A/N: Hello again, everyone! After a crazy few weeks at school (read: midterms XP), I finally managed to complete the second-to-last chapter. This one was a bit of a challenge, but I had fun with it, and I really hope you all enjoy it. You can expect the final chapter to come out within the next few weeks. Thank you so, so much to everyone who has been reviewing this story! The encouragement has been just amazing. I really couldn't have come this far without it. I appreciate any and all feedback/critiques/reviews/hugs. Flames will be ignored.
Warning: Shonen-ai/slash/BL/yaoi/whatever-you-call-it.
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Chapter Nine: Lost and Found
"Above all else, being in love will throw you completely off balance."
…
Gakuto was never coming down again.
Of course, he knew that he was lying to himself… When that self-important voice finally did speak through the intercom, threatening to make Gakuto run a hundred laps around the mansion if he didn't show up to dinner, then the acrobat knew that he would obey that garbled command and descend the ladder that was propped up next to his head. But for now, he was vowing with a kind of silly satisfaction that he was never going to come down, and it almost made him feel better about the whole awful mess that he had gotten himself into…
Well, almost.
Gakuto was up in the loft in his bedroom in Atobe's cottage, lying on his stomach and looking down onto the furniture below. And he was trying to ignore that sick, dizzy feeling that kept coming over him, when he let his thoughts dwell on anything except the layout of the bedroom. But he just couldn't keep himself from thinking about those other things, the things he didn't want to think about at all…
And so he closed his eyes, trying to block out absolutely everything that was racing through his mind. But this only made his train of thought even clearer.
Oh, god…
Yuushi.
Just like that, a tidal wave of painful emotion washed over him, and Gakuto almost wished that he could just disappear into nothing, right then and there. He couldn't deal with this… He wasn't strong enough to handle these kinds of emotions, not when he couldn't keep his temper in check as it was, not when he wasn't even mature enough to handle a kissing scene in a movie without making some kind of sarcastic comment to dull the discomfort…
He just couldn't handle being in love with his doubles partner.
Of course, it had only been a matter of hours since Gakuto had even realized that he was in love in the first place. He certainly hadn't realized it the night before… The anguish he had felt when he watched Yuushi reach out his hand toward the moon had been too powerful for him to understand what he was feeling. In his muddled state of mind, he had hardly known which direction was up and whether it really was the floor that was beneath his feet, so overcome had he been in that moment. And so when he had collapsed on his bed and ridiculed himself for crying, he had barely even realized that he was crying, much less why he was letting those tears pour down his face.
But then that dream… that horrible dream…
That dream had made the truth impossible to ignore.
…
At first, Gakuto thought it was real. It seemed so clear to him, the vision of Yuushi standing in front of his bed and looking down at him with all that feeling in his dark blue eyes, that he was convinced that it was actually happening. And so even though he was only half-awake, he wanted to call out to his partner, to ask him why he was looking at him like that, to reach out and touch him and tell him that he had actually been crying, of all things, because he wanted him more than anything and he didn't even know why…
Somehow, though, he couldn't move. He couldn't even speak. And so he just stayed there, eyes barely even cracked open, looking up at the tensai with an aching feeling in his chest…
But then Yuushi did the unthinkable, and Gakuto realized without a doubt that it was only a dream.
Yuushi, his partner Yuushi, Yuushi with the deep voice that always sent shivers up and down Gakuto's spine whenever he least expected it to, Yuushi the unreachably perfect genius who really shouldn't have been playing doubles in the first place, especially not with someone like him…
That same Yuushi had leaned down and had given him a kiss on the forehead.
"Goodnight, Gakuto," he said softly, before he disappeared into the darkness.
And the feeling that swept over Gakuto in that moment stayed with him, even after the memory of the dream had become hazy in the light of the morning.
…
Of course, Gakuto had tried not to think about it. If he could have ignored everything that had happened, he would have made certain that it never crossed his mind again. But the second that he had woken up that morning, he had discovered that it was impossible not to think about it. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get that image out of his head, of Yuushi standing in front of the window, soaked in blue moonlight, and the way that the sight had left him completely speechless…
And then to think of that kiss, the way it had felt just to dream of Yuushi kissing him, even if it had never really happened…
No, he couldn't ignore it anymore.
He was in love with Yuushi.
"Ugh…" Gakuto rolled over onto his back, covering his eyes with both hands and trying not to feel like the room was spinning.
He would have wondered when he had fallen for his doubles partner, but he knew better than to try to guess. After all, it was obvious that he had felt like this for longer than just one night… And that made sense, really. Of course he wouldn't have noticed it. Gakuto didn't spend his time thinking about how he felt about other people; he just reacted to what was going on around him. So until it had completely blindsided him, he had never even paid any attention to it.
But now that he knew, every little confusing thing finally made sense… Like the blush that was always creeping into his face whenever he talked with Yuushi, or the way that deep voice sent electric shivers up and down his spine when it was just a little too close to his ear. Or like the frustration that filled his entire being sometimes, when things were going badly, that frustration that would make his words come out in stuttered syllables and then make him do incredibly stupid things like stomp on Yuushi's left foot during afternoon practice and make everything fall apart for approximately the twenty-sixth time that week…
God… Why do I even remember things like that?
Gakuto sat up then, grimacing to himself.
Yes, it was obvious that he was in love with his doubles partner, and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Of course, he hadn't meant to fall for Yuushi. He wasn't stupid enough to think that anything good would come of it. And what was even worse, was that he had already discovered something days ago that had proven for a fact that his feelings would be nothing but trouble for both of them …
They weren't really a doubles pair.
After all, it was one thing for Shishido and Ootori to sit there on the bus and whisper sweetness and light to each other, when they could play a game of doubles in perfect harmony and beat better opponents without even trying. But he and Yuushi could never be like that. Yuushi was unreachable, and anyway, the two of them were always fighting, and they had practically nothing in common, and besides, there was no way that Yuushi would feel the same way…
Gakuto brought his knees up to his chest, burying his head in his arms.
When he thought about all of that, about how there was just no way that he and Yuushi could ever become a perfect combination, he just couldn't stand the thought of playing with Yuushi anymore. It would have been too painful, trying to play tennis when he knew that they would never overcome their differences, that Yuushi was being held back from reaching his true potential just because of some random occurrence that Gakuto couldn't even remember now…
Why did we start playing doubles together, anyway?
Well, the acrobat couldn't remember why, but it didn't matter. Even though he had given himself a headache more than once, trying to remember why, it still didn't matter. He just couldn't play doubles with Yuushi, not like this. After all, he knew that there was no real reason for them to be playing doubles together, even though he wished more than anything that there was a reason, because he was a complete idiot and he wanted too much…
He wanted Yuushi too much…
Oh, god.
He just couldn't play doubles with Yuushi anymore.
Of course, that vague feeling that he and Yuushi shouldn't have been playing doubles together had been bothering him for over a week now. But he had never really understood why, not until he had discovered his feelings for his partner. Now, though, he knew for a fact that he would never be able to concentrate if he tried to play with the tensai, and what was even worse, he knew that he would never be able to reach Yuushi, that he would never be on his level, that he would never even be close. And because of that, they would never play like a Golden Pair, or any pair at all…
They weren't a pair. They never would be.
And the pain that Gakuto had felt when he realized this fact was what had finally driven him to do it.
…
"I don't want to play doubles with Yuushi anymore!"
…
He had asked Atobe to rearrange the playing order, so that Yuushi would be playing singles, and so that Gakuto would have a different doubles partner.
He had told Atobe that he never wanted to play doubles with Yuushi again.
He had done it recklessly, without even asking Yuushi about it, but he couldn't even stand the thought of trying to discuss the idea calmly with his doubles partner. No, if Gakuto had tried to explain it to Yuushi, everything would have fallen apart. He would have blurted out everything, about how pointless it was for them to be playing doubles, about how inferior he felt next to the tensai, about how he actually loved him…
No. There was no way in hell that Gakuto was going to let that happen.
But then again, what had actually happened was a thousand times worse.
…
"I should have known that it was pointless to expect an explanation on the subject."
"Yuushi, I don't even know what you're talking about!"
"Get out of my way!"
…
Of course, Gakuto really didn't know for sure why Yuushi had been so angry that morning. There was no way that the tensai could have known about what he had said to Atobe… Or at least, Gakuto had assumed that there wasn't, but he had clearly overhead something. Otherwise, Gakuto couldn't imagine what could have put his partner into such a terrifying rage… Yuushi never got angry like that, at least not as long as Gakuto had known him.
No, he had never lost his cool so completely that he had yelled at him or retaliated in any way, and he had certainly never tried to hit Gakuto before…
Even now, Gakuto's heart was pounding in his chest, just thinking of the poisonous wrath that had been spilling out of Yuushi's mouth as they fought.
…
"I'm acting like this because you're a revolting little insect. I don't have to explain a thing to an inconsequential speck like you."
…
… Why?
Gakuto knew that Yuushi would have been annoyed with him, for breaking off their partnership without even telling him. The acrobat had expected a few bitingly sarcastic remarks about the decision, maybe a "Well, thank you for the advance notice, Gakuto," or even "I hadn't realized that you had gotten so sick of me, Gakuto."
But that completely painful anger that had exploded in his face, without hesitation, or even the slightest explanation…
Gakuto had never, ever expected that. Not from Yuushi. And it had hurt, too, like something sharp had pierced right through his chest, when just looking at Yuushi now was enough to make him feel like needles were pricking his heart in every direction… It was the kind of pain that made it almost impossible to think straight, the kind that made you just want to lash out at everything around you…
And so Gakuto had lost his head.
…
"Shut up, you moron! Just shut the hell up! I hate you… God, I really hate you!"
…
Of course, it was a lie.
Every word of it was a lie… He couldn't possibly hate Yuushi. He loved Yuushi. The pain he had been feeling in that moment only proved it… What the sharp ache in his chest had been screaming was how much he wanted to be with Yuushi, not how much he wanted to get away from him. And the idea of calling someone like the tensai a moron was just laughable, even in the heat of a moment like that. Gakuto was the one who was the idiot, who had done something as incredibly stupid as falling for his doubles partner, who would never even feel the same way about him…
And he hadn't wanted Yuushi to shut up, either, even though every word the tensai was saying was horribly painful. But he couldn't help wanting his partner to keep talking, if only for the feeble hope that maybe he would say something else other than insults, something like how much Gakuto mattered to him, or maybe even that their partnership was something worth keeping, despite the fact they would never be perfect together…
Inconsequential speck.
Well, that was a foolish hope. Obviously, Yuushi didn't feel that way at all…
Revolting little insect.
Gakuto's eyes were stinging, and he started blinking as fast as he could, forcing the water back down behind his eyes. He wasn't going to cry again, no matter how much it hurt, the way his stomach was twisting into knots just thinking about what had happened…
But what was even more painful was that it had nearly been much worse.
…
"Don't do it."
…
Gakuto actually shuddered, trying to imagine what would have happened if Ootori hadn't held Yuushi back. It had never occurred to him that he could be afraid of Yuushi. They had always been friends, and even if they squabbled sometimes, they never really fought with each other, at least not with the intention of harming each other. Even when Gakuto acted like a spoiled brat, Yuushi had never lost his temper or tried to hurt him. And so he had never been afraid of the tensai, or expected even the slightest physical retaliation…
Until that morning. But that morning, he hadn't even had the choice to assume otherwise. No, Yuushi had clearly been preparing to hit him, as hard as he could, and if no one had stopped him, Gakuto probably would have… he would have…
Well, Gakuto didn't know what would have happened to him, but his heart was pounding in his chest at the mere thought. And…
And it made him angry.
He didn't hate Yuushi, of course, but he was still mad at him for what had happened. He was hurt, and angry… Angry that Yuushi had never even told him what he was so mad about, angry that his partner would have actually dared to hit him if Ootori hadn't stopped it, angry that everything was falling apart so fast and that it was mostly his own fault, of course, but dammit, it was Yuushi's fault too…!
…
"I'm never speaking to you again."
…
Gakuto was about to spit out a string of incoherent swear words at the ceiling, when the sudden sound of a voice interrupted his train of thought. Sure enough, it was that cold, clear voice that had brought the fight on the courts that morning to an abrupt end. And now that same voice was currently addressing his team in a slightly mechanical tone over the loudspeaker…
"Hello again, everyone. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, and I expect to see all of you there in half that time, regardless of what you might be doing at the moment. That is all."
A short beeping sound signaled the end of Atobe's intercom message, and Gakuto nearly groaned in frustration. He hadn't realized that it was almost dinnertime, even though the clear view of sunset through the bedroom window should have given him some idea of that fact. But now that he knew it for sure, he was starting to feel sick to his stomach…
The mere idea of having to sit in the same room with his former partner, the partner who was furiously angry at him and had even tried to hit him, and try to calmly eat dinner while pretending that nothing had even happened between them…
Gakuto didn't know whether he was nervous, miserable, indignant, or just scared.
He did know one thing, though… Even though he couldn't tell what he was feeling at the moment, even though he wasn't sure what he was going to do when he saw Yuushi again, he did know one single thing, and he couldn't possibly avoid this world-shattering reality any longer…
He was horribly in love with his doubles partner.
He was in love with Oshitari Yuushi.
Stupid… Stupid, stupid, stupid---!
And Gakuto climbed down the ladder.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gakuto was sure that he was going to be crushed.
It was only a matter of time, really, what with the way that the paralyzing silence in the room was weighing down on all of them. Of course, it wasn't completely silent… There was the occasional sound of somebody chewing, and maybe the sporadic clang of silverware as it tapped against the china. And there would be that steady clink clink clink! noise, about every five minutes, when Jiroh would dump another spoonful of sugar into his iced tea and swirl it around like flakes in a snowstorm. But all those tiny things couldn't possibly mask the overwhelming silence that loomed in the air above their heads like a two-ton anvil.
Strangely enough, there had even been an occasional attempt at conversation, with Ootori or else Shishido or maybe even Jiroh trying to say something to the rest of the group. But they almost always stopped in the middle of their sentence, and even if they did complete it, no one would respond with anything more than a monosyllabic grunt. Which was usually Kabaji, who was saying "Usu" now to just about everything that anybody said, with something like desperation in those mild brown eyes. So of course the ultimate reason for the silence was obvious by now.
The reason was that Atobe had not said a single word.
It was the strangest reality in the string of bizarre events that had led up to this point, but Hyoutei's captain, the narcissistic and incredibly verbal individual who led them all with the force of his speech, had not bothered to speak even once during dinner. It was extremely unsettling, especially for the Regulars, who had become so used to Atobe rambling in grandiose, eloquent phrases about anything and everything that it was a given that his voice would be an integral part of the conversation. In fact, they were so conditioned to expect Atobe to offer his opinion on every possible subject, even when it wasn't wanted, that silence on the part of the captain usually just meant that the captain wasn't there in the first place. But no, Atobe was there, sitting at the head of the table, sipping his tea and looking extravagantly unconcerned with the events, or lack thereof, that were currently unfolding.
Or rather… He would have looked completely unconcerned, except…
Except that there was this strange light in his eyes, a silver gleam that looked like it could have melted steel into wax, if it had focused itself onto anything in particular. But the captain was just staring off into space, and nobody was melting, and Gakuto was just praying that the anvil would drop already, because he was sure that the silence was going to crush him, and he didn't want to be there for even one second longer.
He didn't want to be there for a second longer, because if even one more person gave him that look, that stare that felt like it could cut through him like an icicle, the acrobat was convinced that he was going to scream aloud.
Gakuto couldn't describe that look, exactly, but it was that kind of expectant glance that just ate into a person like acid, that kind of almost pitying expression that made him want to squirm in his seat like a worm writhing on the sidewalk. It was the kind of look that said, "You're so screwed, you know," and Gakuto did know, and he didn't want to be reminded of that fact, not when there were a million other reminders right in front of his face. And especially not when the most unforgettable reminder was sitting right next to him.
Oh, god… Don't think about it!
Yes, Yuushi was sitting right next to him. Yuushi was sitting right next to him, and more than anything, Gakuto really did want to be crushed with a two-ton anvil so that he would be flattened into a pancake and disappear into nothing. Then he wouldn't have to think about how he was sitting next to Yuushi, or about how Yuushi hadn't said a single word since he had walked in over fifteen minutes late, or about how the tensai wasn't looking at anyone at all and certainly not at Gakuto… Or especially about how Yuushi still looked like the moonlight was shining on him, in that light powder blue shirt he was wearing, or about how he smelled like shampoo and soap, since his hair was still wet with the shower he had just taken…
No, don't. Just stop thinking about it, you stupid---!
Of course, Gakuto would have given anything to not be sitting next to Yuushi. But fate had not exactly been on his side, when the acrobat had entered the dining room and found only two seats open, with Yuushi being the only person who hadn't arrived yet. And he had submitted to the inevitable without a word, with the meek resignation of someone about to be executed, and he had endured the bitter sting of watching the tensai walk through the door and sit in the chair next to him as nonchalantly as if Gakuto had been invisible.
But now he almost wished that he had made a scene, and absolutely refused to sit next to Yuushi, at any cost to his own dignity or well-being… Because anything at all was better than the torture of trying not to think about this person, this person who was sitting right next to him and killing him without even saying a word.
Gakuto didn't need any more words, after all. He could fill them in on his own.
Revolting little insect…
Inconsequential speck…
Get out of my way!
The acrobat stared weakly at the plate in front of him, not even attempting to pick up his fork anymore, not even with the minimal effort that was required to stab at his food in helpless desperation. He hadn't bothered to put even one bite into his mouth, not when his stomach was feeling this uneasy… But now he couldn't even bring himself to poke around with the silverware, or give the slightest impression that he was doing anything except sitting there in agonizing dread.
And so he sat there, and they all sat there, and they listened to the sound of Atobe setting his cup down on the saucer like it was a gavel resounding in a courtroom, but there was never any verdict, and the minutes just sprawled by.
It was about five minutes after the plates had been cleared away for the second time, in between the main course and the dessert, that Gakuto noticed the way that everyone was looking at each other, almost like they were expecting something to happen. It seemed to be a false expectation, though, as another minute ticked by in the same silence…
And then, slowly, Yuushi stood up, looking like he was going to start making his way to the door.
Gakuto wasn't sure why, but suddenly, he was afraid. He was afraid that Yuushi would actually walk away from him, and that somehow, if Gakuto let him, he would never really come back. It was a stupid feeling, of course, one of those crazy things that he would have completely ignored if it had only been two weeks earlier, but now…
Now, he couldn't ignore it. And so he did something incredibly stupid.
He reached out and grabbed onto Yuushi's sleeve.
The tensai turned toward him, and there was an ugly spark in those blue eyes… Gakuto just knew that he was going to hit him, that he wouldn't stop this time, that everything really would fall apart…
It was going to fall apart…
…
But then the anvil fell.
"Hey, guys, I know!"
Jiroh stood straight up, like a rocket had just exploded under him. The chair he had been using fell over and clattered to the floor, and his hands pounded against the table. The glass next to his plate teetered for a moment, and then tipped over, sending a splash of iced tea flying across the snow white tablecloth.
There was an overwhelming disbelief in the air, as they all stared at their normally narcoleptic teammate, who had been conscious for almost twelve hours without falling asleep.
"Know… what?"
It didn't matter who had actually said it; it was the universal question. And they all gaped at Jiroh like life itself had been suspended in midair, until he finally answered.
"I know what we should all do tonight!"
He looked around at them all expectantly, until someone finally asked…
"And what's that?"
He nodded emphatically for a moment, as though he had already answered the inquiry. And then he hit his hands against the table again for emphasis.
"We should play hide and seek."
The silence was deafening, as the dust from the anvil cleared. Slowly, the iced tea seeped further and further into the tablecloth, spreading out in every direction, and everyone was frozen in place, afraid to even think a single word about what to make of this…
And then suddenly, there was the clear, watery sound of someone laughing. They all stared in astonishment at the completely unexpected source.
It was Atobe.
"Well, if no one objects," he managed at last, suppressing a final chuckle as he lifted his tea cup and took another sip, nodding for the butler to clean up the spill. "I don't see why not."
There was a change in the room then, almost like the air had just breathed a deep sigh of relief.
"Wait… We're doing what?" Shishido even managed his usual cynicism, as he raised an eyebrow at Atobe in confused astonishment.
"Evidently, we're playing hide and seek," Atobe confirmed, just as calm as always.
"In the dark," Jiroh added.
"In the dark? Jiroh, what in the hell---?"
"Oh, come on… It sounds like it might be fun, Shishido-san," Ootori said soothingly.
"We're in freakin' junior high school…"
"Well, no need to make fourteen years old sound like forty, now, is there?" Atobe set down his cup and clapped his hands decisively. "In any case, it's been decided: we're going to play hide and seek tonight. So after dessert is over, we'll take some time to get comfortable, and I'll notify my servants of the proceedings. We'll rendezvous in the front hall twenty minutes after we leave this room. Agreed?"
There were some cautiously amiable replies, scattered in between Shishido's resigned mumbling, "Says the man with rendezvous in his working vocabulary…"
And amid the profound sense of relief, Gakuto suddenly realized that he was still holding onto Yuushi's sleeve. He glanced at the tensai, who glanced back almost inquisitively, and then he jerked his hand away as though the soft cloth had burned his fingers. His gaze lowered to the tabletop in front of him, and he didn't dare look up again, but he could feel his face getting hot under Yuushi's more persistent stare. And now, even Gakuto was relieved, and he felt like he could breathe again, even under the pressure of that curious look. He didn't know why it had happened, but…
The angry spark in Yuushi's eyes was finally gone.
Even if Gakuto couldn't bring himself to say a single word to Yuushi, it was gone.
And that was enough.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gakuto had to admit that this whole damn thing was just a little bit spooky.
He wasn't afraid of the dark, of course… That would be stupid, and Gakuto wasn't that pathetic, after all. But ever since the servants had turned off all the lights in Atobe's summer cottage, Gakuto had still been troubled by a vaguely uneasy feeling that kept sending occasional shivers down his spine. Normally, the mansion looked warm and inviting, despite the elaborate décor that made one think twice before touching anything. But with all the lights off, the place almost looked like one of those haunted estates in the movies, the kind that were always haunted and had trap doors and secret passageways and dungeons in the basement…
Okay, that was just plain ridiculous. It was just Atobe's summer cottage, and there was nothing scary about it.
Well, there wasn't.
But even so, part of Gakuto was mentally cursing at Jiroh in his head, for coming up with such a ridiculous game. He hadn't minded it, when they had first met in the front hallway in their pajamas and waited for the servants to turn off every last light in the place… He hadn't even minded when Atobe had told them all to take a flashlight with them, "just in case something unfortunate occurs and you find yourself disoriented… Yes, Jiroh, that means lost." And he hadn't even minded during the first few rounds of the game, when he had managed to find a really good hiding place and just sat there in his spot, waiting for someone off in the distance to yell "I found you!" and then to start the process all over again, meeting back up in the front hall and then hiding once more.
But now that he was actually the one who was 'it,' every hair on his neck was standing on end.
After all, it was one thing to have to sit and wait for someone to come and find you. But actually having to walk around in those darkened hallways, with that horribly constant suspicion that someone was going to jump out at you and try to make you scream like a girl, which Shishido had already done to a few unfortunate people that night… Well, that was something else entirely. And Gakuto wasn't exactly enjoying it.
He glanced down the long hallway on the second floor, almost wishing that he could just turn on the flashlight that was currently sitting in his pocket. But that had been declared "against the rules, except in case of emergency," and anyway, he didn't want anyone to know that he was nervous about this stupid game. Besides, it wasn't actually that dark in the house in the first place… Now that everyone's eyes had adjusted to the new lighting, the nearly full moon that shone through the windows was providing more than enough illumination to keep them from slamming into anything.
But that didn't really make Gakuto feel any better about the situation… In fact, he almost wanted to turn on the flashlight just to make that horribly pale glow break into pieces and scatter into the dark corners of the house.
The last thing that he wanted to see right now, after all, was moonlight.
But he wasn't going to think about it, he decided with his firmest resolve. No, it would be stupid to think about it, when all he had to do was find someone and tell them that it was their turn to be 'it,' and then he could go back to hiding in that perfect place of his, the one that he was sure that nobody would check. After all, the only reason that he was 'it' in the first place was because he had decided to try a different spot, just to see what would happen, and he wasn't going to make that mistake a second time…
Of course, this minor task of finding someone, anyone at all, was proving to be more difficult than he would have guessed. Naturally, the house was very big, even gigantic, especially considering that it was supposed to be a summer cottage. And most of the building was fair game, with the entire second floor and almost all of the first floor being open for hiding, with the lone exceptions of the kitchen and the servants' quarters. So it wasn't exactly an easy task to accomplish, no matter how simple it may have seemed at first glance.
Gakuto had walked up and down every hallway at least twice, and peeked into most of the rooms that he had passed, but he still couldn't find anyone. And that moonlight was bathing the whole house in silvery blue, and Gakuto was starting to feel even more on edge than before, and maybe even a little bit lonely, which was really just stupid, but even so…
Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.
What if someone was hiding in that perfect spot?
It was a slim chance, of course, but it was at least a place worth checking, especially since he'd been wandering around for so long already. And so Gakuto started walking down the hallway, as quietly as he could manage, and he slipped through the doorway to his own bedroom…
No, no one was in the room itself. But that didn't necessarily mean that his perfect spot was empty. He looked at the step ladder for a moment, and then took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. If someone was up there, the odds were good that they were going to try to scare him, especially if they had picked his own bedroom to hide in. So he wasn't going to go up there without being prepared.
Once he had persuaded his heartbeat to stop beating quite so fast, he put both his hands on the sides of the ladder. As quickly as he could without being noisy, he climbed up the ladder and peered over the edge of the loft, trying to see into the darkness. He waited for a full minute, forcing his eyes to adjust to the pitch blackness in front of him, and trying his very best not to breathe too hard… But he couldn't see anyone at all. Even so, he lifted himself onto the floor of the loft and crawled forward on his knees, trying to look in every corner of the place.
But no one was there.
Gakuto breathed a sigh of relief for a moment, as his muscles relaxed. It made sense that no one was in there. Why would anyone hide in his room, anyway, when it was the first place that he should have thought to look…?
The acrobat turned around and started crawling back toward the ladder, so that he could head out into the hallway and try to look in some of the other rooms…
Two arms grabbed him abruptly from behind, yanking him back into the darkness.
His heart stopped beating, and his mouth started to form the shape of a scream, but a hand quickly muffled the sound, firmly pressing itself against Gakuto's lips. And now he really was scared, and he was getting ready to kick the person as hard as he could, when a familiar voice whispered right into his ear, sending that electric shudder down his spine…
"Ssshhhh. Don't say anything, Gakuto."
The acrobat's eyes were wide, as he tried to call out his partner's name, but the muted noise that pressed against the firm hand didn't sound like much of anything. And he even tried to turn around, making a desperate attempt to get a look at the face that he expected to be there, but he could only squirm a little in the strong embrace that was pressing him up against the unseen person's body. And they both sat there for a moment, kneeling in the fragile darkness, with absolutely no sound except the constant breathing that was making the chest next to Gakuto's head slowly rise and fall.
And Gakuto could feel his muscles going limp, as his body relaxed against that powerful grasp…
He wondered if maybe he really was disintegrating into nothing.
If he was, then disintegrating felt strangely… well…. wonderful.
But just as he was starting to think that he was maybe floating somewhere off into space, that voice started speaking again, and he couldn't relax anymore. Relaxing was impossible, with that hauntingly deep voice murmuring right into his ear, softly teasing the thousands of butterflies that had suddenly taken up residence in Gakuto's stomach, without him even realizing it. And anyway, the words that this beautiful voice was speaking were horribly urgent, and Gakuto was starting to be afraid again, afraid that something bad was going to happen to both of them if he ever got the chance to speak, but maybe that chance would never even come…
"Now listen to me, Gakuto. I know what you asked Atobe to do this morning."
Gakuto's breath caught in his throat.
"I know what you asked him, and I want to know why you did it. I want to know, because…"
Here, that beautifully deep voice faltered, and even the infamous tensai of Hyoutei seemed at a loss for words, despite the fact that this was a complete impossibility, in Gakuto's mind at least. And the thought was never finished, either, as Yuushi's voice failed to conclude the sentence.
"I just want to know why you did it," the voice insisted at last. "I want to know, and you never bothered to tell me, and that's why I was so angry this morning. So at least do me that courtesy, Gakuto, and then I'll leave you alone for good… If that's what you want."
And just like that, those arms released Gakuto, and the acrobat felt strangely depressed, like he had been left all alone in the dark again. But he turned around as quickly as he could, with a scramble of his limbs, and sure enough, there was Yuushi, kneeling right in front of him. And even looking at him was almost too much to bear, and he didn't want to say anything, because the look in those eyes was suddenly making him feel guilty, and he didn't want to explain what he had done.
He knew that he would say too much… He just knew that he was going to say too much…
"I'm sorry, Yuushi," he said, without even realizing it until he heard his own words. "I'm sorry, okay? I just… I just don't want to play doubles with you anymore!"
There was a horrible silence, and Gakuto almost covered his mouth in disgust. How could he just blurt something out like that, right in front of his partner? Especially if he cared about him, and Gakuto really did care about him, and the guilt he felt was paralyzing. He finally managed to start mumbling out a retraction, dropping the words as though he was tripping over his own tongue.
"Oh, god, Yuushi…. I… I really didn't mean to say---"
"Don't apologize, Gakuto," was the unexpected reply. The acrobat did a double take, and was shocked to see the way Yuushi's eyes were shut, like he was concentrating very hard on something.
"Don't apologize," he repeated very slowly, opening his eyes again and staring right at Gakuto. "I know that you feel that way. Just tell me why."
And now Gakuto knew he was in trouble, as his heart sank into his toes. He didn't want to admit it, not in a million years, but how could he avoid it anymore?
"Why do I…?" Gakuto swallowed, hard, trying to keep his words from escaping from his mouth too quickly, in the vain hope of stopping himself from saying something that he'd regret. But this only made him stutter in incoherent, half-finished sentences. "Well, it's just that… I mean, Yuushi, I couldn't… Well, it's not that, but it's just… I just…"
And the words wouldn't come anymore, and in that silence, Gakuto was forced to take a deep breath, and to think about what he should say to his former partner.
And then he said it.
"Yuushi," he began, very quietly. "It's not because I don't want to play doubles with you. It's just that we aren't really a doubles pair at all."
There was a pause, and Yuushi frowned at him, and Gakuto could feel his insides twisting under the force of that look.
"What do you mean by that?" the tensai demanded, sounding strangely hurt.
"What do I…? I mean, we're just not," Gakuto insisted bitterly, almost hoping that Yuushi would just hit him and get it over with. "We're not a doubles pair, Yuushi. Not if we can't even win a match against people that are just randomly paired together by chance! And besides, we're always fighting, and we don't have anything in common, and anyway… and anyway…"
Gakuto tried to catch his breath, as he sputtered out his last complaint with something like anguish.
"And anyway, I don't even remember why we're playing doubles together in the first place, and I'm sick of always holding you down!"
For a moment, there was nothing but the darkness, and Gakuto could feel his words throbbing in the walls, hanging around both of them like a heavy fog.
But the tensai's next words made Gakuto completely forget about all of that.
"You don't remember why we play doubles together, Gakuto?" came the surprisingly subdued question. There was still a definite pain in his partner's voice, but it sounded almost helpless, completely different from the defiance that had been there before.
"No," Gakuto almost squeaked, feeling ashamed. "Should I…?"
Yuushi just looked at him for a moment, and much to his own shock, Gakuto could feel himself trembling under that painfully frustrated gaze.
"I've always known why," the tensai said slowly, his voice sounding even lower than normal. "But I couldn't forget, even if I tried."
There was a pause, and then…
"Gakuto, the only reason that we play doubles together is because I want to."
In the blink of an eye, time wound backwards like an old video cassette tape, and Gakuto saw something flash in front of his mind that he had long since forgotten.
…
"I think you two should play doubles together."
"If we're going to play doubles, you're going to have to keep up with me."
"Fine, I'll play doubles with you. And I'll keep up with you, too. You can bet on that."
"So, you two want to play doubles together? Are you sure about that?"
…
That was right. They played doubles together because it was the only way that Yuushi would consent to play tennis.
"Oh… Oh, I forgot… I forgot that it was…" Gakuto stumbled over his own words like they were cracks in the sidewalk. "Oh, god, Yuushi, I'm sorry. I forgot about that… I should have asked you first…"
"It wouldn't have mattered," Yuushi interrupted almost dryly. "I never would have agreed to it."
Gakuto bit his lip, trying to hold back his curiosity, but he found that he just couldn't.
"Well, why not?" he finally demanded.
But the look in those dark blue eyes made him freeze into place.
…
It seemed so clear to him, the vision of Yuushi standing in front of his bed and looking down at him with all that feeling in his dark blue eyes. And the tensai leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead…
"Goodnight, Gakuto," he said softly, before he disappeared into the darkness.
…
Yuushi put his heads on either side of Gakuto's face, almost too gently, as he bent down and kissed his partner on the forehead.
"Why haven't you noticed, Gakuto?"
That deep voice was scolding him almost tenderly, and Gakuto couldn't breathe. He didn't even notice the way his whole body was quivering, under the force of that feather-light kiss.
"Don't you understand?"
Gakuto knew that this must have been a dream. Except that couldn't have been a dream, because then the whole day would have to have been a dream, and it wasn't. But it had to have been one, because this was impossible…
"I love you."
Oh, god…
It was too late. Gakuto had never meant to hope for this, but now he was hoping, and he just knew he was going to fall down and shatter into a thousand pieces if it wasn't really true…
"You don't mean that," he heard himself say, painfully, trying to choke back the longing in his voice.
"Why wouldn't I mean it?" Yuushi protested, almost indignantly, with his hands still pressed against Gakuto's face, forcing the acrobat to look up at him.
"Because I… because…" Gakuto could only whisper out his reply, knowing all too well that he wasn't hiding anything in his eyes anymore, and that he was really in trouble now. But even so, he couldn't stop himself from saying it.
"Because I can't reach you, no matter how much I want to."
For a moment, Yuushi looked completely bewildered. And then a smile slipped onto his mouth, and then it stretched just a little wider, and then it bloomed into a full-blown grin. And the tensai actually laughed, and Gakuto was stunned, because as gorgeous as Yuushi was without even trying, he was a thousand times more handsome when he was smiling like that, and it was stealing the heartbeat right out of his chest…
"Oh, Gakuto…" He laughed again, and before the acrobat even noticed, those two arms were around him once more, and that low voice whispered moonlight into his ear, as Gakuto fell backwards onto the floor with the force of Yuushi's embrace.
"Don't you know better by now? Of course you can. You can fly, Gakuto."
…
It was a feeling that only Gakuto knew, when he lifted his feet off of the ground to do his signature acrobatic moves on the tennis court. It was almost confusing, that sensation of soaring through the air, head over heels, until it was difficult to tell the sky from the earth and which way he was actually falling. It was like touching the moon with his toes, just before gravity took control and brought him back down to the ground again.
Kissing Yuushi was kind of like that.
It was different, though, because just when Gakuto was sure that he was finally coming back down to earth, then Yuushi would press his lips up against his mouth again, and reality would spin upside down and inside out. But it wasn't like that horrible feeling of falling that he sometimes had, not at all… No, this was like flying, and it made Gakuto want to hold onto Yuushi even tighter, because he didn't want to come down ever again, and he wouldn't have to if Yuushi just kept kissing him like that…
So even when Yuushi tried to get up off of the floor, Gakuto pulled him back down on top of him and started kissing his partner himself, and pretty soon, they were doing it all over again.
Oh, god… I really do love him… and…
He loves me.
And there was a flash of heat and a shallow gasp of a breath, and suddenly, Yuushi's tongue was in Gakuto's mouth, and those warm hands were crawling across his chest, fiddling with the first button on his pajama top, and his bathrobe had already slipped down past his shoulders, and the funny thing was… the funny thing was…
The funny thing was that Gakuto didn't even mind.
Of course, that was until a bright beam of light flashed in his eyes and starting burning his retinas.
And then a cold, clear voice broke into his train of thought, and he grimaced, at exactly the same time that Yuushi did…
"Well, well, well… Look what happened to our missing-in-action acrobat. It would seem that he found someone after all. How strange, that we were never notified of this remarkably fortunate occurrence."
Yuushi quickly got off of Gakuto, and they both tried to sit up as nonchalantly as they could, in the face of this unexpected interruption. But it was impossible to hide their disheveled appearance, and the smirk on the intruder's face indicated that he already knew perfectly well what had been going on.
"Apparently, our seeker found something more interesting than our little game of hide and seek, a-a-an?"
And Gakuto and Yuushi said it at the exact same time…
"Shut up, Atobe."
But their captain just laughed, standing on the rungs of the stepladder and shining his flashlight right into their eyes, probably just to annoy them.
"Are they really up there, Atobe-san?" a concerned voice said from down below.
"Are they still in one freakin' piece?" another voice added.
Atobe turned and looked down at the room below, with the smirk still firmly fixed on his mouth.
"They are, in fact, in one piece. Which is all the more remarkable, given the fact that they were originally in two pieces."
"What? You mean they're… Holy crap, Atobe, don't look!"
Gakuto scrambled to the edge of the loft, so indignant that he'd completely forgotten that he didn't really want to be seen when he was this much of a mess.
"We are not, Shishido, you idiot!"
"Oh, there you are. Well, your clothes are still on… Hey, Atobe, don't say stuff like that if they aren't really doing it."
"Well, ore-sama didn't know what they were doing," Atobe remarked piously, raising his eyes up to the ceiling. "It was clearly some sort of scandalous activity, and I wasn't going to examine it just to confirm my assumptions. I don't support voyeurism, you know."
"… Says the man who used to watch a certain doubles pair kiss on the court after school hours."
And Gakuto had to smile, when Atobe glared over at Yuushi for his well-timed comeback. Of course, Gakuto didn't know when Yuushi had seen Shishido and Ootori kissing, but it wasn't like it surprised him. It was obvious… They were a perfect doubles pair, after all.
Which made it all the more humorous when the aforesaid pair started protesting in embarrassment.
"What are you talking about? We don't do anything on the court…!"
"Yeah, yeah, save it, you two," Gakuto remarked with a smirk. "We've seen you."
And of course Ootori just squirmed at that response, whereas Shishido still felt the need to retort, even though he didn't actually have a decent comeback at his disposal…
"Whatever," he said, crossing his arms in frustration. "Just… Whatever, Gakuto. At least we aren't like you two. I mean, seriously, it's about time."
And Gakuto just blinked in surprise, feeling a blush creep into his face. He glanced over at Yuushi, but his partner looked just as confused as he was.
"What do you mean by that?"
"What, it's not obvious?" Shishido just rolled his eyes. And Atobe started chuckling again, something he seemed to be doing with increasing frequency during this vacation.
"I'm afraid I would have to agree with Shishido on this one. You two certainly took your sweet, sweet time. It's been… what? Two years? Or even longer than that?"
"Two years? Two years for what?" But the narcissistic captain never answered their questions, instead gesturing for them to follow him, as he started descending the ladder.
"Atobe, what are you talking about?" Yuushi demanded, as Gakuto reluctantly took the first few steps down toward the floor.
"Oh, never mind. If you're that clueless, it really doesn't matter. Now, where is… Ah, there you are, Kabaji."
"Usu."
"And where is… Oh." The captain just shook his head, at the all-too-typical sight of Jiroh draped over the hulking second-year's shoulder. "Thank you, Kabaji. I guess he finally tired himself out."
And the captain reached up and patted his most loyal teammate on the shoulder, his gaze lingering rather fondly on the sleeping redhead.
"Well, I think we're all a little tired out," he declared after a moment, switching off his flashlight. "What do you all say to an early bedtime? Of course, ore-sama won't ask any questions, should you choose not to occupy your own beds."
Atobe smirked, and Gakuto definitely wasn't the only one to blush bright red.
"Atobe---!"
"Yes, yes, I know, you're all touched by ore-sama's merciful benevolence. Just go to bed already. Come, Kabaji… We have to go find that unfortunate grouch who still harbors the vain hope that he's going to succeed me, and tell him that the game is over…"
"Usu."
And their captain left the room, leaving two bewildered doubles pairs looking at each other in perplexed astonishment.
But then they all smiled, even amid the awkward embarrassment. And for a brief moment, the math finally clicked in Gakuto's head…
Doubles equals dependence.
Dependence is to love as partners are to lovers.
If doubles partners love each other, they can become lovers, and love will make dependence increase exponentially, which is fundamental to a better combination.
Gakuto almost wanted to laugh aloud, because it was really just so cliché…
But then again, compared to the equilateral triangle, this math made a whole lot more sense.
Besides, what with the way Yuushi was taking Gakuto's hand in his own, with the way those dark blue eyes were smiling down at him, with the way his tall partner was leaning down toward his ear now, to confide a secret suggestion in that startlingly low voice…
Gakuto decided that he could get used to the occasional cliché.
After all, what could be more cliché than finding love in the dark?
-End of Chapter Nine-
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Footnote: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, everyone! I just wanted to mention that there will be one last chapter to this story, which will be from Yuushi's perspective and will be wrapping up the whole thing (as well as connecting some loose ends I introduced earlier). I will do my best to finish it in about a week or maybe a little longer. Also, I just wanted to say that hide and seek in the dark is the most awesome game EVER, and you should all play it if you get the chance. I don't care how old you are. XDDD