Thanks for all your reviews, you are the best, i am really sorry for the lack of update, i'll try to update more often, i'm really nervous about this chapter, hope you'll like it,

Chapter 7

It's been a few weeks since Mark has "let it flow" as Lexie put it, and he couldn't deny the fact that he never been this happier in his life.

For the first time, someone wanted him , not using him for sex but wanted to get to know him outside of the bedroom field.

And that's scares him because he doesn't want to screw this up, to fail her but more importantly he was afraid that one day she'll get up and decide that he's not worth it anymore. Thankfully, Lexie was always there to reassure him and telling him that she's not going anywhere.

They talk, laugh, joke around, and sleep but actually sleep. He found himself being more content just by holding her in his arms at night. He sleeps even better now, when she's on call at the hospital, he doesn't even know how to get through the night though she doesn't know about it.

He took a good look at her sleeping on his chest nicely and could never get bored at doing this: watching her sleep. All her silky hair on his chest, her breathing was slow, and her skin was glowing from the sun coming from the window.

She's so beautiful

Nonetheless, what pained him the most is that he couldn't share his new happiness with Derek. He hated because Derek is his best friend and he wanted him to be part of what it's happening to him now but he couldn't because he broke his promise to Derek and he's afraid by telling him the truth that he'll lose his friendship with him. But by not telling him, he can't also lose Lexie because even though she doesn't say the sneaking around is bothering her.

He knows that sooner or later what they have with each other will have to come out but h's too afraid to so.

Besides he doesn't even know how to call what they have.

Is it a fling , a thing , a relationship? All he's aware of is that he's a virgin relationship. He's new at this, so as long as Lexie is on board with him, he knows that he can do anything.

He also noticed that during those few weeks, he's been opening up more to her, about his family The Shepherd, his school times but everytime she tries to get him to talk about his childhood, his mother and father , he always shut her out.

He knows that he's being hard on her and that's breaking her heart. But he couldn't talk about his childhood. It was too painful to think or even talk about it. All the memories that he's been trying to block, to forget are coming back to him little by little and he doesn't like it.

Especially today. Each year, at this day, it's still hard for him. He knew that, he would be different and Lexie would feel it, but he wanted to spend the day alone, by himself. No talking to anybody purposely took the day off because he kwe that he couldn't be able to concentrate.

So by taking a last look on Lexie, he decided to hop in the shower and get ready to go.

In the meantime, Lexie started to wake up, and noticed that Mark was no longer beside her but in the shower having as always his steamy shower. Being too lazy to get up, she decided to wait in bed for him. A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom already dressed and quite surprised to find Lexie awake.

"Good Morning, Did i wake you up???" he asked while putting his watch on his wrist

"Well you can say that, because i don't like to sleep alone"she replied to him back while getting out of bed to come up to him.

"Besides, i got used to your arms drapped around me and your chest against my back or my head on your chest you know. So i'd rather say i can't sleep without you" she added before giving him a proper good morning kiss with her arms wrapped around his neck.

After the kiss, Mark stared at Lexie and couldn't believe how this women could be so open about things like that. Him too, he can't sleep without her but he's too afraid too admitted out loud because admitting makes it real.

He stroked her cheek and kiss her again hoping that she won't notice something different in him.

Lexie could feel that something was bothering him. But she couldn't put her finger on it. She also noticed that everytime she tries to talk about his childhood, his family, he either responds that the Shepherd are his only family or changes the subject. She knows that his childhood is a serious matter and that for him to open up to her about things like that would take some times. But she couldn't deny the fact that it's frustrating her to see that he doesn't want to talk to her.

"Mark are you all right??" she asked while having her hair in his hair.

"Yeah , i'm just a little tired but beside that i'm fine. Why are you asking?"

It's only been a few weeks, and she already know when i'm not ok. Gosh this woman seems to know me better than i thought and that's freaking me out

"It's just that you have this look, a sad one. Like i don't know sonething happened to you. You seem down i don't even know how to say or even explain it." she said while tracing his lips with her fingers.

"I'm fine ok. Don't worry about anything. I'm ok"

"All right Mark stop doing that. Tell me what's going on. I'll help you if i can. But please don't shut me out" she pleaded him but in response, he let go of her arms wrapped around his neck and said

"Look Lexie, it's nothing. just let it go all right"

"If it was nothing you would have told me. And no i won't just let it go as you put it" she told him with her arms crossed on her chest.

"well you know what i don't want to talk about it, so i might as well go now all right " He said and head towards the door

"No, you won't go anywhere. Is it what you're always gonna do leave when you don't want to talk??? We are in a relationship Mark. I understand that there's somethings that you don't want to talk but you have to communicate from time to time with me."

He froze at the word relationship. He knew that they were kinda together but relationship , he didn't expect it. And he was glad that

"We are in a relationship???" Mark asked

Lexie was taken aback by this question and answered

"Of course we are. I mean i thought that i was with you in it. That we were together on the boat, but i realized just now that i was wrong. So what, you thought that i was just messing around with you, that i was just using you or what??? After all the time, we've spent together, i mean thought that we were in one" she said with a sad tone.

"Look Lexie you're all wrong. I was just not expecting you saying this. that's all"

"what ?? saying that we are in a relationship??" she asked with her eyesbrows frowned

"Well yeah" he muttered.

"Why" she asked

Before answering, Mark sighed and said'' Because before no woman wanted me besides for sex. Maybe i caused this too, because.... look just forget i said that ok".

"Dammit Mark why you keep doing this??? Everytime you're close to tell me something about your past, you shut me out. Are you afraid that i'll leave you if you tell me something about it . I'm in it for the long road Mark, I'm not going anywhere so please just tell me"

"Lexie, please don't. I can't. I just can't do it" He said while looking at the floor

"You can't or don't want to and please look at me straight in the eyes" she demanded

He did as she said and looked at her. He knew that she was dissapointed that he didn't want to talk to her but he doesn't know why he can't open up to her. He really wants to but he's so afraid of losing her.

He didn't even know how to answer to the question because he knew that it was a little bit of both.

Silence filled the room and neither of them spoke on word until Lexie's pager went off. She took it out from her purse and checked it: 9-1-1.

"It's an 911, i gotta change and go." she said while walking toward the bathroom.

With her hand on the doorknob,she added" Mark i know that you have a lot of issues and you think that i 'll leave the minutes that you'll start telling me about it but i want you to know that we're in this together. I need you to meet me half way here" . And she went to get ready for work.

Mark was pondering over what Lexie just told him. He knew that he has to talk to her or he'll lose her but he can't bring himself to do instead of waiting for her he left the room after leaving a note qaying that "he needed to leave and he'll see her later".

In the meantime, Lexie was getting ready in the bathroom, but what happenedthis morning with Mark bothered her a lot. Because she doesn't know how long she can endure this.

It's hard to be the only one communicating in a relationship, she needs to find a way to make him talk or she could just wait for him to open up to her. But she's afraid that if she waits too long he would never take the first step.

After a few minutes, she came out of the bathroom and started calling for Mark until she noticed a note on the nightstand.

after reading it she sighed and decided to put her thoughts on hold and head to the hospital because she can feel that it's gonna be a long day especially since it's Mark's day off.

A few hours later , Mark ended up sitting on a bench in a park. It was quite and peaceful, all you can see was some birds there, and few people walking but beside that it was calm and quiet and that's all Mark needed.

He started thinking about that day, the day he would always remember. He still can't understand why she did this to him, why she left him?? Did she ever love him???

Those questions were running through Mark's mind.

Wasn't i good enough for her????

That particular day has changed his life, but for the better or worse he didn't know.

Mark was so much in his thoughts that he didn't notice a old man calling him.

"Son, do you mind if i sit next to you?" the old man asked him.

Mark didn't really care so he just nodded.

"Thanks son." he said and added "So i've been watching you and i can see that you're not all right"

Mark was surprised at this old man. He didn't know that man at all but he knew already that he wasn't all right.

"You have this sad look in your eyes like you feel lost or something. You're thinking about a woman" the old asked while taking off his hat and putting on his knees.

How the hell did he know?

"So young man do you want to talk about it or sit around with that puppy dog face???"

Mark looked at the man was shocked to say the least. But he couldn't deny the fact that he liked him already.

"My name is Mark Sloan, what's yours???" he said while extending his right hand to the man.

"I'm Victor Johnson, nice to meet you" he shook Mark's hand as well

"Likewise"

"So are you gonna start talking son??''

"You really wanna know?"

"Well it's easier to talk to a stranger than talking to people we care the most about"

What the hell?? i would never see the man so why not talk to him

"33 years ago, my mother abandonned me in a park. She tricked me by saying we were going to play together there because she knew how much i loved that.

So she let me sit down on a bench just like the we're sitting on, and she told me that she would be right back. I asked her if i could come with her but she automacally said no. So i figured maybe she wanted to surprise me with something and then i said ok and decided to wait for her. I watched her walking and walking away from me without knowing that i would never see her again.

So i've waited for her for hours i even stayed on the bench while the rain started to pour down because i didn't want her think that i left and worry her by looking for me.

Hours and hours later, almost sunset, my nanny came and found on the bench she was quite surprised to say the least but she took me with her even though i told not to do so because i was afraid that when my mum would come back she'll get all worked up and stuff. But she didn't listen to me and made me leave with her.

A few hours later, i was changed and dried at my parents house. I started calling for my mum but i got no response in return. I even looked for her in the house but didn't find her either.

So i decided to wait for her, because i knew that sooner or later she would come back but she never. And now....."

"And now you're afraid of commitement" Victor concluded.

Mark looked at the man and replied " the first woman that i've ever loved in my life abandonned me, so what do you think??"

"What about your father??"

Mark chuckled before and said" i was never enough for my father. When he found out about what happened in the park he said Thanks son, because of you i got rid of your mother, That was the only time that he thanked me."

"Son, you can't live like it's hard to have the kind of childhood you had. From what you've told me you didn't have the best parents, but you can't let them prevent you from finding happiness, finding a woman that you love and...."

When Mark heard finding a woman that you love he thought first about Lexie. He loves being with her and everything.

"Son again you're thinking about a woman, but that's not the same woman."

"Are you psych or something?? Can you read minds because you're really starting to freak me out?"

"That's because it's all in your eyes."

"You're right. I was thinking about a woman. She's young though, beautiful, smart funny "

"So what's the problem?? As long as she's not underaged i don't see any problem"

Mark chuckled and added "She makes me laugh and enjoy life. She makes me.."

"Happy"

"Yeah she does" he nodded.

"So son go for it,"

"But i don't think that i'm good enough for her. I have too much issues on my plate right now. She deserves someone who can make her happy"

"All right stop right there young man. First of all that's not your decision to make, it's hers. And second of all i can see in your eyes that you have feelings for the girl but you're too afraid to admit it. If you really want this girl you gotta start to let her in and talk to her about everything that you've been through in life. Because in order to find happiness in life you have to let go of the past. If you keep pushing her away, one day you'll push her over the edge and she'll leave you son.

You have to trust and believe that she'll be here in the morning with you by your side, but you gotta let her in." the old man told Mark

He started to get up and added "You seem like a good man. Don't forget that everyone make mistakes, nobody's perfect. You have to forgive yourself for what you've done in the past."

He patted Mark's shoulder and left.

Mark pondered about what the conversation he just had with Victor. He knew that he had to one thing. So he took out his cellphone and sent a message to Lexie saying

When you'll be done at the hospital, please join me in the Park a few blocks away from the Archfield. I need to talk to you it's urgent.

PS i've missed you today

Mark.

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