I have just been informed by the powers that be, that I and my devoted pirate crew of 10,000 men are all owned by this man called, Eiichiro Oda. This perceives me as strange, seeing as I, the brave Captain Usopp, have never met this man in my short but thriving life. Oh well, I promised before to answer questions and give advice so here I am. Enjoy my advice, my loyal followers and don't take it for granted!

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Dear Captain Usopp,

I think your nose is amazing. I've tried pulling and pulling on mine to achieve that look that you have so perfected, but it didn't quite work out. Oh well, I have a problem. See, I am a generally shy person and I never speak up first unless spoken to. As a result, I don't have many friends or anything. I try not to be so shy, but it just doesn't work. I'm constantly worried about what other people think of me. Please help? I would like to be more assertive.

Sincerely,

Shy Suzy

Dear Shy Suzy,

Thank you very much! My nose is amazing, isn't it? I'm afraid though, that you may not be able to mimic my nose shape because it has been like that since birth. I am flattered however, at your longing. You claim to be shy, am I right? That's really not so hard to correct with my easy 3 STEP PROGRAM TO FRIENDSHIP!! I am sure that if you follow the three steps I have listed below, you will suddenly be surrounded by more welcoming friends than you can handle!! The 3 step program is a follows:

Visit your local costume shop.

Purchase ridiculous clown-like red nose ( Much like Buggy the Clown)

Stand in busy hallway, potential friends will casually approach. Enjoy!!

Though it is self-explanatory, I will explain why the Buggy- like clown nose will attract potential friends. The nose is ridiculous, right? Ugly even? See, when people notice your new nose they will immediately have the burning need to ask questions and inquire about yourself. The nose is basically a conversation starter, much like Luffy's straw hat, or Nami's wrinkle cream. Oops, I didn't say that. Well Suzy, I hope this works, and if not you can always wear a sign on your shirt that says "Talk to me."

Good luck,

Captain Usopp

Salutations Captain Usopp,

Hello. I heard you were giving advice on certain situations, and I am in desperate need. Last week I was standing in line to catch the three o' clock picture show at my town's local cinema. The line was so long, and I had been waiting for at least 3 hours because it was opening night. There was this burly man behind me waiting as well. I noticed that he had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth but I didn't tell him it was there. He was far to intimidating for me to approach. Anyway, all was well until his girlfriend came back to join him in the line. Even though eavesdropping is wrong I couldn't help myself. Needless to say, the girlfriend told her mate about his teeth predicament and he turned around and took his anger out on me. He says he is going to come to my house and beat me up because I made him look like a fool in front of his girlfriend. I didn't mean to. Oh why me? Help?

Signed,

Scared out of their mind Steve

Dear Scared out of their mind Steve,

Ahh. This is an easy one: RUN!!!! And if that doesn't work, it was nice to meet you Steve. Catch ya in the afterlife.

Regards,

Captain Usopp

Oh Great Captain Usopp, I indeed need to ask you a great favor.
My boyfriend Ace refuses to answer this essential question in fear of regurgitating his dinner...

...Where do babies come from??

KurrydaJellyDonut

Oi KurrydaJellyDonut!

It appears to me that your boyfriend, Ace, is displaying a certain reluctance when it comes to discussing anatomy and the physiology of the reproductive system. How sad. As an expert on pretty much everything, it is no surprise to many that I harbor an immense knowledge of the human body. Where do babies come from you ask? Since your boyfriend feels to leave you in the dark on such matters, I will inform you with my vast knowledge of the ways of life and the cosmos. Baby seeds called baby pods are planted in the soil during the later parts of springtime. Once planted the baby pods are watered with the essence of dirty diaper and a dilapidated milky substance. Many also take the time to emerge their baby pods in covered sunlight and poisonus yogurt. The yogurt speeds up the seedlings growth and by the following summer months the fully developed baby is ripe for the picking. And that my friend, is where baby comes from. Take this as fact, because I am not a liar.

Take Care,

Captain Usopp