Chapter 7: It's All About Letting Go. Yeah, Right.

Edward

She was up to something. And Jasper was protecting her. They had avoided me since I had come home, and I just knew she was hiding something.

"Alice…" I sang. She jumped in a nervous way. I had managed to surprise her, which is not possible. Not with Alice. I was sitting at my piano, just playing around, nothing in particular, but out of the blue began to play that stupid Jeopardy theme.

"Yes?" She was…translating the American Constitution into Finnish? Yeah, definitely hiding something.

"You're keeping something from me."

"What?" A nervous little giggle. Very un-Alice like.

"So, Esme tells me you and Jasper took a little trip last weekend. Where did you go?"

"Oh, northwest."

"Ah, visiting Tanya?"

"We were near the area, yeah." Finnish is, I must say, an interesting language, but she had to slip up sometime.

"You didn't by any chance go near Forks, did you?"

"Of course…not." If she thinks I didn't hear that mental pause then she really must think I'm stupid.

"How's Bella doing?" My heart wrenched. God, I was so stupid. But no, she needed to live a normal life. I did the right thing.

"Oh she's doing o–" Alice trailed off as she realised what she was saying. "I mean, uh, I guess she's doing okay."

"You went back! Even though you promised!" I whirled around. "Why, Alice?"

"I had too!" She wailed. "I lost her future! I had to see if she was okay!"­

"You lost her future?" If I could grow any paler than I naturally was, I'm sure now would have been it. "How did you lose her future?"

Alice's eyes darted towards the door, as if gauging how quickly she could make it against my speed. "Shejumpedoffacliffinastormandnowsheisdatingawerewolf." She blurted out at super speed.

"WHAT!" I jumped to my feet. "A cliff? Suicide?"

"No, no!" Alice quickly reassured me. "It is, apparently, a recreational sport among the young crowd." Her lips twitched with amusement.

"And now? Is she okay?"

Alice was looking at me, her head tilted to one side as she gauged my mood. "She seems to be doing…well." Now she was trying to remember every obscure verse in one of those terribly annoying Irish drinking songs. I narrowed my eyes and took a few steps towards her, only to have Jasper snarl and bar my way.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." I hissed at him.

"Don't you dare touch her, Edward. Calm down first, then I will tell you everything I know about it, okay?"

"Jasper! You promised." Alice pouted.

"So did you." I glared at her. "You broke yours, so he can break his." Yeah, I know it's not very good logic, but for these purposes it works.

I allowed Jasper to steer me outside, though I did shoot another glare at Alice before leaving. She was chewing her lip and I suddenly wondered what could be so terrible that she wouldn't want to tell me.

"Wait a minute, did she say werewolf?" I stopped in mid-step.

"I said I would explain, Edward. Let me before you go running off to save the day, okay?"

"Okay." I grudgingly accepted the terms. I ran my hand through my hair, a decidedly human action but unavoidable right now.

"First of all, I was against us going back, but you know Alice. She said she saw me and her there, so I couldn't very well refuse since I'd obviously already said yes. We went and we weren't going to even show ourselves at all, but when we went to the house there was a distinct smell…"

"What kind of smell?" I asked sharply.

"A doggy sort of smell." Jasper looked as if he was in pain. He was doing his best to keep his thoughts veiled, obviously telling me to let him tell it at his own pace.

"So? They got a dog." I said, though that didn't seem like something Bella would do, or Charlie for that matter.

"No, Edward, they didn't."

I stared at him, my own thoughts going a mile a minute.

"And so, because we only knew she was alive but not if she was okay Alice and I went back to the old house to await evening when Alice planned to go see Bella in person, just to make sure she was okay. I asked her to tell me the history of your original settlement in Forks."

"But you already know the story."

"I wanted a refresher. To help me understand some of her weird visions."

That was when he sighed and allowed his thoughts to come through again. I must have made a sound or movement that alerted him, because before I knew it Emmett was there and holding me back.

"Jasper, what the hell did you tell him? He looks like he wants to rip something apart."

"He does." Jasper looked grim as I refocused back to the present.

"Werewolves?" I whispered. "She's consorting with werewolves?"

Emmett must have felt the anger leave me, because he let go and I sank down onto my knees. Again I was running my hands through my hair.

"Werewolves?" Emmett repeated. Carlisle must have been nearby, and Emmett wasn't very quiet in his question anyway.

"Edward?" Carlisle's soft voice drifted into the vicinity. What's wrong? What is this about werewolves?

"Oh Carlisle, my life is ended." I said. Before Emmett could grab me again I was gone.

I just ran. I had no specific destination, and I didn't plan on one. Alice could track me if I made a decision, so I simply kept running. I must have made an unconscious decision, though, because I found myself headed northwest. Northwest towards Washington. Northwest to Forks. To Bella.

I don't know when I stopped. I don't know why I stopped, or even where I was. I just know that rational thought suddenly came to me and I took in my surroundings. I was somewhere in the mountains, but they were familiar. We had often come hunting up here. I was near Forks.

Something didn't feel right and I began to listen. I could hear it, a muzzy mental muttering and I stalked my 'prey', trying to discover who it was. As I got closer it came clearer. It was another vampire, but not one of my family. The mental flavour was not immediately familiar to me, so I tried using smell. That was more familiar, but not directly. It wasn't until I caught one thought that made me freeze in my tracks.

I'll get her, James. Stupid dogs can't protect her forever. I shall avenge you.

Now, now I knew precisely who it was. Victoria. We had never considered her a threat, and now I knew we had been wrong to do so. Again the rage came over me and I began to hunt for her, Victoria. But I never found her. She disappeared from me, her trail leading me to the ocean. Damn. She could stay there forever, she could head inland anywhere.

Then I remembered the rest of Jasper's story. Werewolves. Bella had new friends now, a new boyfriend at that. A dog. She had forgotten me. It was what I had wanted, wasn't it? I wanted her to lead a normal life? But damn it, that wasn't normal! What could those dogs give her that I couldn't? Nothing, of course.

Just like I was nothing. Without Bella I was nothing. These past months had been torture, and useless. I was slightly embarrassed at my tracking skills; we may not have considered Victoria dangerous, but that had not stopped me from hunting her, and now I find she had not even been in South America. I don't know how long she'd been up here, but from that one clear thought about avenging James, I figured it must have been long enough to locate Bella, to realise she was being protected.

Though I had to wonder how much protection they could really give her. I had not been able to keep Bella from harm, and I regretted it every day. Now she was accepting kisses from a stupid mangy animal and depending on him to keep her safe, to do the job I had been too much of coward to do.

Edward.

The thought was clear, and I knew who it was.

"What do you want, Carlisle." I sighed.

"I want you to come home."

"I can't." I turned to face him. Alice must have told him where I was, or he'd been following me.

"But why? Isn't this what you wanted? Bella has a new life, a normal life. That is why we left, is it not? So she could be normal."

"You don't understand!" I wailed. I sounded like a petulant child denied candy.

"Then explain it to me."

"Victoria. She's hunting Bella, set on revenge for James' death last spring. I can't leave Bella now."

"But you already have left her, Edward. That's why we moved, because to lose you would tear this family apart. You are my son, and I don't want to lose you."

"But I cannot stand it. I need her, Carlisle."

"You gave her up, Edward. You are letting her have the life she should have."

"Did you know that according to Alice and Jasper she is dating–"

"A Quiluete boy? Yes. I know the entire story from Alice."

"Does that mean nothing to you? I have to save her."

"But why? She seemed happy. That's what Jasper said, that she felt happy enough to him. Did it ever occur to you, Edward, that maybe this is what she wants?"

"An animal? Carlisle, they are dangerous."

"And we aren't?" Carlisle's statement hit me. We were dangerous, another reason I had forced myself to leave Bella, the only girl I have ever loved. The only girl I wanted to keep safe. But was where she was much safer? I struggled with this, staring out at the water.

"I need to be alone. I'll…I'll come home when I've wrapped my head around this." I said.

"Please, Edward. You know we love you. Don't take too long, and don't do anything stupid."

"Of course not. What would I do, ask the Volturi to kill me?" I let out a bitter laugh. "I may be in pain, but I don't think I could do that."

Carlisle regarded me with sad but understanding eyes. "Just come home. You're always welcome."