CH 5: Kuno=Delusion
A/N: In celebration of several things, most notably the fact that I am turning 18 tommorrow, I am posting another chapter *applause*. Also, a big hug to all the people staffing the Altered Realities C2 for adding my story.
Disclaimer: Kuno is a rich, crazy, samurai wannabe, and even he doesn't own Ranma 1/2.
Yeah it may have seemed really simple to her then, but now all she could think was, I must have been crazy! Being this close to the mother (or a close equivalent) that just weeks ago died protecting her: it wasn't the easiest thing ever. In fact, Akari was finding it increasingly hard to not just jump on her mother and confess everything.
As Akari stared into her bowl of Kung Fu FlakesTM (now with 20% more kick) and pondered the meaning of the universe, asking such questions as 'Why people can seem to teleport in Nerima' or 'Is it possible to send someone through mallet space', the world continued to turn. (1)
Elsewhere, Tatewaki Kuno, having recently been released from the hospital after being fed to his sister's pet alligator, found his spirits low. He decided that a visit to his fiery Akane Tendo and the Pig-tailed Girl would be just the pickup he needed. Not even five minutes after being released, (seeing as there was no school on Sunday), he was in the Tendo's yard.
As Kuno burst through the door, Akari sighed. There goes the teleportation again. I swear he was in the hospital just the other day. Akari whipped out a notepad and hastily scrawled:
Low intelligence =Teleportation?
With that done she stood up to go meet the 'true blunder' of Furinkan High. Kuno was chasing after Mother, currently in his... or rather her cursed form. "
"How many times do I have to tell you Kuno? I'm a guy," Ranma-chan called back over her shoulder as she ran away from Kuno's 'loving' arms. This of course slid right off if the barrier of delusion called 'Kuno's World'.
"Ah, every time you play hard to get only makes me want you more. Come my love, join me in my manly embrace." He flung himself at Ranma-chan, only to find himself face first against a foot. It may just be the jangling about of an organ that had long since fallen out of use, but Kuno's brain registered that this was a new foot that he wasn't used to being hit by.
"What's this?" Kuno picked himself off the ground and stared at what looked like a combination of Akane Tendo and the Pigtailed Girl.
Could it possibly be that the gods were finally rewarding him for his devotion with a perfect being? Yes! It must be! How could they not favor a pious warrior such as himself(2)"Young fair maiden I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, must date with thee," yelled Kuno as he lunged at Akari. This time he felt a fist smash him into the ground with the force of a falling bus. Ah, and the strength to match.
"I will only date those who can beat me in a martial arts match." Akari inwardly grinned at the shocked expression on her father's face, no doubt due to the fact that she had been trying to avoid such an arrangement for years. Kuno sprang up fresh as a dewy morning, looking as if he hadn't been hit with enough force to kill most human instantly... twice.
In the middle of all of this, Kasumi was looking around in confusion. She had been in the process of pouring some tea for Akari, and was trying to figure out how said martial artist had managed to get from a sitting position in the dining room, to a full high kick in the time it took Kasumi to look down at tea cup she was pouring into.
"Fine then, I will challenge thee to a duel tomorrow after school at Furinkan High."
"Good, now that that is settled," said Akari as she reached behind her and grabbed the handle of her mallet in mallet space(1), "get out of here!" As she said this, Akari swung the mallet out in a golf like fashion, driving the force equivalent to being hit with a boulder into Kuno's chest. Kuno soared out of the Tendo yard and crashed through the window of a very familiar hospital room. As the nurse came in to clean up the bed, she saw Kuno lying on it, looking like he just got hit by a bullet train. Sighing, she turned around to tell the doctor that Kuno-san was back, wondering if she really needed the bonus for working in Nerima.
*Back at the Tendo household*
"Sugoi, you are really good," Akane trotted over next to Akari. Said girl blushed furiously.
"Arigato, Ot- Akane."
"Oh, that's right, how long are you staying in Nerima?" Akari looked around at the yard and gained a distant look in her eyes.
"By the look of things, I'll be staying her a while." By this time they were all back in the dining room, enjoying one of Kasumi's home made meals.
"Well then you must stay with us," proclaimed Soun, which was followed by a weak refusal from Akari (on the grounds of politeness) but it was eventually settled that she would stay with them.
"By the way, what grade are you in anyway," asked Akane.
"I'm a first year in high school," stated Akari, turning away and blushing slightly.
"What! But I thought you said you were thirteen?"
"Well, Okaa-san was always on my case about not growing up to be as dumb as her when she was my age," at this Akari glanced at Ranma and whinced, even though he had no idea she was referring to him, "and Otou-san and both my Aunties always helped me with my work, so I ended up skipping a few grades."
"Well, why don't we see what we can do about enrolling you in our school tomorrow, ne?" Akari glanced up at her Father, and tears welled up in her eyes. She pounced on Akane and hugged her till she swore she heard her own ribs cracking, at which she exclaimed "Itei"
Akari managed to arrange her features into what she thought was the appropriate arrangement and said, "I would like that very much."
And for one whole day, in the history of Nerima, everything was calm.
A/N: Ok kiddies, that's where I'm cutting it off, one of the next chapters will contain a very interesting duel.
(1)- I do not own the right to mallet space. I am merely an admirer of HitokiriHERO's work and decided I would use it. All credit goes to him.
(2)- Someone please gag me. I hate thinking like Kuno.