Last time, on the Adventures of the Black Knights...
Lelouch: So, how's it going, chief?
C.C.: Not good, sir! He's still on the roof, and he's not coming down!
Lelouch: Don't worry, chief! Lelouch Lamperouge will save him! (Goes up to roof)
Ohgi: (on edge of roof) Get back! I'll jump!
Lelouch: All right, if I promise to stop spilling your juice, will you stop this?
Ohgi: YAY! (skips around and accidently falls down edge) AAAH!
Lelouch: Yet another death prevented by...Lelouch Lamperouge!
Ohgi: (falls on sumo wrestler)
Sumo Wrestler: SUSHI ROLL!
Ohgi:...f---.
OK, THIS actually happened!
It was yet another day at Black Knights HQ. Kallen and Lelouch were still at the hospital, taking care of Rivalz after his date.
PATIENT INJURY LOG
NAME: Rivalz Cardenmonde
INJURIES: Severed Nut
Popped Shoulder
Internal Bleeding
REASON: Disappointment on Date
"It's all right, Rivalz," said Kallen caringly," So what if you accidently brought the scooter again?"
Lelouch popped his head between them," Yeah, and what if you accidently spilled your drink down Milly's shirt?"
"Actually, I did that on purpose."
Kallen tightened her fists," You perverts!"
"AAAH!"
PATIENT INURY LOG
NAME: Lelouch Lamperouge
INJURIES: Punctured kidney
Fragmented rib
REASON: Kallen Stadfield
PATIENT INJURY LOG
NAME: Rivalz Cardemonde
INJURIES: Lost Manhood
Torn Shoulder Muscles
Fragmented...EVERYTHING?
REASON: Being a Pervert
At Black Knights HQ....
Everyone was waiting anxiously for Zero to return from his visit at his friend's. They weren't used to doing operations without their leader guiding them. Strangely, Kallen was missing, too. Tamaki, Ohgi, and Rakshata were on the couch in the corner.
"So, why do you think Zero's been gone so long?" asked Ohgi," He hasn't even come to spill my juice!"
Tamaki shoved his face in Ohgi's," The question is, why is Kallen gone, too?"
" You two are so immature!" Rakshata took a puff of her pipe," Everyone knows they're working on the Guren, like Rakshata would want them too!"
" I bet they're doing more than just working," Tamaki whispered to Ohgi.
"So, THAT'S why they call it a cockpit!" yelled out Ohgi.
"No, man!" whispered Tamaki," You don't wanna atrract-"
As they were all discussing the subject, Diethard swooped in," What are we all talking about here?"
" Nothing, Diethard," said Tamaki," Now, why don't you go interview Britney Spears or Miley Cyrus?"
" Tamaki, those are fictional characters in Code US Border!" Diethard took out a volume of it," See? This is Vol. 4, the one where Barack Obama becomes president!"
Everyone in range sweatdropped.
At the hospital...
"Owww..."
"Aw, you guys stop whining!" said Kallen," I mean, sure, I stuffed your own foot up your unmentionables, but that's what makes life worthwhile, isn't it?"
" Kallen, I think Lelouch slipped into a concussion!" cried Rivalz.
" Oh, this is NOT good!" cried Kallen," If Lelouch dies, then the series is over! Well, at least until the creators can think of another character so they can make a spin-off off of it."
Rivalz got off the bed and into a wheelchair," Well, Kallen, I'm gonna leave you alone with him for no particular reason..."
Rivalz scooted out the door and into a secret room with the student council," Milly, do we HAVE to spy on them? Lelouch's in a coma, for god's sake!"
" But that's why they call it hentai!" Milly started talking to a kid working on the school website," Make sure the cameras can see EVERYTHING!"
At HQ...
It had been three hours since the meeting was supposed to begin. Everyone was dying from boredom, and everyone knows the chapter's supposed to begin with a meeting and Ohgi's juice spilling.
" I can't take this anymore!" yelled Tohdoh," I need to kill a Brittanian right now, or I'll lose it!"
Tamaki popped up behind his shoulder," I'll lend you my "Brittanian Evil 5" game, but you've got to have a PS3 to play!"
Tohdoh stared at him blankly," I will not play video games to calm my blood thirst! What's next, looking up porn on the internet?"
" Now THAT'S the spirit, Tohdoh!"
POW!
Tamaki was hit so hard, he crashed out the window," CURSE YOU, VIOLENT VIDEO GAAAAMEES!!!!!..."
C.C. saw that this would NOT end well, so she called Kallen at the hospital.
At the hosptal...
Kallen was sitting by Lelouch's bed when her phone rang," Murderer's residence, how may I help you?" she answered, depressed.
" What the heck are you talking about, Pinky?"
"C.C., what do you want? I'm kind of busy at the moment."
" It can't be THAT-"
" I accidently killed Lelouch."
" Ok, it IS that bad."
"WHAT DO I DO!?"
" Ok, stay calm, just breathe in and out!"
Kallen started breathing in and out.
" All right, now rub your belly and talk to your baby!"
" C.C., I'm not pregnant!"
"Sorry, but that's all I know, I'm not a nurse or maid, you know!"
Then, Kallen got an idea,"That's it!"
She digged in Lelouch's pants pocket for his phone," It's GOT to be here..."
In the sceret room, the student council was in SHOCK.
" People, raise the price from $3.95 an hour to $6.95 an hour!" commanded Milly," This is quality first-timer stuff here!"
"Why does she suddenly sound like a porno salesmen?" thought Rivalz, disgusted, yet slightly amused.
At HQ...
Zero was five hours late, and Tohdoh was finally convinced into killing Brittanians in Brittanan Evil 5.
" Hey, look!" said Tohdoh," I shot that guy's head off, then threw it at another guy's balls!"
Rakshata went up to him," Um, Tohdoh, you can't do that in real life."
Tohdoh gasped," You're right! that's why I'll stop fighting in real life and kill safely in here!"
"We've lost him," thought Diethard," Where the f--- are Zero and Captain Kozuki!?"
Tamaki got up from his wheel chair," I already told you, they're being studied by a porno site!"
" Tamaki, that's the most irrational and perverted thing you've ever said," said Ohgi," Everybody knows they're out buying ME juice!":
" They're working on the Guren together!" outbursted Rakshata.
Everyone started to argue about what Zero and Kallen were doing together. Suddenly-
TWEEEEET!
C.C. blew her whistle," Ok, people, let's place our bets on why they're doing what, how, when, and with who besides with each other!"
"HUH?"
The green haired girl sighed," What do you think they're doing?"
" Oh yeah!" Everyone crammed at the betting booth to place bets on they're sick, twisted fantasies.
At the hospital...
"Aaaand, got it!" Kallen had finally found Lelouch's phone in his left back pocket.
It had taken her an hour, so the student council got some good footage.
Kallen looked in his contacts and found Sayoko's number. When she called, someone picked up.
:Hello, Lamperouge residence."
"Sayoko, you need to help me!"
"Who is this?"
" Kallen Stadfield, and I accidently killed Le-"
She had hung up on her.
" I'll heve to find help another way," sighed Kallen.
When she turned around, however, Sayoko was standing there.
" You evil bitch! How could you kill Master Lelouch!?" she roared.
" It was an accident!" reasoned Kallen," I never meant to kill him, just to slightly maim him!"
"You're indespicable!" Sayoko leaped at Kallen and started a huge catfight.
There was hairpulling, biting, name calling, and more viwers were subscribing to Ashford Academy's candid camera site. Money was coming in and they had enough money for ten fundraisers.
" People, we need to raise the price again!" said Milly," Make it $10.95 a MINUTE!"
"Rivalz was still standing in the corner," Still, slightly disgusted, yet amused..."
At HQ...
C.C. stood in front of the Black Knights with the betting stats," Ok, most bets are on that Zer and Kallen are somewhere having an intimate moment for 7 hours, and second is that they're having this momant in the guren or Shinkiro.
Rakashata gasped," They're having a baby...in one of my babies! So there's a bun in the oven...in an oven!"
Everyone sweatdropped.
C.C. continued," Ooookkk, next is that theye're out on a date, next is that they're discussing the meeting...in bed."
Tamaki stood up," WHHOOOO!"
C.C. went on," Next is that they're buying Ohgi juice, and last is that they're working on the Guren!"
Rakshata took a puff of her pipe, and bragged," I'll win for sure! I put a month's salary on "working on the Guren together"!"
Ohgi explained," Rakshata, just because you bet more doesn;t mean you win, that's auctioning!"
"Oh. Well, if I don't win, I guess I'll have to go back to working at....the Academy."
"Um, Rakshata?" Ohgi waved his hand in front of her face, but she was still, and she had a blank expression on her face.
Tamaki went up to him," i think she's having a flashback!"
" So, she wouldn't be bothered if we took a joyride in her Knightmare frames?" asked Ohgi.
" Guess not."
Ohgi grabbed the keys from Rakshata's coat pocket," I call dibs on the Shinkiro!"
At the hospital...
Kallen and sayoko had stopped fighting, and were both sitting by Lelouch's side.
" So, how do we wake him up?" asked Kallen, looking at the unconcious warlord.
" I don't know," mumbled Sayoko," But you have to admit, I overpowered you in Round Three, right?"
But Kallen didn't answer. She just stared at Lelouch, waiting for him to wake up.
" Uh, Kali?"
"..."
In the secret room, Milly was getting worried. Ever since the catfight stopped (Sayoko won in the 9th round), they had been losing viewers. They had to do something, fast.
" Let's see, what can we do..." wondered Milly," I know! I'll mind control the maid!"
" How the heck will you do that?" asked Nina, occupied with the website.
" you still have that nano chip and microphone, right?"
"Riiight..."
An evil grin appeared on Milly's face, and the same thought crossed Rivalz's mind:
"Disgusted, yet slightly amused..."
What is Milly going to do? Who will win the bet? Will Lelouch wake up? Will Rivalz stop thinking the same thought over again!? Find out next time on AotBK!