Chapter three: An unexpected visitor.
The dungeon door opened slowly and first Dumbledore appeared, his eyes twinkling. "Talking to yourself Severus?" He asked.
"No." Snape replied simply; seeing no need to explain himself to the headmaster. He was still annoyed with him for once again overlooking him for the position of DADA teacher. Unfortunately he had to work with him in both his capacity as head of the school as well as an important member of the Order.
"Can we come in?" Dumbledore asked, ignoring the potions master's bad mood, as he did usually. It was only lucky that Snape was good at what he did otherwise Dumbledore wouldn't be able to justify keeping him around. And at the moment with Voldemort having surfaced again it was even more important than ever.
"If you must." Snape sighed unhappily. So much for the peace and quiet of a spare period- the headmaster was just as annoying as students- albeit in a different way!
However Snape's mood changed visibly when he saw who was with the headmaster for there, following Dumbledore into the room, was none other than the Minister for Magic, Cornellius Fudge. "Professor Snape, nice of you to see me at such short notice, my good fellow."
"No bother at all Minister, not for you. Have you come about my acceptance? I must say that's rather an honour- having the Minister bring it personally. I can't say how thrilled I am-"
"Professor I am not here about your acceptance- although I do believe an owl should be dispatched regarding it in the next day or too. No I'm here about something far more serious. May I sit down?" The Minister asked.
Snape's gaze went straight to the headmaster but if he knew what this unexpected visit was about he showed no signs of it; his face blank.
"Of course." Snape said, lazily flicking his wand in the direction of some chairs, which promptly flew across the room and landed in front of the desk.
Dumbledore and Fudge settled themselves into the chairs while Snape watched with barely disguised impatience. Finally, after a great deal of crossing and uncrossing of legs, arranging and rearranging of robes, the Minister spoke, "Professor I'm afraid you're not going to like this at all….."
Snape sighed inwardly. Why did that not surprise him? It seemed that most things happening lately were things he didn't like. If he were a superstitious person he'd think he had been cursed. If he were a religious wizard he'd think he'd done something to offend God. However as he were neither he didn't consider why things weren't great. "Minister may I congratulate you on the appointment of Delores Umbridge?" Snape asked sryrippily.
The Minister looked incredibly uncomfortable and he shot a glance at Dumbledore that Snape interpreted as being guilty about the couple of articles having run in "The Daily Prophet" recently portraying Albus Dumbledore as a senile old fool who believed an attention-seeking liar like Potter over the Ministry who, after all, should know the reality about these sorts of things. "You may." Fudge said shortly. "But that's not what I'm here about."
"No?" Snape asked.
Fudge played with a loose thread on his clothes. "This is rather a delicate matter Severus- oh, may I call you Severus?"
"Of course." Snape responded.
"As I was saying this is a delicate matter. At the moment there is a lot of… speculation as to the return of he-who-must-not-be-named." Fudge said.
Snape's eyes darted towards the headmaster. Dumbledore's expression didn't change.
"I have, of course, heard the talk." Snape said slowly. He'd never asked whether there were members of the Order working in the upper echelons of the Ministry. Yes there was Percy Weasley, Mad-Eye, a couple of the aurors, but did they have power in the Ministry on their side? He made a mental note to quiz the headmaster on it later.
"Everyone has." Fudge said curtly. He sighed. "I'm worried Severus. I don't believe we have anything to fear from you-know-who but the talk is creating frenzy. Not just here but all over the world."
Snape nodded sagely.
"In times of panic people look to their leaders for well…leadership…and of course I intend to give that to people. I fear we are facing an international crisis." The Minister intoned gravely.
"We are?" Snape asked, confused. He had absolutely no idea where Fudge might be going with this.
"It's like this: people believe that the terror of the Death Eaters realm might be returning. People everywhere. They'll think of horrible things happening: all magical people imprisoned or killed, wands taken, magical creatures experimented on, complete and utter anarchy."
"How could anybody be so cruel?" Snape asked, a rhetorical question of course since he himself could be considered cruel.
Dumbledore shifted in his chair. "Throughout history many have been- Muggles like Ghengis Khan and Adolf Hitler, wizards like Grindenwald and Tom Riddle." He commented.
"Yes, right. Well. So people are worried. In this time, more than ever, we need to be entertained, we need to feel like there is something else in the world, have something to take our worries away. Add to that the fact that harmony between Muggles and wizards is tenuous most of the time and, if we get some vigilante activity surrounding the talk of he-who-must-not-be-named, could be a million times worse. As I said it could be an international crisis." Fudge continued.
Snape hated to be puzzled and worried that the Minister- and possibly also Professor Dumbledore- might think him a real dimwit. But he had to ask. "Where do I come in?"
Fudge beamed at him. "Delighted you asked that old man! You come into it by making the people happy."
Snape thought it highly unlikely that he could, in any manner, make people happy. For Merlin's sake he wasn't even happy himself so how could he be responsible for that feeling in other people?
"There are some people I know, Muggles in fact, who have approached me about a couple of things. Firstly there is to be a mini-series of "William The Wizard." Some famous Muggle is writing the script as we speak and I was lead to believe it's probably looking at William's early years- so pre-movie. I want you to reprise your role in that mini-series. Entertain the Muggles and, more importantly, entertain the wizards and witches, give them something to think about other than impending doom and raise the morale of our world." Fudge began.
Snape shook his head. "No. Absolutely not." He said firmly.
"Secondly I believe at the end of the year there's going to be something the Muggles call a reality television show. I have no idea what that means considering one could not associate "Muggle" and "reality" in the one sentence. I also have no idea what this "reality show" is to be about but I do know they want you to be in it." Fudge finished.
"Again: no." Snape said.
Fudge looked uncomfortable. "This is rather unpleasant. The thing is, Severus, this isn't negotiable. You will be in the mini-series and you will be in the reality television show."
Snape swallowed and licked his dry lips. "Why?"
"Why?" Fudge looked shocked. "I've told you why! Because you need to do it, because we need the entertainment at this point in our lives, because it will keep the Muggles happy, because I said so."
Snape frowned. "Isn't there someone else who might do it? Someone who actually likes Muggles and doesn't want to put a stunning spell on them every time they get a meter closer to you than you are comfortable with?" He asked.
"You, as William, captured the hearts and minds of practically the entire world. You are our best hope in this thing Severus. Our only hope even." The Minister said.
"Is there nothing I can do to get out of this?" Snape asked hopefully.
"Nothing." Fudge confirmed.
Snape exhaled loudly and swore under his breath. "What exactly do I have to do?"
"You are to go to London tomorrow and present yourself to the writer and director of the mini-series. You'll be glad to know that Adam Minton, who worked on the silver screen version for Hammond Productions, has been taken on in some kind of capacity I believe. At least you'll know someone there."
Adam? Damn it, Snape thought, that was just the icing on the cake wasn't it? A worse thought raced unbidden into his mind. "And…Emma, who played William's wife in the movie…will she be in this mini-series?"
"That I don't know." Fudge said. "When filming of this… what do the Muggle movie people call it… wraps, you'll go to some production company and film the reality show."
"And in between all this how do I make time for my duties here at Hogwarts?" Snape demanded.
"The movie crew have been informed you have a tight schedule with your day job and will shoot around your times. If occasionally you cannot make class then Professor Dumbledore here has kindly agreed to step in for you." Fudge assured Snape.
"Sounds like everything is perfect." Dumbledore commented.
'Yeah, perfect, that's the word!' Snape thought sarcastically.
"So the address, names, and other pertinent details will be delivered to you by owl later this evening. There will be no excuses for non-attendance Severus. If you don't go then you can kiss this job you have, this cushy job, goodbye." Fudge said.
That wasn't the worst punishment Snape could think of. In fact, as far as punishments went, it was remarkably mild. No more students, no more marking pathetic essays and exam results, no more having to interact with a populace that almost universally despised him. Azkaban almost compared favourably with Hogwarts. (At least during term-time.)
Fudge stood up and Dumbledore went to follow suit but the Minister waved for him to remain sitting. "No need to get up. I am off back to London. Severus- do not let me down. Trust me. You're doing this thing, one way or another." He said firmly.
Snape didn't respond verbally but he did nod his head meekly.
When the Minister for Magic had left the Potions rooms Snape turned on the headmaster. "What the hell was that all about?" He demanded angrily and loudly. "Why didn't you do something? Stop it from having happened?"
Dumbledore looked at him for a couple of moments. "There was nothing I could do. When the Minister informed me of it a few days ago I consulted a few people, a few members of the Order, and found that this was something we couldn't stop. In fact we even thought it made sense-"
"Made sense?!?!" Snape snapped. "The one thing it does is not make sense!"
"Please calm down Severus. There is no point in you being cross with me." Dumbledore said.
"There may not be any point in it but that doesn't mean I can stop it." Snape remarked.
"Severus I'm sorry. But there is nothing I can do about this I'm afraid." Dumbledore said. He did sound, and look, as though he was sorry.
Snape remembered his earlier internal question. "Headmaster do we have any powerful allies in the Ministry? Men, or women, who are heads of departments and privy to information that some of the lesser workers- like Arthur Weasley- are not?"
Dumbledore nodded. "We have sources everywhere Severus. That's not important now though-"
"Not important? Imbeciles like Fudge think that Lord Voldemort is nothing more than a memory and the figment of a boy's over-active imagination! When Voldemort makes his move they're all going to be caught unprepared and unawares. I'd consider that to be pretty important even if you would not." Snape argued.
"I am certainly not diminishing the prospect of another war with Voldemort and his followers. However right now the important thing is what you have got to go and do in London." Dumbledore replied.
Snape slumped into his seat unhappily. He didn't even know how long this new "William The Wizard" debacle was going to go for but what he did know was that it was definitely far too long.
**
The next day, straight after a breakfast which was not very palatable- possibly because of Snape's horror at venturing back into not only the Muggle world but the extra-strange Muggle world of movies- Snape left Hogwarts for Diagon Alley. Walking slower than a pregnant Slimasauras he did some banking at Gringott's, bought some supplies to top up his personal supply of potions ingredients, and finally entered "The Leaky Cauldron."
"Severus, just the man I was hoping to see." Tom, the innkeeper, said when Severus walked into the bar. "I need a favour and you're the only man who can help me."
As a general rule Snape didn't like the simple innkeeper and tried to avoid him at all costs. Unfortunately with the inn as the main wizarding port of call in London, and the last frontier before one joined Muggle London, it was kind of hard. For a moment Snape was poised to tell Tom he was too busy and too important to help him and that if he needed help badly he should go and see the wiz-psychologists working at Saint Mungos when something popped into his head: he'd heard somewhere that the International Wizarding Academic Association of Potions often spoke to people close to the applicant in order to get a better insight into their characters. And they were usually people that the applicant wouldn't expect. Add to this the fact that Snape was a vain man and if Tom had some kind of potions question- or even a dark arts related one- he needed help with then who was Snape to deny him that? He walked closer to the bar and propped his elbows up on it. "Yes Tom, how may I be of assistance?"
Tom looked shocked and he simply stared at Snape.
"Tom close your mouth. You look like a Nincompoop Lizard. Now what do you want?" Snape prompted, inwardly fighting the urge to get his wand out and transport Tom to some place else, some place not there. Preferably somewhere the other side of the world- like Australia.
Tom shook his head like he was clearing away his thoughts and then asked, "I wondered whether you could sign this for me."
Snape moved closer and looked at what the innkeeper had been reading and instantly frowned. His sense of anger was only abated by his slight amusement. "Cosmowitch? And you got it so early too- you must be a subscriber right?" He asked wryly.
"It's not mine!" Tom protested quickly, but his face had turned a crimson shade. "It's my girlfriend's."
Snape laughed. "Here's the thing Tom. If you're going to make up some kind of lie about why you've got that magazine at least make up a semi-believable lie. Your girlfriend! Ha!" He left the inn still chuckling to himself.
One thing about London, Snape thought as he walked along the sidewalk, was that it was most definitely the home of the largest majority of freaky Muggles in the world. Other than America that was, which just spoke for itself.
As Snape waited for the cars to stop and let him through- he hadn't realised that pressing the button on the traffic lights might help this goal be more achievable- he saw what appeared to be a woman coming towards him with bright pink hair in two pigtails, a flannelette shirt with red vest, a very short black skirt, green and white striped leggings and blue thongs. She was also wearing a lot of metal jewelry- including around her neck, around and up her arms, in her ears, her nose, her eyebrow, her chin and her lip. She must have seen the look of disgust on Snape's face because she blew him a kiss as she reached him. "What you lookin' at luv?" She demanded. "Want a quickie hey?"
"A quickie?" Snape repeated in confusion.
"Yeah, you know, a root?" Seeing Snape's blank face she continued, "A screw? A shag?"
Snape imagined a Mandrake root, a metal screw, and a shag-pile carpet. None of which shone any light on the woman's words.
"What are you man? A priest?" The woman asked with a shake of her head. "Luv you gotta' go get you an education."
Snape put his nose in the air. "Thank you very much but I'm actually a Professor. I haven't just got a high school diploma like you might have but I've got a University degree or two to my name." He said grandly.
"A professor? That explains it." The woman said with a laugh. She walked away but then stopped and called over her shoulder, "I'm taking abut sex mate!"
Snape watched her go. Then he saw a gap in the cars and hurried across the street, sure that his neck and face were burning with embarrassment. He allowed himself a second to think about Lalita and how it had been a little while since he'd last spoken to her and how he really should contact her again soon, before concentrating on the upcoming meeting instead. He was still fuming that Fudge had ordered him to do this thing and that Dumbledore hadn't objected. True Fudge and Dumbledore's previously amicable working relationship had disintegrated somewhat when the Headmaster had publicly come out in support of Potter's claims against what the Ministry wanted people to believe. But even so surely just by virtue of being Albus Dumbledore his opinion could carry a little bit of weight with the Minister?
It was just over a half hour walk from "The Leaky Cauldron" to the building housing what Snape considered a Muggle version of the torture chamber- television shows, actors, directors, and hanger-on's trying to feel important by inflating their job title and duties.
The building was quite large and Snape paused out the front to take a deep breath and to check the bit of parchment that Fudge had sent by owl the evening before. Once inside he approached the front desk and the incredibly good looking woman sitting behind it flicking through a magazine. "Excuse me. I need to see Zorba Apple Honeyblossom Gazelle Lee-Manners…God, what a terrible name."
The woman behind the counter looked at him coldly. "My name is Paris. Do you have an appointment with Mr. Lee-Manners?" She demanded, flicking her long jet-black hair over her shoulder.
"I believe so." Snape responded.
"You believe so? Look if you're here to try and peddle a script or idea for a show to Mr. Lee-Manner's then you have to go through his Script Assessing Assistant or his Concept Registering Assistant." Paris said tiredly.
Obviously a lot of people who wanted to see Mr. Lee-Manners didn't get to see him, Snape thought. What irony that the one person who probably wanted to see him the least in the entire universe had too. "I'm here for a meeting." Snape said.
"Okay, I'll buzz his PA Jasmine and she will come down and escort you up. Take a seat over there while you wait." Paris said.
Snape nodded and went to the chair but stopped and turned back around. "Um…my name is Severus Snape." He said.
"Oh. My. God." Paris said loudly.
Snape looked taken aback. "I beg your pardon?"
"Is this one of those 'do you know who I am because I'm famous and therefore need special treatment' things?" Paris demanded.
"Erm…no. It's a my name is Severus to let the woman know." Snape replied, going over to sit down. The couch was incredibly uncomfortable and he felt the metal below the too-thin cushion in his tail bone.
On the low coffee-table in front of him was a wide selection of Muggle magazines. Snape's eye caught a picture of none other than Emma, the Muggle actress who had played his wife in "William The Wizard" and made a face. What was she up to now? Almost against his will he reached down and picked up the magazine and flicked through to the appropriate page, and then he almost laughed out loud. It turned out that Arnie had taken out a restraining order against her constantly harassing him and his family. Snape was pleased his spell had worked so well.
"Mr. Snape?"
Snape looked up at the voice. He stood up, tossed the magazine back onto the table, and walked over to where a middle-aged woman was waiting for him by the elevator looking bored.
She gestured for him to go ahead of her into the lift and then the doors closed behind them.
"I'm Jasmine. Mr. Lee-Manners is waiting for you in his conference room. He owns this building but his company only have the top four floors and the bottom two are occupied by others in the industry. We even have the office suites of an Oscar wining music man." She told Snape as the elevator ascended.
Snape nodded. What was an Oscar?
"It's very nice to meet you Mr. Snape. I absolutely loved "William The Wizard." Of course I'm no expert but I am sure that if wizards and witches existed they'd be precisely how you depicted them in the movie. I'm also a huge fan of Mr. Hammond. Mr. Lee-Manners tends to work more in mini-series' and television shows so I haven't had the pleasure to work with Mr. Hammond but I think he's just pure genius. You're so lucky to have had that privilege. A million people would kill for that opportunity." Jasmine blabbed.
"Hmm." Snape replied non-commitedly.
"Mr. Lee-Manners is very excited about this project let me tell you. He's been around so long that of course working with famous people isn't such a huge deal but I can confess that he's a little like a kid in a candy store here." Jasmine continued.
Snape wondered whether this Lee-Manners was the one who was going to produce that whole "reality show" Fudge had alluded to.
"Ah. Here we are!" Jasmine said brightly as the elevator pinged and the doors opened on the top floor of the building. As they stepped out she said, "Can I call you Severus?"
"You can call me Professor Snape." Snape replied.
The woman looked a little baffled at that but shrugged. "Fair enough. Professor Snape." She said sarcastically.
"You're Mr. Lee-Manners's secretary, right?" Snape asked.
Jasmine looked affronted. "A secretary?" She managed. "I'm much, much more than a secretary! I'm Mr. Lee-Manners's personal assistant. I do everything for him- schedule meetings, arrange trips, make sure that everything is in place for when he goes on set for various movies or television shows he produces, screen potential writers, directors, creators, actors and actresses, even do some of his own personal chores. No. I'm definitely more than a secretary thank you."
"I didn't know there was a difference…" Snape muttered under his breath.
Jasmine's face turned red but she wisely chose to ignore him. She led him through a series of hallways until they got to a large room, dominated by a huge table with chairs and a large screen. A man was sitting at one end of the table, with a pitcher of water and a couple of glasses in front of him, as well as a few notepads, folders, and other written material. Seeing Jasmine he jumped to his feet and Snape realised he was incredibly short. He was also a little strange looking with red hair sticking up in a series of spikes apart from four long, twisted, tail-like pieces hanging halfway down his back, bright pink and purple glasses were perched on his nose, and he wore a pair of faded blue jeans and a fluorescent yellow tee.
"MR. SNAPE!" He cried. "I'm, like, totally excited to meet you!"
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Okay." He said.
The man raced over to grab his hand and pump it up and down exuberantly. "Soooo nice to meet you. Welcome to "Cutting Edge Productions" Mr. Snape. Severus. Please take a seat. Jasmine- a drink for our guest and make mine a Scotch on the rocks. Severus- Sevvie- what would you like? Scotch? Whiskey? Beer?"
Snape doubted that the man could serve up butterbeer so he asked for a glass of Coke and sat down. Jasmine quickly got the two drinks and then excused herself.
"I knew you were charismatic but woah, you're like, beyond aren't you?" Lee-Manners said.
"Beyond what?" Snape asked.
Lee-Manners roared laughing. "Corny said you were a gas." He said.
"Corny?" Snape asked.
"Cornelius Fudge. My mate. We met at a local boy-bar. When he told me he knew you I was like excellent and when I told him about my project he said you'd be totally up for it." Lee-Manners told Snape.
Snape took a sip of his drink to avoid commenting. Talk about being on the back foot- he was so far behind he was in a different postcode.
"Normally here is where I'd give you a power point presentation to tell you all about my company but since you're in the industry I'm sure you've heard about me. But then don't believe everything you read: I'm not really a drama queen and bitch. I just want things to be run, like, totally my way. You know? Creative control because at the end of the day it's my name on things, they're representing me." Lee-Manners said.
"Okay." Snape said. Again.
"So you know Cutting Edge right?" Lee-Manners questioned.
"Erm…not so much." Snape admitted. "Actually not at all."
Lee-Manners was clearly shocked. "Wow. That's. Wow. Totally wow."
"Totally." Snape agreed.
"Okay. Well I set up Cutting Edge because I felt the industry really lacked my unique approach to television-"
"Do you do those, what do you call them, reality shows?" Snape interrupted.
"Hell no!" Lee-Manners said. "No. A bunch of wannabee-celebs, always pretty people- not that that's a crime, I had my mani, pedi, massage, and hair done this morning- saying a lot of shit."
"Okay." Snape felt like a one-word wonder. And what the hell were mani and pedis?
"So Cutting Edge was born out of my dissatisfaction with real, you know, quality programming. I think people find reality television so last year now, which is good for my business. Cutting Edge is about good shit, really. Totally good shit. Speaking of reality television I think that embodies all that is wrong with this country's television channels. I started off producing only thrillers and action movies, but then I diversified and now I do dramas, romance, documentaries, pretty much the whole kit and caboodle." Lee-Manners explained.
Not surprisingly Snape had absolutely no idea what the man was talking about. That being said he thought it rather unlikely that anybody would have understood. Snape chose to nod sagely like he had some clue what had been said.
"Anyway so the reason you're here is because I managed to convince Hampton Productions to let me produce a WTW mini-series. I am completely and utterly stoked about that. It's rare someone of Mr. Hammond's caliber would agree to my request. I still don't really know why he said yes. Unless it had something to do with Al Moody, his son, who I am very, very close to…" Lee-Maners mused.
Snape coughed. "Excuse me- do you mean Alistair Moody? The aur- erm….the area manager for…erm Hippogriff Ingredients?" He asked, mentally kicking himself for he'd been about to say "the Auror with one leg and a tendency for thinking everyone is dodgy primarily because he knows all the tricks after a mischievous childhood?"
"I thought he was in politics." Lee-Manners said.
"Oh. Well he is. As well as his job selling medicinal herbs." Snape improvised.
"Nice. I myself am a huge fan of alternative therapies and medicines. I totally believe that while modern medicine has done some amazing things- although I wonder whether they'll ever find a cure for the common cold or flu while they manage to prevent things like cancer and AIDS- and is useful in certain circumstances. But I think we rely too heavily on it. You know, we're all "I've got a headache, better take an aspirin", or "I feel sick, better grab some Maxalon" or "I'm so freaking sore, better pop a Tramal." I'm producing a documentary called "I want it all NOW!" about the way we want instant gratification for everything- pleasures, pain, results from some kind of task, the perfect body, total fitness, success, love and families, etc, etc." The first episode is called "Doctors V Naturopaths", the second is "Movie V Television", the third one is "Fit V Fat" and the fourth one is "Instant drinks V Alcohol V Professionally made drinks. What do you reckon Sevvie?"
'I reckon if you call me Sevvie just one more time I'm going to, like, totally curse you, you know?' Snape thought. Out loud he was more diplomatic. "Interesting."
"So true. But you didn't come here to talk about my little pet projects did you? You're here to talk about our William series. Okay. So far we've got four scripts completely finished but there are a few more being written as we speak. Also I've been working with a composer about the music, both for the theme-song as well as the musical score for the various episodes. Man I have seriously got about a gazillion ideas and thoughts that I'd like your input on but I'm thinking a lot of that will have to wait until we make another meeting date-"
"I'm not exactly…I don't know anything about movies and television and what music would be good for a show so you really shouldn't be asking my opinion." Snape interrupted.
"Nonsense. Every actor has creativity and creativity is what, like, makes the world go round you know." Lee-Manners dismissed Snape's concerns. "For example I've got some thoughts on the costumes because even though the movie's clothing was really good I am thinking of making it a bit, you know, hipper?"
"Hipper?" Snape repeated slowly.
"Yeah, trendier like. Something that appeals more to the younger audience as my company's target audience." Lee-Manners explained. "Also I wanted to see whether you had any suggestions for various parts in the movie- although let me tell you we've got some insane cameos coming- or people you worked with on the movie in everything from catering to makeup to grips?"
"Erm…I don't know." Snape said.
"Let me tell you just a few of the cameos we're getting- Alan Rickman is set to play William's old teacher and mentor turned evil who tries to kill William, Victoria Beckham is playing a has-been singer who is trying to break into the acting and fashion worlds and will step on anyone's toes to get there and Brad Pitt is playing a lothario who is searching for wife number five. Oh, and your movie co-star Emma is making a guest appearance in the first episode where she is, unfortunately, killed. Isn't that totally unreal?" Lee-Manners demanded.
"Totally." Snape replied, stifling a yawn. More like it was a shame she didn't die in real life.
"And Adam Minton is going to be involved too in a position I created specifically for him called "Original Movie Producer" to make sure that the series is as close to the original movie as possible with the parameters of what we're trying to do and what is commercially viable." Lee-Manners added.
Snape wanted to retch; there was no possible way he could deal with Emma and Adam. Not even Saint Merryweather, the patron saint of Wizards everywhere, could have done so without at least a couple of homicides.
"So while I'd love to, you know, pick your brains and get your input on things like set design and costume I just don't have the time. I've got the bigwigs on my arse about getting this thing out and onto televisions across the country as soon as possible. I think they're banking on it getting picked up by stations in other parts of the world too so you'll be even more famous. Show me a household without a telly in it and I'll show you a freak. Think about it Sev- most homes have more than one television set don't they? How many do you have?" Lee-Manners asked.
Snape opened his mouth to say 'none' but what came out instead was "ten."
"WOAH!" Lee-Manners cried. "Ten? That's insane. You must be living in a bloody mansion hey Sev? Although no doubt you made more than Bill Gates from the movie… Do you have plasma screen or LCD screens?"
"Erm…both?" Snape guessed.
"Of course, of course. And you have some of the older ones too? You're a purist?" Lee-Manners asked.
"Totally." Snape replied.
"Great! Anyway back on topic: the time I've got with you doesn't give me the chance to do all the things I'd love to do so I guess I will have to make do. Let me tell you about you, about William, in this show. It starts six months after the movie was set but we're gonna' have, like, heaps of flashbacks to tell Williams story. I thought the movie was beyond wicked of course but in a series you get to tell a lot more than you do in a couple of hours of a feature film. I've got this young kid lined up to play the younger you and let me tell you- you're going to be bowled over by him. He's a good little actor- family all in the business- but I think he even looks a little like you would have looked as a kid Sev. His name's Radcliffe. Daniel Radcliffe. As I mentioned before William's wife dies in the first episode. So one of his biggest challenges throughout the series is mourning his wife but also raising their son alone. We have been arguing amongst ourselves as to whether we are going to introduce a love interest or not. The dreamy romantics who think they're making a chick-flick instead of a drama say not because the love William and Wendy shared is a once in a lifetime thing, true soulmates, you know, and they say no way would he get over her loss so quickly and move on. On the other hand the realists say people mourn in different ways and, if Wendy gave him her blessing, he could move on. What do you reckon? You're the William expert after all?"
"I'm hardly the William expert." Snape disagreed.
"Oh you're being modest there Sev. You totally owned the character in the movie!" Lee-Manners was not to be dissuaded.
"Okay…erm…I think William was a one-woman man. As a child he didn't have a lot of friends and then, when he went away to school, he didn't have many friends either. Wendy was his first real friend. And while the other children made fun of him, played horrible, sneaky pranks on him, she understood him and saw that underneath his general attitude and demeanor and looks he was a nice person. So of course William fell in love with her; how could he not? Unfortunately though she picked the popular kid over the intelligent, hardworking, quiet one…" Snape trailed off when he saw Lee-Manners looking at him quizzically and he realised he was talking more about himself and Lily Potter, nee Evans, than the fictional "William" and "Wendy."
"But Wendy ended up with William." Lee-Manners pointed out. "So I guess it all worked out in the end."
"I guess so." Snape said icily. He wondered whether he'd ever really get over the rejection by Lilly or the fact that James Potter and his mates had made his school-life complete and utter hell and decided that he probably wouldn't ever really get over something like that. And the guilt he felt over being the one who, perhaps inadvertently, led to the death of the woman he loved- that was something nobody would ever get over.
"As I've said, and I cannot stress this enough, I really, really loved the movie. I did. But I want to make the series funkier. I want William to be a little less-staid than he is in the movie. A fine balance considering he loses his wife, but I think it can be done. I'm not going to have him, like, going nightclubbing but he's not going to be sitting home and crying into his lager either. You know?" Lee-Manners said.
"Uh-huh." Snape replied.
Lee-Manners glanced at his flashy gold watch and looked shocked. "Fuck me. I'm going to have to end this soon, we're eating up the time and I've only got, like, seriously a billion things to do today."
Snape adopted what he hoped was a look of disappointment and sadness when he was really jumping up and down in joy. It wasn't just Muggles but whenever he had to come to Muggle London he felt like he was so far out of his depth he was drowning and he was always anxious to get back to a world he not only felt comfortable in but one where he was important.