This is a warning, while I generally do not write smut nor generally have any desire to include anything of a smutty nature in my fanfictions it would seem my muse warranted such a rare use. I apologize to anyone who does not enjoy reading such things and am profusely sorry if you think it detracts from your view of the storyline.

Sorry about the long break between chapters, some things of a personal nature came up so the story was put on hold. I will try to update more often but seeing as I work twelve hour shifts and still have to find time to sleep, which i'm currently missing out on right now. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sure you're confused on the posted pairing of the story when one of the characters is dead, you'll find out in due time.

Dedicated to my wifie whom I shall not name for her internetz safety. You can give Mrs. West your deepest apologies for being married to me through me, I shall convey them.

Chapter 4

With the utterance of the new password, 'tabby cat', Harry's heart felt like it was beating at a million kilometers per hour. Wiping his hands on his pants he followed his bushy haired friend to the landing outside the Headmistress' office. A nervous feeling of butterflies and two left feet took over his senses as she knocked on the ancient wooden door.

"Its Hermione and Harry headmistress."

"Come in." said the old witch on the other side.

Harry could feel the blood pounding in his ears as Hermione reached for the handle.

break

Harry didn't quite know what to expect to see on the other side of the door after his crazed outburst earlier in the day. Maybe Kingsley was there with a handful of Aurors ready to take him into custody pending his trial and subsequent sentencing to Azkaban. Its not like he could plead not guilty, he had most certainly done it no matter how much he wished he hadn't and self defense wouldn't work either. What met his eyes however wasn't the tall black wizard or any member of the ministry for that matter.

The entire office was covered in owl feathers and droppings. Nearly every surface that could be used as a perch was currently occupied by the large eyed mail currier's of Hogwarts. Shouts and insults were thrown from the portraits to the feathered occupiers that were using their frames as a place to rest. In front of the fire place ran two parallel troughs one filled with water and the other filled with enough treats to placate all the owls in Britain.

In fact the only place that seemed to be free of the chaotic state was the Headmistress' desk and her person. Harry wasn't quite sure if he could stay in his sullen mood if he had walked in and seen Professor McGonagall covered in owls like an ineffective scarecrow. However free of owls her person was she looked like she had the weight of them all on her mind.

Taking a step after Hermione into the room the portrait of the only Slytherin Headmaster in the history of Hogwarts Phineas Black spotted the raven haired wizard, a look of anger flushed over his painted face. He actually reminded Harry of Uncle Vernon with his display of frustrated plumage.

"You boy! This is all your fault! With your total disregard for the safety of other students you've managed to turn this sacred place into nothing more than a bird cage."

Feeling about as tall as an ant Harry averted his gaze to the floor and followed Hermione the few remaining steps to the desk. Whatever ranting that the elder Black would've spouted at him was redirected toward the owl that had taken it upon itself to share its opinion of being rudely woken up on the man's canvas.

"Ah, Harry my boy." a familiar voice said bringing Harry's attention up from the owl pelt he was poking with the toe of his trainer trying to guess what kind of rodent skull he was looking at.

"Professor Dumbledore." he replied, his cheeks burning with the knowledge that the man he had viewed as a grandfather also knew of his incident earlier in the evening, or yesterday, he really wasn't quite sure what time it was.

Professor McGonagall still hadn't addressed the pair. Instead she seemed to be rather intently composing a letter. The quill was moving so quickly he wouldn't be surprised if the parchment caught fire. Every so often her hand would pause as her brow creased as she tried to figure out the best way to word the next line.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of Harry." Dumbledore's portrait went on.

"Even I had a few troubles after my duel with Grindewald, a person is not meant to have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Very few can go through with it and not have any problems. Those who don't, well they may have already had theirs before they began. You are more human for being effected by it than not."

Harry couldn't help but give a small smile at the mans comforting words.

"Duplicato." McGonagall said with a wave of her wand creating a huge stack of copies of whatever she had been writing when they arrived.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, would you mind helping me tie these letters to the owls so I can finally clear my office?"

Silently they grabbed a handful and began their work. After the first few Harry realized he didn't have to move from owl to owl because they came to him one by one as if in a cue. When the last avian flew out the window Hermione shut it and began to magically clean the room. It wasn't lost on Harry that she avoided Phineas' portrait. She even took the time to clean a particularly dirty stone right beside his frame. He didn't know if McGonagall had noticed, if she had she certainly didn't seem to care. Instead she busied herself getting a tray with a bottle of firewhiskey and gillywater and three tumblers. Setting it down on the table between the three chairs in front of the fireplace she motioned for them to have a seat.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it as the Headmistress poured them all a generous measure of drink and handed out the glasses. Harry tossed it back, emptying the entire cup in one shot. It burned his throat but sent a feeling of warmth through him when it hit his stomach. Hermione chose to sip politely at hers, Harry was sure she really didn't approve of it but was biting her tongue, while Professor McGonagall had her glass resting against her forehead as if she was trying to will the drink into her body.

For the first time since he had ever seen her the old witch looked tired. The lines of age on her face looked deeper and her usual tight lipped smile was now a loose frown. Her immaculate tartan was now wrinkly and he spotted the odd feather that had somehow tucked itself away in the folds of her clothing.

"I insist you call me Minerva while we're in private Harry, you too Hermione. Merlin knows you've earned the right." she said, Hermione seemed to be fighting an internal struggle with herself over it and seemed close to losing despite the complete exhaustion in the older womans voice.

"Thank you Minerva." Harry said quietly watching a bead of firewhiskey that was running laps around the bottom of his glass. His voice seemed to placate Hermione and she mirrored him and finished what was left of her drink in one shot.

"I was actually surprised you arrived so soon, I thought you would have hidden yourself away until morning when we couldn't find you. But then again, we weren't trying very hard, you needed your space. Was Miss Greengrass a bother?"

Hermione arched her eyebrows in curiosity and looked at Harry clearly interested in his explanation. He wasn't about to indulge her with that information, after all he couldn't see how it was any of her business so he stuck with a simple answer.

"No."

Minerva smiled knowingly at him and took a sip of her gillywater.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush Harry but I was wondering what possessed you to attack the rest of the student body at dinner this evening."

The weave of the carpet was suddenly very interesting and he focused all his attention to the task ignoring the two witches in the room. Intricate gold lines intersected each other in a complicated pattern that clearly spoke of a Celtic background, what it was doing in the Scottish woman's office he wasn't sure of. Feeling their eyes on him he fidgeted in his seat and redirected his gaze to the fire. His eyes became unfocused as he lost himself in the depths of the dancing light and the occasional snaps of the logs.

Memories of the final confrontation between the forces of light and Voldemort's army flashed in his mind. The screams the wounded and dying filled his ears as the light of multi-colored spell fire illuminated the battlefield. Everywhere he looked he saw blood and death of friend and foe alike. He watched as families attacked each other in anger and hatred, lives ripped away before they had a chance to really begin. He could feel the weight of each lost soul on him like a wet blanket that he couldn't shake off. He choked back a sob as disorder, chaos, and madness threatened to suffocate him.

A rather loud snap from one of the logs brought him violently from his head. Jumping up he drew his wand and sent a Reducto into the offending fireplace sending sparks, ash and flame flying through the office. The spell triggered something within him and he sent spell after spell into the same spot the warming fire had just occupied. Tears began to flow down his cheeks as the final battle replayed in his mind, each death he witnessed over and over again fueled his stream of destruction.

Noticing that his magic wasn't doing anything to the headmistress' fireplace he dropped his wand and feel to his knees pounding on the stone with his bare fists. The tears streamed down his face like rivers of despair. He barely registered that his knuckles were bleeding profusely at the abuse as his arms sent the crimson droplets flying. His assault didn't end until the pain from his broken hands overwhelmed him. Curling into a ball on the hearth he cried as grief and the weight of failure crashed over him. He felt like he was drowning.

Sobs racked his body as he curled up tighter wishing that he could just disappear. It was his fault so many people had died, his fault that the hunt for horcruxes had taken so long. If he had only been faster, smarter, then all those people could still be alive. He felt himself being taken into an embrace as a person's arms wrapped around him. It was warm and comforting and he wanted nothing more than to be lost in it. Burrowing himself deeper into the person he could feel himself being rocked as someone sang a soft lullaby.

Slowly his tears abated. Wet, matted hair stuck to his face as he brought his hands out from his self created shell and clung to the front of the robes of whoever was holding him. His mind recognized the feel of a woman's chest and a familiar smell. Putting two and two together he realized the person who was comforting him was Hermione. Instead of moving away like he would've done under any other circumstance he held her even tighter.

The combination of her embrace, her soft song, and the gentle rocking motion made him feel sleepy. Fighting the exhaustion he focused on the feeling of safety he had, like there was nothing more to be expected of him. He smiled into her soft chest and relaxed when he felt her kiss the top of his head. After a few moments enjoying her arms wrapped around him he tried to speak but found he couldn't. It was like he didn't have any vocal cords at all.

"Mione." he managed to croak after a few tries. His attempt at the first part of her name ended up coming out as a slight wheeze that was barely audible.

She didn't answer verbally, but Harry could feel the vibrations of her hummed acknowledgment.

"What was the song?" he whispered only for the reason his voice refused to even go a tone higher.

"A lullaby my mother used to sing to me." she replied in the same tone as if knowing anything higher to his emotional sensitive ears would sound like an explosion.

"Its nice, my first." his voice dropped so low it would've been drowned by the sound of the fire if there had been one.

He could feel her body stiffen then relax, he felt a smile in his hair.

"Its the first time I've ever sung it. I usually hum it to myself when I need to calm down." He gave a small snort at this comment.

"What?"

"Never heard you humming anything around exam time."

Harry smiled as she playfully slapped his knee. Cracking his eyelids open he looked up as his best friend for the first time since his second outburst. Her eyes were tired and a small smile tugged at her lips. Reaching up he brushed so damp hair off of her face, he realized he wasn't the only one that had been crying. He tucked the stray hair behind her ear and noticed she closed her eyes as his fingers stroked her cheek.

He continued to watch her as he absently brushed more stray hairs away from her face. Her cheeks were glowing in the light from the lamps that were placed around the room and a contented smile crossed her face as she leaned into the contact. Tangling his hand in her hair he slowly pulled her closer as he brought his face up.

Softly his lips brushed her, Harry supposed he should feel bad or quite possibly horrible about kissing his best mates girlfriend but he didn't think he had the emotional range for that anymore. Instead of pulling away in disgust Hermione leaned in and pulled Harry upright. Uncurling himself in her lap he ignored the protest from his aching back and pushed her gently on her back. If this had been normal circumstances he would've stopped and asked how they were on a bed and where said bed was, then we would've of possibly asked where the headmistress had gone to and be apologizing vehemently for the display of affection with Ron's girlfriend- of course then he would've been immediately appalled at what he was doing. Seeing as this was far from normal he couldn't bring himself to care and it seemed neither could Hermione.

Feeling around for a wand while his and Hermione's tongues played in each others mouths he closed the curtains of the four-poster bed and cast the silencing charm. With another flick of the wrist he cast a charm that he had been throughly embarrassed to research but was glad he had. Quickly he found the other wand and stowed them in the pillowcase. There was no point in having their wands lost in the shuffle of clothing and bodies.

Sliding his hands down her sides he slid them under her shirt reveling in the feeling of her skin. He groped her breasts through her bra eliciting a moan from her that caused her to intensify her kissing and her fingers to tense in his hair. His hands began to massage causing the witch beneath him to moan and arch her back, pressing herself against him at the same time pulling him closer. Deciding that her shirt was a hindrance he tugged it up gently. She got the message and wriggled so he could remove it without having to get up from straddling her.

With deftness that seemed out of place he removed her bra and tossed it somewhere to the side where he was sure she had tossed his own shirt. It would be much easier to sort through a pile of their clothing than it would be to have to search the sheets.

She moaned as he kissed down her neck, his lips dancing across her skin. His hands found their way back to her breasts and began to massage, his fingers brushing her nipples causing her to squirm. When his lips brushed against the scar that she had received from the battle in the Department of Mysteries he followed it like a road down to where his hands were.

Kissing her breast to her nipple his tongue flicked across it causing her to gasp and tighten her fingers in his hair as pleasure shot through her. Under his attention she moaned and arched her back pressing herself against him wishing he would end the teasing. She let out another gasp as she felt a hand apply pressure between her legs, slowly rubbing at the crotch of her jeans. Deciding she had enough she pulled his mouth back up to hers as her hands unbuttoned his pants. He unceremoniously shed them before slowly and almost reverently pulling hers off.

Her skin tingled at the feel of his lips kissing their way up her legs. She had a sharp intake of breath as he felt his breath on her womanhood that stirred something inside of her. Impatiently she pulled his lips up to hers their tongues passionately dancing as they tasted each other. Her hands slid down his chest and she grabbed his throbbing member causing his body to momentarily cease all action. As fast as it had come it passed and he moaned into her mouth as her hand slid up and down his erection.

Slowly she guided him into her, clawing into his back as he stretched her. While it hurt the pain was temporary and quickly faded as pleasure shot through her. She moaned as he thrust into her sending a feeling greater than anything she had caused herself through her core. Her cries of pleasure spurred him on as his hips moved faster. Her nails dug into his skin drawing blood but he didn't care, the only thing that mattered was the feeling of their connection.

She moaned his name loudly as a wave of pleasure unlike anything sent shivers up her spine. Arching her back she felt herself tighten around him causing him to lose whatever control he had. Releasing himself into her he thrust a few more times, eliciting a few more moans before he stopped.

He was as too well aware of the feeling of her body beneath his, him still wrapped up inside of her. The sounds of her breathing filled his ears. Looking into her eyes he saw her looking up at him lovingly while something else waited in the shadows. He knew what that feeling was too, he himself had it all to often, it was something he was sick of. Guilt.

Smiling he kissed her and rolled next to her, taking her naked body in his arms. She snuggled into his arms and lazily drew designs on his chest. He basked in the contact of her skin on his uninhibited, the feeling of her warmth on him.

"Hermione?" he whispered, once again talking in a normal volume seemed strangely against the rules.

"Yes Harry?"

Her tracing stopped and he felt her hand placed over his heart. Taking it in his he brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

"Why?" he didn't mean for it to sound as...cold as it did, but it was an incredibly important question all things considered. After all not every day does someone shag their best mate's girlfriend. He felt Hermione try to turn away from but he held her tighter until she relaxed.

"I'm not regretting it Hermione, I'm just curious."

He waited for her to answer. After a moment he realized she wasn't going to answer so he decided to answer the unasked question.

"You made me feel safe." He could feel her shift her gaze up to him but in the low light he couldn't make out her face.

"Its the only time I ever felt safe. Heck, I didn't even flinch when you touched me or even when I realized that I was being held by someone. It just felt so right. Like nothing could ever get to me.

"And this-" he squeezed her closer to him "feels right too."

"What about-"

"I don't know." Harry interrupted her then sighed. "I really don't."

"I can understand if we're going to keep this too ourselves."

He didn't say that he would also get over it if Hermione decided it was a horrible lapse of judgement on her part but she picked up on it anyways.

"I-I don't see this as a mistake. Its something but what that is I don't know. I mean I have Ron and you have Ginny. What would they think of us?"

"I honestly don't care."

Hermione's head snapped up so fast when it connected with Harry's jaw they could hear his teeth snap together. She quickly rolled over and began to feel his face pelleting him with apologies and repeated questions of his he was really alright. Eventually she settled down laying her head on his chest and smiling as she heard his heartbeat. She could feel the rumbling in his chest as he sighed.

"The truth is I was surprised I made this long without going loony. Ever since the end, I'm not sure how I feel about things I once said I did. I don't even really feel entirely like the same person, something changed. I'm not sure what it is or how to describe it- its just different.

"Take us for example, when Ron destroyed the locket I told him you were like a sister to me and now I love you. Not like a sister/brother love but I'm in love with you. Somethings just feel backwards and some like they shouldn't be there at all. I'm not making any sense am I?"

"Well-" Hermione started delicately "I'm not quite sure I knew I loved you until... well, tonight. Watching you go off like that, seeing all that pain, it tore me apart. I was there with Ron when Fred died and my reaction to his feelings was almost non-existant compared to yours.

"Honestly, things are happening too fast for me to really understand. Its not like theres a book on this."

She smiled at the last part knowing she set herself up to be poked fun at. Harry didn't let her down, he never had.

"You haven't found a book on a situation like this?" he asked with mock shock. "I can at least name a few.... well not name, but I can most certainly point you to the reproduction section of a physiology text book."

"Hush you!" she said playfully slapping his chest.

"Do you regret this?" Harry asked suddenly serious.

"No." she replied kissing him before settling back down on his chest.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Where are we and who's bed are we in? Please tell me we aren't in Minerva's office still." His heartbeat sped up dramatically as he tried to come up with excuses. His panicked state was cut short by Hermione's laughter.

"Where in the Head Girl suite, this is my bed. We had one of the house elves bring us in here after you stopped trying to kill the fireplace. Minerva thought it best you weren't left alone after that and here we are."

"And I am most definitely not alone."

"I would say not."

"I can gladly say I feel more complete than I ever have."

"Really?" Hermione asked, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding when she heard the answer.

"Absolutely."

"What are we going to do about Ron and Ginny?" She felt bad about the fact that she and Harry had done it behind their friends back considering they were already in a relationship but something he said struck a chord in her. And like Harry, she just couldn't bring herself to care as much as she used to.

"We'll deal with it in the morning." He hoped the answer pleased her. He was already having trouble staying awake with all the emotional exhaustion he was feeling topped with their recent activity, all in all he was still surprised he was conscious and coherent.

"Alright, good night Harry."

"Night Hermione, love you."

Harry's breath hitched in his throat as the last part slipped out of his mouth. He hadn't planned on saying it but yet there it was. All he could do now was hope that it didn't make the witch beside him too uncomfortable.

"I love you too." She said burying herself happily into his chest.

Harry fought off sleep for a few moments longer enjoying the feeling of holding Hermione in his arms and her slow sleeping breaths. Eventually his tiredness became to much and he joined his companion in slumber.

break

Yes I know it seems I have a habit of ending things with sleeping but I can assure you it will not become a habit. I hope. Share your thoughts on that at any rate.