Chapter 8

That afternoon, Haku rang the bell of Sasuke's house. He wondered if Itachi would be dating Deidara again, since that had been the case every time Haku visited Sasuke. And that was like.. every day.

After a short while Sasuke opened the door with a smile and kissed Haku on the mouth. He then pulled back again and let Haku in. "Hey." He finally said.

Haku smiled back at Sasuke.

"Hey." He said, and walked in. It felt good to see that Sasuke really loved him.

"How are you today? And do you want a drink?" Sasuke asked as he got Haku's coat and hung it away.

"I'm fine." Haku said. "I've jogged a bit this morning so I'm completely relaxed at the moment. I'd like some lemonade."

Sasuke nodded as he walked to the kitchen. "It's great weather to jog these days." He said from there.

Haku followed him and plopped down onto a chair that stood in the kitchen.

"Yeah it is." Haku said. "We should eat in the garden." He smiled while he looked out of the window. The weather really was great.

"Yeah we should. Can you cook something? Itachi's out again. And you know I can barely bake an egg." Sasuke said and handed Haku his lemonade.

Haku accepted this, smiling. But somewhere he felt sad. Sasuke wasn't as loving as he was before. Normally Sasuke would have taken him with him towards the couch to sit closer. But now..

"..Yeah I know." Haku said. "I'll cook something."

Sasuke looked at Haku now. "Something wrong?" He asked. He could just see it in Haku's eyes. It wasn't his normal loving smile.

"No it's nothing." Haku said, while smiling at Sasuke to comfort him. It was a fake smile, but no one could tell. "I'm just thinking a bit. Should we go to the living room?" This was the first time Haku had actually suggested something. It felt.. strange.

"Sure we can." Sasuke said and smiled back at Haku as he took his hand and went to the living room. "Put down your glass." Sasuke demanded.

"Why?" Haku asked while he did as he was told. He put the glass on the little table next to the couch, looking at Sasuke in wonder. What was he up to?

Sasuke smiled content and then sat on the couch, pulling Haku on his lap. "Because I love you.." He said.

Haku smiled back. This was where he had been waiting for. This was what he loved.

"Thanks.." he said. "I love you too."

"Good." Sasuke softly said and let his back rest against the couch as he made Haku snuggle closer. These were the moments he needed. He craved for with Haku.

Haku sat closer, so his body almost pressed against Sasuke's, and put his arms around Sasuke's neck, sighing. He really loved Sasuke.

"..Stay the night.." Sasuke softly said as he placed butterfly kisses in Haku's neck.

"..I'm busy tonight, should I sleep with you tomorrow?" Haku asked softly. Shit he had a date with Neji. ....OK that sounded weird.

"Busy with what?" Sasuke asked. Haku was never too busy to sleep at his place. So what was this about?

"..I'm going to the city with Zabuza." Haku quickly lied, pressing his head into Sasuke's neck. Shit, he couldn't lie. Well Sasuke wouldn't notice, as long as Sasuke couldn't see Haku's red ears. He always got red ears when he lied.

"...You never do that, why do you suddenly go with him?" Sasuke asked and started stroking through Haku's long hair. He couldn't help but love it even now.

"I need new clothes." Haku said. He hoped Sasuke would stop talking about it now, he hated lying even more.

"You just bought new clothes." Sasuke said and raised an eyebrow. "So can I please get the real reason you're going to the city?"

"I need more clothes." Haku said. Shit. Why didn't Sasuke believe him? If Sasuke continued like this, he'd just make him feel guilty. That would show him. Pff.

"..Fine. Tomorrow then. At least stay for dinner." Sasuke finally said and sighed as he pulled Haku a little closer. What did he care anyhow. As long as Haku would stay with him.

"I will." Haku said with a satisfied smile. He was glad Sasuke finally believed him. "So what do you want to do?"

"Whatever you wanna do." Sasuke said as he let his fingers run through Haku's hair over and over. Damn, why was it so silky?

"You know what I want, I just want to sit here." Haku said with a smile. He never really liked to do active things. He liked to just sit here like this. He was sportive, but not with Sasuke. He wanted to just sit with Sasuke and love him. Nothing more. He softly kissed Sasuke's neck.

"..Oh..yeah...well OK.." Sasuke said and let Haku kiss his neck. He wasn't too fond of just sitting around, even if he loved Haku a lot. He liked actually doing stuff some of the times too. Like this time.

"What do you want to do?" Haku asked again. He knew that Sasuke would want to do something else.

"Something more active like play a game...have sex." Sasuke said and now licked Haku's neck seductively.

Haku frowned. He should say something of this, now.

"...Sasuke.. why do you always want sex?" He softly asked, stuttering a bit. "I like it, that's not the problem, but I'm just asking..." He put his head back a bit to show Sasuke that he did felt like doing it. He showed Sasuke more of his neck so he could reach it better.

"..I don't know, you're hot. I just want you a lot." Sasuke said and started sucking on Haku's neck now. Not too rough, since Haku, sadly, didn't like that.

"Sasuke I'm serious.. it's not common.." Haku said. He really wanted to know. "..If I'm with you we have sex two times a day.. every time we see each other. Isn't that a bit much?"

"..Maybe. I can't help wanting it. I just need it a lot with you." Sasuke answered and still licked and sucked on Haku's neck. Would the damn boy just get in the mood already?

Haku was silent now. Sasuke just needed it a lot with him? Was that a compliment or was Sasuke offending him? Wasn't the sex good enough?

Sasuke sighed a little annoyed now. "If you don't want it, then say so." He said and pulled away from Haku's neck.

"..It's just.. I can easily live without sex Sasuke, I don't need it as much as you do.." Haku said, looking at Sasuke with a soft look in his eyes. "..And I really like it to have sex with you, that's really not the problem.. Can't you tell me why you need it so much..?"

"I don't know why I need it so much. Maybe it's because I have to hold back all the time. Maybe I'm just a sex addict." Sasuke snapped. He could get easily annoyed for not getting what he wanted.

Haku looked at Sasuke, frowning.

"..The sex isn't good enough?" Haku asked. He felt a bit hurt because of Sasuke snapping at him.

"I'm not saying it isn't good enough Haku. I'm saying that maybe I need it a lot because I have to hold back sometimes. Most times." Sasuke said, calming down.

"You have to hold back?" Haku asked.

"Yes I have to hold back. It's not a big deal Haku, I like pleasing you more then pleasing myself." Sasuke said and mentally slapped himself right after. That did NOT come out the way he wanted it to.

Haku looked at him hurt now.

"..I'm not pleasing you..?" He asked. Was it that bad?

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that. You 'do' please me Haku. I wouldn't come every single time if you didn't. But I like it rough too, so I have to hold back. Because you don't like it that way and that is way more important." Sasuke said as he stroke Haku's cheek.

"..But you do mind.." Haku said. He felt sad again. "...What is it that you want Sasuke..? Neji was too overwhelming for you and you have to hold back with me.. what do you want then..?"

Sasuke stared at Haku. He was right really. But Sasuke knew what he wanted..Both. But he would never get that. "..I don't know." Sasuke lied and held onto Haku's hips.

Haku opened his mouth to tell Sasuke that he shouldn't lie to him, but Haku had done that himself a few seconds ago. He couldn't punish Sasuke for something he did too.

"You miss him, don't you?" Haku said, after a few seconds of silence.

"..Of course I miss him..." Sasuke softly said and stared down now. He felt guilty for it. Guilty for missing Neji even if he had the best boyfriend he could ever possibly get. He wasn't worth Haku at all.

"...I talked to him today.." Haku said, looking at Sasuke. "He misses you too.. a lot.. you should go to him.."

"...When did you talk to him?" Sasuke asked surprised and stared at Haku. When did those two even started 'talking'?

"I met him when I was jogging." Haku said, looking back at Sasuke. "..He was a bit upset. He wants you back really badly, but he is afraid to come to you."

"...He doesn't want me back." Sasuke said, annoyed and hurt. He looked away now. There was just no way in hell Neji would want him back. He had wanted Sasuke to leave and pretty much never show his face again..Neji did not want him.

"He does, more then anything." Haku said. "..Look, don't talk to him about this OK, you didn't get it from me.. but well.. he said that he's used to be the center of attention.. and then all of a sudden he is shoved aside to share. He was still hurt of you breaking up with him and he missed you so badly, he still does. Believe me Sasuke... I've talked with him and he cried on my shoulder because of it. He misses you really badly..."

"..When did the two of you become friends?" Sasuke asked suspecting something again. He decided not to react to the rest of the story...since he didn't believe it anyhow.

"It just clicked." Haku said. "He was angry first, and started yelling everything he felt at me and ended up crying.. and you know how I am, I comforted him of course.. but Sasuke please believe me, he misses you. And he sent you away that time because he knew he'd break down into tears if he let you stay any longer." Haku knew Neji hadn't told him this, but he was sure it had went like this. He could tell.

"He sent me away because he hates me Haku..Stop talking about him, I don't wanna hear it.." Sasuke said, his voice softer then usual. He just couldn't bear thinking of Neji these days. Let alone hear people talk about him.

"I just want you to know it Sasuke, I don't like seeing you unhappy.." Haku muttered, looking away.

"I'm not unhappy Haku. I'm really happy with 'you'." Sasuke said and kissed Haku's lips softly, trying to make sure Haku knew it was true.

"..But you would be happier if you had Neji too.." Haku said.

"Haku stop...I want you. You, you, you. Yes, I would like having Neji too. I would be happier. But I'm already so happy with you. I don't love you just for nothing Haku." Sasuke said, this time a little more strict.

"..OK." Haku said, smiling a bit. He didn't believe it though.

"Why don't you believe me?" Sasuke said and looked at Haku confused. What had gotten into him? Haku never doubted him or the things he said, so why did he start now?

"...It's just hard to believe now I talked to Neji.." Haku softly said. "...I can imagine why you fell for him. It makes me feel a bit less then before."

"Well don't. You are no less then him Haku. Stop thinking that right now." Sasuke said a stern and grabbed Haku's face softly.

"It's hard.." Haku muttered. "With you talking about him so much and stuff."

"...I don't praise him into heaven or something...but you're right, I'm sorry OK. I don't talk about him because I'm not happy with you. I just feel like I can say anything on my mind with you around." Sasuke said and stroke Haku's cheek.

"I know, I know.." Haku said. "But if you want to talk about him so much, if you want him so much, you really should go to him.. it hurts me to see you unhappy. Really Sasuke... please talk to him. Even if you do it for me."

"...He wouldn't want me to talk to him." Sasuke said as he now pulled Haku close to him, stroking through his hair again.

"Sasuke I know he wants it.. you have no idea what kind of talk I had with him." Haku said, while he hugged Sasuke tightly. He needed him. But he needed it even more that Sasuke talked to Neji. Sasuke had to talk to Neji.

"..What did you two talk about?" Sasuke asked, holding Haku equally tight. He knew Haku. And he knew a good hug would set him straight.

"About everything that happened to both Neji as to me." Haku said. He knew he should be honest with Sasuke. But he could leave a few things out. "He told me how much he misses you and that he can't forget you.. he broke up with you because he was too proud, I'm sure of that. He said that he was used to be the center of attention and now he had to share that attention. I can understand that he was too proud to do that. And I think his adoption mother had some influence on him."

"..Oh I know she did...But Haku..I just don't know OK...What happened to both you as Neji?" Sasuke asked, a little curious now.

"...Well..." Haku started as he trailed off. He didn't wanted to bring those things forward again.

"..Well what?" Sasuke asked. For some reason he felt his stomach turn. Was Haku keeping secrets from him?

"...Well Neji told me about what happened to him and then I told him my story too.." Haku muttered. Sasuke should know. "..I haven't told you because I wanted to put it away and forget it, but well... You see, I lost my parents, just like him, when I was young.. I got a boyfriend who I loved, a lot.. and well.. he didn't.." Haku trailed off now. This was harder then he thought. Why hadn't he cried with Neji?

"...I knew about your parents somewhat..You told me Zabuza wasn't your real father..so...but what about that boyfriend?" Sasuke asked concerned. Haku didn't ever trail off, so now that he did, Sasuke knew something was wrong.

"..Well... he was the one who took my innocence, kinda against my will.. " Haku muttered, looking away while he bit his lip.

"..What? You mean he..? Why did you never tell me?" Sasuke said, his voice sounding angrier then he had meant it to be.

"..It's not a subject I like to talk about you know.." Haku said, shrugging. "..Zabuza doesn't even know.. but well, he adopted me when he saw me at the new school I moved to.. the adoption parents I had before Zabuza weren't nice at all and sent me to a new school, and I had to leave my friends behind. After Zabuza adopted me, it went better and better... and now I met you I'm almost completely happy." Haku smiled softly at Sasuke after he said this.

"...Almost? Haku you should've told me. We've been together for months and now I'm finding out I don't know you at all.." Sasuke said and looked away from Haku. He couldn't bare it to take a smile like that now.

"..Almost because you're not happy Sasuke.." Haku softly said. "..And I know.. well you do know me, you only didn't knew what happened to me.. you never told me something of your life either you know.."

"Yes I did..I told you my parents died, that I now live with my brother, that we moved here because of Itachi's friends and a better school and all about Neji." Sasuke said. "And I 'am' happy."

"Stop lying to me." Haku snapped all of sudden. He never snapped. "I know you're hiding things. And the only things you told me about Neji were things about his personality. Nothing more. And I know you're not happy."

"Fine then don't believe it! You just keep making your own life miserable by not believing me! Go ahead Haku!" Sasuke yelled as he put Haku off of his lap and stood up. He was done with this. Done with it all. Neji's coming back ruined everything. Even him and Haku.

Haku looked at him with a frown on his face and a slight hint of hurt in his eyes. He looked away, biting his lip. He never had been able to handle angry persons. He hoped Sasuke wouldn't go to Neji now. He would only get mad at him. Probably.

"What's it gonna be Haku? Are you gonna be happy with me or are we not gonna ever learn more about each other and break up now? Because if that's what you want just say it." Sasuke snapped and stared at Haku.

Haku looked at him a bit in shock now.

"Do you want to break up with me?" He asked. Did Sasuke even still care about him? Why else would Sasuke even ask him if he wanted to break up, without showing a hint of sadness in his eyes?

"No! I don't! Because I am happy with you! It's you who's not happy with me!" Sasuke yelled and swallowed. Things were going wrong again. They were always going wrong and he would just end up alone and miserable.

"I 'am' happy with you, I'm only not happy with the fact that you are not fully happy." Haku said, looking back at Sasuke. He unconsciously put his legs before himself, while he felt a bit scared of the hard sounds. He really couldn't handle angry people. "..I'm not blind Sasuke.. I've seen you crying.."

"I'm just upset!" Sasuke yelled. "I can't take everyone being insecure around me! Thinking I don't love them enough! I hate it!" He was so angry. He couldn't even control it anymore.

Haku frowned and then did the opposite of what he normally did, he stood and grabbed Sasuke's shoulders.

"..Calm down Sasuke.." Haku softly said. "But it's not strange for me to think that you don't love me enough since you love someone else too."

"..If I loved Neji more I would've already left you the second Neji got home." Sasuke said and pulled away from Haku's touch. Times like these, he couldn't handle anything.

"...I know.." Haku said as he sat down. He felt some tears form in his eyes but quickly blinked them away. He was confused. "..But I'm still insecure.. I think I need to know more about you and Neji, and talk to Neji more.. perhaps then I'll see it... but Sasuke.. if you want Neji back in your life, together with me, you have to be quick..."

"..I don't wanna hear it ok! Dammit!" Sasuke yelled again. He couldn't help it. It was his way of dealing with things. Scare it away. Scream about it. It always left him even more miserable and yet it was becoming an addiction. It helped for the time being.

Haku was silent and looked away. He didn't knew how to handle this and even felt scared. He chose to stay silent and do nothing but close his eyes.

"..I can't lose you too OK..." Sasuke softly said and then finally sat himself down on the couch. He couldn't get mad at Haku. Not now. Not ever.

Haku still stayed silent. The only thing he could say was that if Sasuke didn't wanted to lose him he had to think about himself once. And contact Neji. But it would make Sasuke even angrier. He kept his head bowed and his eyes closed. He'd open them again if he knew something to say.

"..Don't give me the silent treatment..." Sasuke said as he stared at Haku guilty. And hurt. If even Haku didn't want him...then what was left?

"...I'm afraid that I'll make you angry again..." Haku softly said as he opened his eyes again.

"..I'm not gonna be angry...I just snapped..it's over now.." Sasuke softly said as he turned to face away from Haku.

Haku knew that Sasuke would grow angry again if he told him that it was best for Sasuke to search contact with Neji. Haku always knew what was best for people and he knew this was the best option for him. But Sasuke was just too stubborn. Perhaps even more then Neji was. Haku didn't knew what to do anymore. Should he talk again? About something else perhaps?

Sasuke sighed. "..Are you mad at me?" Sasuke asked, still not turning back to Haku. He couldn't right now. Seeing Haku hurt made him feel the worst he would ever feel.

"..Of course not." Haku said. Why would he ever get mad at Sasuke? What kind of question was that? "I love you remember."

"...I love you too..but it's wrong to yell at you...All you're trying to do is make me happy..but Haku..I can't be happy if you're not happy.." Sasuke softly said.

"..I said that I'm almost happy, because I'll be completely happy when you are." Haku said, looking at Sasuke now. This would be the last time Haku would try to get Sasuke to talk to Neji. The last time he'd say Sasuke was unhappy.

"..If I get Neji back...Would you be happy?" Sasuke asked sceptical and turned to Haku again. The look on his face was soft. He would do anything to not hurt Haku any more.

"...Yes, because I'll know you'll be the most happy person in the world." Haku said. "And with that I'll share that place with you."

"..Don't lie..." Sasuke said and then suddenly pulled Haku into a hug. He just needed to hold Haku. Make sure he'd stay. Even if he couldn't be sure of that forever.

Haku hugged back.

"I don't lie about things like this Sasuke.." Haku softly said. He really meant it. He really would be one of the most happy persons in the world if Sasuke would be one of them too.

"...I love you.." Sasuke said. He knew Haku didn't lie. But it still made him insecure.

"I love you too Sasuke, with my whole heart." Haku said, smiling. He loved it to hear Sasuke say that. It made him really happy.

Sasuke started placing soft butterfly kisses in Haku's neck again. "..I really love you...I'll always love you.." Sasuke whispered.

"Thanks Sasuke.. you know it's the same with me.." Haku said, while he sighed from happiness. "Can you promise me you'll go to him..?" He leaned in, closer to Sasuke, to feel more of those lovely kisses.

"..I will...Now just enjoy OK.." Sasuke softly said and continued placing his kisses all over Haku, stroking his hands through Haku's hair the entire time.

Haku smiled. He knew Sasuke had to think about this and wanted sex now, to make his head clear. He'd give it to him. He leaned into Sasuke's touch and started to kiss him and give him all his love. Because that was what he deserved. Because Haku loved him.