quickly finished my breakfast and made my escape. Even if Jake wasn't around, I just wanted to be away from Charlie and his questions.

As I walked down the road I could hear howling in the woods and I wondered what those boys were up too. They didn't usually howl, especially during the day, for fear that the hunts would start again. There'd been some pretty upset people when hikers came up dead, and the wolves, then thought to be bears, had been the target. Within minutes I heard the pounding of feet on the pavement and turned to see Jake running towards me, a slight frown on his face.

"Up and about a little early, aren't you Bella?" He asked.

"How did y–" I sighed. "You were watching me."

"Yeah, but you already knew that." He shrugged. "When Embry saw you leave he told us, and I ran to intercept you. You know you shouldn't be out alone."

"Yeah, I know." I shuddered. "I had a dream last night." I informed him. "And now I realise what I was seeing yesterday when you hauled me out of the water. I saw Victoria, she was so close to me!" I shuddered.

"Oh honey, don't worry. We'll get her sooner or later. Besides, you're safe at the rez."

"Yeah, I know." I smiled. "So what's on today's agenda?"

"Oh, the usual, except I'm gonna be around. I know how bored you've been lately and I'm sorry about that."

"Hey, you're just doing your job."

"Yeah, but I wish I could do my job and be with you at the same time."

"It's okay. Jake. Really. We'll be able to spend some time a little later. Sam can't keep you out all day."

"I know that. C'mon, let's get going. It's a long walk." He grinned.

"We could always go back and get my truck."

He gave me a horrified look. "I can sleep walk faster than that thing moves."

"Well, I don't feel like walking all the way to the reservation."

"C'mon, Bells, you know I wouldn't make you walk all the way." Jake laughed. He grabbed my arm and steered me around. "I was just teasing you."

We did go back for my truck. Thankfully Charlie had already left, cause I really didn't want to explain how Jake came to be here so early, without a car. And barefoot. Wearing yesterday's pants.

After we got to his house he set me up with a movie and then ran off, saying he'd be back a little later and we'd do something. I had also brought a book with me, but didn't really feel like reading.

Even though I had slept fine the night before I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew Jake was barrelling through the door. He had a huge grin on his face. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost noon time.

"C'mon Bella!" He was practically vibrating with pent up energy.

"Come on where?" I asked as I stretched.

"To the beach with me."

"Yeah, okay." I shrugged. Hand in hand we wandered down towards First Beach. When we got closer to what I considered our tree, the fallen one we'd first sat on and talked to each other, I gasped. Spread out on the sand was a blanket with a basket pinning one corner down.

"I know how much you miss the sun, and it is a beautiful day, so I figured you'd want to spend it outside. I said something about it to Emily and she insisted on making a picnic for us." Jake explained.

"This is great." I smiled and settled down on the blanket, taking my shoes off to bury my feet in the already warm sand. And Jake was right, I was loving the sun and I had missed it.

He sat beside me, already barefoot and as usual not wearing a shirt. It wouldn't be long before we were ready for Emily's lunch, but I was happy to just lay here and talk while I soaked up some vitamin d.

"This is great." I said again, laying back and reaching a hand out towards him. He complied by picking it up and twining his fingers through mine.

"I'm glad you like it." He sounded slightly insecure, as if he had thought I wouldn't. "Bella…I really like you. I mean, well…I really want this to work between us."

"Well, so do I." I replied, clueless to his intent.

"I'm just saying, if you change your mind I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Why would I change my mind?"

"I hope you won't, but like, if."

I rolled over onto my stomach, which caused him to have to let go of my hand, and looked at him. He was like a little puppy that had been kicked. "Jacob Black, I have no intentions of changing my mind. You are the one I want to be with. When I really think about it, you've always been there for me…except for that one time, but that was beyond your control. Don't worry."

His face brightened somewhat, but he was still not acting his usual sunny self. There had to be something else he was upset about. I searched his face, looking for clues.

"So, like, if I told you that we maybe lost the trail…" he hesitated, and I knew immediately what he had been leading up to. It wasn't that he was afraid I'd change my mind about him, but that I would do something crazy again like yesterday when I found out they'd lost Victoria's trail.

"Then I would ask what you were going to do to keep me safe, and maybe what we were going to do later. I was thinking movie-fest and dinner with Billy." I grinned.

His dark eyes grew wide and a smile slowly crept across his mouth. "So even though we failed this time, you still want to hang out with me?"

"Jake, listen; you are my best friend, and you are my boyfriend. You may have lost this inning, but there's still tons more to go. She'll be back, you know it. So I figure since we already like each other and going out with you means that I can spend plenty of time at the rez without Charlie going nuts, then I'm safe enough."

"Oh thanks." He finally looked relieved. "I was afraid you might not want to be with me cause I failed, and well, he never did anything wrong." I could hear the bitterness he was trying not to reveal and it hit me; it wasn't just fear of his failing something, but some of it was jealousy for my previous relationship. Just thinking of Edward made me hurt and I instinctively curled into myself.

"Oh, hey! No, Bella, no. I'm sorry I said anything. Damn, I'm always screwing something up." He pulled me into his lap and rocked me like a baby. "Don't pull away from me. I'm here for you, remember?"

"Yeah, you are." I whispered, nuzzling his bare chest. He was so warm, and with the sun beating down on the other side I was cosy. "Just hold me."

"I'll never let go." He promised me.

"Thank you Jake. For everything." It was comforting, I discovered, to have my head on someone's chest and be able to hear his heartbeat. Such a beautiful, calming sound…

And that's when I realised that I really could love Jacob as more than a brother. I could love him as he deserved and not feel bad or like I was betraying someone else, like I was selfishly wanting something that couldn't be mine or wanting more than I should, because he was it, the only one here and as long as he kept his promise, Jake would be the only one in my life. The only one there to care about.