Grin and bear it, grin and bear it, I thought to myself over and over. It was something I had to order myself to do a lot. Whenver I was with Bella and whenever I was with Jessica. Jesscia wasn't half bad, but then again, some girls are excellent liars. It was still hard to think of anything or anyone other than Bella. That was, until I had something to hate rather than something to love. Jacob gave me plenty to hate. What with leaving Bella the way he did, leaving me the broken little pieces.

It was a Monday and Jessica was staying home sick, so Bella and I were able to sit at lunch and actually talk to each other. I didn't miss Jessica's voice the way that I would usually miss Bella's. It was huge relief to have the hour and a half back that we had used to have.

Bella had accepted my request to bring photos of Jacob to school. I didn't even know why I wanted to see them. I just had this impulse.

I didn't expect what I saw in the pictures.

She only brought pictures of the two of them. I couldn't see Bella's face without Jacob's beside it. It was pure torture. Especially when I saw the expressions on her face. She was completely relaxed arround him, able to feel completely like herself. I could tell that she felt loved. respected, and cared for. Her eyes were full of love and hope, and I didn't think that I had ever seen her smile that wide or that effortlessly in person. Her cheek blushed a beautiful pink that reminded me of the makeup that my mother had warn. Except that this rose color on her cheeks was purely natural. The happiness spread on her face made her seem more beautiful that ever.

I looked from the pictures of Bella to the real one in front of me. No matter how far back her cheeks would pull into a smile, her eyes were always sad, looking like they were about ready to spill over with tears. All signs of possible relaxation were removed, her brow furrowed with stress. She looked betrayed, abandoned, and I knew that that was exactly how she felt. Her smile wasn't completely natural. I could tell that she forced the corners of her mouth the last little bit. And that beautiful, entirely real blush was washed from her cheeks.

My eyes drifted back to the photographs, but not to Bella this time, Now my focus was on Jacob. He was either a really good liar, or severly bipolar to want out of this relationship, because even he seemed happy. In these photos, Jacob looked almost as passionate as Bella. You could tell that they had a unique relationship, built on years of friendship, just as Bella had described.

Bella had trusted this son of a bitch and he broke her. If he weren't already dead, I would drive down to Arizona and beat the living tar out of him until he was. And then I would leave him hanging from a cactus for the maggots and the flies. Now that would be pure satisfaction.

Then I realized that my gaze was sliding back to Bella.

Bella, broken, battered, and damaged from the inside, was already so desirable that it would send me into frenzies. It was mind bottling to think about how much that desire would increase when her natural beauty reached that level. Jacob was insane to feel like Bella wasn't worth living for. To know that she was happy would be the icing on an already delicious cake. Not that I was planning on eating Bella.

I hated him. He had something so precious, priceless, and fragile. Something unique, beautiful, and worth giving up anything for. And instead, he gave her up. He dropped Bella, leaving her hanging. He planted this theory in her head that it would be better for her to hold on to the cliff instead of pulling herself up and standing on top of it. He was the reason that those beautiful, deep brown eyes would never be able to gleam the way they once had. Instead they only gleamed with the threat of spilling tears.

He was the reason that Bella had given up on herself. On love. And in turn, me.

"Edward? Are you okay?" I heard Bella wonder, concern coating her voice. It snapped me back into reality. Jacob was dead. Carlisle had taught me not to relish the death of another person, no matter how vile. But for once, I actually believed that someone deserved their death. The only unfortunate part was that I hadn't been the delivery boy.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," I assured her. "Just thinking."

"About what?" she detailed.

About how much I wish I could bring you boyfriend back to life to kick his ass and kill him again, I wanted so badly to say.

"About how stupid he was to kill himself when he had you," I told her instead, not even trying to conceal my emotions. She already knew. Why try to hide it? It didn't seem as if Bella recognized how valuable she was. How lucky any guy was to have said that they had received a bit of her love.

"I'm...flattered," she stammered.

I kept flipping through the pictures, just so I could imagine myself pulverizing the dirty bastard who had ruined everything when he had the best. Seeing Jacob's face and knowing that there was no way he could have loved Bella and still felt the need for suicide, a bit of hope began burning inside me. The flame would either grow or extingueish depending on Bella's answer to a question jabbing at my brain. i just had to ask.

"About your lightning theory...does it count if the person didn't love you back?"

"Does it 'count?' Edward, love isn't a game. Certain things just don't stop 'counting.' Besides, how will I ever know if someone loved me? There are some pretty good liars out there. I have to go off of how I feel. If I feel loved, and if I love them...well, it's not like a crush. If I'm head over heals for a guy that I know doesn't love me, well I guess that wouldn't 'count' now would it? But if I feel the love, and the relationship ends the way it's supposed to, with death, then I would consider that 'true love,' " she explained, crushing me with every word. Fortunately for her, I was one of those amazing liars. Bella would never know how much she could hurt me.

I continued to feel as though she were cheating herself out, though. It seemed to me that a noteless suicide was like a demented break-up. It was like he was literally saying, "I have nothing left worth living for. Not even you. I don't care if I cause you pain. Life sucks with or without you. Get over it."

That night, for the first time, my dreams did not just center around Bella. They focused on Jacob and Bella.

My retna was scarred with visions of his arms around her, Bella laughing at some joke unheard by me, her eyes gleaming. Jacob would pull her closer by the small of her back and lean in to kiss her softly and sweetly. Bella's heart would pound so loud that China could probably hear it. It made Jacob chuckle before he kissed her again.

Then I saw it. While his arms wrapped around her, behind her back, his fingers on both hands were crossed. The dirty jerk had been lying the whole time. Not that I could say that I was surprised. It just gave me more reason to hate them, now that my fears had received a confirmation.

He finally released her and took her by the hand, leading her somewhere. The flat ground slowly turned into an incline. Soon they reached a cliff. They sat and talked for a while. Jacob rolled his eyes as Bella rested her head on his shoulder. I understood exactly what was about to happen.

I was finally able to break out of spectator mode and I jumped into the nightmare. I ran towards the cliff as fast as I could. But for once, it wasn't fast enough. Because I was all the way on the Olympic peninsula, and they were in Arizona. I couldn't have reached Bella if I had all the time in the world.

Jacob pushed her over before he himself jumped.

I found the will and the power to run even faster, to help. It still seemed like forever until I reacher her, the blistering heat of Phoenix killing me, but the sight of Bella hanging onto that cliff for dear life was doing much more damage.

"Bella, here, take my hand! I'll help you up!" I called to her, reaching. "I know it's sweaty, but I've just run all the way here to help you! You can't do this alone!" My eyes plead with her as I continued to reach for her, panting from the run.

"No, Edward. I have to stay here. I can't love anyone else. I can't just pull myself up and move on," she declared, defiant and stubborn as always.

"But...his fingers were crossed!" I pouted, pleading, desperate. Even saying that felt unbelievable, but I had seen it!

"Be mature Edward," she snapped before letting go.

My eyes popped open with a strong realization.

Not only did I hate Jacob, but I was jealous of him, too.

He had been able to hold Bella, kiss her, stroke her hair without it being creepy. He was able to take her face in his hands for no reason at all. Just to look at her. And even as a dead guy, he still had her heart. As much as I envied him, I felt myself regretting my previous wishes for loving his death. If he had lived and just broken up with her, she would have moved on and stayed in Phoenix. While I don't think meeting her was ever a mistake, I would willingly give up my memories of the most beautiful, perfect thing on the planet if it meant that she could have her happiness again.

My heart was still beating. I was alive and I truly loved her. Even if she would never love me back, she was enough for me to live for. Just being able to see her face, hear her voice, and know that she at least enjoyed my presence was enough to pull me through anything. And I wasn't crossing my fingers.

Who came up with the phrase "life's not fair." It somehow became a theme of life. It seemed that people made a point of making life unfair. Of course when all girls repulse me, the one that I manage to fall for has given her complete devotion to a dead guy. Completely unfair. Which god hated me this time? Aphrodite? That would seem fitting. So what? I go to Greece and drink from that eternal love fountain thing

The next day, all that I could see was either Bella or Jacob. In the halls, every guy looked like Jacob. Every girl had Bella's face stamped onto their faces. I wanted to beat up every male of Forks' high's student body, and I wanted to cry at the sight of every pair of brown eyes that stared in my direction.

"Hey, Edward!" I heard above my raging emotional thoughts. The voice was clearly Jessica's, but it seemed as if Bella were the one excitdly waving at me.

I ran to Bella, plowing through multiple Jacobs on the way. It was Bella, wanting me the way that all other girls did, only for all the right reasons. She was surrounded by Jacobs and she didn't want anything to do with them. She only wanted me.

"Geez, I was only gone for a day," an unsignificant voice said.

I ignored it, taking Bella's face in my hands and placing my lips squarely on hers. When I pulled back, I blinked and took another look at the face I was holding.

Damn it. It was Jessica. Bella was probably on the other side of the school, still mourning the death of some lying bastard. Jessica wanted me for all the wrong reasons. She may not have been as shallow as people thought she was, but she wasn't that original.

"I'll see you after class," was all that I was able to mutter through my disappointment.

This didn't seem healthy. For all three of us.