Last time, on Adventure of the Black Knights...

TRANSCRIPT FROM INTERROGATION OF CRIME BOSS SUZAKU

Lelouch: Where's Kallen?
Suzaku: Where's the money?

Lelouch: You better f----in tell me!

Suzaku: (spits on Lelouch's face) Screw you.

Lelouch: (punches Suzaku) Where's the drugs?

Suzaku: I ain't no snitch, nig--.

Lelouch; Then at least tell me where you hid the remote!

Suzaku: I said, I aint-

Lelouch: (pulls out chainsaw and puts on Jason mask)

Suzaku: (squeaking) Under the carpet.

Now back to- wait a minute, this never happened, didn't it!?

"All right, you remember the plan, right?" whispered Zero.

"This is a great plan, Mr. Zero!" yelled out Rivalz, clapping.

"SHUT UP!" Kallen slapped Rivalz on the back of the head, accidently spilling Ohgi's lemonade.

"WHY!?" he cried.

"These guys are idots," thought Zero," OK, on with the plan!"

Rivalz started his new scooter, with Zero, Kallen, and Ohgi all in the sidecar beside him..

"Let's do this!" yelled Ohgi as everyone grabbed their guns.

VROOM!

"What the-" Rivalz started the engine again, but the scooter wouldn't budge.

There was too much weight in the sidecar.

"This is ridiculous!" cried Zero," We're gonna need more wheels!"

"OR a Knightmare!" suggested Kallen.

"Say wha?"

On the battlefield...

The Lancelot was destroying the Black Knights, and the only ones standing were Tohdoh and Xingke.

"Come on, man, give us a break!" cried Tohdoh," There's no bathroom in here and Julio cooked for me before battle!"

" DIE!" The Lancelot stabbed through the Knightmare, and Tohdoh crashed down.

"MOMMYYYY!!!!"

CRASH!

"Woah," said Xingke," But I'm still alive, so prepare to- Uh oh."

The lancelot went over to him," What's that supposed to mean?"

" It means I shouldn;t have eaten with Tohdoh at Rakshata's house!" the Knightmare flew away," CURSE YOU, JULIOOO!"

" Now to find the prisoner!" The lancelot flew around the building, searching for Kallen.

In the building...

"Behold, gentlemen, the Guren!" Kallen presented her mecha, acting like a magician's assistant.

"Wow, Kallen!" saidZero," I'm impressed! Only one thing."

"What?"

"IT ONLY SEATS ONE!"

"Oh. Well, that's OK!"

They all squished into the cockpit, and there were MANY problems!

TRANSCRIPT TAKEN FROM CROWDED COCKPIT

Zero: Hey, someone's foot is near my head!

Kallen: OK, who's butt's in my face? I can't reach the controls! (Randomly reaches for buttons)

Rivalz: Ouch! Someone's grabbing something, and I don't like it- or do I?

Kallen: Ew, RIVALZ!

Rivalz: Ow, that doesn't bend that way!"

Ohgi: Well, it's a good thing I'm crowded perfectly against the left window! Hey, what's this heart-shaped button?

Kallen: NO!

Ohgi: (presses button) Hey, the Guren's vibrating!

Kallen: (has twisted face)

Zero: Um, Kallen?

Kallen: (remains motionless)

Rivalz: Oh my god, she's gone deaf!

Ohgi: No, I think we should get out...

Kallen: (snaps back to reality) Nope, i already took the Guren to the air, and Rivalz, could you move your butt!?

Rivalz: That's not my butt...

Zero: Um, sorry Kallen, I'll just move over...

TRANSCRIPT END

The Guren flew off, and saw the wreckage from above.

"OMG!" cried Rivalz," These guys are dead!"

From the side, Ohgi saw a guy falling down," hey, isn;t that Tohdoh?"

"MOOMMMMY!!!" cried Tohdoh. Tears could be seen streaking from his eyes as he fell.

"Poor guy..."sighed Zero," Hey, does anyone have a camera phone? I need to savor this moment!"

Everyone pulled out their phones and took shots of Tohdoh falling to the earth.

"OK, NOW we kill the Lancelot!" the Guren flew off towrds Suzaku.

Meanwhile, at a Middle Eastern convenience store...

Xingke dismounted his Knightmare and ran to the 7/11. Inside, he saw the bathroom.

"Praise the Lord!" he ran to it, but the door was locked," Um, clerk, I need the bathroom keys!"

Surprisingly, the clerk wasn't Middle eastern, but he seemed like... a reporter.

"Um, sir, are you Xing Ke, AKA SwordLover456?" asked the man.

"Yes, but you forgot my middle name: Yao Ming!"

"Have you been chatting with PrincessT10?"

"What? The only one I've been chatting with is a 27 year old mecha freak in India"

"Try a ten year old Chinese princess in the Forbidden City," two policemen walked in and handcuffed Xingke.

"What the-"

"I'm a random reporter, and this is...TO CATCH A LILICON!"

"Wait a sec, I have pictures of her! She has blond hair and dark skin and smoke a stick thing! Odyesseus, you bastard! He must be framing me! ODYESSEUS!"

Elsewhere...

The Guren found the Lancelot above the playground of the prison/strip mall," Lancelot, stand down!"

The lancelot drew his sword," Make me, terrorists!"

Right before the two clashed, Rivalz said something.

"STOP!"

"Rivalz, what the heck are you doing!?" asked Kallen.

Rivalz continued," Lancelot, why do you call us terrorists?"

"Well, because you're Japanese and not Brittanian, that's all!"

" Well, wht if we slaughtered your girlfriend, and cut off your balls and fed them to lions, just because you're different from US?"

Every guy in earshot felt a slight pain in their boxers.

" That would be unfair, I guess."

"So, is it fair to kill us because of our differences?"

" No."

"So, in the words of my favorite charcter from Code US Border, Martin Luther King Jr., " Violence is not the answer to peace."

Everyone in the cockpit was on the verge of tears. Suzaku realized that he had lost his way. Ever since he started playing Mortal Kombat, he forgot violence never solved anything.

"He dropped his weapon," You're right," he dismounted his Knightmare," I'm going to do more meaningful things now, like defend trees and grow long hair and drive Volkswagen buses!"

As Suzaku ran to a tatto shop to get a tattoo of a peace sign, everyone in the Guren besides Rivalz were in shock.

"Rivalz," said Zero,: You just stopped the lancelot from killing us, and practically ended the battle!"

" Yeah, you have incredible people skills!" commented Kallen.

"And yet I still can't get a girlfriend," sighed Rivalz," I mean, sure, I can end wars with words, but whats the point of doing that with no lady!?"

" that's not true, man," said Ohgi," I mean, sure, you may need a couple thousand bucks, but I'm sure that with some money and a nice car, you'll be in bed with someone by next week!"

"Really?"

Kallen slapped Ohgi on the back of the head," Ohgi, stope teaching him about prostitution! Now, Rivalz, i know a nice girl you might be interested in..."

At Ashford...

Kallen slowly pushed Rivalz across the campus quad.

"Come on, Kallen!" whined Rivalz," Can we do this tomorrow or something? Arthur won't feed himself!"

" Just do it!" Kallen shoved Rivalz into Milly, the council president.

"WHOA!" They both fell to the ground.

Milly got up," Rivalz, what do you want?"

Rivalz got up," Uh, Milly, how about...um..."

"Yeeaah..."

Rivalz was still stuttering, so Kallen landed a right hook in between his legs.

"Yipe! Would you like to go out with me?" he squeaked painfully.

" Um, sure!"

"Really?" Rivalz forgot his pain and stood in front of Milly," You're the greatest!"

Kallen left them and walked back to Lelouch, who was watching from the corner," Now isn't that romantic, Lelouch?"

He didn't answer.

"Uh, Lelouch?" Kallen snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"...," He just had a blank emotionless stare.

Kallen punched him in the groin, then realized what was going on, "Lelouch, that episode didn't come up yet in this story!"

He snapped back to reality," Ouch! So, how'd it go?"

Kallen sat next to him," Never mind," she sighed," Idiot."

In the background, Milly and Rivalz could be heard talking.

"I want to be picked up by 7:00, and NO scooters!"

"Aw, come on!"

"RIVALZ..."

"All right then...bitch."