One day I will (not) own them but oh to dream

The next day at 1pm sharp Alex and Bobby went up the stairs and into Dr. Olivets office. Alex was nervous as hell. It was one thing have to do this, but to have to do it with Bobby just made it all seem that much bigger. She instinctively knew that how she felt about her partner would end up being brought out in the open. What would Dr. Olivet do with that information? Would she report it to their Captain? And what about Bobby? After what had been going on over the last week, she was hopeful that he just might care more for her than he had let on in the past. But could she take the chance and be wrong? Maybe he is just trying to be helpful and a caring partner. The doesn't necessarily mean the man has FEELINGS for her. Alex started to think that maybe this was just a waste of time and they should leave. If he hadn't been right at her side with his hand on her shoulder, she would most likely have turned around and left.

"Relax your not going anywhere. Liz doesn't bite you know?" Bobby said.

Damn Alex thought, what is he? A mind reader now? Just then Dr. Olivet came joined them in her office.

"Good Afternoon Detectives. I'm sorry I was running a bit late coming back from a meeting at the DA's Office."

"No problem Doctor, we're familiar with the problem," Bobby said.

"If you need to reschedule that is ok." Alex offered hopefully.

"No, no need. I am done with Jack McCoy for today. So what can I do for you two today?"

"Eames has been having nightmares." Bobby said when it looked like Alex wasn't going to say anything.

"Oh. Are these the same nightmares or something new Alex?"

"The same for the most part."

"For the most part? So have they gotten better or worse?" Dr. Olivet asked.

"I don't know if it is either really, maybe just a weird twist."

"Alex, did you give any thought to what I said regarding what you need to do to get them to stop."

"Actually Liz" Bobby jumped in. "Alex has decided to look at it the opposite way."

"I take it Bobby, that she has discussed the nightmare with you."

"Yes and no. She told me that she was having them and that she would forgive me for what happened to bring them on when she stopped having them. But no she hasn't actually told me what the nightmare is."

"Alex," Dr. Olivet turned back to Eames and continued. "Don't you think Bobby should be told the details of you nightmare?"

"I suppose so."

"Bobby, I want you to listen carefully to Alex and wait until she is done before saying anything. OK?" Bobby nodded his head and turned in his seat to face Alex. He reached out and took her hand to offer comfort knowing that this was not going to be easy for her.

"I'm standing at a door with several uniforms. I'm not worried because we've done this hundreds of times. The uniform next to me kicks the door in and we go in with our guns drawn. When I enter the room, there is a perp in front of me with a gun pointed at another mans head. His, Your arm swings towards me so that your gun is pointing at me and training takes over. Then everything happens in slow motion. I feel my finger squeeze the trigger and you call out my name. When I realize what I have done, I drop my gun and run over to you. I lift your head up but it is too late because you're hit right in the heart and your dead." Tears flowed down Alex's face as she finished. Bobby reached over with a tissue that Dr. Olivet handed him and wiped the tears away. Dr. Olivet had decided not to say anything yet and let Bobby comfort her first.

When Alex had first come to her for help with this, Dr. Olivet had suspected that there was more there underneath than Alex had been willing to talk about then. She thought it had a lot to do with Bobby.

"I'm sorry Alex, I had no idea that had been tormenting your dreams. I mean, I knew it was something because of what you said Saturday morning and how the nightmare affected you that night but…I'm so, so sorry."

"Oh Bobby" Alex squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop the tears. "You're right, you really don't have any idea."

"You know what? You were right, I should have given you a heads up before the bust. The events would have probably have been the same but you would have known what you were walking into and the possibilities wouldn't be tormenting your mind now."

Dr Olivet decided it was time for her to step back into the conversation. Alex was making progress but she was afraid that with the direction Bobby was taking it, that Alex would close herself off again. "Bobby, I think you may have a point about how foreknowledge could have prevented this, but I believe there are deeper issues here as well. Alex, do you believe that just having Bobby agree that you are right, is going to stop the nightmares?"

"No"

"Alex, I think that you need to tell Bobby, exactly why the events in your nightmare torment you, and remember, anything said here is privileged, it won't get back to the department unless you want it to."

Bobby was still holding her hand, so Alex covered their joined hands with her free hand. After taking a deep breath first she started with their conversation Saturday morning.

"Bobby, do you remember when I said that there was no similarity between what happened to Joe and what could have happened to you?"

Bobby just nodded and then looked down at their hands. He wasn't sure where this was going but he knew that he couldn't stand to look into her eyes while she was thinking about how much she loved Joe.

"I knew then that you didn't understand what I meant and I was too afraid to try and make it more clear, but after this past week, I'm ready to take that chance. I loved Joe. I wouldn't have married him if I hadn't. I cried for him when he died and again when we reinvestigated the shooting a while back. But I mourned and I was able to go on with my life. If I had killed you, I don't believe that would have been possible this time. It doesn't matter either if it was then or if someone else were to kill you. I couldn't go on this time." Bobby's head snapped up, and hope shined in his eyes.

"Alex"

"Wait, I need to say this while I have the courage to do so"

"OK" Alex put her finger on his lips to keep him quiet.

"I'm sorry, I know you thought that I said there was no similarity because he was my husband and you are just my partner, but in reality, it's the other way around.

Bobby…He was my husband but you are my life. The love I had for Joe pales next to how much I LOVE YOU."

They both had tears flowing down their faces this time and Dr Olivet placed a box of tissues of the table next to Alex before she quietly got up and left the office to give them a few minutes of privacy.

Bobby dropped to his knees from his chair to right in front of Alex and wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He never would have imagined that she would love him, and that she actually loved him more than her fallen husband was more than a miracle. After a few minutes Bobby leaned back a bit, brought his hands up to cup her face and kissed Alex tenderly, lovingly. Alex started crying again, but Bobby knew that they were tears of relief and joy, because his tears were for the same reason.

"I never thought I would get a chance to say this," He said. "Alexandra Eames, I LOVE YOU!"

Next chapter: the doctor is still in and she's not done with them yet.