Jessica's voice became a constant buzzing in my ears, and that's all it was to me, too: a buzzing in my ears. Not a single word that came out of Jessica's mouth meant a thing to me. It was like listening to your iPod just for a little bit of background music. You're not exactly paying attention, and since you've probably heard the songs that you're listening to so many times, it doesn't really matter that you don't catch all of the words. Not only was Jessica like an iPod, but she was an iPod on repeat. Not even shuffle. Just a broken record. And it was time to change the song.

I was sick and tired of nothing but gossip and hair and clothes and more gossip. She was always gushing over how grateful she was that I had given her a chance and how lucky she was to be dating me. And other than the dance, we hadn't even been on an actual date, yet. Every day at lunch I would stare across the table at Bella, shooting her pleading looks, begging her to interrupt the conversation.

Bella was more like the radio. You hear all of your favorites, but every once and a while you get a new song in the mix. And you really want to listen close so that you can catch all of the lyrics the first time around. It's after you hear that song on the radio that you download it and put it on to your iPod. It was like asking "Which came first? The chicken or the egg?" Only it was "Who comes first? The radio or the iPod?" Both historically and metaphorically, the radio came first. And that's where I saw my priorities lie.

Biology meant more to me now than it ever had before. Not only was I able to see Bella, but it was my sanctuary. It was the only time that I could really be myself around her. Bella knew how I felt, that was obvious. She could see through me like I was made of cellophane. To keep Bella happy I would put up a little bit of a facade for Jessica. When Jessica was out of the way, I could let that little wall down and be the Edward that was completely wrapped around Bella's finger.

But she wanted nothing to do with me. At least not in that sense. She seemed comfortable with what we had, but she didn't want what I wanted. She had made that rather clear. She knew "exactly what I meant" when I had mentioned not loving someone, yet not wanting to hurt them. She didn't love me. But she didn't want to hurt me.

It was clear that Bella didn't want me to get hurt either. She kept pushing me to stay positive in my "relationship" with Jessica, that way Jessica wouldn't want to leave me and possibly feeling rejection pains. But I couldn't just end everything abruptly. She wanted me to keep an open mind.

But I couldn't stand the repeat anymore. I wanted out.

After the accident, I was more numb than ever. I had been so close to Bella, inches away from her, and I had to push her away. It was sickening how symbolic it was. I loved her, and cared for her. And in order for her to be happy, or in the case of the crash, to save her, I had to keep her away. No matter what, I couldn't win.

But I couldn't lie, either. I may have been an excellent liar, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. I believed that lies should be reserved for worst-case scenarios. As much as it sucked for me, I wasn't about to die. I still saw Bella for at least two hours of every school day. It didn't seem like nearly enough, but it was all that I could hope for, and it was just enough to keep me floating.

So I didn't even try after that. I wasn't going to pretend for Jessica. At the same time, I wasn't going to stop pretending for Bella. In other words, I wasn't leaving Jessica. I was letting her leave me. The question was how to make her want to. Jessica wasn't exactly the sway-able type. It didn't seem like she was going to even try to leave. I had to drive her away. But how could I do that without driving Bella up the wall?

I brought down the wall. I didn't treat Jessica any different than I would have if we weren't "dating." In translation, I paid no mind to her, like I did every other girl aside from Bella.

It started as early as when Jessica's bus came and ended when her bus left. I wasn't there to meet her at the bus in the morning, and boy did I hear it from her. When I stopped by the girls' trig class before lunch, for Bella of course since Jessica no longer concerned me, I got quite the earful about how I hadn't walked her to and from every class and how disappointed she was when I wasn't there at the bus.

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" I asked her. "Lie and say that I ran late and I got here after your bus did? Because I didn't. I actually watched from the warmth of my car as you got out and looked for me. I was feeling a little lazy. And I think you know where your classes are. You don't need an escort to and from every class. This if Forks. No one is going to rape you between classes. Ask Bella's dad. The crime rate in this puny little town is surprisingly low, especially among teens. You really need to grow up a little, Jessica."

I watched as Bella's face grew more and more disgusted with me. I knew that would happen. It was more than a knife to the stomach to me. It was like being pressed to death, like they had done to that one guy back in the witch trials because he wouldn't confess to being a witch, and he wouldn't say that he wasn't one either.

I found myself praying that Bella would understand when I was back to normal after Jessica was out of the picture.

So I watched, painfully, as Bella pushed past me. Following her, the agony increased as my eyes traced her steps to where she planted herself next to Alice, the general alternative that she used whenever she was mad at me. My gaze continued to find her throughout lunch, sitting there, lightly chatting with Alice while I got the lecture from Jessica about how I was the one who had asked her to the dance and I was the one who first kissed her, and if I had so many issues with her, why had I even bothered? While she had some pretty good points that would have been perfectly legitimate in any other relationship, they didn't make me want to hang around any longer.

It really hit me in biology. When Bella's cold shoulder froze me to the point of desperation. Longing to reach out and make her look me in the eye, to tell her that I was only doing this for Jessica's own good. That she could have the extreme pleasure of breaking up with me, without the depression of rejection that I had become so accustomed to. As immature as it was, the silent treatment was Bella's greatest weapon. And I was pretty sure that she understood that. She realized how much she was a drug to me. Her cutting off all ties to me was a personal torture. All for her satisfaction.

The silence made me want to scream. After in continued for nearly a week, I had to break it. I made sure that I got out of the biology room before she did, so that she had no way to escape without passing me.

When Bella rounded the corner of the doorway, she saw me, turned on her heel, and headed the other direction. I ran after her and grabbed her by the arm and spun her to face me.

"Why are you doing this again?" I asked her in my angriest voice, which wasn't all that impressive, since I couldn't find anything to be angry with Bella over. And I didn't want to be angry with her.

"Why do you think?" Bella wondered, her eyes burning into mine. Her pissed off voice was far more convincing than mine. Probably because she didn't love me, and was more likely to be mad at me.

"Forgive me for being a male and having a statistically lower IQ than you females. You might have to enlighten me of the reason for your sudden distaste for me." My grip slightly loosened on her arm, but I didn't allow her to break eye contact with me. I was going to solve this with her. I just couldn't stand her hating me.

"Wow. For having a low IQ, you're fairly verbose," she noted. Leave it to Bella to observe anything. Including my IQ or lack there of.

"Please, just tell me," I begged. I had to know exactly which part of this annoyed her.

Her answer surprised me.

"I can't trust you, Edward," she replied in the smallest of voices, as if she didn't want to admit her confession. My heart seemed to stop right in its tracks. "I thought that you were someone that I can turn to, but I don't know if I can trust you anymore. You change around different people, Edward. When you're with me, you're this person who strives to be better than you used to be. Lately when you've been with Jessica, it seems like you just want more out of her."

My heart ached for her. What I was doing to Jessica wasn't what was bothering her. She was more offended by the sudden change in personality. Once again, the self-protection instinct had kicked in. She saw the red flags and backed away before she could get hurt again. I should have realized that with the questions she was asking herself about trusting Jacob, she might have taken every little thing into account when trying to trust me.

"You don't understand, Bella, I - "

"What don't I understand, Edward? I know that you don't care about Jessica. Just dump her already and get it over with. Don't turn into someone completely different just so you don't look like the bad guy. Instead of looking like the saint who lets his girlfriend break up with him, you end up looking like the liar. The one who pretends to be someone different, influenced by who's around him," she explained.

"Would it surprise you if I told you that you influence me and Jessica doesn't? Maybe that's why I act so different around her. After all, you were the one who called me ungrateful for what I have," I reasoned, knowing that it was a moot point, anyway. We both knew that she was right. She was always right. "Maybe you inspire me to be more grateful, but when I'm not around you, that inspiration isn't there. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Yes, in fact, I have," she said. "But I was right next to Jessica when you gave her that little pep talk about finding her classes without getting raped. Apparently, the inspiration wasn't with you there, but I was," she reminded me. And once again, never ceased to be correct in all of her facts.

"So, you're saying that this will all be better if I just break up with Jessica? Things will go back to normal, just like that?" I asked her.

"You're going to have to answer that. After all, you're the one who's turning into five million different people," she recalled.

"Two," I corrected her. "Two different people. So what? You want me to break up with Jessica? Fine. I will."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" she inquired, a challenging look in her eyes. And I accepted the challenge.

Not caring to look around at who was or wasn't watching, I took Bella's face in my hands, placing my lips square on hers. This time I knew it was her. No illusions of Bella, no Jessica being excited that I had kissed her out of the blue. Just Bella, who was stunned into stiffness at that particular moment. My left hand dropped down to her chin, tilting it ever so slightly towards my face. The other drifted to the back of her head.

I felt Bella slowly relax, recovering from the shock of my little surprise. The next thing I felt was her arms wrapping around my neck, Bella pulling herself closer to me. She willingly moved her mouth with mine, allowing my lips to part hers in a deeper kiss. It took me a moment to realize what all of these actions, seemingly insignificant to anyone else, meant to me.

Bella was kissing me back.