Life Support

Mimi:

I loved Roger from the first time I saw him. I was eighteen and it was my first night working at the Cat Scratch. He was there to see his girlfriend, the then lead dancer, April. The chill that ran through me as he watched the two of us dance was amazing. I knew that he was watching his girlfriend, she was the only one of us he had eyes for, yet I felt as though I needed him to watch me, needed his attention. Maybe I got it, I guess I'll never know, but at the end of the night it was April he put his arms around. It was April whose ear he whispered 'I love you' into.

I knew I had nothing to feel jilted over. He probably didn't know who I was; it wasn't like he was betraying me. Yet I still felt as though he'd gone home with the wrong girl. As I left the club I turned right, instead of crossing the road to go to my apartment, it was hard enough for me to sleep on a normal night, let alone when I was feeling like this, besides, it looked as if I was going to have to follow the happy couple at least part of the way home. I headed over to the place I knew I'd feel comfortable, and welcome, no matter what time I arrived there. Angel's house.

I'd met Angel when I was fifteen years old. My mother had disapproved of the relationship, saying that she was too old for me to hang around with, though we both knew that the real reason was because she was afraid of drag queens.

The two of us had clicked straight away. I had been on my way home from school and watched her scare off a group of skinheads. It had amazed me the way that she could be so brave when they where obviously so much bigger then her. It was angel who taught me to go after what I wanted what I believed in.

It wasn't long before I learnt to trust her with everything. She was a great friend to me. I told her everything that had happened in my life. About the reason I'd caught HIV, why I'd started taking drugs. She encouraged me to reach for my dreams, despite what my mother said. She had never encouraged me to leave school, but she understood why I did it, and whilst she made it clear to me that she didn't think it was the best idea, she had still supported me. It was her who got me the job at the cat-scratch. It wasn't exactly what either of us was hoping for, but if I wanted to be a dancer I had to start somewhere, I wasn't going to get to Broadway with out any real dancing experience.

So it was Angel that I went to for comfort that night after Roger. I explained what happened, what I was feeling. She smiled "I think that's what they call love at first sight".

I rolled my eyes, "or lust. Maybe it was just the fact that he was the first guy who'd not dropped his girlfriend for me."

"I don't think so honey, the fact that, out of all the sleazy men in that room, he caught your eye, it's got to mean something."

"Oh angel" I sighed "you think everything means something"

"Because it does. I promise you, one day you'll catch that boy's eye and he'll have a hard time believing he loves that boy as much as he loves you."

This wasn't the kind of advice that I'd normally receive from Angel, so it affected me a little more then usual. I couldn't help but think about what it would be like if Roger (though I didn't know his name at the time) had met me instead of April. Would I be the one he gazed after night after night? Would it be April in my position, working hard to get that boy to glimpse at her for just a second?

Our boss, Lionel had decided that as men seemed to be turned on by girl-on-girl action, he would "have" to incorporate a kiss into our routine. April and I were told that as we were the hottest dancers in the club, we'd need to do it. I was a little nervous at first, but I soon warmed up to the idea, I'd had so many meaningless kisses before, what difference did it make that this one was with a girl?

It was April who caused the most problems. She agreed to do the kiss, (it was that or loose her job) but when we rehearsed it there was some part of her that pulled away, making it seem less convincing. We got to the night of our first performance of the new routine before Lionel told us that if we didn't get it right that night we'd both loose our jobs.

As that job was the only thing (other then Angel) I had, I was determined to keep it. I realised I couldn't rely on April to help; I needed to take the lead my self.

I was good at the routine already, but that night I surprised at my own ability. I know it's not really something to be proud of to excel in an S&M dance but that night I really shone. Every one pair of eyes in that room was on me, including Rogers I'm sure. When we got to the kiss I imagined that it was him I was kissing. I allowed myself to let go and put every ounce of effort that I could into kissing April. To my surprise she kissed me back, with just as much passion. It was hard to pull away. The rest of the night was a blur. We made more tips then I think I've ever made in that one night. I vaguely remember April telling Roger she was going to stay at her own apartment that night, before I was dragged along with her. We kissed the entire way up to her apartment, pausing only briefly to put her key in the door. I was still picturing Roger whilst she kissed me. I knew the real thing would have been much better but was very close. Her hands felt like heaven as they clutched at my breasts. It didn't take long for me remove both of our clothing. I slid my hand between her legs and made my way up, feeling her muscles tense with pleasure from my touch. She moaned as I put my finger inside her, flicking it out slightly. I built up a rhythm in my wrist, gradually gathering speed as the pleasure built up inside her. I left soon after she came, not minding that I hadn't felt the same release. That night was about her pleasure, not mine.

That night April died, leaving me with a note;

Thank you for making my last night enjoyable

And a guilty conscience.