Chapter 7
Sasuke had run the whole road home. He didn't wanna stop. He never wanted to stop running. But sadly enough he had to. He stopped at his door and opened it, eyes red and tears still streaming down his face. He had never felt worse. Never. Neji had broke him. Just like he had done Neji. But this time...this time it was really over..Sasuke stormed into the living room, about to go to his bedroom.
"Sasuke?" a surprised Itachi said. "What's wrong?" He stood, worried.
Sasuke turned to look at Itachi and then ran up to him, practically throwing himself in Itachi's arms. "...N-neji..b-broke up.." He sobbed as he held onto Itachi.
"...Oh Sasuke.." Itachi softly said and stroke over Sasuke's back.
"..H-he did it...h-he just t-told me to..l-leave...I l-lost him.." Sasuke sobbed and buried his head in Itachi's neck. He didn't even care if he got it all wet.
"..Shh..." Itachi softly said. "..He probably didn't wanted you to see him cry..."
"..H-he could've b-been less h-harsh...I d-don't think he...w-will feel bad f-for very long..I t-think he f-feels better now.." Sasuke sobbed.
"..Hmm.. I don't know.." Itachi softly said. "..It's terrible for you Sasuke... but you still have Haku.."
"..I k-know..But I l-love Neji so much..." Sasuke said and pushed Itachi on the couch so he could sit on his lap. He didn't feel like walking, or standing anymore. He just needed to be close to Itachi now.
Itachi pulled Sasuke better on his lap and kept moving his hand over Sasuke's back.
"Shh Sasuke... you'll be fine.." He softly said. "..I know you love him.. that's why you have to let him go..."
"..B-but it's so h-hard...I d-don't want to l-let him go.." Sasuke mumbled as he buried his face in Itachi's neck even more. He couldn't take this. Life without Neji right now was...just horrible. Right now he was so thankful for Haku and Itachi in his life.
"...I know.." Itachi softly said. "..Perhaps you should try to talk to him about this once more.. if you want to keep contact make sure you'll be the one to search the contact.. else Neji will think that you don't care at all.. I think that's one of the reasons Neji broke up with you.. I don't know his true reasons of course, but I could see that he was very uncertain of himself. And probably of his relationship with you too. Shh.. calm down Sasuke.."
"..I c-can't...He d-doesn't wanna s-see me Itachi..H-he just doesn't w-wanna see me.." Sasuke sobbed. He did calm down a little though.
"...Then I can't give you any more advise.." Itachi softly said, with a sigh. He wouldn't push Sasuke into contacting Neji, but he knew that if Sasuke didn't, there would come nothing of it. As long as Sasuke and Haku would be together, Neji would not contact Sasuke. Itachi was smart enough to know that.
"..D-don't do this r-right now.." Sasuke sobbed as he looked at Itachi with red eyes from all the crying. They stung like hell, but he didn't care anymore.
Itachi stroke the tears away.
"I didn't meant it like I'm not going to give you support anymore Sasuke.. I only want to say to you that this is the only thing I can think of.." Itachi said. "You'll be fine Sasuke.. focus on Haku.. you'll be fine.. it's better now.."
"..It's n-not...It h-hurts too much for me to b-be fine.." Sasuke said as he kept his tears back now. He would cry later. He would cry it all out alone.
"..You can cry out Sasuke.." Itachi softly said, hugging Sasuke again.
"..I d-don't want to cry anymore.." Sasuke said and then hugged Itachi again. He just wanted to stay like that until he would fall asleep. That's what they always did when he was upset about something. Always.
"You should let it all out Sasuke.. else you'll keep crying." Itachi said, shushing Sasuke.
"..I k-know.." Sasuke said and then bursted out into crying again. He didn't say anything anymore and neither did Itachi. They both knew Sasuke just needed to cry and get hugged by someone. And they did untill Sasuke finally fell asleep.
And Itachi stayed where he was, he kept stroking over Sasuke's back. He kept being there. He'd always be there for Sasuke. Like he was now.
Sasuke was sitting in the living room, waiting for Haku. He had called him today, there was no need to not tell Haku what had happened. He had a right to know. And frankly, Sasuke needed him there too. Because he still loved Haku like he had done before and he just hoped that if Haku was there, he'd be alright just a little. Once the bell rang, Sasuke jumped up and opened the door. "Hey." He said, looking at Haku.
"Hey." Haku said and hugged Sasuke. "What's wrong?"
"..Well...Neji broke up with me.." Sasuke said and pulled Haku inside carefully. Thank the lords for Haku. Sasuke could have never been more gratefull for him.
"..What?" Haku asked, surprised.
"Yeah..yesterday. He broke up with me." Sasuke said and stared at the floor and then led Haku into the living room.
"..Why?" Haku asked, sitting down onto the couch.
"..I don't really know...He said he needed me more then I could give..that it was not fair and that it wasn't working..After that he just told me to leave." Sasuke said. He didn't cry. He had cried his heart out last night.
"...Poor guy.." Haku muttered, while leaning against Sasuke. "Perhaps it's better like this."
"..Maybe...But I can't help but miss him Haku..." Sasuke said. Was that all Haku would say? Nothing else? No comfort?
"I understand.. come here." Haku said and spread his arms, to hug Sasuke.
Sasuke looked at Haku and then smiled. He pulled Haku close. "Thanks.." Sasuke softly said. "..I'm so happy you're still here.."
Haku hugged Sasuke tightly.
"Good.." Haku said, sighing. Somewhere he felt happy and relieved that Neji had broken up with Neji. He had Sasuke for himself again now.
Sasuke pulled Haku onto his lap now, so he would be closer. "..You see...if I didn't have you right now, I would never get over it..You're just great Haku...And I love you for loving me.." Sasuke said. He figured Haku had to know.
Haku smiled at Sasuke as he sat down better. He felt really happy now.
"Thanks." Haku said, blushing. "You're great too... you're the best thing that ever happened to me.."
"..Thanks.." Sasuke said. He wished he could say it back. And Haku really was the best thing that had ever happened to him. But it was next to Neji...and he just couldn't say it, if he couldn't say it to Neji too.
"...You're welcome.." Haku said, slightly hurt that Sasuke didn't say it back. Was Neji more important to Sasuke after all?
"..Haku...you are really really really important to me..but I can't say it unless I can say it to Neji too.." Sasuke said.
"..I know.." Haku softly said.
"But I do love you Haku. And I wouldn't wanna lose you...ever." Sasuke said and softly kissed Haku now.
Haku softly smiled and kissed back, laying his arms around Sasuke's neck.
Sasuke hummed into Haku's mouth. He was happy now. Really happy. And glad that Haku always had that effect on him.
Haku smiled and felt really comfortable. He'd just sit here the whole evening, together with Sasuke, comforting him. And sleep with him.
"Stay Haku.." Sasuke whispered before kissing him again. Right now, Sasuke wanted nothing more then to spend all his time with Haku. Only Haku. Even if the stinging in his heart wouldn't fade.
A few days later, on Saturday, Neji was jogging through the forest of Konoha. He had to stay in shape, so he made it a routine to start jogging after he had some breakfast. Not too much, else his belly would hurt from the movements. He had some music in his ears, so he could run on the beat of the music. And now he saw one person coming from the opposite direction. Someone he didn't wanted to see now. Haku. Neji chose to just ignore the guy and focused his eyes downwards, like the ground was really interesting. Damn that guy. Why did he even live here? Without Haku, Neji and Sasuke would just be together now, happily. Thanks to that guy this all happened. ...Well that wasn't completely true, but well.
Haku spotted Neji too as he was jogging around. He had to stay in shape after all. Once he was near enough he stopped.
"..Neji." He said, hoping Neji would stop. He decided to talk to Neji. Even if it didn't feel very great to tell him what he was about to tell Neji.
Neji didn't felt like stopping so he just continued jogging. Stupid guy.
Haku turned around and frowned. He then followed Neji. There was no way he'd give up on this. "Neji, let me talk to you.." Haku carefully said as he started jogging next to Neji.
Neji rolled his eyes and then removed the headphone from his head.
"What is it?" He snapped, glaring at Haku. He shouldn't be so angry at the guy.. but he just was. He didn't felt like talking to Haku at all. But he didn't make any attempt to run away from him or just stop.
"Well you see...I wanted to talk to you..about Sasuke." Haku said, not really knowing why he was doing this. He just really wanted Sasuke to be happy.
"...Why?" Neji asked, as he already talked a lot softer.
"Because he's miserable without you..." Haku answered, talking a little softer too.
"..He's been without me for half a year, he'll stay alive now too." Neji said, while he looked ahead of him, still jogging.
"He loved you then too. He wasn't always happy. I pulled him through. And I'm about to do that now too. I thought you loved him Neji." Haku said, keeping his calm. He never snapped.
"I love him yes." Neji said. "A little bit too much."
"You can never love someone too much Neji. Unless that person breaks your heart and does not regret it." Haku said. "Don't you miss him?"
"Of course I miss him." Neji snapped. "Do you like rubbing it in or something? And I love him too much, he can't give me what I need."
"Well you barely tried. You could've tried to get to know me. You could've tried sharing. But you snapped. I didn't like it either. But if it was for Sasuke I'd do anything. And I was happy. Even with you around. I'm just saying...that I don't think I can ever get him happy again..unless I get you to come back.." Haku said and stared at the floor.
Neji stopped jogging now, hoping that Haku would go away. He couldn't stand this. He really couldn't use this right now.
Haku stopped too and looked at Neji patiently. "..He loves you Neji...I think he even loves you more then he does me. He needs you." Haku said, no matter how much it hurt him to say it.
"That's not true." Neji said. "If he really loves me so much he would be stalking me now, begging for me to come back. And he would never have broken up with me. I hope that he cries as much as I did." The last thing he snapped and he turned around again, walking away. Damn those fucking tears. What the hell did Sasuke do to him?
"That is the meanest thing I ever heard someone say about the one he loves." Haku suddenly snapped. "Yes, he hurt you. Yes he broke up with you. Yes he made you cry. But he regretted it so much. He hated life without you. And you just want him to cry as much as you? To be hurt? To be broken? If you truly loved him you would 'never' say something like that." Haku stared at Neji angrily.
Neji turned around and glared at Haku.
"That's because I both hate and love him." Neji snapped. "I fucking risked my life for him, I nearly got killed, all because I risked it to be with him, because I loved him! I got beaten up, raped, nearly killed, and what did he do two weeks after I was healed? BREAK UP WITH ME!" Neji screamed now, and the tears were going downwards his face. "EVERYONE in my life leaves me, everyone I love, they all leave me or die! In America I've been taken into hospital more then three times because I poisoned myself with all the alcohol I drank there because Sasuke couldn't leave my mind! And that after I FINALLY was happy again!"
Haku looked at Neji full of compassion now. He wasn't shocked. Not at all. Not in the least. He had dealt with those things himself.
"...Neji..Part of life is that you lose people...I always saw it as a test..whether or not I would want to go on..I always did...And I know it's hard to love people again, especially Sasuke after what he did. But you have to understand that you can't always dwell in the past Neji...life is hard. Part of it is getting over barriers. Life's never meant to be walked in a straight line. You have to bump into trees and rocks along the way. It makes you who you are. And I'm sure Sasuke never meant those things to happen. I'm sure he thought of what you did to be with him. But Sasuke's quite complicated. He always has his reasons for doing things." Haku said calm.
"Do you really think that helps H-Haku?" Neji asked now, looking even more angry. You could see the hate and pain in his eyes. "You k-know what? I don't c-care. At all. I n-never want to deal with the two o-of you anymore and you c-can search your own way of making y-your boyfriend happy. He w-won't enter my life anymore." What an asshole. He didn't even react to what Neji had said. He only said that it was part of life. He didn't needed to hear that Sasuke never meant it like that. He hoped Haku would just walk away and leave him alone.
"Neji. What I'm trying to say is that Sasuke would do anything to make you happy. He hasn't come looking for you because he's afraid of getting hurt again. And he knows he was an asshole for breaking up with you like that and he feels more then guilty for it, trust me. Please Neji...he really loves you. And...if it would make you and Sasuke happy..I'd leave him..." Haku said and looked at the floor now. He didn't know why he said it, but he had ment it.
"Don't be ridiculous." Neji said. "Don't you dare to break up with him. I don't even know if I still want to be with him.. I mean.. it's really deep. I still haven't forgiven him for it, what says what kind of asshole I am. But I just don't have faith in it anymore. I love him and I'd love to go back to the happy times we had before... but I don't think we can ever get those again.. And if he wants to make me happy he should.. focus on you and leave me alone.. It hurts so much to see him kiss you.. I'm so jealous those moments.. I just can't look at it and I feel really bad. I.. just let it be Haku. Go back to your house and let it be."
"I can't. You have no idea what this has done to me and Sasuke!" Haku yelled, tears springing to his eyes. He had been meaning to keep it all in. He was old enough to do that. But he had to tell Neji. Neji could solve it all.
"I know I'm ruining your relationship." Neji said, looking at Haku. "That's why I'm not going to search contact anymore."
"No that is exactly what's ruining it. You not being there. It's making Sasuke feel miserable to no end. And I can't fix it. I hate it, but it's true. I can't help him. I can make him happy for mere minutes and after I can't do anything about it. Please...if only you would give it one more try.." Haku begged as he looked at the floor again.
Neji looked away now.
"...I can't.." He softly said. "If I see him again, I..." He trailed off now. God damn it.
"You'll cry..well so what? So what if you cry? You can be happy..you can...Neji please.." Haku begged again and this time looked at Neji.
"..Haku... I really can't handle it now... I'm tired of everything.." Neji softly said. He was sure Haku would understand. Know what he meant. Neji felt like everything was gone. Empty. Except for a little sparkle of happiness, with the name Kurenai.
"..You have to know deep down that he loves you Neji.." Haku said. He really did know what Neji meant. But it didn't mean he wanted to give up.
"...I can't handle it Haku.." Neji repeated now, shaking his head softly. He really wanted to get out of here now. He just wanted to go. To go away. It felt like he was becoming crazy.
Haku suddenly stepped forward and pulled Neji into a soft hug.
"..Not yet.." He whispered.
Neji kept standing still while he started to shake now. He wouldn't cry. He would 'not' cry.
"It's OK to cry Neji...I've been told many times.." Haku softly said. He did not let go of Neji. He knew Neji needed a simple hug. And it didn't matter from who it came.
Neji suddenly hugged back and broke down. He cried like he never had since Sasuke broke up with him. Everything was going through his head again. From the death of his parents to the beatings of Kabuto, to the breakup with Sasuke and to now. What was left for him now?
"Shh..it's OK Neji...It really is..let it all out.." Haku softly said and stroke Neji's back. He knew he needed it. But crying sometimes mended the heart.
Neji didn't understand why he was crying on Haku's shoulder, but it comforted him greatly. He still felt bad, really bad, but the fact that someone was here, holding him, made him feel safe again. His body shook and his head was full of questions. Why was Haku comforting him? Why didn't Haku hate him? Why did Haku talk to him? Why didn't Haku seemed to be shocked about what Neji had told him? It was mean to ignore something like that, why had he done it?
"...I know how you feel.." Haku said softly, hoping it would explain at least a little. Because he really did know how Neji felt. He had gone through things like that too.
"..H-how..?" Neji sobbed, while gripping Haku even tighter.
"I've been in the same situation Neji." Haku said and pulled Neji closer, still stroking his back. A soft smile appeared on his face.
"..W-what happened to y-you then..?" Neji asked softly. He really felt like a small child now.
"Let's sit down first." Haku said and pulled Neji with him to a bench and sat him down before holding him again. "You see..my boyfriend was the one who raped me..so after he dumped me...And I was so stupid to still love him. Until Zabuza came along." Haku said.
"..He r-raped you..? Why..?" Neji asked, while looking at Haku with compassion in his eyes.
"Because I didn't want to have sex. He wasn't such a nice person as I thought he was. But you see Neji, I got over the loss of a loved one too. But if I had the chance you have now, I would've taken it with both arms. And I'm not saying you should do it too...I just know exactly how you feel.." Haku said and smiled at Neji.
"...I d-don't know..." Neji softly said. "..But that's t-terrible.."
"Yeah. Well it's in the past now." Haku said. "So..what did you mean everyone you love dies?" He asked.
"...Well.. my m-mother died.. my dad.. one of my best friends..." Neji softly said, shrugging. "...They just all d-die.."
"...I once loved K-Kabuto.. he changed.. he died for m-me too.." He added.
"...Seems like we have a lot in common." Haku softly said and smiled at Neji again. It was a small and sad smile, but nonetheless, he meant it.
"..That happened t-to you too?" Neji asked, looking at Haku.
"I lost my parents when I was young. And I had to leave my friends behind when I moved. I was a wreck back then, but that was OK after a while. Once Zabuza took me in. And then I met Sasuke.." Haku said and smiled more lovingly.
Neji nodded, slightly smiling back at him. He understood Haku now.
"..Come here." He said and then pulled Haku close, hugging him.
Haku gave a small laugh. "Thanks Neji." He said and hugged Neji. It was good to talk to him. They had things to share. They should've done this the second they had met.
"..Thank you too." Neji softly said. "I'm glad I'm not the only one with these problems.."
"Of course you're not. And Neji..if you ever need to talk, just call me." Haku said and stroke Neji's back again.
Neji nodded, sighing softly. Damn he wished he could lay in Sasuke's arms now..
"..Talk to him. It will make you feel better..I promise." Haku said softly.
"...It will look like I'm a pansy.." Neji softly said.
"It will look like you're a strong boy who doesn't turn away from the one he loves because he had made a mistake. Neji really..it would do both of you good." Haku said and smiled at Neji lovingly again.
"...I don't know... I want him to come to me..." Neji softly said.
"..You broke up with him...I don't think he will try it any time soon, unless he's sure he won't get hurt Neji.." Haku said and looked Neji in the eyes.
Neji immediately looked away now, a bit ashamed.
"...I'm still angry Haku.." Neji said, almost whispered. "..It's hard.."
"Of course it's hard..but not just for you you know...I could talk to Sasuke if you want.." Haku carefully suggested.
"About what?" Neji asked, frowning. "And I know it's hard for him too OK... but it's just.. I'm used to be the center of attention you know, it's just.. hard to be shoved aside to share all of sudden.. and I know I suggested it myself, but it was only because I knew that if I made him choose that.. he would have chosen you.." Neji trailed off while saying the last part of this sentence, while he was staring at the ground now.
"..He wouldn't...I'm sure he wouldn't..I'm sure he would've either dumped us both or chosen you..You have no idea how much he loves you. Probably more then he could ever love me Neji..And I could talk to him about you...what you want from him.." Haku said as he rubbed Neji's arms to comfort him a little.
"...Haku.. " Neji started, looking Haku in the eyes. "..You have no idea what a great personality you have.. the only useful thing he can get from me is.. well... sex.. I suppose.."
"..Don't say that...You think far to low of yourself Neji. He loves you for many reasons, I'm not even sure if I know every single one of them. But Sasuke doesn't just want you for the sex. He wants you for you. For who you are. Believe me." Haku said and looked back at Neji.
"I'm only overwhelming..." Neji muttered, looking away again.
"...He missed that Neji..I'm not overwhelming enough for him." Haku said and softly pulled Neji's face back his way, looking him in the eyes again. It was time for Neji to see the truth about himself. Be happy with himself.
"..I can't believe that.." Neji said, looking back at Haku. "I can't believe that he thought of me even a second when I was gone.. I mean, you are me, but then better." Neji looked frustrated now.
"I'm not you but better, why the hell would you think that? I'm not like you at all. We're two totally different persons. Please don't think those kind of things Neji, you're great." Haku said and looked at Neji worried now and guilty.
"Why do you think that Sasuke fell for you?" Neji asked, shaking his head. "Look at the facts, you have long hair, a good body, a pretty face, and there it is, a great personality. And more submissive. You are everything Sasuke wants, I'm the one who's not perfect enough for him. And don't tell me that I'm great while you don't even know me."
"Sasuke talked about you non stop. And if you don't want me to say you're great because I don't know you, then stop saying it about me too. I know you better then you know me Neji." Haku said, a little annoyed now, but keeping his calm.
Neji looked at Haku with a frown. Why would Sasuke talk about him non stop? What would he tell then? Why would he? That couldn't be true.
"It's true. He compares everything with you. Everything. He doesn't want it if it doesn't measure up. I was just lucky I got long hair like you." Haku said and looked Neji in the eyes again. This time, more of a sad look was on his face.
Neji got a look of compassion on his face now. He already thought Haku couldn't be that positive about everything. So.. Haku wasn't perfect for Sasuke either..
"...I'm sorry.." Neji softly said. This time it was him who was rubbing Haku's arms, in a soft way. Haku looked like he could break all his bones if you even pushed slightly against his body.
"..It's OK...All I want is for Sasuke to be happy. And he is with you.." Haku said and gave Neji a sad smile, but lovingly nonetheless. He felt comfortable with Neji around.
"...He is with the both of us.." Neji softly said. Haku was sweet. Really sweet. Neji felt a wave of love for Haku going through him and before he could stop himself he had already planted a kiss on Haku's forehead and had hugged Haku tightly.
Haku got big eyes, but it didn't take long for him to settle down and hug Neji back. "..I can get why he loves you so much.." Haku softly said and smiled.
"..What?" Neji asked, a bit surprised. Where did this come from? He didn't stop hugging Haku though.
"..I just get it...You're sweet and you're considerate...and you care. I dunno...I just feel comfortable with you." Haku said and smiled some more.
"..Thanks.." Neji said, smiling softly.
Haku had to be one of the sweetest persons in the world. Perhaps..
"...Haku.. perhaps we should.. well.. go out some time." Neji said, after thinking it through a few seconds.
"...Maybe..We could try." Haku answered and pulled away from the hug a little to look at Neji. "..Why do you want it?" He asked.
"...If I know you better I might want to try it again.." Neji softly said, looking back. "..For Sasuke, but for me too.. I already like you Haku.. it would be great if we.. well... feel more then friendship for each other."
"..It would..I like you too." Haku said and smiled again. "..But...I think we shouldn't tell Sasuke yet..I don't wanna get his hopes up that you'll come back...or make him feel bad if we actually do start feeling for each other..you see...he doesn't really like the idea."
Neji frowned. "He doesn't?" Neji asked. Why wouldn't Sasuke like it?
"No, but he would try anything to get you back. And I'd like it too." Haku said a little shy.
Neji smiled back, feeling a bit nervous all of sudden. Where would this go to? Would he have to be the one to start the first actions? He was more dominant then Haku, that for sure..
"..Ok." He said. "Um.. what about going for dinner? Or would you like to come to my house to just.. talk?"
"You can choose. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable Neji." Haku said and smiled as if sensing Neji's nervousness.
"At my house then?" Neji asked, feeling his face getting redder every second. He so sucked at this.
"That's OK. When and what time? And where do you live?" Haku asked and laughed a little. Neji looked funny all red and nervous.
"On the road from my and Sasuke's school towards Sasuke's house, you know that road?" Neji asked, trying to ignore Haku's laughing, because he knew exactly why Haku was doing that. "It's number fourteen. And well, it doesn't matter, I guess... right?"
"What doesn't matter?" Haku asked confused. "And yeah, I do know that road, I'm sure I can find it." Haku said and smiled at Neji again.
"..Well.. the time.." Neji muttered. OK, he could officially call himself Hyuuga Tomato Neji now. Damn it. Why would he even get red of this? He was only going to date his exes boyfriend. Damn.
"Oh...the time. Right. Well should I just show up some time tonight then?" Haku asked.
"Fine with me." Neji said, finally managing to get the redness of his face. Pfew. "After eight? Because I'm home at seven, I have to go towards a shoot in an hour, so.."
"Yeah that's fine. You'll just see me at your door then. Oh but..can I get your phone number? I wouldn't wanna get lost." Haku said.
"Sure." Neji said, smiling, while he got his mobile phone out of his pocket. They exchanged numbers and afterwards, they put their phones back into their pockets.
"Thanks. Well...I guess I should go now. I made plans with Sasuke. I'll see you tonight." Haku said and got up from the bench, smiling at Neji again.
"Alright.. well I'll see you tonight then." Neji said, smiling back.
Haku nodded. "You will. See you." Haku said and then started jogging to the road again, giving one last wave to Neji before jogging away.
Neji looked after him and waved back, before he started jogging again too. He wondered how tonight would be.