Entry 24-Looking Back
I hate the very word. It became my enemy. Idleness. You'll be surprised how much time I have to myself…to think on things. How I came to be like this? Of others I had known. Of things that seemed to have happened in another lifetime to some other person. But it was me.
It was me who had known love. Cared about what would happen to someone if I wasn't there to protect. My soul was utterly intertwined with another and there was a time when I thought it was impossible to break it. I know now it was stupid to believe in something so wholeheartedly. There's always someone disturbing the peace and that person looks for fools like me who are easy. I was at the top of the list of fools. I won't let it happen again. I won't let my heart be displayed for all to see so somebody can come by and rip it apart until there is nothing left. Damaged to the point of no recovery.
I won't let my dignity hang outside to dry because it stands a chance of being stolen. I had to let it dry somewhere, though, and the very place I trusted my life, the worst happened. The thief was clever and disguised itself in blinding love and sneaked it from right under my nose.
The third time the thief came; I made sure it was thoroughly hidden. The one thing I managed to keep for myself. My virtue. But no one is allowed to see it. No one can come in and take it. My master disguise secures it so no one will think twice. It would take a genius to infiltrate my defenses and seize it. As long as I wear my mask such a thing is impossible…