A/N: Here's chapter seven, at long last! Gah, this one is really late, isn't it? Serves me right for promising that wouldn't take me so long. XP I really apologize, everyone! The last two weeks were crazy. Anyway, here it is, a pretty long chapter to make up for the wait! And I'll do my best to get the next chapter up asap. Enjoy! I appreciate any and all feedback/critiques/reviews/hugs. Flames will be ignored.
(Also, many thanks to all those who spotted the incredibly stupid errors in the last chapter, the ones about Japanese family names. I swear that I actually did know better, but leave it to me to have a complete mental lapse like that. It's kind of funny, too, because it just so happens that my Japanese teacher is reviewing those terms this week, just to make me feel even more pathetic. My sincere apologies, everyone! It's fixed now.)
Warning: Shonen-ai/slash/BL/yaoi/whatever-you-call-it.
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Chapter Seven: Crying for the Moon
"Why is it that the one thing that we simply cannot have, is always the one thing that we want the most?"
…
"Jiroh, you are henceforth forbidden to go anywhere near the refrigerator. No more soda for you."
"But A-to-be, I'm really thirsty!"
"I know that, Jiroh, but if you increase your sugar intake any further than you already have, you're liable to start ricocheting off the walls. Kabaji, go get him some water."
"Usu."
"Awwwwww…. That's no fun. You're no fun at all, Atobe."
"If ore-sama is only 'fun' if ore-sama likes the idea of trying to pry you off the ceiling of this vehicle after your blood sugar skyrockets to new and dangerous levels… Then no, ore-sama is absolutely no fun whatsoever."
"Yeah, but it's still boring… Hey, look over there! Trees!"
"… Apparently, it's already too late."
Halfheartedly, Gakuto glanced at one of the windows after Jiroh's remark, and sure enough, they were finally finished with the more metropolitan part of the drive. The scene outside was getting less and less crowded with buildings, and more and more crowded with the undeveloped woodlands that surrounded Atobe's summer cottage in Karuizawa.
He wondered for about the hundredth time that day why he couldn't have cared less.
Normally, Gakuto liked these random field trips that Atobe was always organizing. After all, it meant a temporary escape from schoolwork, and it also meant goofing off with his teammates, who were actually fun to hang out with when they weren't too busy being full of themselves. But as far as this trip went, Gakuto would much rather have stayed home. For one thing, he didn't like the fact that this whole invitation to the Nationals concept was still up in the air… He didn't want to get his hopes up when there was only a slim chance that it would actually work in their favor.
And then for another thing, well…
Gakuto glanced over at the person sitting next to him, but sure enough, he didn't even look up from the book he was reading, much less meet the acrobat's stare.
Yuushi was acting strange.
Of course, Gakuto knew that he hadn't exactly been acting normal lately, either. He had felt guilty about it, too, guilty enough to apologize to Yuushi the previous day for ignoring him. But then again, he hadn't really meant to ignore him for so long… It was just easier, somehow, to stop himself from thinking about the horrible loss at Kantou, if he didn't have to try and talk to his partner face to face.
But if Gakuto was being completely honest with himself, he had to admit that wasn't the only reason. Because lately, even when he just so much as looked at Yuushi, he got the strangest feeling, like maybe someone had just punched him in the stomach…
You're going crazy, you moron! Stop thinking about it!
"Yuushi," he blurted suddenly, catching the tensai's attention. His partner calmly met his gaze with those deep blue eyes, and Gakuto's heart skipped a beat.
"What is it, Gakuto?"
"Uh… well… I… um…" More than anything, the acrobat wished that he hadn't said a word, now that he was fumbling desperately for something to say.
Yuushi just sat there in the awkward silence, looking at him. And for a brief second, Gakuto wanted to just melt into the floor and disappear.
"What are you reading, anyway?" he finally stammered, knowing that it was a stupid question.
Sure enough, Yuushi raised an eyebrow, but he didn't make a single sarcastic comment.
"I don't think that you'd find it very interesting," Yuushi said at last, very quietly.
"Well, what is it?" Gakuto pressed, knowing all too well that he should just let it go. But he couldn't, somehow, not when Yuushi was acting so weird, not making any of his usual wisecracks or even giving him that half-smirk of a smile that Gakuto knew so well.
"It's a romance novel," Yuushi finally replied, watching Gakuto's nose scrunch up at the mere mention of the 'r' word.
"Don't tell me it's one of those awful grocery store books, with all those stupid sex scenes," he groaned, feeling his face turn red. "I don't know how you can stand those things, Yuushi."
"For your information, this book happens to be for literature class," Yuushi answered, sounding almost defensive. "It's a translation of Pride and Prejudice."
"It's a translation of what?" Gakuto was confused. He'd never heard of that book before.
"Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen," Yuushi repeated, sighing as he turned back to the book. "Our teacher insisted that it was a masterpiece, so now we all have to read it for class."
"Oh." Gakuto was going to shut up, but then his curiosity got the better of him. "Well, what's it about?"
Yuushi glanced back up at Gakuto, looking almost surprised at the question.
"It's about a young woman named Elizabeth Bennett, whose family wants her to marry well, and how she meets a wealthy bachelor named Mr. Darcy," he explained briefly.
Ugh. How predictable.
"So they fall in love," Gakuto persisted, grimacing a little.
"Well, that's how it's supposed to go," Yuushi affirmed slowly. "But at the moment, I'm not sure how that's going to happen."
"Why's that?" Gakuto cocked his head slightly to one side, not following.
"At the moment, they apparently hate each other." Yuushi paused for a moment, glancing over the lines again. "They're so busy making sarcastic remarks whenever they meet, that I don't think any other feelings could get a word in edgewise."
"So… what? Do they still get together at the end?" Gakuto wasn't sure why he couldn't seem to stop asking questions, but the words were out before he knew it.
"It's not like I'd know. I've never read it before." Yuushi shrugged a little, turning the page. But they both sat up a bit straighter when another voice suddenly interrupted.
"Seeing as how Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy are one of the most famous couples in English literature, it goes without saying that she condescends to marry him by the end."
Sure enough, Atobe was standing in the aisle next to their seats, looking at them both with a rather amused expression.
"And how would you know that, Atobe?" Yuushi raised both his eyebrows, looking at their captain over the rim of his glasses.
"I read it for the first time when I was seven, I believe." Atobe paused there for a moment, and Gakuto felt his jaw drop at that piece of information.
"Don't tell me you read it in the original English," Yuushi remarked dryly.
"Alright, I won't tell you that," Atobe retorted with a smirk. "But I read a great deal when I was in elementary school; it's not that remarkable. In any case, it was one of the better novels I've read, at least if you like that sort of thing… So, can I interest you two in something to drink?"
Gakuto just blinked, confused at the quick change in subject. "Um… what?"
"Here, just take these." Atobe shoved two bottles of water into their hands. "Kabaji got carried away with getting Jiroh some water, and he brought up a whole case from the back. So I'm giving these out before he puts the leftovers into storage again. Right, Kabaji?"
"Usu."
"Um… thanks, Atobe," Yuushi managed, looking at the bottled water like a meteor had just landed into his palm.
"Please, do not bother to thank ore-sama, even if my incredible thoughtfulness for others has overwhelmed you," and Atobe just waved a hand dismissively, as he started walking back up the aisle.
There was a slight pause, and then Gakuto groaned.
"Do you ever get the feeling that he does that kind of stuff just so he can say things like that?"
"… Do you ever not get that feeling?"
Gakuto glanced at Yuushi, who was rolling his eyes, just like he always did when Atobe went into his self-righteous mode. And he really had to laugh, even as he twisted the cap off of the bottle and took a quick drink.
But when he glanced back at his partner, Yuushi was already absorbed in his book again. And Gakuto almost sighed.
Really, why was he being so damn quiet?
"Um… thanks, Atobe." Gakuto heard the echo of Yuushi's earlier words with some degree of surprise. He glanced toward the front of the bus, and sure enough, there were Shishido and Ootori, staring at the two water bottles that their captain had just placed in their hands.
"Yes, yes, it goes without saying that ore-sama's generosity exceeds all bounds. Enjoy."
As the captain continued up the aisle, Shishido groaned and rolled his eyes. "I swear, sometimes it's like he's living in an alternate dimension."
"Well… At least he's enjoying it?" Ootori smiled at his senpai.
"I guess." Shishido was quiet for a moment, fiddling with the water bottle in his hand, and then he lost his grip. "Whoops…"
"I'll get it, Shishido-san," Ootori offered, bending over at the exact same time as his doubles partner. Which naturally resulted in them bumping heads, and saying "Ow!" at exactly the same time.
Gakuto wanted to ignore them, the way they were laughing so awkwardly and grinning shyly at each other, but he couldn't quite tear his eyes away. And so he was the only one who noticed it. He was the only one, and it was gone in a flash, but he was sure of what he'd seen.
Ootori had silently mouthed the words "I love you" to Shishido, who had turned about twenty shades of red in response.
"Choutarou---" Shishido was about to mumble something in surprise, but Ootori put a finger to his own smiling lips, and his partner was silent.
Gakuto felt almost sick to his stomach.
He glanced back again at Yuushi, but the tensai didn't look up at all. The acrobat almost tried to say something to his partner again, but he couldn't help remembering how he had fumbled at the words during his last attempt. He had never been hesitant to talk to Yuushi before, but now, somehow, the words wouldn't come. And so Gakuto just stared, stared at the way those deep blue eyes blinked behind the lenses as they read across the page, stared at the way those strands of dark hair framed his partner's forehead…
And more than anything, more than anything else, as he felt that strange aching sensation inside of him start to grow…
More than anything else, he wished that he had just stayed at home.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"You know, I could just carry it myself."
"No, sir, I insist. Please let me show you to your room."
Gakuto suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, as the attendant took his duffel bag and started walking up the huge staircase. It was ridiculous, really, how many servants lived in Atobe's so-called summer cottage, especially considering the fact that Atobe was always saying that the place was "rather understaffed." How a place could be understaffed when it seemed like servants were jumping out at you from behind every corner, asking whether there was anything they could do for you, Gakuto didn't know.
Of course, he really could have carried his own duffel bag. In the first place, it wasn't that heavy, and in the second place, he didn't need anyone showing him to his room, because he already knew which room was his.
And even though he had wished that he hadn't come during the bus ride, he couldn't help being kind of excited.
"Here you are, sir," the servant said, as he opened one of the double doors for Gakuto and stood next to it, waiting for him to enter first.
"Oh, yeah, thanks," he replied, almost awkwardly, as he walked inside. But sure enough, it was just the same as always. And somehow, he couldn't help smiling.
"I'll leave your bag on the table, sir," the servant was adding, giving Gakuto a bow before leaving the room. But the acrobat hardly noticed his departure, as he glanced all over the room. And then he really smiled.
"Alright!" he cheered, running across the room and leaping onto the bed. As he sat there, bouncing on the mattress a little, he looked around the room again. He didn't know why, but there was just something about this room that always made him smile.
It was strange, really, the way it had worked out when they had all first come to visit Atobe's cottage… That had been several months ago, when they had already known that they would be on the same team together, with Atobe as their captain. And Atobe had invited them all to a practice at his cottage for a week, and when they had arrived, he had told each of them to pick a guest room that they wanted to stay in, any room at all, because of course there was more than enough space.
And somehow, they had each found one that they really liked, even more than their own bedrooms at home.
Maybe it wasn't that strange, since after all the "cottage" was really more like a mansion, and there were enough rooms in the place to house a small army. And of course, any room in any one of Atobe's houses was better than the best room in Gakuto's entire home. That was just the Atobe family, and the Hyoutei Regulars were used to it.
But Gakuto still thought it was pretty strange, how perfectly this room seemed to suit him.
It was all in bright colors, mostly different shades of red, and it was nicely furnished, almost like a hotel room. But it didn't have any of those overly elaborate touches that could make a room feel stuffy or unwelcoming. Gakuto hated frills, and even though this room was a part of Atobe's cottage, it was decidedly free of them. The canopy bed that he was sitting on was king-sized, which was completely different from what he had at home. And the mattress was that firm, springy kind that was just begging to be jumped on, which was a temptation that Gakuto only resisted when he thought that someone might hear him.
But the best part, the part that had made him pick this room in the first place, was the ladder that was leaning on the wall next to the bed. That was the best part, because it led up to a loft that was like a room in its own right, with a flat screen television and lots of furniture. Gakuto was always climbing up there whenever they had free time, and so by this point, all of his teammates knew that they had to check the loft before they could assume that Gakuto wasn't there. He couldn't explain it… There was just something about being up so high and looking down on the rest of the room that he liked.
He was just thinking of climbing up the ladder, in fact, when a familiar chiming sound echoed next to his door.
"Alright, everyone. I know you haven't had much time to settle in, but we're not here on vacation, after all. Ore-sama wants every last one of you on the courts in ten minutes."
Gakuto groaned, mostly because he knew that Atobe couldn't hear him through the intercom. Usually, he didn't mind having tennis practice during these trips. After all, it was a small price to pay for a break from school, and they always got the chance to relax during the evenings.
But now, the last thing that Gakuto wanted to do was play tennis.
With a slight sigh, he started rummaging through his duffel bag, trying to find his tennis shoes and his racquet. He just hoped that they weren't going to have any practice matches… If they did, he was almost convinced that he was going to refuse to play, no matter what Atobe said. He was sick of tennis matches, and he didn't particularly like the idea of having to swallow yet another defeat.
And besides, he would probably have to play with Yuushi as his partner…
…
"This is all that we can expect from your partnership."
…
Gakuto swallowed, trying to push all of the negative thoughts out of his mind. Maybe he would get lucky, after all. They might just be doing drills on the first day, instead of actual matches…
But sooner or later, they were going to have to play together. They were going to have to practice their doubles game, probably against Shishido and Ootori, just like in the challenge match before the regional tournament.
And right now, the truth was…
The truth was that Gakuto didn't want to play doubles with Yuushi.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
As it happened, Gakuto did get lucky, even though tennis practice didn't involve drills at all. Atobe had decided to mix up the playing order for the first day, which he said would keep them from falling into their usual habits and also force them to try some new techniques. Gakuto wasn't sure that he bought into that theory, but at least it spared him from the pressure of trying to play with his normal partner.
And he had to admit that playing doubles with Kabaji was… well… interesting. He wouldn't want to do it all the time, but it was certainly interesting.
There was one nice thing about it, anyway, and that was that Kabaji was just as good at covering the back court as Yuushi was. So Gakuto really couldn't complain, even if the only thing that his partner ever said to him was a monosyllabic affirmation. And it was equally interesting to be playing against Shishido and Hiyoshi, of all things, even if the combined intensity of those two individuals was kind of intimidating.
It might have been a little more intimidating, though, if Shishido hadn't been so fixated on what was happening on the court next to them.
"Good… He's not twisting his wrist at all," Shishido was mumbling to himself, watching the way that Ootori was serving in his match against Jiroh.
"You might try paying attention to what's going on, you know," Gakuto remarked dryly, as he hit a volley right past his opponent.
"If you had better aim, then I might have to," was Shishido's smug retort, as Hiyoshi easily picked up the volley from the baseline.
"Oh, shut up," Gakuto snapped back as they continued rallying, each trying to out-maneuver the other, just like they always did.
In the end, it was a fairly close match, with Gakuto and Kabaji actually pulling off a win of 6-3. But that had less to do with Gakuto and more to do with the way both Shishido and Hiyoshi were wringing their wrists after the last point.
"That Kabaji… He hits like a freakin' cannon," Shishido groaned, flapping his hand as though he was trying to dislocate a joint.
"Or maybe you're just a wimp?" Gakuto offered helpfully, grinning a little.
Shishido and Hiyoshi just glared at him.
"You try hitting his returns, then."
"I'll pass, thanks," he responded almost cheerfully, as he turned back to his temporary partner. "Good game, Kabaji."
"Usu."
It wasn't much, but then again, Gakuto hadn't expected anything different. So it was in a much better mood that he walked off the court after that practice session. After all, it was nice to win again, even if had just been a casual practice match.
As it happened, Yuushi had already finished his match, and was walking down the path back to the house just as Gakuto started to leave. So the acrobat jogged a little to catch up with his partner, trying to tell by Yuushi's face whether he had won or lost. But as was typical with Yuushi, there was no real way to tell, so he had to ask.
"Well, how did the singles match go?" he wondered aloud, catching the tensai's attention. But his partner just shrugged a little, very nonchalantly.
"I lost 6-0, of course."
"Whaddya mean, 'of course'? I mean, yeah, sure, you were playing against Atobe, but…" Gakuto trailed off, unsure of what he was trying to say. Yuushi looked almost confused, as he shot Gakuto an ironic look.
"What do you mean by that, exactly? It was against Atobe. What else would you expect?"
"Well, yeah, but…" Then Gakuto realized something. "You weren't trying, were you? You never try in singles, Yuushi."
"Of course I wasn't trying," Yuushi sighed, sounding almost tired. "I was playing against Atobe. There's no point in exhausting myself for an exercise in futility."
"Yeah, I guess…" Gakuto just frowned, thinking to himself. Why did Yuushi never try in singles matches, anyway? Even if his opponent had been someone other than Atobe, he still wouldn't have tried. He might have won, but he wouldn't have tried. Gakuto knew his partner too well to think otherwise… But why was that?
"Hey, Yuushi---" He was about to ask, when the tensai asked his own question.
"So how was the doubles match with Kabaji?"
If Gakuto hadn't known better, he would have thought that Yuushi sounded almost frustrated, but he figured that he must have heard wrong.
"Eh, it was alright, I guess. We won, anyway," Gakuto answered with a shrug. "Kabaji hits so hard that it's easy to win after awhile."
"I see," was all Yuushi said in response, which took Gakuto by surprise. Yuushi wasn't particularly talkative, but he definitely wasn't the type to answer in only two syllables, once he had bothered to open his mouth.
"Is something wrong, Yuushi?" he finally managed to ask.
"Nothing's wrong, Gakuto," was the prompt reply. And that blank expression on the tensai's face told Gakuto that it would be pointless to try to get it out of him.
So he didn't say anything at all. They walked back to the house in complete silence.
As they were walking, Gakuto wondered why it was always like this with Yuushi. Most of the time, Yuushi was a pretty easygoing person. Even if he was kind of a cynical know-it-all sometimes, he wasn't hard to get along with, and he was even fun to be around when he was in a good mood. But if something was ever bothering him, he would never explain what it was. He would just go on doing whatever he was supposed to be doing, responding to others when it was required and generally not saying much at all. And somehow, Gakuto just couldn't read his partner's face when that happened.
It was always during those times when Gakuto wondered if he even knew this person named Oshitari Yuushi.
This time was no different, as they walked along in that oppressive silence. For a moment, Gakuto almost felt as though there were a million miles of space between them, even though they were walking side by side. He wondered why he felt like that, when nothing bad had happened between them, when everything should have been perfectly normal by now. He wondered why he couldn't find something, anything to say, that would close up that distance and make everything normal again.
And he wondered why it hurt so much.
"Yuushi…" He finally spoke up, once they had almost reached the back entrance of the house. But his voice sounded almost timid as it broke through the silence.
"Yuushi, did I do something wrong?" he managed, trying to sound as normal as he could. "Because if I did, I'm sor---"
"You didn't do anything wrong, Gakuto," Yuushi interrupted quietly, as they walked up the steps. Gakuto glanced briefly at the way Yuushi was taking two steps at a time, and noticed the way that he had to scramble to keep up with those long legs.
"But---"
"You didn't do anything wrong," Yuushi repeated, giving the acrobat a look that made Gakuto think twice about saying anything else.
And then Yuushi sighed a little, as he opened the door for both of them.
"It's really nothing for you to worry about, Gakuto," he said at last, much to his partner's surprise. "I'll see you at dinner, alright?"
"Um… yeah, sure," Gakuto agreed, still feeling kind of confused. But he figured that it was better to let Yuushi disappear to wherever he was going to be until dinnertime, even if Gakuto had assumed that they were going to hang out together before that. There was no point in asking him about it.
Maybe he's just tired…?
So Gakuto just stood there in the hall, watching as his doubles partner walked away. And all of a sudden, he got that strange dizzy feeling again, swirling somewhere above his head like some kind of warning. And he almost went running after Yuushi, but he stopped himself before he could even start.
"This is stupid," he mumbled under his breath, once Yuushi had disappeared. And it was stupid, of course. He was making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, it was just Yuushi, and he would be his usual self before long, and everything would be fine, like it always was.
After all, it was stupid to make a big deal out of it. Just because he couldn't tell what was wrong with his partner, didn't mean that it was the end of the world.
… Why would it be?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The sun was setting outside the large windows in the dining room, by the time all the Hyoutei Regulars had washed up and sat down to eat. Considering it was Hyoutei, and also considering that the meal had been prepared by the Atobe family servants, the meal proceeded normally… Well, as normally as it possibly could, what with all the usual interruptions and the overly elaborate display that was so typical of anything hosted by their captain.
"Um… which fork is the dessert fork, again?" Shishido was staring, perplexed, at the table setting.
"The one that's still left?" Ootori offered, attempting to be helpful.
"Yeah, but what's up with that fork?" Shishido pointed to a smaller one situated above the china plate. "It's a fork, isn't it?"
"Uh… well… I'm not sure."
Atobe just rolled his eyes magnanimously. "Yes, Shishido, the smaller one is a fork. Dessert forks sometimes have only three prongs, you know."
"Why are we even using forks?" a different voice muttered.
"Do you have a concern that you would like to express to the team, Hiyoshi?"
"…"
"I didn't think so." Atobe flashed his usual smirk, and then went on eating his cake.
In a way, Gakuto couldn't help agreeing with Hiyoshi. Of course, he knew why they were eating with forks… You couldn't really use chopsticks on a cake. But the fact that they were eating cake in the first place was kind of bizarre. In Gakuto's experience, cake was either something that you only ate on special occasions, or else something that giggling girls talked about eating when they went to those frilly cafes that were getting so popular. But then again, he should have known better than to expect Atobe to shy away from anything frilly.
… In any case, he wasn't really that hungry.
"Are you finished with that, sir?" a waiter asked, somewhere above Gakuto's head, as he gave up trying to pick at it.
"Huh?… Oh, yeah," he answered quickly, leaning away from the table so that the servant could get to his plate.
It didn't take long for the other Regulars to finish, and Atobe gestured to his butler to start clearing off the table settings. They were all looking expectantly at their captain for instructions, knowing that he would have some recommendation for what they should do next. It was typical of Atobe to take charge of all their outings, but since his ideas were always interesting, nobody really minded. And even though they liked playing tennis, the Hyoutei Regulars knew that the evenings at the Atobe family cottage were always the best part of the trip.
Atobe cleared his throat, glancing around the room before he spoke. "Well, I don't know about all of you, but it's been a long day and I'd like to relax. I was thinking that we could get ready for bed…"
"Ready for bed?" Gakuto heard more than one voice start whining. "But it's only seven!"
"… And then we could watch a movie or two."
"Really?" Jiroh had practically leaped out of his chair.
"Now you're talking," Shishido added.
Even Gakuto had to admit that he was a little excited. The home theater in Atobe's cottage was really something else. It was almost overwhelming, but it was relaxing at the same time. Of course, the screen was huge, and the sound system was the best that money could afford… When something was blowing up, you felt like you wanted to duck. But the furniture was comfortable, with the kind of plush couches that made you just want to fall asleep on them, and when it was all dark, with nothing but the screen casting a pale light all over the room, it was easy to doze off. It was almost like being in a movie theatre and a living room at the same time.
The Regulars had already started leaving the dining room, so that they could make their way upstairs to their own rooms before heading back down to the theatre. Most of them were chattering casually among themselves, but Gakuto just followed quietly. He didn't know why, but he just didn't feel like talking today.
Maybe it was because Yuushi still wasn't saying anything, either.
You should say something to him. Say something…!
He glanced over at his partner again, but it was only a second later that Jiroh's voice interrupted his train of thought.
"Hey, Atobe, what is that piano there for, anyway?"
Gakuto's eyes instantly went to the object in question. Of course, they had all noticed the grand piano sitting in the front hall, ever since the first time they had visited Atobe's cottage. It was impossible not to notice, really. It was in an alcove of its own, near the gigantic double doors that led out to the front walk, and it was framed by three twenty-foot-tall windows draped with heavy curtains. But Gakuto couldn't remember it ever being used, though he didn't know who he would have expected to play it, either.
"What is it for, Jiroh?" Atobe gave his teammate a somewhat amused look as he repeated the question. "What do you mean by that, exactly?"
"Well… Nobody plays it. Is it just for decoration or something?" Jiroh asked, staring at the shining black surface of the instrument.
"I suppose so. Really, this is only here because we already have five pianos at the main house." Atobe walked slowly over to the alcove, as a few of his teammates raised their eyebrows at that extravagant answer. "It's a beautiful instrument, though. It's a shame that there's no one to play it."
The captain took a closer look, as his teammates joined him by the piano. Really, Gakuto wasn't sure why they were all interested, but… There was just something about the way Atobe was looking so intently at that shining black surface, like there was a certain thought lingering in the captain's mind, that it was impossible to not be curious about it.
"Hmm… No dust, though," Atobe said approvingly, as he softly slid back the cover and revealed the gleaming white and black keys. Carefully, he placed a hand on the piano, sliding his fingers across the keys in a simple scale. That familiarly sweet sound filled the air of the front hall, almost like a gentle breeze in spring.
"You can play the piano, Atobe?" Jiroh was staring with his mouth half open.
Atobe just shrugged in response. "My skills are average, at best. And I need the sheet music if I want to play anything… Honestly, anyone who's had a few lessons can do that much."
Here he paused, and then he shot a very significant look in another direction.
"But it takes real talent to play a piece well by heart," he said. "And I happen to know that there's someone here who can play for hours without any sheet music."
"Someone here?" a few people murmured, but Atobe answered their question almost instantly.
"Will you do us the honor of playing it, Ootori-kun?" he asked, smiling a little in his usual knowing way.
But the person in question had turned a bright pink color at the sudden request.
"A-A-Atobe…! I mean, Atobe-san… I mean, I don't know if I could play it… That is, if I should…" Ootori stammered out a completely incoherent response, even though it was obvious that he wanted to try it. "I mean, it's such a beautiful grand piano, and it would be…"
"That's why it would be an honor if someone worthy of it were to play it, for once," Atobe interrupted, pulling out the bench and gesturing toward it. "Now, Ootori… You wouldn't refuse a request from your captain, would you?"
"No… No, of course not. That is, if you're sure that you don't mind, Atobe-san," Ootori murmured at last, with his eyes fixed on the instrument.
"I insist," Atobe replied, gesturing toward the bench. "Would you mind if I requested that lovely rendition of Für Elise that I heard you play once?"
"No, of course not. Anything," Ootori repeated quietly, as he approached the grand piano. He looked perfectly calm now, in spite of his initial embarrassment.
… Shishido, on the other hand, looked like his eyes were about ready to pop out of his head. And Gakuto didn't really blame him.
After all, Gakuto had never even had the slightest idea that Ootori played the piano. Of course, he had noticed that the second-year often carried around a violin case after school, but he had never actually heard him play the violin, much less any other instrument. Nobody had, it seemed, except for Atobe. Apparently, he had heard Ootori play the piano before… But when had that been?
Strangely enough, it seemed like Shishido didn't know the answer to that question, either.
Ootori was sitting at the piano now, hesitating for just a moment as he looked at the instrument in front of him. And then, softly, his long fingers began to skim across the keys, first playing a few introductory notes to test the water, and then diving right into the requested song. The music was sweet and gentle, and those fingers were coaxing the tune out of that instrument with a confidence that betrayed the musician's experience. And even though Gakuto didn't know a thing about classical music, even though he had never heard the name of the song before, even though he didn't really care about beauty or aesthetics or art…
Even so, he could tell that this was beautiful music, being played by a true artist.
After the initial shock had subsided, Gakuto found himself glancing around the room, trying to see what his other teammates were thinking. He was almost surprised at how attentive they all were… But then again, he had been surprised at his own attentiveness, so maybe it wasn't that strange. Of course, Kabaji was just standing there next to Atobe, like he always did. And Hiyoshi seemed to be listening, but it was always hard to tell with him. It was obvious that Jiroh was paying attention, though. His eyes were wide open, amazed at this new discovery that someone he knew could play the piano so well… That look of excitement on his face was just too easy to read. And Shishido, of course, was still staring, his mouth open in absolute shock.
Suddenly, though, Gakuto realized that two people weren't staring. And for some reason, this was what really took him by surprise.
Atobe was standing on the other side of the instrument, very close to the pianist. And his eyes were closed, and the one hand that was resting on the top of the piano was moving slightly, involuntarily, as its owner drifted off somewhere in that haunting melody.
For some reason, this made Gakuto almost uncomfortable, and so he looked away, letting his eyes wander back to his doubles partner, who was standing next to him.
But Yuushi, too, had his eyes half-closed as he listened, standing there silently with his hands clasped behind his back. That far-off look in those dark eyes was a look that Gakuto had never even seen before. And now, amid the beautiful notes that were echoing all around him, Gakuto realized that Yuushi wasn't really standing next to him at all.
He really was a million miles away, flying on the wings of that song to some place that Gakuto could never reach. Because he couldn't understand that look on Yuushi's face… Because of that, he would never be able to read that distant expression, and he couldn't even begin to try, no matter how much he wanted to understand it. It was because of that space between them, that space that was always there, even when Gakuto tried to ignore it.
He felt his heart sinking, as he wondered where such dismal thoughts were coming from. This just wasn't like him, to think those kinds of things. It was Yuushi, after all. Yuushi was his partner, and they had been friends for years. Besides, it was just a song. It didn't mean anything. He knew Yuushi…
… He thought that he knew Yuushi…
He really didn't know him at all.
Dismayed, Gakuto tore his eyes away from his partner, forcing himself to focus again on the piano. He watched as Ootori continued to play the song, as those skillful fingers started to move slower and slower across the keys. And he finally noticed, as the second-year completed the last few notes of the song perfectly, that Ootori's eyes had also been closed while he played the song. And as the music faded, Gakuto found himself looking over Ootori's head at Shishido, who was still staring in awe at his doubles partner.
And for a brief second, Shishido looked away, and his eyes met Gakuto's. And it was with some shock that Gakuto realized that he recognized that look on his teammate's face.
Two pairs of eyes stared at each other, stunned.
In that instant, the two of them had never understood each other better.
…
So how do you reach the unreachable?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was very late.
Gakuto knew that much, even though he had no real way of knowing how much time had passed since they had all settled onto the couches in Atobe's home theater. But the credits were already rolling on their second movie of the night, and half of them were in various stages of drifting off to sleep. And since the last movie had been one of those things with far too much kissing and not nearly enough explosions in it, Gakuto didn't really blame them.
Predictably, though, Yuushi wasn't asleep at all. He was sitting near Gakuto, still staring at the screen and watching as the names scrolled upward across that dark background. And he had that look in his eyes again. The distant one, the one that was making it impossible for Gakuto to read his partner's expression lately, the one that made him feel like something had jabbed him in the stomach and whispered into his brain, about some horrible fear that really just wasn't like him at all…
Swallowing, Gakuto wrenched his eyes away from that face, trying not to think about it.
He glanced around the room and noticed that they weren't the only ones still awake. Kabaji was just standing there behind Atobe's armchair, staring blankly ahead, exactly like he had been doing for almost five hours now. Why the gigantic second-year couldn't just sit down for a change, Gakuto had no idea, but then again, it didn't really concern him. Atobe was also awake, but was lost in some distant train of thought. Those cold blue eyes just stared off into space, almost like Yuushi's were doing.
As for Jiroh, it went without saying that he was long gone. Curled up into the armchair next to Atobe's and covered with a blanket, the star volleyer of Hyoutei was snoring slightly, with his head resting on the armrest like it was a pillow. He had been asleep even before the first movie had ended, and he hadn't stirred since then.
As for their notoriously disgruntled second-year, he was still sitting upright, on the couch farthest from Gakuto. And so the acrobat couldn't quite tell if Hiyoshi was really asleep, or if his eyes were just closed from boredom.
And then there was Shishido and Ootori. And, well, as for them…
Really, they were making Gakuto wish he could just throw up.
Of course, they were both nodding off, sitting there on the floor with their backs against a couch. And of course, they were both under the same blanket, because Ootori had offered to share, saying ridiculously transparent things like, "Oh, no, Shishido-san, I couldn't possibly let you go allthe way back upstairs to get your own blanket. No, I absolutely insist that you share mine, it's plenty big enough, yes just like that, and you will let me know if I'm hogging it too much, won't you, Shishido-san…?"
Ugh. It was just plain disgusting. Yes, that was exactly what it was...
It was…
… It kind of was…
… It wasn't?
"Mmmrrghhh… Is it over already, or what?" Shishido rubbed lazily at his eyes, squinting in the dim light that was coming from the screen.
"Seeing as how those remarkable things called 'credits,' which customarily come after the end of a film, are rolling across the screen right now as we speak…" Atobe stood up from his armchair and smiled to himself as he finished his standard sarcastic remark.
"... It goes without saying that the movie is over."
"Shut up, Atobe," Shishido mumbled half-heartedly, leaning his head back against the couch and shutting his eyes.
Atobe reached for one of the multiple remote controllers that were sitting by his chair, and started turning on the lights and turning off the theater equipment. Several people groaned at the sudden brightness that filled the room.
"Alright, everyone, it's clearly past your bedtime," Atobe said, still smirking. "I want you all asleep in your rooms by one o'clock. Breakfast is at eight tomorrow."
There was no intelligible response, just a few incoherent grunts.
"Come on, you slackers. Up. Now."
Slowly, they all started obeying their captain, even though no one really felt like moving. Well, all of them, with the obvious exception of Jiroh. Atobe just sighed.
"Kabaji, could you carry this hopeless cause upstairs? We'll drop him off in his bed… Not that he'll remember how he got there in the morning, of course." Atobe shook his head, as Kabaji picked up Jiroh carefully and slung him over one shoulder. "I swear, sometimes it's like taking care of a drunk person."
"Of course, you'd know." Shishido snickered a little, as he forced himself to stand up.
Atobe rolled his eyes. "Honestly, one glass of wine at dinner and you're branded for life as an alcoholic… It's possible to drink without getting drunk, Shishido."
"I know that," he snapped back. "That's not what I… Oh, never mind. Forget it. Hey, Choutarou, the movie's over."
"Mmmmhhh?" The taller boy rubbed his eyes, just like his partner had before him. "Is it really?"
"Yup. And Atobe wants us in bed."
"… Shishido, you do realize that you just phrased that in a very strange manner?"
"I phrased what in a---?" Shishido was about to repeat the statement with a vaguely confused expression on his face, and then he blushed bright red in the space of a nanosecond. "Atobe! That's disgusting."
"You're telling me. You might try picking your words more carefully next time."
"It's not my fault that your mind is always in the gutter!"
"… He says, after sleeping next to someone he has mysteriously started calling by his first name out of absolutely nowhere, not to mention flirting with so very indiscreetly on the bus ride up here…"
"Shut up, Atobe! I wouldn't go to bed with you, in any case."
"Such a shame that you're not into having a threesome, when ore-sama could make your illicit little affairs so much more interesting…"
"… That's just gross. Seriously, Atobe… Gross."
"It's called a joke, Shishido." And Atobe just chuckled at the horrified expression on both Shishido and Ootori's faces. "Ah, well, it's for the best, I suppose… Two's a company and three's a crowd, after all. Come, Kabaji… We shall go to my bed and have our own threesome!"
"… Usu?"
Shishido just stared, aghast, while Atobe paraded out of the room in his silk bathrobe, and Kabaji followed him with Jiroh and the blanket in tow.
"… I can't believe we just had that conversation."
"Oh, well, at least Atobe-san is only joking, right?" Ootori was folding up the blanket by this point, trying to hide his blushing face. "At least… I think he is. Isn't he?"
"He better be, 'cuz that was just awkward," And Shishido just shook his head. "Hey, Gakuto. Oshitari. You guys going to bed, or what?"
Gakuto immediately jerked to attention. For some reason, he had only been half-listening to what was going on around him, and so he was surprised to be addressed out of nowhere. He wondered where his mind had been going, but he couldn't remember…
"Oh… um… yeah," he replied, standing up and getting his things together. And he glanced over at Yuushi, but the tensai never said a word. Gakuto still wanted to say something to him, anything at all, anything that would make his partner want to talk to him again. But the words never came. In the silence, Yuushi just got up and grabbed his pillow and headed toward the door. And Gakuto felt his heart sinking somewhere down into his slippers.
Dammit. He won't even look at me.
"Hey, Gakuto." Again, the acrobat stiffened.
"What do you want?" he snapped, glancing in Shishido's direction after Yuushi had walked out the door. He grabbed the robe that he had thrown over the back of the couch, jerking it back on over his plaid pajamas.
"Oh… nothing." Shishido hesitated for a moment, looking at his teammate almost strangely. "It's just… Are you and Oshitari in a fight or something?"
Gakuto's eyes opened wide, but he tried to keep his voice even. "What… What makes you say that?"
"Mukahi-san," Ootori broke in, with his quiet voice. "It's getting kind of hard to ignore it. You're not speaking to each other at all."
Gakuto pressed his lips together in a frown, as he turned back to the couch and gathered up his pillow and his blanket. Finally, he managed to mumble out a response.
"We're not fighting. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him… But whatever it is, it's his fault."
Gakuto didn't see the way that Shishido and Ootori glanced at each other knowingly. And if he had, he wouldn't have liked it at all.
"Why don't you just ask him about it?" Shishido asked.
It was such a simple question, really. And it had been said so casually, like it was just a thought, and it was a simple thought, and it was just a simple question, and anyway…
And anyway, it made Gakuto furious.
"Shut up!" he snapped, glaring right at his teammate. "It's not any of your business, you moron. And it's not like you'd know anything about it, anyway---!"
He stomped out of the room, not even once looking back at the pair. And Shishido glanced back at Ootori, and the two of them just shrugged to each other.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gakuto couldn't go to sleep.
It was already past one o'clock, the time when Atobe had said that they were all supposed to be asleep in bed. But the only thing that the acrobat could seem to do was toss and turn all over the place… The mattress suddenly wasn't comfortable anymore, even though it had always been comfortable every other time he had slept on it. And the moon was too bright, coming in through the crack between the curtains, and the air was too warm, even though the thermostat said otherwise, and really…
Really, it didn't have anything to do with the fact that he was lonely.
Well, it didn't.
"This is stupid," he mumbled to himself, sitting up in bed. More than anything, he just wanted to lie down and fall asleep, and forget about anything that was bothering him, and just drift off to some place where none of it even mattered…
But he couldn't. And so he got out of bed.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," he was still muttering, as he grabbed the bathrobe that was draped over a nearby chair and put it back on.
Of course, there really wasn't any particular reason for the bathrobe… The first time they had come to Atobe's cottage, they had all been amused by the fact that the maids gave them bathrobes whenever they took a shower, and so they had all started wearing them around the house during the evening. By this point, it was more a habit than anything else. But even so, there was something vaguely comforting about draping the dark red robe back over his shoulders. It was almost like the feeling he got when he zipped up the Hyoutei Regular jacket… Familiar, but still more interesting than everyday clothes.
One at a time, his feet slid into his slippers, and then he started walking toward the door. Carefully pulling at the knob, he tried to open the door without letting it squeak, and then he cautiously stepped out into the hall.
It was almost creepy, he thought… The way that long hallway looked in the stretching, yawning darkness that was slowly sucking it into its mouth…
The acrobat suppressed a shiver, and was about to decide what he wanted to do, when he heard two murmuring voices. Glancing at the hallway behind him, he could see that Ootori's door was slightly open. And without even thinking, he crept toward it, coming up alongside the door as silently as a shadow…
"--- Choutarou. I don't know. It's just that I can't make up my mind yet."
"It's okay, Shishido-san. I'm not in any hurry at all… I'm fine with waiting. I really am."
Gakuto craned his neck, trying to see inside the room. He could catch just a glimpse of Shishido, standing there in his pajamas and his bathrobe, talking earnestly with someone who was out of sight. Of course, it was obvious who the 'someone' was…
"But, Choutarou… I don't really like doing this. Making you wait, just because I don't know what I want… I mean, you're always surprising me. And sometimes… Well, sometimes it's like I can't keep up with you, you know?"
In the back of his mind, Gakuto remembered the sound of that piano music, wafting through the mansion like a secret longing.
"That's silly, Shishido-san. I'm the one who can't keep up with you."
Gakuto watched as Shishido frowned, shaking his head.
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is."
Suddenly, Gakuto saw a glimpse of the other person, as Ootori bent down and kissed Shishido on the forehead. The acrobat almost fell over. Why he was always the one who ended up witnessing these things, he didn't know… Well, he did know, at least a little bit, because he wouldn't be seeing them if he didn't always staying long enough to watch…
But somehow, his feet were rooted to the floor.
"Choutarou…" The name was said very quietly, and not as gruffly as Gakuto would have expected after such a forward gesture.
"I love you, Shishido-san. That's all you have to know to keep up with me," Ootori concluded, very gently.
"Well, I can't help knowing that much," Shishido murmured. "You keep telling me, after all."
"Does that bother you?" Suddenly, Ootori was back into Gakuto's line of vision, as he stepped forward and drew his senpai into his arms.
"No!" Shishido said a little too quickly. And then he blushed, leaning slightly into his partner's embrace. "I mean, nah… It doesn't bother me."
Ootori just smiled and laughed, very softly.
And it was almost scary, the way the two of them looked so perfect like that, with Ootori's long arms wrapped around Shishido and holding him close. And Shishido's head was resting against Ootori's shoulder, at just the right height, and even though Shishido couldn't see it, Ootori was looking down on him in a way that said that he really did love his partner, the kind of look that made words completely pointless.
And suddenly, Gakuto couldn't quite call it disgusting anymore.
In fact, it was almost… beautiful.
…
"Shishido-san, you don't mind playing doubles with me?"
"… Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it?"
…
Biting his lower lip, he backed away from the door, trying to make sure that he didn't step too hard and make the floor creak. And he turned away from the door, and he looked down the hall. And he saw the open door to his room, and the rest of the hallway beyond it, stretching farther than his eyes could see, in that pitch black darkness.
And suddenly, Gakuto realized that he wanted something.
If he had thought about it, he would have wondered why he wanted it so badly, but he wasn't thinking about that now. He just started walking down the hall, almost too quickly. He couldn't help it… He could hardly keep his thoughts straight, even when he tried to think about where he was going, or exactly what he was doing once he got there…
Because right now, more than anything else, he just wanted to see Yuushi.
He didn't care about how stupid he was going to look when he woke his partner up for absolutely no good reason. He didn't care how weird Yuushi had been acting, or how he just couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence around the tensai anymore. He just wanted to see him. And so he was going to see him, right now, just as soon as his feet could carry him there. He just couldn't help it… he had to see him…
Why did he want this so badly?
Gakuto's breath was coming a little faster now, as he passed door after door, looking for the one that led to Yuushi's room. And then he stopped in his tracks, right in front of a very tall door with an ornate brass handle.
He swallowed nervously. This was it.
If his thoughts hadn't been going a mile a minute, Gakuto might have noticed the way that his hand was shaking when he gripped the handle and turned it to one side. But he didn't notice it at all… He was staring much too intently in front of him, waiting with the most painful kind of suspense, as the door slowly swung open without a sound… and…
And…
…
And the world had frozen into place, in a single gasping breath.
If Gakuto had been able to think about it, he would have wondered what was so shocking about what he was seeing. He had expected Yuushi to be asleep, of course, and that was reasonable enough. And he had been wrong; Yuushi wasn't asleep at all. But that wasn't what had stolen the steadily beating rhythm right out of his heart.
Perfection.
It was a horrible cliché, and Gakuto knew it. He was painfully aware of it… But there was no other word that he could have used to describe the picture that was right in front of him. He was almost positive that it couldn't be real. He would have been completely sure of it, except that this perfection could move and breathe, and the picture was slowly changing before his very eyes.
Oshitari Yuushi was standing in front of the huge picture window in his room, with the curtains flung back, and the moonlight was pouring all over him like a luminescent waterfall. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and the skin on his broad shoulders was glowing a pale blue in the moonlight. And Gakuto could see that he wasn't wearing his glasses anymore, and his eyes were gleaming as brightly as the moon itself, which shone above his head in a perfectly round sphere.
And this living, breathing picture was completely silent, awash in a thousand beautiful shades of blue, and Gakuto felt so lightheaded that he could barely stand.
Yuushi.
He was aching to call out that name, as loudly as he could, longing to break this perfect picture that was playing out in front of him. But his partner hadn't even noticed when the door opened, and that single name was stuck like a nail in Gakuto's throat. And so he watched, painfully, as Yuushi took a few steps closer to the window and brought his hand up against the glass…
No words could describe what Gakuto was feeling. He was speechless.
Time stood still in that moment, and Gakuto would never remember afterwards just how long he been there, watching Yuushi gaze up at the moon. But in that time, all the fears that he had been trying to ignore, the ones that he had never really understood, finally became clear to him. All in that one horribly frozen moment…
Now Gakuto knew that he had been right.
There was no reason at all for Yuushi to be tied down to him. That man shouldn't have been playing doubles in a lopsided partnership. In fact, he shouldn't have been playing doubles at all… This free spirit that no one could grasp should hardly even have been playing on a tennis team, with all the structure and drudgery that it entailed, much less in a mediocre combination that only stifled his limitless talents.
And Gakuto was right about something else, too…
He would never be able to understand Oshitari Yuushi.
Looking at that breathtaking person, who was standing there against the light of the moon, he could see that he would never be able to get close enough to know what thoughts were haunting that brilliant mind. He would never be able to read that beautifully distant expression that came so often into those dark blue eyes. He would never know the most secret feelings that were hidden somewhere inside that heart, the heart that was beating steadily within that bare chest…
No, he never would.
He couldn't reach something so unreachable.
This wasn't exactly what Gakuto was thinking, of course. His brain had practically stopped working ever since he had opened the door. But it was exactly what he was feeling, those thoughts that didn't have any words, those fears that were taking hold of his heart and gripping it like they would never let go. And he just couldn't ignore it anymore.
I can't… I can't reach him.
Gakuto only dimly felt the way he was stepping back into the hall and shutting the door, once the spell had worn off just enough for him to finally break free of it. But as soon as he was in the hall again, as soon as he could breathe again, as soon as he could think clearly once again…
All that he could feel was pain.
As he stumbled back toward his room, he couldn't understand what was wrong with him. His thoughts were swimming around above his head, in twisted, mixed-up fragments that didn't make any sense at all…
Playing doubles. Of course not. It's just like the shoelaces. Shoelaces always break… But it's better to tie them. It's better at first, anyway…
But then people call you a drama queen, when you're not, and then everything breaks up, because other people break it. It all breaks apart. Breaks, breaking…
Gold doesn't break, of course. Of course not. And then they yell at you, just because gold doesn't break and you do. And there's no mathematical process for finding an unknown, so you give up trying to prove it, because you're not even an equilateral triangle, and you're always trying to prove that you are one when you aren't…
And you apologize, and it doesn't matter, because he doesn't say anything to you anyway. And the moon hurts like hell, and then you want to fall asleep and never, ever wake up again, because the moon won't be there when you wake up, and you hate the moon more than anything, but you want the moon anyway. You want it like hell, and you want to fly up to it, and then you fall down and you break into a hundred thousand million pieces…
Gakuto couldn't even figure out what he was trying to do, when he walked up to his door and pushed on it, fumbling at the handle even though it was already open. And then he finally gave up, staggering across the floor and collapsing onto his bed.
And then it happened. The tears came.
God, no… Stop it. Just stop… This is stupid… You stupid---!
He buried his face in the pillow, trying to muffle those humiliating, choked-up, gasping noises. Why was he crying like this, anyway? It was just so stupid. Even if it hurt, it was still stupid. It was the stupidest thing he had ever done, in fact, crying like a three-year-old who wanted the moon…
… But he wanted Yuushi, and he could never have him.
The sobs quieted almost instantly, as Gakuto forced his tears to stop coming. But the aching feeling that was throbbing in his chest never went away. He knew it was ridiculous, and pointless, and useless… He knew that he should just forget about, that he should just ignore it. Just like they always did, him and Yuushi… They loved to ignore it, when they sneered at everybody else and rolled their eyes at passionate people and pretended like everything was alright, just as long as they ignored it…
Why was it so impossible to ignore now?
Completely exhausted, Gakuto finally fell asleep, lying there on top of the blankets. And his dreams were full of moonlight and romance movie credits and a smooth, deep voice that said his name over and over again, like a perfectly broken record.
-End of Chapter Seven-