Chapter VII

"Open the borderline, we need to let as many people through."

Lithuania remained calm (on the outside at least) despite his racing mind and heart. Blood pounded in his ears along with the sharp crackle of distant gunfire and exploding shells.

He tried not to bite his lip too hard as he looked down upon the crowds of people gushing through the gates—they were mostly Russians but a fair amount of them were his people too.

Lithuania knew there were way more people than this, but the rest of them had fled towards Poland since he was the closest—he didn't approve at first, but he kept silent. He didn't want Feliks involved any more than he already was but he couldn't deny Russia's people of a sanctuary either. It's only for the best, he told himself over and over again.

They were waiting for him. He turned to leave but the sound of his name stopped him in his tracks.

Russia was standing not too far away from him, clutching a bloody arm where the first area of skin had been broken. "Lithuania," he whispered again with wide, yet hollow eyes.

Lithuania himself couldn't feel the first shell explode, but he was sure Russia could when he fell on all fours, trembling. "Lithuania!" he almost screamed.

He abandoned his gun at the doorway and rushed to Ivan's side. "D-Don't move any more, your body can't take it."

"It's fine!" He said even when the bloody patch on his sleeve grew. "Lithuania…" He violently grabbed the cloth of his pants as he buried his face into his knees. "Let me fight. I'll fight for you."

Toris felt his heart crack. "No. You'll die." He made a move to get up but Ivan pulled him down again.

"No!" he shouted and Lithuania realized he was begging. "Don't leave me here. Please don't leave me here in this place, alone. I can't take it!" His fingers dug into his skin but he couldn't pull away. "A-after so long, Toris found me. He saved me, but now… now he's leaving again."

The crack deepened and Russia gazed up at him with bloodshot eyes—the hollow depths filled with pain and hurt and—

"Loneliness. To be alone… Toris, I don't want to be alone anymore."

He wanted to tell him that he won't be alone, that he would be back and everything would be all right again—but no words could leave his mouth. The only thing he could do was press his lips against Russia's. He tasted salt and misery.

It felt like the cruelest and hardest thing he could ever do, but Lithuania pulled himself away from Russia's grip and walked out the door- gun in hand- without even looking back. He tried to force the image of Ivan's hurt-filled eyes from his head. He was only partially successful.

Lithuania ordered a counter attack, hoping the noise would drown out everything else. He hoisted his own rifle as he ran into the fire, searching for the wounded and fallen.

More bullets pelted the ground and more bombs exploded. Toris turned his face towards the graying sky.

So selfish.

-x-X-x-

"Konigsberg is as good as ours," Prussia said, twirling an instructor's baton between his fingers. "It's a good thing too—three days into this war and the first key is already in my hands."

"It is good," someone agreed, "What will you do with Poland?"

"I'll take care of him soon enough. The idiot thinks he can get away with just supplying Lithuania and taking in refugees. Do you think his face will be just like back then in '39? "

"It doesn't matter. You'll have to focus on Lithuania and Russia for now. Don't go picking fights like it won't cost you."

Prussia sighed. His boss always seemed to be the all-work-no-play type. "Fine, fine. It'll be no time until then either way. Everyone thinks this will end soon, for Lithuania anyways-" He scoffed.

"-Yeah right. The damn Russian can't even fight for himself apparently. Aside from the Russian soldiers that were already stationed at their 'Kaliningrad', there was nothing but the useless Lithuanian soldiers. I bet they don't even stand a chance. Too bad I can't hear them screaming—I swear I could hear his voice in every one of their's." It seemed he was rambling to himself.

"It's music, you see," he added, grinning.

"Don't get overconfident. You don't want to mess this up now."

"I won't mess this up. You're just like Ludwig. And that reminds me, I haven't heard from him in a while…"

"Which brings me to my next point."

Prussia eyed him with newly found interest. "Oh?"

-x-X-x-

"Toris, Toris~? Wake up, Toris!"

Lithuania grudgingly opened his eyes to a shining sun. That was odd— he vaguely remembered a stormy sky with raindrops pelting his shoulders as he trudged through bloody mud and-

Grass? He was laying in golden grass, alone, in a field, save for what seemed to be a little boy no older than five.

He sat up and grimaced as another dull pain throbbed in his spine and shoulder. "Who are you?" His voice seemed strangely light and dreamy.

The boy looked just like him—he had the same brown hair and green eyes, except his irises seemed much clearer and brighter; brighter than his. He was dressed in dark trousers and a white tunic with cuffed sleeves. A dark brown ribbon was tied around his collar.

"My name is Toris!" He said happily in perfect Lithuanian.

Lithuania frowned. "No, I'm Toris. Who are you?"

"I'm Toris." The boy gave him an amused look. Along with wondering if he was mocking him or not, Lithuania couldn't help but think back four hundred years ago when he gave Poland the same expression every time he tripped over the same rock that stayed in the same place and-

his jaw dropped.

The unmistakable slab of gray that jutted out of the ground obnoxiously was only a few feet away from him—Innocent and still.

The little boy looked confused now as he bent over to stare at Lithuania in the face. "What? It's a rock, so what? You've never seen one before?"

"Wh-who are…?"

He pouted. "I'm Toris. I'm you! Am I going to be this dumb when I grow up?"

Lithuania blinked. This wasn't right—this place wasn't even supposed to exist anymore. The rye had been ripped out of the soil since the third Partition, then later on, the bare land was replaced with buildings, so why was it possible that he was lying in the same place since back then?

"Don't ignore me!" The little boy called Toris stomped indignantly.

Despite his confusion, it was Lithuania's turn to look amused. "I don't remember being this loud when I was your age. Besides, how can you grow up if you're me? I'm already grown up."

The younger one blew a couple bangs from his face, looking fairly angry. "Yeah, well maybe, maybe not. If I do grow up, I bet I'm gonna be way better than you!"

He ruffled his hair and to his surprise, the littler Toris didn't pull back. "I'm sure you'd make a brilliant country."

"Lithuania, right?"

"Lithuania." He confirmed, nodding. He tried not to think about his darkest years, or of chains and whips, or of the burning of crosses and the frostbite that spread from his fingers like a black disease. He half expected to hear women sobbing as their children were ripped from their embraces and sent to the endless pits and the rushing waters and the burning stakes and the waiting nooses and-

"H-hey, are you crying?"

Surprised, Lithuania lifted a hand to his eyes to find hot tears pouring out. He hastily wiped them away. "It's easy to cry here," he tried to explain.

"But you're not supposed to cry!" He protested, grabbing both of Lithuania's hands with his small fingers. The older Toris couldn't help but notice how worn and dirty his own hands were compared to the chaste skin of the other. "You're the grown-up!"

"Sorry… I was just remembering some things. Grown-ups cry too, sometimes."

He seemed to have calmed down a bit. "Okay—but don't do it again! I hate it when people cry, especially you. It rains when you do."

Lithuania felt the same—he hated tears even (or maybe especially?) when they were his own. He remained silent for a moment, then he looked to the distance, wondering. "So what about now?"

"What about now?"

"I want to go back to wherever I was before. There are people who need me."

He shrugged. "I was gonna let you go anyways. You were just knocked out and I didn't want you to have any more nightmares so I took you here instead."

"Here?"

"Here." The boy spread his tiny limbs as if trying to emphasize the vastness of the fields. "Don't you remember this place? It's where you've always gone when things went wrong. Nothing can hurt you here."

"I'm having trouble recalling this place during recent times…" Lithuania plucked a stalk of grass seed from the ground and twirled it absentmindedly between his fingers. "But then, I guess it's easy to forget dreams too."

The boy didn't say anything to that, and for a moment, all that could be heard was the dry rustling of grass.

Lithuania spoke again. "Who- no- what are you?"

"I told you, I'm you." He walked over to poke Lithuania in the chest. "Don't think too hard about it though. Don't you have other things to worry about?"

Lithuania still didn't quite get what he meant but he didn't ask any more questions. "I should be leaving then."

Toris nodded. "We'll see each other again soon?"

Lithuania smiled sadly. "Maybe."

The child returned the gesture. Lithuania thought there was too much pain and sadness contained in that single smile for someone so young. "I hope not."

And all was white.

-x-X-x-

"Ah, you came just in time. He's beginning to wake up, I'll leave you two alone."

"Thank you."

Lithuania tried to blink the sleep away from his eyes and see through the dim light. The world seemed so dark compared to the bright sun from his dream—it gave him an odd sensation. He wasn't sure who the first voice was but the second was definitely Russia; it sounded strange for him to be talking to someone else besides him.

"The doctor told me you were knocked out while carrying the wounded. The area from your right shoulder to hip was burned."

Sure enough, Toris found sickly bandages wrapped around his naked torso as he shifted his sheets away. "H-how many…?" He croaked. His mouth still tasted of dirt and smoke.

"Two hundred out of the thousand you sent. It would've been much higher if it weren't for you."

Lithuania nodded. Guilt gnawed at his center—he wasn't sure if it was because he lost a handful of his people, or if it was because Russia was still by his side even when he…

His back screamed in pain as he suddenly sat up but he paid no attention to it. "Kaliningrad! I… I lost it…"

Russia took his face in his hands and stroked the bandage that had been placed there. "But Lithuania is still here, da?"

Toris realized Ivan was free of his coat and that his forearm was heavily bandaged—a few drops of blood had managed to leak through the many layers. He wanted to reach out and touch the wound but his burns wouldn't permit it. "I'm so sorry. I-I…"

Russia placed a single finger over his lips, silencing him. "Shh… Lithuania is tired, yes?" He smiled and tears pricked the corners of Lithuania's eyes. How could he still be smiling when a vital part of him had been taken away…?

"I hate it when people cry, especially you. It rains when you do." The child's words echoed in his mind. He swallowed thickly and held back the burning sensation in his eyes and nose.

"T-they're only flesh wounds… they'll heal soon. But for you…" His eyes lingered back to Russia's bandages and he grimaced. "I-It'll scar…'

"It'll be alright." He smiled again. "I'm just happy that Toris is still alive." Then he gently placed a kiss on his lips and Toris found himself relaxing into his touch. Russia raised both hands to stroke the sides of his neck, careful not to touch the burns.

He then lifted a cool finger to brush a lock of hair away from his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Something wasn't right.

"WhO wOuLd you LiKe mE to kill?" He whispered.

Lithuania tensed up—his first thought was to pull from his grasp but the way Russia was holding him made it difficult. "I-Ivan…?"

"ToRis is hurt… YeS? He's hUrT because of me…"

Lithuania bit back an instinctive whimper. As if trained to do so, his body began to tremble and he could do little to stop it—this voice was terrifying enough to make his blood run cold and send images through his mind. Horrible images. Images that were meant to be long forgotten but could not be.

C-calm down, he's only upset about…

He opened his mouth to say something but his words were interrupted with a weak cry as Russia pulled him closer by the neck. His fingers were gentle but the way Toris's neck was bent back made it all the more painful.

"Are you shaking, tOrIs? Please don't be scared of mE." It was a terrifying sort of plea but the cold hand running lengths down his bare spine only made matters worse.

Lithuania bit back a gasp as Russia's finger caught on a loose bandage near his shoulder. He wiggled in protest as his mutilated skin was exposed to the cool air, making the wounds sting. Russia finally let go, allowing his neck to bend back in place, relieving him of one discomfort.

Toris, shaken, looked back up at him. There was blood on his fingers and he licked it away, still smiling.

Ivan…?

Why was he acting like this? Trying his best to ignore the fear brooding in his core, Toris looked into his eyes, searching for an explanation. His heart jolted painfully as the agony in his violet depths became evident to him.

…I'm so sorry…

"Ivan… I'm okay, I'm safe—you don't need to hurt anyone… Not anymore..." He was still gazing into his eyes intently (even though it hurt for him to continually do so), silently pleading.

Ivan's hands dropped down to clench the sheets. "…Toris…" his name ended in a dry sob. With his grin fading as quickly as it appeared, Russia fell to his knees, clutching the sheets to his forehead. "Don't hate me, please don't hate me."

I don't hate you.

Lithuania edged to the side of his bed and with his good arm, gently pressed Russia's face to his middle in comfort. He stroked his hair tenderly, a desolate expression on his face. "I don't hate you," he said, this time aloud. I never could.

Russia stiffened, surprised, but he eventually responded with a gentle nuzzle. "Your skin… your skin's so soft, Toris, just like back then," he murmured.

Lithuania tucked away silver strands but he didn't say anything.

"…don't cry… it rains when you do…"

I won't cry.

Lithuania wished for the war to end already. He wished for the scars on Ivan's fragile mind to fade away. He wished for him to heal—to recover, to be whole once again.

And that is why Toris will shield him no matter what—he'll see it to the end, that Russia will not fall under the wills of madmen and suffer dearly like the many other times in the past… He will never allow it to happen again. And if Ivan will shatter like glass, Toris will pick up all the pieces and put them back together again, even if it makes him bleed.

It'll be all right, if I'm the only one who's hurt. He decided as he ran his fingers through platinum hair. It'll be for the best when this is all over.

-x-X-x-

There were no words to describe Prussia's rage. The splintered remains of his baton lied scattered over the table as the nation continued to shout, clearly expressing no effort in suppressing his anger. "Fuck you! Like hell I'm dragging Germany into this because you're too much of a fucking coward to own up for yourself!" He upset a chair as if trying to emphasize his point.

His boss only stared on placidly, his face half-hidden in darkness. "There will be less casualties for us and in the end, we'll get what we want. Isn't that what you were hoping for when you first attacked Lithuania?"

Gilbert was seething. The short amount of time it took for Gilbert to hate his own leader's coarse and emotionless voice almost amazed him—but it didn't. "Not like this, you disgusting moron. I can't believe I've been taking orders from someone like you."

"Really now? It doesn't matter, are you planning to defy me?"

Prussia regretted taking out his anger on the wooden baton. He could've used it to stab the source of his frustration through the eye and have it done with. But despite the bitter atmosphere, Prussia still found the corner of his mouth twitching.

"The people will follow me, not you. You don't own me and I am myself."

"Oh? But I only want what's best for my country." The sprinkled-on innocence was obviously faked and half-heartedly applied.

"Like hell you do," Prussia hissed. "I don't care about what you have to say, I'm going to win the war my way, not yours."

"Even if your way will endanger more people?"

Gilbert wanted to laugh and violently strangle the other at the same time, but he couldn't. "Endanger more? God, I hope you're not comparing my plans to yours. I'm sorry pal, but in reality, dropping fucking warheads on cities unawares raises a death toll measured in thousands, not dozens. Even if I did agree with you, the UN wouldn't have it and everyone else would get on my case about it."

"And that's where Germany comes in."

"Germany has nothing to with this."

"But he's the only way."

"And that's why I'm not going your way!" Prussia almost screamed. Why didn't this goddamned son-of-a-bitch get it? He already made himself perfectly clear that he didn't want to leave Ludwig with the bloody knife, noteless, but this person seemed to have a problem comprehending his fucking logic. "Don't you get it? Unlike you, I have my pride and honor. I don't need to drag down other people to get what I want." He spat on the table, his eyes glinting angrily.

"Fine, I won't involve Germany then."

Prussia glared at him suspiciously but didn't say anything. This was all some part of his plan to change his mind with reverse-fucking-psychology.

"It'll all be up to you, but trust me, you'll regret this. You'll regret not listening to me from the beginning when this god-forsaken war drags on."

He gritted his teeth. "Somehow, I strongly doubt that."

-x-X-x-

"Gawd, Liet, I'm so sorry…" Poland reached out to touch Lithuania's fresh bandages but thought better of it. "It's all my fault, I-I…"

Lithuania smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about it. You didn't have much of a choice and he was bound to attack sooner or later."

Feliks didn't argue but guilt still lingered in his eyes. "So… is he like, okay after the whole Kaliningrad thing?" He nodded towards Russia who was sleeping peacefully, his head resting between his arms on Lithuania's bed. "The city was like, supposed to be one of his most heavily-fortified ones and it totally got smashed up in like what? Three days?"

Toris sighed. "Yeah, I'm worried about him too. He's so… fragile—both physically and mentally." He shivered as he remembered the horrible feeling of Ivan's ribs beneath his fingers. "No-no one else saw him the day I first found him—everything about him was broken and trampled. God, Poland, what did they do to him?"

He seemed to be at a loss on what to say. "They?" It was all he could get out.

Lithuania nodded again, his eyes seemingly haunted. "His own government put him through a second hell, and no one did anything to stop them. I-I know what you're thinking, Feliks, but he could've died alone… and no one would've known about it until later." He buried his face into his hands and took a deep breath.

Poland didn't like how he was learning about Liet's inner turmoil now. It made him feel blind and neglectful. "No one wants to die alone," he said softly, laying a hand on Lithuania's good shoulder. His skin was warm and damp.

Lithuania shuddered in response but didn't flinch back or worse, throw him off. He seemed to have accepted the physical contact. "Even after all that he's done to me- to everyone else- I still feel like I have to help him. I can't lose. He's been through… so… so much… If I let Prussia get to him, his suffering won't mean anything anymore." He swallowed and looked up at him with wide eyes. "It'll all go to waste. Everything."

"Liet…" He bent down to give him a quick but tight hug. "You know there are people who are here for you. Whatever you do, just promise me one thing, kay?" He pressingly stared into his eyes and they locked gazes.

"What is it, Feliks?"

"Promise me you won't leave us behind. Promise that everyone will be here, so we can enjoy the end, together."

His eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment before he said, "I promise."

Poland smiled wearily. He knew they were just words, but they were Liet's words, and Liet's words meant everything.

That was how things have always been.

-x-X-x-

(Prepare for long AN)

Everyone has an inner child, Toris, yes, even you ;U

Note to self: Next time you start a project like this, get a freaking beta.

Yeah, some of you can probably tell, but everything in this fic is unbeta'd orz That's why I take so long, I spend a whole day on proofreading and revising (and yet I still end up with a lot of mistakes ;x; ) Which reminds me of something else, progress for both the plot and updates may be a little slower because I still need time to think over the ending. I really love this fic and you guys, so I don't want to kill the end and ruin the whole story orz.

Block is getting better again but I probably just jinxed myself… again.

Some Notes:
-"'39" refers to 1939 when Poland was invaded by Germany and Russia (Russia you meanie)
-Kaliningrad belongs to Russia in present day time, but it used to be a Prussian/German town called Konigsberg prior to WWII.
-The "Partition" refers to the Third Partition of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth where Feliks and Liet got split up (Russia you meanie again, you too Austria.)

And thank you again for the support x3 Especially the reviews, you guys have no idea how much reviews make me happy ;; Well if you're a writer, then you probably –do- have an idea.

(and before I forget, thanks so much you two ;-; For the art/doujin, everything. You guys know who you are. Would you like me to link back to you on my profile for all to see 8D ? )