A/N: So, I write because I love it, but only three reviews (three reviews which I loved) isn't very inspiring. I mean, I know people were reading this, due to the number of hits it got, but there weren't very many reviews. So please, review. If you don't like something, tell me. If you like something, tell me too. They really do cause me to want to write more quickly.
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Or the song that I used in the title of this chapter, which is 'Love's Lost Guarantee' by Rogue Wave.
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"Addison. Stop standing there. Come get my bag. I don't have all night, unlike you."
"Mom." Addison felt her mouth dry. "What are you…why are you here?"
"To see you. Don't be stupid. It doesn't suit you." Leslie Montgomery stood up and clicked her heels that would rival Addison's on the edge of the carpet. "I am an old woman, Addison. I need you to get my bag. The bell-hops are ridiculously rude here."
Addison blindly walked over and picked up her mother's bag. She opened the door to her hotel room and set it inside. Leslie Montgomery stepped inside and sniffed the air. "What kind of perfume are you using now?"
Addison shrugged. "I bought one at a department store."
"Department store perfume? You bought department store perfume?"
"I don't have many options out here."
"Why'd you change your perfume? It was good perfume."
"It was perfume Derek gave to me six years ago that I then kept buying."
"And so just since you divorced your husband he keeps the perfume?"
"It's not a big deal. I just don't wear it anymore."
"Because you're divorced? Does he own everything you liked? Is that why you're not wearing a skirt tonight?"
"Mother. Please."
"Are you going to stop being a doctor?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Oh, that's right, he didn't pick that. Thank God."
"Please."
"Addison, you can't change everything just because your husband was a complete idiot."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, just because he stupidly let you go, doesn't mean you have to let him have all of you."
"'He stupidly let me go?' What's that supposed to mean?"
"He left you for an intern, Addison. Tell me that's not stupid."
"He loves her."
Leslie Montgomery snorted. "Yeah, right. Fast-forward a year and see if they're still together."
"They probably will be."
"All the thrill of an affair is lost once you're allowed to sleep with them."
Addison said nothing. She didn't want to talk about Meredith and Derek.
"And then he'll realize what he gave up."
Addison thought that that might be a veiled compliment, but then realized the absurdity of that idea.
"But more importantly, who was the man?"
"What man?"
"The man who got into the elevator after me. I know he was with you."
"That was Parker."
"Parker?"
"I met him three weeks ago at a bar."
"Oh, dear God."
"I'm not dating him, mother."
"Really."
"He's just a friend. We went out to dinner with some people I work with."
"What does he do?"
"He's a polymer chemist."
"You're 'friends' with someone who's a chemist?"
"Yes," Addison replied evenly. "Is there a problem with that?"
"None at all." She paused. "He wasn't half-bad looking."
"I'm not dating him."
"Right now you're not."
"I'm moving back to New York in three weeks. Not now, not ever."
"Remind me why you're moving back again."
"I can't be here anymore."
"You're letting Derek have Seattle too?"
"I'm not 'letting him have it'. I never liked it out here. I can move back to a city I actually like."
"But if you and Derek were still married, would you still be here?"
"Of course. But I can get my job back in New York and Derek was the only reason I was here. I came out here to work this out. I tried, so don't you dare tell me I didn't. It's not my fault I'm fifteen years older than Meredith." Addison turned away, trying not to cry.
Leslie Montgomery stopped. "Addison, what do you think you're doing?"
"I'm trying not to cry."
"Why would you even think about crying?"
"Because I'm sad. An emotion you clearly never experience."
"I'm still your mother and you do not get to talk to me like that."
"Fine. I'm sorry," Addison spat back.
This wasn't going the way Leslie had planned. She was always biting and sarcastic. But maybe she had gone too far. "Addison, dear."
Dear? Dear? Addison never had heard her mother refer to her as 'dear.' Maybe when she was quite young. But not recently. Not in the past 35 years.
"I came out here to try and…help."
"What?"
"Just…I…I needed to see you, okay? I don't know why. We're not exactly close, we're merely cordial. And I know you don't agree with all I do. But I'm still your mother. I still gave birth to you. And I just…I felt like I had to come. Okay?"
Addison studied her mother. She looked the same. Her hair was greyer, yes. Her eyes were more tired, but still just as blue. Her face was pretty, even if it was starting sag in parts.
"I know, you're an adult. You can handle this. But I…I just thought you had found the person. That person who you could spend the rest of your life with."
"Well I didn't," Addison said tartly.
"I think you did."
"We're divorced."
"Addison, look at yourself. You still love him. You still love him, and that's all that matters."
"He doesn't love me. That's all that matters."
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George opened the door with his key and found Meredith and Derek sitting on the couch watching television. Derek glanced up at George. George turned his gaze away from Derek quickly.
"Hey, George." Meredith smiled.
"Hey."
"How was dinner with Addison and Callie and, uh-" Meredith paused, trying to remember his name. "Parker?"
George looked from Derek and back to Meredith. "Uh, good."
"Not staying with Callie tonight?"
"Uh, no. She has an early surgery."
"Oh. Are you okay? Do you need some coffee?"
"No. I'm uh-good. I have to-um-go…call my mother." George sped from the room. He ran into the kitchen where he found Izzie baking. She wasn't back at the hospital. She was just baking. All the time.
"What happened to you?" Izzie was working on an apple tart. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."
"No. I'm-uh-fine." George put his hand on the counter, failing to notice the pan there. He jumped back, his hand stinging.
"Oh my God. Are you okay?"
George examined his hand. "Yeah. I'm good. I just…" He stepped back and tripped over a chair, falling down into it.
Izzie put down the apples she was slicing. She went over and sat across from him. "What happened? Did you walk in on Meredith and Derek…you know?"
It dawned on George after a second. "Oh, God, no."
"So then what?"
"Derek." George mumbled.
"What?"
"Derek. He…he confronted Parker tonight."
"When?"
"Before we left for dinner. He said Parker was dating his wife, and that Addison was doing what he did with Meredith."
"He and Addison are divorced."
"I know that. You know that. She knows that. Parker knew that."
"Derek doesn't want to believe it," Izzie said softly.
"What?"
"I know he says he loves Meredith, and I know I'm supposed to be her friend. And I am. It's just…Derek misses Addison. And really…if you want my opinion…I think Derek still loves Addison."
Meredith was standing at the door, and the glass she was holding clattered to the floor and smashed into a thousand pieces. Izzie looked up. Meredith fled from the room, feeling her feet being invaded by the miniscule pieces of glass. She didn't care if she was tracking blood all over. She ran past Derek. She ran outside and gasped, heaving breaths. She placed her hands on the wall in front of the door and sank down to the ground. It was warm and misty outside. So Izzie thought Derek still loved Addison. Izzie, who wasn't at the hospital. Izzie, who didn't see the way that Derek got jealous of Addison. Izzie, who didn't see the way Derek looked at Addison. If Izzie thought that Derek still loved Addison, then everyone must.
Meredith knew she should've expected it. She had asked Derek. He had told her he didn't. But he did. It was impossible to stop loving someone that quickly. But she had trusted him. She banged her head against the stone, failing to care if it would cause damage. It was clear he loved Addison. Clear to everybody but Derek.
"Meredith…what's wrong?"
Speak of the devil.
"You still love Addison." Meredith said it as fact. She was tired of it being a question.
Derek didn't say anything, choosing to let Meredith finish before he spoke. He slumped down next to Meredith.
"I mean, I figured you still loved her, because part of you always will. But the fact is…you still miss her. You wanted me because I was the forbidden fruit. Because what we had for those two months was so different from where you were. But Addison knew you. She was comfortable. She made things right for you, instead of further complicating them. And then now the forbidden fruit is no longer forbidden and it's just…nothing. We have nothing."
"Meredith. I loved Addison, yes. But I've given myself over to you." He grabbed her hand gently.
Meredith snapped her hand out of his reach. "I have given myself over to you. But you? No. You gave yourself over to Addison and haven't taken it back. She may have cheated on you and broken your heart. But she's still there."
"Meredith, please. Please believe me. It's going to take some time. I was married for 12 years. Twelve years with one woman. Of course she's a part of me. But you need to stick with me."
"Derek. Izzie knows that you still love Addison. She's not even at the goddammed hospital. You get angry with Addison when she's doing things with another man. Saying she's spiting you. Derek, I don't think she gives a damn about spiting you. I know she still loves you. And you know what else? I think I'm sick of feeling like a whore. Like the other woman who managed to become the woman, but still feels like the other woman. I am fifteen years younger than you. When you were in med. school, I was ten. I couldn't spell half the things you were learning about. What do we have?"
"Love." Derek said it so simply. Like it was something that could be waved away in a word.
"What we have isn't love. I love you. You might like me a lot. But you don't love me. You love your wife."
"Meredith, I love you. Okay? I love you. Age doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And you were the other woman. But you're not."
"But in your mind I still am. Do you love Addison?"
"No. I don't love Addison."
Meredith stood up. She rested her arms on the side of the stone. "Derek. You won't even admit it. If you had said yes, a little…then it would've been different. But completely denying it? Derek, that's just lying."
Derek said nothing.
"And so we're done. Me, you. It was fun. But all we had was the eight weeks of bliss and avoidance almost a year ago."
Derek took Meredith by the shoulders. "No. You don't just get to do that, Meredith. You don't just get to run away. You don't get to do that."
"Finn was always the better man. Finn, who said he'd still take me back even though I cheated on him at prom. You weren't the only one to cheat at prom, Derek."
"Meredith, please. Can't we talk about this tomorrow when-"
"No. Go back to your wife."
"She's not my-"
"Get out of my house."
Derek looked at Meredith. She wasn't crying. She wasn't in tears. She was calm. She was serious. But that didn't mean this was the end. Derek had gone through too much to let her go now.
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"Meredith, please."
"I'm done, Derek."
"No. Meredith. Just…let's go talk."
Meredith pushed Derek's hand out of the way. They were in a quiet hallway on the third floor of the hospital. "No. You don't love me. You love Addison."
"I don't."
"You do. You won't admit it. Maybe you don't know it yet. You're angry with her about Mark…staying with him. But you're angry. You're angry. You're not indifferent. You're angry because someone you love hurt you."
"I loved her when I found out," Derek said exasperatedly. "But now I'm done."
"Really. So if you found Parker and Addison kissing, you'd be okay with that."
"Well, yes, I…I don't have a claim on her anymore."
"Derek, you confronted Addison and Parker last night when they were going out to dinner with Callie and George. Just dinner. A kiss would send you into a blind rage."
Derek stood there, his mouth agape.
"Please, you think people don't talk. Especially when you're yelling at some guy. Derek, you're still in love with Addison. I'm sorry I ruined your marriage."
"Meredith, it wasn't you. It was Addison and Mark."
"Stop blaming her for everything."
Meredith wasn't exactly known for defending Addison. So Derek was understandably surprised. She had probably talked horribly about Addison for the past few months. And now she was defending Addison. How things had changed.
"I mean, I don't know your marriage. The only things I saw of it were you pretending to care about Addison while sniffing my hair in elevators. But she didn't just decide to break your heart. You had to already have broken hers. She came back. She was looking for you. She loves you. And it's taken you a long time to realize it but you love her. And I refuse to stand in the way."
"Meredith…you're being rash in this decision. You love me."
"Maybe I am being rash. I do love you. And that's why this hurts. But I can't do this, Derek. Not even if it gets better. Not even after Addison goes back to New York City. If you're capable of hurting Addison like that, someone whom you love, who's to say you won't do that to me."
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"So tell me something about yourself."
Addison and Parker were sitting in a Starbucks two days after they had dinner. To an outsider, this would look like a date, but both of them knew it wasn't. Addison couldn't remember feeling comfortable like this in a long time. Admittedly, neither could Parker.
Parker laughed. "What do you want to know?"
"Do you have any siblings?"
"A younger brother and younger sister."
"Do you get along?"
"I guess. My brother lives in the same small town we grew up in, about two hours east of here. He's a police officer for the very minimal crime that occurs. He's married and has a two year-old son."
"And your sister?"
"She lives in Chicago. She's an artist finding her soul." Addison looked at Parker. He shrugged. "I'm not kidding. She graduated from Lake Forest eight years ago after studying pre-law. After, she threw that four years away and went over to Ghana with a small online company to photograph the lives of the people. She was there for five years and came back completely different. She was so uptight in high school and college, but she was changed when she came back. Now she lives in a loft and photographs daily life in Chicago."
"Wow."
"I see her once a year. We all go back to my parent's house for Hanukkah."
"You're Jewish?"
"By holiday only. Both of grandparents were strict in their Judaism, but my parents dropped the ball. And neither my siblings nor I bothered to pick it up. In fact, my brother converted to Christianity when he got married. He still celebrates Hanukkah with us though. What about you? Are you religious?"
Addison shook her head. "A few times when I was younger my family went to church for Christmas, but I'm quite sure that was only for show. And then I went with Derek's family at Christmas when we were married."
Parker nodded. "It's not something we're instructed to think about anymore by the media."
Addison was silent for a moment. "What about your parents?"
"Still happy and healthy. How was your mother, speaking of which? You looked utterly happy to see her."
"She was remarkably gentle."
"Gentle. Well, she was being maternal."
"She did manage to insult my perfume and imply that you and I were dating though."
Parker laughed. "Well, there you go."
"But she left this morning, which is a relief."
"I'm sure."
Addison hesitated, not sure if she wanted to delve into Parker's personal life. But her curiosity was too great. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure. Can I have permission to not answer it?"
"Of course. Have you ever been married?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
Parker laughed. Maybe it was just to relieve the pressure on the conversation. "I couldn't honestly tell you. I thought about getting married and having kids, but honestly, I never got around to it. I dated a girl, Julia, for four years about ten years ago. And we just…never got married. I've dated since her, Carmen and then Emma. I hate to say this, but marriage just isn't my thing."
"Why do you hate to say it?"
"Because it's the clichéd saying of a lifetime bachelor."
Addison laughed. She groaned as her purse vibrated on the table.
"Let me guess. Lives to save?"
"You caught me."
"I guess I'll see you later then?"
Addison nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for the company."
"My pleasure."
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A/N: Was Meredith out of character? Yes. Is it a big issue to me? No. Is it one to you? Maybe. Let me know.
Review…I'll give you a kumquat.
