Chapter 5: Just As Long As I Have You Right Here By Me

Jacob

I knew she had fallen asleep from the slow, even way she was breathing and how her arms loosened from around me. Something had been decided during that conversation, but I wasn't sure what. I didn't think it was too bad, since she was obviously not mad at me. Hell, she'd fallen asleep on me. I just wished that I knew what she had decided in her heart about us, but I knew I would never ask.

I let her sleep for awhile, and I know I half-slept a little myself, but then I was just too hungry to wait any longer and I had to wake her up. I did it carefully, since I didn't want to startle her too much.

"Bells honey, are you hungry?"

She yawned and squirmed a little bit. "A little." She mumbled. "But it's so comfy and warm."

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh at that. "Oh Bells. I'm not going anywhere. C'mon, you better eat while it's here, or when you are hungry there won't be any left."

She grumbled a little bit, but sat up. I chuckled when she blinked and squinted at the sun. "What time is it? How long did I sleep?"

"About a half-hour." I shrugged and continued to take out the food Emily had made us. Since she knew wolves she knew we had appetites the size of a barn and had packed accordingly.

"I have done far too much sleeping today." She grumped.

"I'm sorry." I apologised, though for what I'm not sure.

"Not your fault. I didn't even mean to fall asleep this morning and I did."

"Maybe it's cause you're getting sick." I shrugged. "Your body is trying to heal itself through sleep."

"Maybe." She said and I could see her eyeing Emily's food hungrily. Emily is an awesome cook. I'm just glad she's Sam's fiancée, cause that means if we can put up with all their lovey-dovey crap we can get all the really yummy food we want.

We ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. I watched Bella eat. She had her eyes closed and her head tilted back as she chewed. I don't know if she was enjoying the sun still beating down or the food or both, but she was enjoying it fully, whichever it was.

Damn, but she was pretty. And she was mine. I smiled. She was mine. She wasn't some plaything for a bloodsucker anymore, and if I had my way she never would be. I knew if she just allowed herself she could love me back; love me like I loved her. Someday she'd forget about him, or at least be able to think about him and pass the memory by.

As if she knew I was thinking about those leeches she turned to look at me. "Alice called this morning."

I froze. "What?"

"Yeah. Charlie picked up. I guess she was asking if I was okay or something. She hung up before I could talk to her." She frowned.

"She has no business prying into your life." I muttered.

"Jake, please. It wasn't her fault and she is…was…is my friend."

"Some friend!" I snorted. "She left you behind just like Edward did!" I knew I was wading into deeper waters here, but I was angry now.

"Don't say that! Don't!" Bella wrapped her arms around herself again and I immediately felt remorseful. Not for my words, cause I believed those to be true, but for the fact that I had said them to her.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I reached out for her, but she let out a miserable little sob and inched back. "Isabella. Please listen to me; I'm sorry. I mean it."

"That hurt me, Jacob Black." She was hugging her knees close to her chest and peeked at me over them. "Why did you have to say that?"

"Because I wasn't thinking and it just came out." This time when I reached out she allowed contact. I placed my hand on her knee and scooted a little closer.

"Do you really think that?" I guess she was referring to my words about Alice leaving her like Edward did. I hesitated to answer.

"Bella, it doesn't matter what I think, does it?"

"It does matter, and if you can't accept my past then you can't accept me." She tried to move away again, but I was too quick for her and had her in my arms before she could.

"I accept the fact that you thought Edward loved you. I accept the fact that Alice was a friend." I paused, trying to think about my words before saying them. "But now they aren't here. Now it's just me and you, Bella. What you did last year is not what you are doing this year. You can't…you can't let the past take you over."

She just pulled back and stared at me, gauging the honesty of my words, I guess. After a minute she gave me the tiniest of smiles and threw her arms around me. Sometimes I wonder if she is an undiagnosed manic-depressive, she switches moods so fast.

"Thanks, Jake." At least she was calling me Jake again. "Thanks for trying to be understanding."

"So I'm forgiven?" I grinned winningly.

"For now." She relented. "But beware, I might not be so exonerating in the future."

"Oh good, cause we still have the pie to eat, and it would really suck to have to eat it alone."

"You wouldn't mind and you know it." She pushed me away with a laugh.

We dug into Emily's pie and I guess she was willing to overlook my poor choice of words, cause she seemed very happy now. After we finished the dessert and cleaned up, she settled onto her knees and just looked at me. I had to ask what she was doing.

"Jake, I know this isn't easy for you, but thanks for being my friend. Thanks for just being here for me."

"Bella, I saw what their leaving did to you and it hurt a lot. The hard part wasn't being your friend, it was seeing you in so much pain. I might get mad from time to time and say things I later regret, but that's because I don't ever want to see you like that again."

"Was I really that bad? Charlie said something like that too."

"It was horrible. You looked like you were a zombie, only without the rotting flesh and lurching walk." I gave a little shake. "Your eyes were always so vacant or pain-filled, and your smiles so fake. You were trying so hard to make everyone think you were fine when it was so obvious you weren't."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Bella." I bit my tongue against the rest of what I really wished to say, not wanting her to cry or be mad at me again. It's not your fault, its Edward Cullen's fault. He made you believe you were the only thing in his life and then he dropped you like a hot potato. He left you even though he knew you loved him, and he didn't even look back, didn't even make sure you were okay. I remembered the images Sam had shown me of the day they'd found her, the day he had left and Bella'd wandered off into the woods. The memories made me ill, made me angry…I don't know if there is a word for what they made me feel, but I did know if I ever saw Edward Cullen again I would beat the…well, I guess vampires don't have snot, so I can't beat the snot out of him…anyway, I'd just beat him.

She just looked at me with those huge brown eyes and shook her head. "It has to be my fault. I wasn't good enough for him and he realised it."

I stared at her in shock. Not good enough? "Did he say that? Did he say you weren't good enough?"

"No," She said slowly. "But it has to be true. Why else would he have left?"

"Oh Bella." I sighed. "You may not be good enough for him, but you're beyond good enough for me. In fact, I may not be good enough for you."

"Really?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"Really. I love you Bella, and I'll make sure you know it. Always." I hugged her close.

"Thanks Jake." She snuggled into me. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

"And I hope to prove to be the best boyfriend too." I kissed the top of her head.

I don't know how long exactly we stayed like that, but eventually Sam came down with Emily. Emily didn't say anything, but her smile when she peeked into the basket to find nothing left was enough to make me feel good.

"Billy was wondering where you were, and then Em told me she'd made a picnic for you. I figured we'd come see if you were still here." Sam said.

"Yeah, still here." I said. Bella craned her neck and then lifted her hand in a little wave.

"Hey Sam, hey Emily." She said, then squirreled away from my grasp. "Thanks, Sam, for doing so much, you know, like concerning Victoria."

"It's not a problem, Bella." Sam replied. "We're here to protect, and the blood­– the vampires– are our mortal enemies. Even if you weren't involved, or weren't with Jake we'd still be trying to run her out."

Bella's gaze drifted to Emily. I guess she'd gotten used to the scars that pulled half of Emily's face into a gruesome mask, cause she looked her straight in the eye. "And thanks for being so supportive. And the awesome picnic."

Emily laughed. "It was nothing. I know Jake has been a little mad he can't spend any time with you and I thought this was a good way to give you guys that."

"Anyway, you guys best get back to the house. I guess Charlie is coming for dinner, or something. Billy didn't really explain much, but…" Sam broke in.

"Yeah, we'll head up in a few minutes." I said.

"And Jake, I know you want to be in the front lines, but maybe one night won't hurt…"

"No Sam, I have to be out there with you guys. I can't let you do all the work while I sit back, I wouldn't be able to relax."

"I could order you." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, but you won't. You need us all."

"Too true. Now go, get your butts back home before Billy himself comes looking for you."

"We're going. I'll see you later, Sam. Later Em."

"Brat." I distinctly heard Sam mutter as I helped Bella up and we walked past. I laughed and took Bella's hand in mine, relishing in the fact that she was finally mine, and she wanted it that way.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I…" Bella hesitated in whatever she was going to say. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, me too."