Chapter IV

Ivan could feel it.

The pain from ten years worth of suffering returned to incinerate whatever was left under his skin. His people were dying and he was deteriorating. Every death was like a needle through his chest—every massacre, a knife.
But he had hope; at times like these, Lithuania would hold him between his arms and tell him it would be all right, that everything would heal and that the two of them will be there to see it—together.

Ivan had faith in that.

But here was his light, covered in sickly white sheets, unmoving except for the slow rhythm of his breathing.
Lithuania was not there to hold him this time; he was not there to piece together his crumbling heart—knowing that was what hurt him the most.

Russia lifted the limb hand to his mouth—the warmth was failing.

But he looked so peaceful.

He returned Lithuania's hand to where it was on the sheets and rose from his chair. Leaning over the sleeping nation, Ivan took time studying the brunette's serene, undisturbed face. His wounds were hidden from view so there was nothing to ruin Toris's unmarred image. His lips were slightly parted and Ivan was close enough to feel the gentle gusts of his breath. How he longed from them to brush against his skin again.

Russia ignored the protests in his arm as he used it to support himself. With slow, hesitant motions, Russia lifted his free hand to cup Lithuania's cheek, tenderly stroking the soft skin with his thumb. He almost flinched when the other shifted his head slightly to fit against the palm of his hand.

Ivan smiled despite himself. Aside from the dull pain that was continuously gnawing away at his core, something else was blooming inside him. Desire began to weave its way through his emotions as Russia found himself bringing his mouth closer to Lithuania's. He froze just a millimeter away from his lips.

Russia clenched his eyes and stifled a sob. Why was his dear Toris torturing him like this? He begged himself to pull away but he couldn't. The need for his touch clawed at his insides-

- and Ivan gave into it.

He pressed his own cold lips against Lithuania's (he tried not to think how rough he must've been) and proceeded to massage the corners of his mouth.

Lithuania lurched from underneath him and instead of breaking contact, Ivan found himself pressing harder, penetrating his mouth with his tongue. He continued to lick the inside of Toris's cheek, drawing suppressed moans from the other. A faint voice in his mind was telling him to stop but his own thirst overwhelmed it.

To both his pleasure and horror, Ivan felt like he was claiming something that was long lost— something that was meant for him since the beginning.

Russia widened his mouth to indulge as he dug his tongue deeper. To his delight, Toris began to kiss back. His hands fumbled over the sheets, searching for something to latch onto. It didn't take long for Lithuania's fingers to find and wrap themselves around Russia's wrists. His hold was loose and weak, though—he wasn't fully awake yet, but Russia didn't care. The pleasure he was evoking from this alone was enough to drive his hurt away.

He exited Lithuania's mouth and set to stroking his neck instead, causing him to arch his torso slightly. His tongue found a certain elliptical scar at the base of his neck—the one he had made all those years ago. Russia tried to ignore the guilt that was plaguing his mind as well as his ever-fading voice of reason.

He couldn't let this go. He needed this. Toris was his.

Russia's arms pulled away from his grasp only to reach down the covers to caress his jerking hips.

Panic clashed with lust as he felt his own heart begin to ice over…

Only with the sudden appearance of emerald eyes was he brought back to his senses.

Russia stumbled back, half his body still on the bed. Lithuania was sitting up now, his expression mixed with shock and something else. His mouth was still glistening with their saliva and Russia was staring back in horrified remorse. His body began to quiver violently as realization set in.

No, no, no!

He didn't… Oh god, what was he going to do? He almost… He almost…

Ivan let out an anguished sob as he dug his fingers into his own scalp, pulling at his hair. He threw his head from side to side as if trying to rid himself of an invisible tormentor. He couldn't hear Toris call his name—he wouldn't let himself.

He was corrupt, depraved, undeserving of that sacred light.

Blood began to gather underneath his fingernails but he didn't care. Toris will never trust him now; he had dug his own grave. There was no way- no way he could go on… If only…

Ivan was in his arms now. He tried to pull away but Lithuania refused to let go. He couldn't fight it. His hands began to claw at his back, catching against the ropey scars that could still be felt from beneath the material, but still Lithuania didn't budge. He begged and pleaded let me go, but Lithuania remained steady. He only pulled him closer, stroking his hair soothingly.
Finally, Ivan stopped resisting and let himself listen to Lithuania's words. His teeth were still clenched, tears were still running down his fevered cheeks, and blood was still pounding in his ears.

Toris was hushing him now and Ivan bit his lip to silence himself.

"I love you." Russia froze. How could…?

"I love you, Vanya," Lithuania repeated, burying his face into ashen hair.

Ivan grasped the front of his shirt, his eyes leaking fresh tears.
"W-why?" He choked out. "I-I'm…"

Lithuania cradled him. "Shh… It's alright, I love you… You know I always will."

-x-X-x-

It was dark and the only thing Toris was sure of was that the back of his head was throbbing painfully. He tried to help himself off of an invisible ground but his arms wouldn't respond to him.
Where was he? He couldn't remember anything and he couldn't draw anything from his surroundings either.

But… his head hurt, and everything right now was an all-too-familiar sensation to him.

Fear suddenly began to flood his already dulled senses as he saw a tall figure walk towards him. Toris noticed a long scarf billowing behind him in a non-existent wind. His features because clearer and clearer as he got closer. It didn't surprise him—but fear was still pounding in his chest.

Lithuania could see that Russia was holding a bloodied pipe.

He looked down; to his horror, Lithuania found that he was lying down in a puddle of bright red fluid—no doubt it was his own. The puddle was growing larger and larger and Lithuania couldn't tell where it all was coming from. At this rate, it won't be long before he bleeds to death.

"N-no! Stop it!" He screamed at the spreading liquid.

"What do you think you're doing, Toris?" Russia asked. His voice drove daggers through his mind. He stepped towards him, his boots dipping into the blood with an echoing splash. He raised his pipe threateningly and Lithuania cowered before he could stop himself. "You thought you could make a fool of me? You thought that you were safe?"

"I-'m sorry!" He cried desperately. He didn't know what Russia was talking about, but who was he to try and reason with him? "Please! Don't!" The pipe was brought down.

Lithuania didn't feel any pain, but he did feel a curious sensation on his forehead.

Before he knew it, blood was gushing out of the open wound, dying his vision red. He struggled for breath as the warm blood flooded into his nose and mouth.

Russia continued, "I'm all you have, Lithuania."

He wanted to deny it but as he tried to sort out his own turmoil, other people began to form behind Russia. Their faces were hidden in the haze and the only things that were left visible were the rest of their bodies.

Who he recognized as Poland was standing the closest to him. Lithuania struggled to make out his face through the veil of blood he was sure was covering his eyes. Poland's eyes were impassive and his mouth was blank, giving off a sense of apathy.

"I'm sorry…" Russia didn't give a chance for Lithuania to finish for he violently dug his heel into his side, drawing an agonized scream from him.

"Someone!" Blood was pouring out of his mouth now. Oh god, there was so much of it—how could this be happening? His vision was flashing red. Why wasn't anyone…?

Something snapped in his side and Lithuania had a second to realize that Russia had broken his rib. The pain… it felt so real. This was all a nightmare—it had to be.

"Someone!" He screamed again. "Help me, please! Please!"

But no one moved—they all continued to stare down on him as if he were a worthless, dying animal. He reached out a hand, but it fell, splashing into the pool of blood.

Russia knelt beside him, violently seizing his jaw to force Lithuania's gaze into his. "Have you always planned to betray me?" He hissed.

"I didn't mean-" His cheek stung and Lithuania realized Russia had slapped him. Everything was happening so fast…

"Liar…" He sneered. He gripped Toris's haw harder and he flinched. Lithuania stared fearfully into his eyes. Russia was grinning now, his lips were stretching at the corners and Lithuania couldn't keep himself from shuddering. "You look beautiful like this, Toris. Now won't you say it?"

"I…"

Toris shut his eyes.

Why?

"I love you."

Everyone disappeared and the crimson had vanished as well, but Toris didn't have the will to get up from his spot on the cold, empty ground.

The dream was vivid in his mind but Lithuania knew it was nothing more than an illusion—a lurid one.

He fiercely believed it was impossible that the fragile nation in his arms right now would ever… Would ever turn back to his old self. He would never let it happen.

He found reassurance in embracing Ivan. There was no way he will ever lose hope in the other—no dream or memory will ever change that.

Russia was completely quiet now. Lithuania had already blanketed him with all he had. He tenderly placed his hands on both his shoulders and distanced himself enough to fully look at him.

Ivan timidly looked up, his eyes were clear now but his cheeks were still flushed. Toris thought he could see the expanding cracks behind those amethysts—he'll fix them in do time, he had to. He opened his mouth to say something but a knock from the door interrupted him.

Russia got up to answer it.

-x-X-x-

Lithuania really wasn't sure about whom he should be suspecting. He wasn't even sure why he was in a hospital ward in the first place.

So it was no wonder he was surprised to see Poland who stepped in.

"Liet!" He almost screamed. "It took you forever!" He stomped over to him and Lithuania had the feeling he was going to have a lot to deal with after this.

"I- You! You told me you weren't going to kill yourself and look-!" He threw out his arms in emphasis, "-You fracture your skull in two separate spots!"

Toris's hands flew to his head. Instead of finding bare skin, he felt bandages that were wrapped around his head several times.

"W-what?" He glanced between the two. "What happened?"

Poland blinked and lowered his arms. "So like… You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

Feliks was giving him a serious look. "Prussia… He attacked you… And you totally got knocked out. Everyone was, like, really worried you know."

Lithuania closed his eyes. Prussia… Prussia… That's right. He intruded in his home and there were knives and…

"I have to get out of here," Lithuania decided out loud, kicking away at the sheets.

Poland jumped. "W-what? Are you nuts? You can't go!"

Toris ignored him as he threw off the rest of the covers, ripped the single IV tube from his arm (what the hell? It wasn't that serious, was it?), and got out of bed. He barely made one step when his knees buckled from lack of use and he was sent toppling to the ground.

Russia caught him just in time. Lithuania clung to his sleeves for support as he tried to inch towards the wall.

"Poland is right. You're not well, da?"

"Well?" Lithuania said, incredulous. "W-what are you even doing here? You're the one who's not well! I just hit my head a few times. I don't have time to lie around in a hospital!" Blood began to rush from his head as he struggled to make progress.

"D-Damn it…" Lithuania said as he nodded off, fading into unconsciousness again.

Russia stood there with a blacked out Lithuania in his arms, dumbfounded. An awkward moment passed until he finally placed Toris back into his bed.

"Toris is…"

"… A total pain in the butt," Poland grumbled.

-x-X-x-

He knew he was going to be in trouble after the incident, but that didn't stop Prussia's irritation from growing because of Germany's damn preaching.

"You told me you knew what you were doing," Germany growled. In his hand was a very large hardcover book and he wanted nothing more than to chuck it at Gilbert's head.

Prussia pinched the bridge of his nose. "I did know what I was doing but I didn't expect for him to show up, okay? I was taking it easy on both of them—I could've killed them all if I wanted to. That bastard screwed everything up." He punched the surface of the table they were sitting at in frustration.

Germany eyed him, unfazed of his outburst. "So what's your plan now?"

Prussia looked away. "I'm working on that," he mumbled.

Germany rested his forehead against his palms. "God damn it, Gilbert. I should have never even let you go through with it. Look what you've done—Lithuania's obligated to declare war on you once he recovers. What were you even hoping for when you invaded and attacked him in his own home?"

"I got carried away."

"Carried away? He's in a hospital, Gilbert. Everyone knows about this and to them, your attack was completely unprovoked!"

"If a war is what it takes, then fine, whatever." Prussia shrugged nonchalantly—his frustration seemed to have already ebbed away. Germany's, however, had not.

"You are not going to go to war over this. There's no way it'll be between just you and Lithuania-"

"Who said it has to be?" Prussia shouted, his aggravation returning, "This isn't just for them, you know. That Russian bastard stripped me of my land, my pride. I want to see him at my feet begging for mercy along with that damn Lithuanian. If anyone else gets in my way, I'll take them down too."

"So," Ludwig said quietly, "you're willing to endanger millions of innocents for revenge?"

Prussia barked out in harsh laughter. "Since when has that ever stopped any of us from getting what we want? It's mutual between everyone. We're only paying for our expenses."

In human lives, Germany thought sadly. "They'll destroy you."

"No they won't," Prussia denied simply. "I'll show them, I'll show them all."

Ludwig wasn't sure about what he himself should do. If he were to join the "other" side, he would be fighting against Prussia. If he remained neutral, he would be forced to watch several nations tear each other apart just like the countless other times in the past. And if he joined Prussia in conquest, he would be assisting in the slaughter of millions more people.

Gilbert got up when Germany didn't say anything. He stuffed his hands into his pocket as he kicked the chair aside.

"What do you expect me to do?" Germany finally sighed.

He turned towards the exit. He answered, "Whatever you want to do, West." And he was gone.

-x-X-x-

"Hey… Are you, uh, okay?"

Russia was pulled back into reality. "…I'm fine…"

Poland continued to look at him in concern, "Well I think Liet did have a point, like how he said you needed your rest too."

He stood up so suddenly that Poland flinched. "Da… I'll go… outside for some air."
His words sound so disconnected and empty, Poland noted. I wonder what happened?

Though instead of asking aloud, Feliks only nodded and Russia left the room, leaving the two alone.

Ivan covered his mouth as soon as he was out of sight. Bile gathered and filled his throat as he disgorged over the nearest trashcan. Stomach acid dripped from the corner of his mouth and he wiped it away in disgust.

He couldn't even stand his own fake smiles anymore.

He hated hospitals. He hated this atmosphere.

The hallway he was standing in was pure white—it was so impersonal. The nauseating stench of rubbing alcohol and various other drugs wafted from the other hospital wards and into his nose. He needed to get out of here.

There were very few people who were still left in the building, so no one noticed Ivan run out the front entrance.

He took in a deep breath of the clean air, clearing his mind. His limbs began to weaken however, and he assumed it was from the regurgitation. He quickly made his way over the parking lot and collapsed into softer grass of the nearby park.

Russia closed his eyes as he let the thin blades of grass tickle his face. The leaves from above filtered the light from the afternoon sun, leaving splashes of sunlight all over his lying form. His pulse slowed down to a steady rhythm as he calmed himself.

This is nice, Russia decided. Everything around him was a piece of Lithuania—it was his home after all. This is where Toris belongs.

Ivan reopened his eyes to take in his surroundings. The sound of motors was barely audible and all that was left to hear were the gentle rustlings of the foliage and the occasional songbird.

He wasn't exactly sure on how long he was lying there completely motionless—but it must've been long enough for a single bird to figure it was safe to approach him. It hopped closer, cocking its head to study the strange object that was Ivan. It let out a long, warbling chirp and Ivan found himself talking to it.

"Ptitsa… How foolish of you to approach something much larger than you."

The tiny bird responded with a pivot of its head.

"… But fools are never afraid. Silly isn't it?"

The bird hopped a few times again. The brown-feathered creature was now close enough for Russia to make out its amber-colored iris. It pecked at his frozen hand too see if the leather material covering it was anything useful. When it found out that it wasn't, the bird took a small set of hops backwards.

Russia's hand twitched as he lifted it from the grass, reaching towards the bird. It let out a startled squawk as it flapped away to alight on the nearest tree branch, eyeing him warily. Ivan 's arm lifted itself higher in its direction even though the animal was far from reach.

"You're so unkind to me," he said lightly, staring at his own outstretched fingers. It seemed so redundant and sickeningly ironic for him. His eyes moved passed his fingers to look back at the bird, which was bobbing its tail, until it finally flitted away.

The sound of rustling footsteps made him turn his head in the opposite direction.

Lithuania was standing not too far from him, still dressed in those dreary hospital clothes. His ever-present green blazer (which had already been cleaned of its bloodstains) was draped over his shoulders. He stepped forward and Russia noticed the scratches at the bottom of his bare feet.

However, it was the melancholic expression on Lithuania's face that made his heart skip a beat.

"They let you go?"

"The room was empty when I woke up, " he answered softly even though there was no one around to hear.

Russia attempted to push himself off the ground, but a sharp pain shot through his elbow and he collapsed into the grass again, heaving deep breaths from the effort. So his strength was fading this fast…
Lithuania set himself besides him and buried his fingers through his hair. Ivan shivered at the touch as he shifted himself closer. He tentatively raised a hand to touch the bandages that were surrounding the top half of Toris's forehead.

"This…"

Toris closed his eyes, hiding his green irises from view. "They'll heal…"

"… And leave scars," Russia finished indifferently.

Lithuania suddenly grabbed his hand and opened his eyes. Tears clung to the corners but they didn't fall.

"Wounds… Scars… Since when have they ever stopped me from protecting you!?" His hands were shaking violently yet he still refused to let any tears fall. "I told you… Have faith in me…"

Russia's eyes softened. So that was it all along…

He didn't respond but the both of them knew words were no longer needed.

The sun dipped below the horizon, dying the sky in brilliant shades of gold and purple.
It didn't seem very long until an evening bird whisked itself into sight and landed in front of them, tilting its head curiously.

"Oh… žvirblis," Lithuania said, "A sparrow. Back then, Feliks and I often had to chase them away because they ate the rye from our crops. They were good for company on those lonely mornings, though. " He held out a hand and the feathered creature inspected it for a moment before flying away. A few other birds that were hidden from view until now joined it.

"The rye fields…" His voice was filled with nostalgia. "Things were so simple back then, weren't they Russia?"

"Da…" Truth be told, the only thing he could remember about his own childhood was the metallic taste of gore and blackened iron in his mouth. The crosshatching marks on his neck tingled but he paid no mind to them—they didn't matter to him anymore.

This was enough for Ivan—it wouldn't matter to him if his life suddenly ended here, surrounded by this.

"…Yes, it was."

-x-X-x-

Phew, that's the fourth chapter. Lets hope the next one is actually on time lD'. I was working on this for a while but I gut so distracted over the weekend… baw. I really rushed on the proofreading part~

This chapter is so bipolar orz. I hope it isn't too noticeable. I tried to cram some actual LietRus stuff in here because that's what this story is about, so there will definitely be more in the future.

Some notes:
Ptitsa- Russian for "bird".
žvirbli- Lithuanian for "sparrow".

Somewhere around 1220, the Mongols invaded Russia and killed roughly a half of its population. Because of the Mongol occupation, Russia was prevented from advancing and participating in the Renaissance (poor thing).

Oh, it's not really relevant to the story but I thought I should share. I'm not sure if I got the ancient Mongols confused with another civilization, but after they were done ransacking a village, the Mongols would force their prisoners to march in front of them so if a defending town or city fired at them, they would hit the villagers instead of the actual Mongols.

Clever but brutal :U. Feel free for any corrections~ (I ramble too much in my author notes* 300 word AN, wtf, Kaisre )

Hoped you liked it~