A/N: So, hi. I am back, after like six weeks of not updating. I'm sorry. But I promise, you'll like this one. I promise. Cross my heart. And hope that I finish all of my summer work in the next week. I'm a good planner.

Disclaimer: Meredith and Derek are together, and Addison and Burke are gone. Do you think I own the show? The title of this chapter is from the song 'Whatever it Takes' by Lifehouse.

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"How did it go?"

Derek looked up at Richard with tired eyes. "I spent a lot of time with my mother. I ate a lot of cakes and talked to my sister, Nancy, who might actually be on the verge of forgiving me now."

"What else?"

"I tried talking to Mark…he had little to say to me." Derek laughed with a note of bitterness.

"Derek, what about Addison? The person you went to go see? What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened."

"You did go to see her, yes?"

"Of course I did. But she's still as angry as ever. She didn't want to talk. She made me leave."

"You came back. You are trying. I hope you didn't expect her to run back to you the first time after she left."

"She was my wife."

"You cheated on her."

"She cheated on me first." Derek slammed his fist on Richard's desk. "Damn it. I'm trying not to use that. I'm trying to forgive her. I'm trying to forget."

"You won't ever forget."

"I'll forgive. I'll try to forget. I won't hold it against her."

"Are you going back again next weekend?"

"I am. I have to try again."

"How long are you going to keep going?"

"The rest of my life. If that's what it takes. If I never get to hold her in my arms at least I can die knowing I tried. I tried."

"Don't you think that's a bit extreme? What if she's really over you?" But Richard knew it wasn't true. Derek knew it wasn't true.

"I'll keep going. It might be extreme. But I love her."

Richard cleared his throat.

"So, uh, what did I miss here this weekend?"

"There was a boating accident on Saturday and I had to get Dr. Barnes to do a brain surgery. Nothing serious, though."

"And today, everything is as planned?"

"Yes."

"Then I guess I'd better get to work."

"You had better. You're taking care of your extra 20 hours sometime in this week?"

"I'm staying until midnight every night, and will be here at seven every morning. Friday I'm leaving at eight in the morning, as you know."

"You don't have to do this, Derek."

"I want to do it, Richard."

Derek shook Richard's hand and exited the office, glancing at a chart in front of him. He waited for the elevator and was surprised to see Dr. Dandridge standing inside it.

"Dr. Shepherd," Finn said, keeping his tone formal.

"Dr. Dandridge. How have you been?"

"Just wonderful. And yourself?"

"I've been alright. What brings you to Seattle Grace?"

"Meredith."

"Are you…seeing her again?"

"I have been for two weeks, now."

"Oh, that's…wonderful."

"She apologized for the childish ways in which she'd acted during and after prom and asked if I'd give her a second chance."

Derek gritted his teeth. "Childish ways?"

"Destroying your marriage, hurting Addison, and hurting me."

Derek's hands were balled into fists now. The elevator clicked up to the correct floor and Finn exited. Meredith apologized to Finn for hurting Addison? That didn't even make sense. Meredith would've hurt Addison in a second not six months ago. Derek shamefully admitted he would've done the same. Fool. That's what he was. He could be with Addison right now, if he hadn't screwed up so badly. But he knew he wouldn't want to be. If he hadn't slept with Meredith at prom, if he hadn't divorced his wife, if he hadn't dated Meredith again, he would've never realized just how much he loved his wife. Ex-wife. That was a major detail he was always forgetting. Or trying to forget. Either way.

"Are you going somewhere, McDreamy, or are we just going to stand here and stare off into space?"

Derek stood up straight and looked down at Dr. Bailey. She was tapping her foot with a smug look on her face.

"I heard you went to visit Addison this weekend."

"Briefly."

"It went that well, huh?"

"I'm trying, Dr. Bailey."

"I said nothing. I think you're finally doing the right thing."

"Really?"

She smiled as she stepped off the elevator a floor up. "Really."

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"So how was Derek this weekend?" Mark said from behind Addison. She was startled momentarily.

"God, you're here. And what do you mean about Derek?"

"Oh, please, Addie. Do you think I'm a total idiot? I did go to Columbia for God's sake."

"I really have no idea what you're talking about."

"Derek came to try to talk to me. I know he doesn't love me enough to come out here to talk to me. I do know someone he happens to love enough to do that, however."

"He tried talking to me," she said shortly.

"And?"

"I told him to leave."

Mark smirked. "So you're not in love with him then. Interesting."

"I never said that."

"So you are. The twists and turns of life."

"Mark, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop…" Addison stomped her foot. "Stop talking!"

Mark laughed. "I'm sorry Addie."

"Don't call me that."

"Why, because Derek still does?"

Addison shook her head. "Unbelievable. Maybe I just don't like you calling me by a name that has a lot of strings attached."

"You mean strings that start with kissing and end with gasps for breath."

"Just stop, Mark. You want to know why we can't be friends again? Because of this! You'll never just leave me alone. You never did before, and then I wanted you to be there, because I was in a terrible marriage. But now I'm doing fine. F-i-n-e. I'm the textbook definition of fine. So just stop hovering."

"You know you can't resist me." He leaned in closer and bent down to her ear, dropping his voice. "And I also know, that regardless of what you say, I was also more than just a good fuck."

"I fell in love with you. There. Are you happy now? I admitted it. I was in love with you and we had sex. We essentially lived together for two months and I got pregnant with your child. Then I caught you with another woman and left you."

"A few modifications. First, we didn't have sex; we made love." Addison rolled her eyes. "Two, you were pregnant with my child but you aborted it. Three, what you caught me with didn't mean anything. And four," he paused, placing his fingers on Addison's cheek. "I don't believe the past tense. You are in love with me."

"I am not in love with you."

"The more you try to deny it, the truer it gets."

"Mark, we don't have anything left."

"But you have something left with Derek?"

"Derek and I had twelve years of marriage. You and I had two months of an affair. Maybe he and I have something left."

"But it's you who doesn't know. He came out here, Adds. It's you who prevented a bed scene from taking place."

"So I'm a little bit hesitant about letting a man back into my life who slept with a girl 10 years younger than him while I was a floor away. Sue me."

"He wasn't hesitant about declaring his love for you."

"After I had an affair, he moved out to Seattle, we tried again, we got divorced, he broke up with Meredith, and I moved back to New York. Yeah. Not hesitant at all."

"So you admit it. He did tell you he loved you."

"He's told me."

"And you haven't given any word back. Curious." Mark turned his back and walked down the other hall.

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This time, Derek didn't need his papers or stories or anything. The receptionist welcomed him back.

"I hope you two work out. I hope you're not wasting your time."

"Me too." Derek left and walked upstairs. He was tired. Working until midnight everyday was killing him, even he did only have four days in his work week. And then he had been on a plane for a good portion of the day. To go see Addison. All to go see Addison. He knocked on the door, less nervous than the past week. How much worse could it get?

"Derek."

"Please, just let me talk to you. I'm sorry, Addison. I'm sorry about everything that I did and everything I didn't do but should've done. I'm sorry I abandoned you long before you cheated, I'm sorry I left you even after you cheated when we could've worked on it. I'm sorry I didn't work on it. I'm sorry about prom. I'm sorry about the divorce. I'm sorry I've ruined that day for you." Addison looked up, a light in her eyes. Derek knew he had hit a mark with that one. "I'm sorry about everything. I love you."

"Derek, I know you love me. You've said it at least a dozen times since my last day in Seattle. I know you claim to love me. But I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't trust you. You broke my heart, Derek. You took it and smashed it under your heel. I don't want to let you back into my life when you might just do it all over again because Meredith gets a new color treatment in her hair and you can't resist her."

"She's dating Finn!"

"And that stopped you from sleeping with her before."

"Addie, do you think you didn't do anything to my own heart when I found you screwing my best friend? Don't you think that was like a blunt object straight to the heart?"

"I've said I'm sorry about that, Derek, and I'd say it again but you don't care about the apology. You just want something to hold over my head. You know I'm sorry about that, but here's one thing that may shock you: I don't want to take it back. If I had just continued on my life without sleeping with Mark I would not be nearly as happy as I am today. I hated divorcing you and I hated breaking your heart but at least we were both feeling something for each other. Even if it was hatred. It was something. We'd still be married probably if I hadn't slept with Mark but neither of us would be happy."

"I'm not happy right now, Addison! I'm not happy."

"Well I'm happy."

"Damn it, Addie."

"Did you really think I would just fall back into your arms? If so, you're a fool, Derek Shepherd. A fool. I'm not Meredith. Your smile doesn't make me go weak in the knees anymore. I can resist your eyes, your touch, and anything else you might throw at me. I don't need you!"

"But I need you!"

"You didn't need me when you had me. You didn't need me when I needed you!"

"I'm sorry!"

Neither said anything after that. They had both been yelling at each other without realizing it.

Derek sighed. "I have to go."

"You have to go?"

"I have to go. If I stay here a minute longer you're going to make me go, so it wouldn't matter anyway. I'm sorry and I love you. And I know, Addie, that you still love me. I hope I can make you trust me again."

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"What do you want?" Mark sneered as he opened the door.

"To apologize for punching you."

Mark laughed. "That is rich, Derek Shepherd. You, apologize? To me? I didn't think you could."

"Mark, I'm sorry."

"I don't accept your apology."

"You don't accept my apology?"

"I don't accept your apology for everything else you're trying to encompass in apologizing for the punch."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the real reason you're here. You think we can just be friends again. But I'm telling you we can't."

Derek clenched his fists. "You think I should be apologizing for the reason we can't be friends? Me? You're kidding."

"You think I should apologize?"

"You had sex with my wife!"

"You weren't having sex with your wife. You took her for granted, Derek, and Addison isn't someone you take for granted."

"I know that now."

"But you didn't know it in New York, Derek, did you? You didn't know it when you screwed that intern, did you? You didn't know it when you divorced Addison on your anniversary, did you? You know, I may have been completely drunk by your wedding reception, but I still remember how happy Addison was. She was so damn happy, Derek. She still loved you long after you abandoned her. I was just her second choice, even if she did fall in love with me. I wasn't the person she wanted to be in love with."

Mark slammed the door and Derek was met with a moment of déjà vu from the last week. At least he and Mark had talked…or spat words at each other. It was a start.

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The next week, he brought poppies for Addison and a pair of shoes he found in his trailer. She threw the flowers back in his face but took the shoes, because she reasoned that they were 700 and not worth wasting. Mark was out all weekend.

The week after that, Derek and Addison yelled at each other yet again, but in the yelling Addison had said she loved Derek. Derek had been so giddy that Mark had almost laughed in the presence of Derek. Almost.

The following week, Addison had been at work, and Derek had run into several people he knew, including Mark. Mark asked Derek how long he was going to keep up this business of travel, and Derek told him as long as it took. Addison had been in surgery and happened to see Derek watching. It made her a tiny bit happy to see him, something she would never admit to anyone. Savvy was already worried enough as it was that Derek was visiting every weekend.
The Friday after that, Derek had the opportunity to partake in a surgery in Seattle involving a new method. He declined and went to go visit Addison. She yelled. Derek went to visit Mark, and Mark invited him to watch a football game. Derek considered this progress.

Derek had been neglecting his mother, so he went to visit her the next week. They talked about what he had been doing and his mother nearly cried. Kathleen was there with her children, and she had patted Derek on the back and told him that Addison would come around. Derek visited Addison the next evening, late at night, and she had said nothing, just listened to him talk. He could've sworn he heard her crying after she shut the door.

He made her laugh, the next week. She had laughed at something he said. She had laughed for him. Mark had apologized. If this wasn't improvement, Derek didn't know what was.

The week after that, Derek knew something was wrong when Addison opened the door and her hair was all disheveled.

"Addie, what happened?"

She said nothing and shrugged. "Tonight's just not good, Derek, okay?"

"Addie, what's wrong? Please tell me. It's not me, is it? What did I do?"

She burst into tears and Derek wanted so badly to reach out and touch her face, to soothe her. She never cried. Never. She opened the door and motioned for him to come inside. Derek stepped inside her apartment for the first time in eight weeks and she went over to the answering machine, pressing play and sinking down on the couch. Derek took a chair opposite and listened to the message.

"Addie, dear, it's your father. Your mom is in the hospital. She got into a car accident earlier today, and she's alive but she won't wake up yet. We can't…we can't get her to wake up. She's breathing on her own. Just…come see her. We're at Hartford Memorial. Room 342. Just come please.

Addison was crying, the tears flowing freely down her face. Derek took a split-second of thought before he was up and before he had taken Addison in his arms. He had expected her to shrink away, to yell. But she buried her face in the crook of Derek's neck and wrapped her arms around him.

"Addie, have you gone to go see her?"

"Not yet. I can't. I can't go see my mother."

"Addie, you can. I'll…I'll come if you want."

She lifted her head. "You will?"

"I will."

"What if she dies, Derek? What if my mother dies?"

"Addie, sh-h, she'll be just fine."

"You're a doctor. You know odds. She might die."

"Addie, she's not dead now."

"She told me to give you a second chance. Like you gave me one when I came out to Seattle. She told me that if you ever wanted a second chance, I should give it to you. I didn't give you a second chance."

"What is this right now then? What has the past eight weeks been? This is plenty of a second chance. I get to hold you in my arms again. I never expected even that."

"I should hate you right now. For cheating on me, for everything. But I don't. I don't hate you at all. I love you. I love you too much, which is why this hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Letting you back in. It hurts even though it's what I want. I just feel so comfortable sitting here with you holding me. You come every week…how do you even do that?"

"I work off the extra hours during the week. I fly in on Friday, back out on Sunday."

"Every week?"

"For these past eight, at least."

"You are flying out, losing money, every weekend. And you keep coming, even when I yell and throw things. Why?"

"I love you, and I was a fool not to realize it before when you were right in front of me. But I have to try. I knew I had to try. So I tried. Every weekend up to this one."

"Oh, Derek. Thank you for not giving up on me."

Derek held her tighter, trying not to cry. Addison was giving him a chance. The chance he wanted, the chance he had begged her for. "I love you, Addison."

Addison nodded and let Derek hold her as she cried. He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head and after an hour, she was asleep in his arms. He had gotten to hold her. He watched her sleep for a few moments before kissing her cheek gently and laying her down on the couch. He found a blanket and draped it over her sleeping figure. She was giving him his chance.

He wandered around the apartment, and found her bedroom door wide open. What he couldn't ignore was their wedding picture above the bed. He smiled at it. It was one of his favorite pictures of Addison.

Derek left a note saying that he would be back the following day at eleven to take Addison over to Connecticut. He closed the door quietly, hearing the lock click into place behind him. He got downstairs and the receptionist was smiling.

"You made a breakthrough."

"I did."

"Congratulations."

Derek smiled, and nodded.

"I think what you've done is just plain romantic. Addison's incredibly lucky to have you."

"I hope she feels the same way."

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Derek was prompt the next morning. Right at eleven he knocked on the door and Addison opened it, after checking herself over one final time. She smiled gently when she saw a handful of poppies.

"Are those the ones I threw at you?"

"Nope. Brand new ones. But feel free to throw those, if you like."

Addison laughed, her eyes dancing with mirth. She was more put-together, today. Her dress was straight and she smelled good and her hair was catching the sunshine in all the right places.

"Are you ready to go then? I rented a car for the day."

Addison nodded. "I'm ready. I got the day off from Kirsten."

"Ah, Dr. Farleigh. She liked me."

"She likes mostly everyone,"

"Except Mark." Derek finished for her.

Addison laughed. "That hasn't changed. I think if anything, Kirsten hates him more now. Something involving all of the nurses and 'Seven Minutes in Heaven' in an on-call room."

Derek sighed and shook his head. Mark was still a sensitive topic between them, but maybe they could talk about him like this. "Oh, God."

"Except seven minutes was apparently a misnomer, because Mark took his sweet time with each of them. There was a sign-up sheet, I believe. One nurse's husband is getting a divorce as a result, although she claims they did nothing wrong."

"A room, alone with Mark. That means something's wrong." Derek silently hoped Addison had nothing to do with this.

Addison was quiet. "Not always. Mark and I spent plenty of time alone in rooms before anything happened."

"Addie, I mean, well…it's just usually, well, uh…" Derek searched for words to mend his mistake.

"Mark screws anything with a vagina. I know. I wonder who the first girl was."

"My seventh grade girlfriend."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Seventh grade? That's…kind of young. I didn't get kissed until the twelfth grade."

"I don't even remember my first kiss."

"I do. It was…awkward. My first kiss and my loss of virginity happened in the same night."

Derek turned towards Addison, his eyes off the road. "Really?"

"Skippy Gold. Prom."

"I knew you lost your virginity that night, but you never told me it was your first kiss."

"I don't like admitting it."

"You wouldn't admit it to me when I was your husband, but you'll admit it to me when I'm your ex-husband who's once again pursuing you?"

"I figure I may as well. I got my first kiss and then all of the sudden Skippy was reaching for the zipper on the back of my dress and I didn't want to stop him. I wish I would have, now. It wasn't bad…it just wasn't good…or great."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know you and Marcia Baumberg had the perfect first time."

"I may have overdone it with the candles."

"How in the world did you get everyone out of your house?"

"Nancy, Kathleen, and Renee were already in college. My mother was spending the weekend in the heart of the city with Meg. As a tenth grader, I had two thoughts.The first involved a crate of magazines I split with Mark that was hidden in the far back corner of Mark's room and a lot of spare time," Addison laughed at that. "The second involved Marcia. I decided I could go with the second."

"And it was perfect."

Derek shook his head. "I have only had perfect sex once."

"Who was that with?"

"You."

"And when was this?"

"It was a night you wouldn't think would be perfect. It wasn't our first time together, even if you stunned me with what you knew. It wasn't our wedding night, although that sex was wonderful. It wasn't an anniversary or holiday or birthday. It was just an ordinary night, four and a half years into our marriage. I got home late and you had 'made' dinner and we ate and we went to bed and decided to have sex."

Addison smiled. "I think I remember that time. I had gotten Chinese food, yes?"

"Chinese food and beer. And then we went upstairs and you sat in my lap and kissed me and told me you loved me and we moved on from there."

"That was good."

"But not perfect?"

"You did okay."

Derek laughed. Of all the conversation topics, they were talking about sex. This was possibly the last thing Derek would've imagined they talk about. "How's Parker?"

"Parker? Oh. Parker. He's good. We email pretty regularly, talking about chemistry and medicine and Seattle and New York and random things."

"I may have ambushed him, but he still seems like a nice guy. Even then he did. Which, I guess now that I think about it, scared me."

"Why?"

"Because I thought if you found another nice guy you'd fall out of love with me before I had a chance to prove to you I was back in love with you."

"He told me, the first night we met at that bar, that he wouldn't try and take me home that night. I hated it at first, because it was my anniversary and I just wanted to forget, but I ultimately loved him for it. And then we went out to dinner and I was afraid we'd try to date and that thought…scared me, I guess. But he told me he wouldn't try and date me."

"I hope you know I can't make the same promise."

"I hope you won't."

Derek flashed Addison a grin. "So does Parker know I have been, for lack of a better word, visiting you?"

"I told him, mentioned it in passing. He was concerned, very much so, but I told him then that it was nothing, that I was still angry at you so it didn't really matter." She shrugged. "Thank you for last night. For the comfort and everything…I can't remember the last time I fell apart like that."

"I can. It was the night I ran away. The night I physically abandoned you, even though I had abandoned you mentally long before then. I didn't comfort you then."

"You were angry."

"That's not an excuse."

"Neither is your absence an excuse for sleeping with Mark."

Neither said anything for a while, the true realization setting on both of them. They had a hell of a lot of baggage as a couple. Baggage that couldn't be ignored if they ever hoped to be together again.

"Maybe," Derek said softly, "We should talk about something else. For now."

"Okay. I guess we can't just move right into everything in the past."

"One day."

"One day sooner than we'd both like it. It needs to happen."

"Not today."

"No, not today."

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Derek and Addison got into Hartford after a time, and walked inside together, unsure of how to act.

"I'm Addison Montgomery. My mother, Leslie Montgomery, is in the hospital."

The receptionist looked up after clicking around on a computer. "Oh, yes. She's up in room 342."

"Thank you."

A doctor at a station looked up as they passed. "Mrs. Montgomery?"

Addison jumped. "It's just Dr. Montgomery. I'm, um, not married." Addison cast a sideways glance at Derek, who looked uncomfortable. "But yes?"

"It's good you're here, especially now. I'm Dr. Bruce Randolph, your mother's doctor. Follow me."

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A/N: Oh my God, that's long. I'm sorry. But I was rereading my story as a whole and it's been ten chapters of just depressing moments and I figured that I needed to speed up the whole 'Derek visiting' process. I didn't really, I mean, it was still eight weeks he did, but I only did two in detail. I was going to cut this up and add more but I was too excited to have my favorite couple stop yelling at each other.

So yes. I now am even further behind on my summer work, but this was more fun, so it's okay. Review! That's not a request.