Chapter Three

"I remember when I was a little girl and Caity and I would go trick-or-treating together," Marissa recalled feeling nostalgic for the past. "You've never seen loot until you collect candy in Newport Beach. You just didn't get a few mini candy bars, you got treat bags stuffed full of every sort of candy you could imagine, and not candy you could buy in the store, but expensive, foreign chocolate. I even got a gift certificate once to a toy store for $50." When she stopped to hear Ryan's response, she was startled when the line went completely quiet for several moments. "Are you still there," she asked him.

"Yeah, I'm just….wow. That's insane," Ryan eventually exclaimed. "Here, in Chino, we were lucky if we got one of those cheap dum-dum suckers that banks give out to little kids."

"So then I doubt you would have had intense trading sessions where you would align your candy, sort it, and then try to dupe people into trading you your favorite kind," she asked him, giggling slightly at the childhood memory.

"No," Ryan answered her, "in my neighborhood you'd get your candy and run for it, so that it wouldn't get stolen. And then, once you did make it home safely, you had to hide it so that your family wouldn't eat it."

"Your family would take your Halloween candy?"

"And anything else they wanted," he countered. "Nothing was safe."

"Tell me about them," Marissa asked, "your family. You've never really mentioned them before, and, I have to tell you, I've been curious about them ever since you told me you got married at 16. I mean, who lets their kid do that?"

"Dawn Atwood does," Ryan responded with a laugh. Ten years ago he wouldn't have been able to dismiss his troubled family so easily, but, at that point in his life, they didn't bother him anymore. They were just another thing that made him who he was. "My family….well let's just say they weren't the ideal American household."

"Oh, come on, that does not exist," Marissa interrupted, making him smile at her words. Even through the phone he could tell she was shaking her head and rolling her eyes in disbelief. "Look at my family. On the outside, it looked like we were perfect, but underneath everything, we were a mess, a mess that eventually destroyed us."

"Not all of you, you were strong enough to survive, and because of your strength, you saved your sister," Ryan pointed out, arguing with her.

Marissa was quiet for a moment while she thought. "You know, as weird as this might sound, sometimes I'm glad it all happened. I mean, not that my Dad killed himself but that I was forced to grow up. Before that happened to my family, I was out of control, partying, drinking, throwing my life away with both hands, but then I was forced to mature by the fact that there was no one there to clean up my messes any longer, and there was my innocent, baby sister who, if no one took care of her, would have probably ended up in foster care, and I just…I don't know, I took control of my life and became an adult overnight. It's been hard, I've done things I'm not proud of to survive, but I don't regret any of it."

"Maybe if I had been a little bit more like you, I wouldn't have ended up sixteen and married," Ryan suggested, his pride in her accomplishments evident in his voice.

"I don't understand; what do you mean?"

"Well, it's just that if I would have been brave enough to strike out on my own instead of hanging around my family waiting for them to destroy me, accepting what I thought was the inevitable, then I wouldn't have ever gotten involved with Theresa in the first place." Sighing, he confessed, "I had a chance, too. There was this guy my Mom dated for a while who worked construction. Their relationship didn't pan out, but he liked me and offered me a job if I would have wanted to go with him. For some reason, I didn't. Instead, I stayed in Chino, became my brother Trey's lapdog, doing whatever he told me when he told me just so that I could feel like I belonged somewhere, and took care of my Mom when she would get out of control and pass out because she was so drunk. Theresa became my escape. I could go over to her house, where, even though they had their own problems, they were still a functioning family. Her Mom would make sure I had a good meal before I went back home and Theresa would…..," his voice got softer, almost a whisper as he searched his mind for someway to describe his relationship with his wife before they were married, "keep me company."

"Ryan, we're both adults here," Marissa laughed freely, enjoying his apparent embarrassment. "You can tell me what really happened. You used her for sex." Waiting for his reply of confirmation, she just started laughing harder when the line remained cloaked in silence. "You're blushing right now, aren't you," she asked. "I embarrassed you!"

"Can we just get back on topic," he snapped, making her giggle even more as he rolled his eyes at her mirth and his inability not to smile at the sound of it.

"Right, of course," Marissa agreed. "Tell me more about your family. You mentioned your Mom and brother, but what about your Dad?"

"He went to prison when I was a little kid, armed robbery. I really don't remember much about him."

"So then, I take it, he never looked you up after he got out of prison?"

"If he tried to, I never knew anything about it, and, to be honest," Ryan admitted, "I preferred it that way. Trust me; not having any interaction with Tom Atwood is a good thing."

"Well then, that takes care of your Dad, but whatever happened to your brother and your Mom," Marissa continued to ask questions. "Surely they're around somewhere."

"Nope, at least not my Mom," he responded. "I had word a few years back that she died from liver sclerosis, which, considering the fact that she was an alcoholic was no big surprise. And, as for Trey, the last I heard he was running from the cops for who knows what. Rumor has it he went off to Mexico, so I doubt I'll ever see him again."

"Do you ever….miss them?" Her voice was soft, concerned, caring. "They might not have been perfect and they probably drove you crazy, but they were still your family. I know that I miss my Mom."

"You do," Ryan interrupted her, surprised by what she had admitted. "I thought you and your Mom didn't get along when you were growing up."

"Oh my god," Marissa laughed, "we fought like you would not believe. Everything I did was never good enough for her, and I always resented her harsh standards and cold attitude, but, at the end of the day, she was my Mom, and when I find myself having a bad week, sometimes I just want to curl up in my Mom's arms and let her hold me as I cry." Sniffling, she laughed at herself. "Listen to me, getting all emotional about this. It's really quite sad actually. I mean, she's been gone for eleven years, but still, whenever I walk by someone who is wearing her favorite perfume or hear a Bob Segar song, she loved his music, I instantly picture her face and get this ridiculous, childish longing to see her, even if it's just one more time."

"You're still young," Ryan pointed out, "so you never know what could happen. Maybe you will meet up with her again one day. Stranger things have happened."

"Yeah, well, we'll see," she dismissed, needing to change the subject and forget her past. "Anyway, you never answered my question. Do you ever miss your family?"

"No, not really," he answered truthfully, "but it's hard to miss what you never had. They were people in my life, but we were never a family. There was no support, no connection, no love; we just put up with each other. I do, however, want to someday know what it's like to have a family."

"Don't you have that with Theresa?"

"That's a laughable idea," Ryan snorted in disbelief. "We don't even know each other. She has no idea who I am, what I want from life, and I know nothing about her. We just coexist…and not very well at that. But that's enough about my marriage, it's almost Halloween, a holiday; we should be talking about good things, having fun."

Marissa wanted to know more. She had so many questions about his wife and his relationship with her. She just didn't understand why someone would stay in a marriage that made them so unhappy, but, unless he brought it up, she wouldn't, because she felt it was none of her business. She wasn't his girlfriend; she was just his friend and a new one at that. So, letting the subject pass, she delved right back into the conversation, steering it back towards topics that were fun as Ryan had requested.

"Fun, I can do that," she said out loud, silencing her personal, private thoughts. "How about you tell me what your favorite Halloween memory is since I already told you mine."

"Oh, that's an easy one. Besides being a drunk, my Mom was really lazy. She hated cleaning, and unless I did it, things never got done. One year, she hadn't paid our garbage bill. When it came time to throw the old pumpkins away, there was no dumpster to toss them in, so I just tossed them into the backyard and let them rot. I would throw lots of things on top of them from around the yard, the leaves and grass I would rake up and the branches that would fall off the trees, and it must have been enough to help the seeds grow, so by the next year, I had my own little pumpkin patch."

"How old were you," Marissa asked, his story amusing her so much as she imagined a young Ryan caring for his pumpkins.

"I was….man, I don't even remember, ten maybe. Anyway," he continued, "I really took care of those pumpkins. No one else cared about them, so they left me and the plants alone, and by the time Halloween came around, I had enough pumpkins to sell one to every kid in the neighborhood, making a few dollars for myself to spend on anything I wanted. I was so proud of myself," he laughed at the memories of his younger, naïve self, "but I also wasn't a good business man, because I forgot to save a pumpkin for my own use and didn't have anything to toss in the backyard to see if I could do it again."

"Why didn't you just buy some?" Teasing him, her voice mischievous, she pushed. "I'm sure even in Chino they sold packets of seeds."

"It just wouldn't have been the same thing. Anyone could have grown pumpkins from seeds they….." All of a sudden Ryan couldn't continue talking, because Marissa was laughing so hard he knew she wouldn't be able to hear him. "What is so funny," he finally managed to ask when she had to stop giggling to breathe.

"I'm sorry," Marissa said though even more giggles, "but I can't quit picturing a little Ryan in bib overalls, with his gardening tools, and a big, toothless smile as he looks, with pride, over his pumpkin patch. I'm surprised you didn't end up wanting to be a farmer."

"Oh, that would have gone over smoothly. 'Hey Theresa, I know that this is going to sound weird, but I really want to be a farmer, so let's pack up our stuff and move to the country.'" Just thinking about telling his wife that made Ryan join Marissa with his own laughter, both of them gasping for breath and Marissa having to wipe her tears of mirth away by the time they regained control.

"Thank you for that," Marissa taunted him. "Now I will be able to go to bed thoroughly exhausted. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard. I think I pulled a muscle."

"See, this is why I should be there with you," Ryan explained, "I'd be able to give you a massage to help with your sore body."

"Uh, uh, uh," she reprimanded him, "that is definitely crossing the friends border we've established.

"What, friends give each other massages?!"

"Good morning, Ryan," Marissa replied, stifling a yawn and ignoring his comment while snuggling down in her bed, the early morning rays peeking through her blinds to partially illuminate her bedroom.

Knowing this meant their conversation was over and that she was about to fall asleep, Ryan returned her salutation with the one he said to her everyday; their routine having been perfected the first time they had talked to each other. "Goodnight, Marissa."

Hanging up the phone, he suddenly felt depressed. It seemed as if the only things that could make him smile now were Marissa's voice over the phone, her words in their constant emails, or her face when he saw her in his dreams. His schedule had not sent him back to Seattle yet, so it had been a few weeks since he'd seen her, and it was starting to wear on him. Sighing, he slipped his cell into his pants' pocket and stood up from his desk, preparing to sneak out of the house before Theresa woke up. It was just six in the morning, the sun just starting to creep over the horizon, so he assumed his wife would still be sleeping. He would be able to leave the house, drive into LA, have breakfast, go to the gym, and then continue into work and get his next assignment all without seeing his wife. At this point, he realized as he walked out of his office, he just couldn't deal with her.

"Did I just hear you talking," a voice broke through the stillness of the house. Apparently luck was not on his side.

"Nope, Theresa, you must be hearing things. I've just been," he paused as his mind searched for a reason as to why he would have, once again, spent the whole night in his office, "reviewing tapes to prepare myself for my next assignment."

"Oh, I didn't know that you already found out what you were working on next," she replied, walking out of the kitchen to meet him in the hall by the front door as he was slipping on his shoes. "Wait, where are you going if you don't have to go into the office to get your assignment?"

Shit, Ryan swore to himself. Once again, he was caught in a lie. "Just to the gym and then I have to run some errands before I take off this afternoon."

"But what about the Halloween party we're supposed to go," Theresa argued with him. "I told you about it a couple of weeks ago. Remember, I told you that I'd already picked out our costumes. I'm going to be princess and you're going as a frog."

"Well," he countered, "this is work. I can't just call off because my wife wants to go to some ridiculous party where adults dress up and make fools of themselves. Besides, there's no way I would wear a frog costume."

"And, of course, like always, you weren't paying attention to me when I told you about it the first place, because otherwise, you would have argued with me then. Ryan," she complained, "I never see you. It's been months since we last spent any alone time together."

"I know," he agreed with, pretending to be checking his phone for a text message so he wouldn't have to look her in the eye. "It's just that work is crazy right now; I'm swamped. Soon, though, soon we'll do something, I promise."

And with that, he walked out the door, not even noticing how upset she was. Walking to his car, he realized that he probably wouldn't have to fly out for his next work assignment for a couple of days, but he had already told Theresa he would be leaving that afternoon. Smiling suddenly as he got a brainstorm, his dark mood once again became bright and chipper. "I think today is as good of a day as any to take a mini-vacation to Seattle," he said out loud, sliding into his car and turning it on. Pulling out of the driveway, he directed his car to LA where he would do all the things he had been planning on anyway but alter his plans slightly to pick up a few supplies for a little surprise he was planning for Marissa.

"Trick or Treat!"

"What….what are you doing here," Marissa exclaimed excitedly, "and why didn't you tell me you were coming. I would have gone out, bought some groceries, prepared a place for you to stay." Laughing at the man in front of her, his bags still in his hands, she simply stood there, holding the door, staring at him, too shocked to do anything else.

"I wanted to surprise you," he answered her, dropping his bags and taking in her into his arms for a tight hug. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but close his eyes and bury his head a little too far into her hair, savoring the feeling of her body pressed up against his and the scent of her intoxicating, floral shampoo as it calmed his senses and made him feel at home. Even as she started talking again, he couldn't bring himself to pull away from her.

"I don't understand, Ryan," she said thoughtfully. "I checked the sports schedules to see if there were any important games coming up this week that you might get assigned to cover, but the football game is away this weekend and you wouldn't cover a pre-season basketball game. Did I miss something online….?"

"No," he answered her, finally releasing her from his tight grasp, "you didn't miss anything. I'm not here to work. I, in fact, have the next two days off and I wanted to see you, so here I am."

Ushering him into the apartment, she shut the door and then followed him to the living area where he sat down and motioned for her to sit beside him. "Did you know about this when we talked this morning?"

"I wanted to come and see you, I knew that this morning, but, instead of asking for a story here, I decided to just make this a personal trip. And," he continued, knowing she was about to ask more questions, "I'm here until Friday morning when I have to fly out and head to Texas for my next several projects, but there's more important things to talk about." Letting his eyes move up and down her body, he took in her appearance with a broad smile across his face. "For instance, what are you wearing?"

"It's my costume," she answered him, laughing at his bewilderment. "Every year we have this big party at work where we have to dress up. This year," she explained, standing up and doing a little spin to show off her outfit, "I'm Little Bo Beep."

"You have to go to work," Ryan asked, suddenly crestfallen, "but I had a whole night planned for us. I even brought supplies."

"Is it just me or does that sound mildly frightening?"

Standing up, he moved towards his bags, rolling his eyes at her sarcastic skepticism. Lifting one up, he set it on the coffee table in front of her couch and motioned for her to sit down again so he could show her what he brought with him. Opening up the bag, he revealed that it was completely filled with candy, a perfect mixture of cheap, Chino candy and the high end, expensive candy of Marissa's childhood in Newport.

"Ryan," Marissa cried out breathlessly, tears filling her eyes at how sweet his gesture was, "I can't believe you did this."

"I figured we could sort it out and trade all evening long, and, if that got boring," he continued talking as he stood up and moved towards his second bag, "I also brought the cheesiest scary movies I could find so we could make fun of them together."

"And we will do that, all of it," Marissa promised, sitting down once again and taking his hand in hers, squeezing it to show her sincerity, "just as soon as I get home work."

"Or I could just go with you," Ryan suggested, standing up and walking towards her bathroom. "I'm sure that between the two of us we will be able to think up a quick costume for me to wear."

"Ah…..," Marissa scrambled, unsure of what to say but thankful that Ryan was out of the room so he wouldn't be able to see her panicked face. "You can't," she eventually shouted out. "It's a private party." She hated lying to him, but some things were unavoidable. Besides, he didn't tell her everything about his marriage, so why should she have to tell him everything about her life?

"Well then, just call off," he suggested.

"I can't, Ryan. Trust me," she said honestly, standing up and meeting him in the middle of the room, "there's nothing more that I'd like to do than stay at home with you all night, but, even putting aside the fact that I live on a budget and need this money, I couldn't call off a half an hour before I'm supposed to be there. They'd never be able to find a replacement for me this late." Moving towards the counter in the kitchen where her things were gathered together, she started picking them up. "All I can do is try to get out early. I'm so sorry. You came here to spend time with me, and I have to leave ten minutes after you walked through the door for work."

"It's okay," Ryan dismissed. "If anyone understands the importance of work, it's me. I'll just….I don't know. I'll take a nap, get well rested so that we can spend some time together when you get home, and I'll fix you something to eat, too, so that we can eat an early breakfast together."

"I have to go," Marissa returned, moving towards the door and opening it. "Make yourself comfortable though. If you get bored, my computer is in my bedroom along with all my books, so feel free to use anything you want. I'll see you as soon as I can." And with that, she shut the door, leaving Ryan alone. Already bored without her there by his side, he dejectedly collapsed onto her couch surveying the living room as he thought about what he would do first, but his thoughts were soon interrupted by Marissa running back inside, panting for breath and holding up her skirts. "I almost forgot," she explained. "Tonight really is trick-or-treat, so I need to put out my bowl of candy for the kids. As long as the candy doesn't run out, which I got quite a bit, then they shouldn't bother you." Just as she went to put the bowl down outside of the door, his voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Wait, that's ridiculous," he pointed out. "I'm going to be here, alone with nothing to do, so why don't I just hand out the candy for you."

"You don't have to do that, Ryan."

"No," he argued, "I think it'll be fun. It's been years since I've seen little kids dressed up on Halloween. I should probably really catch up on what constitutes a cool costume these days."

"Well," she chuckled, "I appreciate it. It starts at 8:00, so make sure you're listening for the door." With one final smile, she ran back out the door, calling out over her shoulder, "have fun," before, once again, disappearing from Ryan's sight.

Silently, he made his way towards the candy bowl, picking out a piece to eat, before grabbing his coat, wallet, and the spare key he knew Marissa kept in the kitchen, making his way out the door as quickly as he could. He only had a little while before he would have to be back to pass out the candy, but, first, there were a few things he wanted to pick up for Marissa.

"Ryan, I'm back," Marissa called out as she stepped into her apartment late that night. "I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to sneak out early just….like….I….," her words suddenly trailed off as she took in the appearance of her apartment. It had been completely transformed. There were Halloween decorations everywhere, the only illumination in the room coming from the dozens of candles placed around the entire living space and the various strings of decorative lights Ryan had strung up. "What is all this," she finally managed to ask a widely grinning Ryan who was just standing back in the shadows watching her face as she observed the surprise he had set up for her.

"I guess I felt inspired," he responded casually, dismissing his own efforts. "For some reason, I was excited about Halloween for the first time in years. Maybe it's because it's our first holiday together as friends."

"Au contraire, my friend," Marissa teased him, walking around the apartment and looking at everything he had done while she talked. "I distinctly remember already being your friend on Columbus Day."

"You just had to spoil all my fun, didn't you," Ryan teased her, taking her by the hand and leading her to her bedroom as she laughed at his dramatics. "Now, while I get out your last surprise, I hid it so you wouldn't see anything, you need to change, take off this adorable costume, and put on something comfortable yet old so you won't care if you get it dirty."

"Wait," she protested, "why would I get dirty? What are we going to be doing?"

"If you don't go and change now and quit asking questions, I won't let you eat the food I made," Ryan threatened, laughing loudly as she was gone inside of the room before he could even finish. Shaking his head at her antics, he made his way into the kitchen where he hid her surprise, eagerly anticipating her reaction the entire time.

Five minutes later, Marissa emerged from her room, her hair thrown up in a ponytail while she wore a pair of baggy shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt. "Is it okay if I come out now, Ryan," she called to him, standing timidly outside of her door.

"We're all set," he answered.

Walking into the living area, she instantly saw what her surprise was. Ryan had newspapers spread out across the floor while several pumpkins and two knives were set aside. "It's not officially Halloween until you carve some pumpkins," he explained to her, moving towards the CD player. As soon as the music filled the air, she couldn't help but chuckle softly to herself.

"The Monster Mash," she shouted out in joy. All of a sudden, she felt like a kid again, capable of enjoying the simple things in life like a good piece of candy, a funny song, or carving a jack-o-lantern. "I haven't heard this song in forever," she added as she sat down on the floor and immediately reached for a pumpkin, crossing her legs Indian style and motioning for Ryan to join her. Moving her body towards his, she quickly placed a light, friendly kiss on his cheek before settling back down to begin carving. "Thank you for this. I'm not sure anyone has ever done anything this special for me before."

He didn't say a word in return, merely smiling at her before they both started working on their pumpkins. They didn't need to say anything else. Instead, they were just going to enjoy their night together. After all, you only got to celebrate your first Halloween with a new friend once.

Exhausted, Marissa had long since fallen asleep. They had been watching a movie together on her couch, Sleepy Hollow, Marissa's choice, when she had drifted off. After they had finished carving their pumpkins, they had lit them, blowing out all the other candles and turning off the decorative sets of lights so that only their spooky jack-o-lanterns illuminated the room. While they started the movie, they had eaten the food Ryan had made for them, but as time slipped by, he had noticed her eyelids getting heavy and eventually dropping completely shut; her body, in its sleepy state, cuddling into his. Again, just like the hug they had shared before, he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but wrap his arm around her and hold her close while she slept.

He had been unable to sleep though. Instead, he had gone over his life in his mind, silently pondering what he wanted and what he needed until he made a decision, one that would probably alter his life forever. Needing to act upon his decision right away less he changed his mind or lost his nerve, he carefully pulled his cell phone out of his pocket so as not to wake Marissa. Hitting the second number on his speed dial, he waited for the answering machine to pick up. He knew his boss wouldn't be in at this time of night….or morning really, but he wanted him to get the message as soon as he walked into the office.

"Hey, it's Ryan, Ryan Atwood," he began, his voice hushed so as not to disturb Marissa who was still asleep in his arms. "I'm calling to request a favor concerning work. If it would be possible to get a permanent assignment in Seattle, I'd really appreciate it, and, if not, I'd at least like to have first dibs on the all the stories there. As soon as you have an answer for me, I'll have my cell phone on so you can get in touch with me. And….if it's possible to keep this between you and me, I'd be really grateful, because this request is for personal reasons. Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon."

Flipping his phone shut, he set is aside on the coffee table before leaning back into the couch, pulling Marissa close once again, and fell asleep within minutes, for the moment, content.