To a Capt. Usopp,

I, Madam Makino G. Harperstock, of the Fushia Village Terrible Knitters Assco., Troup number 593 (and I ask you no make fun of our name becase 'Terrible' is in fact a compliment), may or may not have heard some knitting circle gossip that may or may not have anything to do with the well beings and goings on of a certain pirate, ahem, Capt. Usopp. Now, this information had been disclosed and squabbled over heftily, and I daresay that I write to you in hopes of clearing up the, a, details.

There have been the nastiest rumors floating about the East Blue and I, personally, cannot handle such allegations against your choice of women.

Yes, my dearest Captain. They say you have wooed said strumpet, dallied in the butter, and even promised land to a fair courtisan.

All of the ladies here in the Fushia Village Terrible Knitters Assco., Troup number 593 are all in a rightous state of outrage!

Please, from the bottom of my adoration for your strength, skill and over all apeasing manliness, answer my (as well as the other ladies of the Fushia Village Terrible Knitters Assco.) daunting quesion!

Have you or have you not had personal and intimate relations with the Ghost Princess of the Floian Tiangle, Lady Peronia?! Please, bestow unto me that your magnitide of man-ditude is unspoiled and ridden of any female attachment! (We, of the Fushia Village Terrible Knitters Assco. kep our hopes up that you'l visit one day and request a bride certainly more fair than any harlot one migh pick up on the treacherous Grand Line.)

With unsurpassed love and admiration of thee,

Makino G. Harperstock, President of the Fushia Village Knitters Assco.

Dearest Makino G. Harperstock, President of the Fushia Village Knitters Assco.,

I am well pleased that your humble circle of close friends has taken such an interest in my well-being and exciting life. From your well, thought-out question I can tell easily that you and your group of fine lady friends harbor an appreciation for the finer things in life, such as yours truly, the great Captain Usopp! So that brings me to this conclusion for your burning question that you hold deep in your heart. Ms. Makino, I, Captain Usopp, do not have any romantic interest in anyone at the moment. I am sure that this news will leave you and your knitting friends with the highest feeling of relief, won't it? Of course it will, and it should! Also, as far as a "Ghost Princess of the Floian Triangle, Lady Peronia" goes, this is all false. Like mentioned above, I am definitely not involved with anyone romantically as it is. Therefore there is no need any longer for you or any of your best friends to worry your little heads. Captain Usopp is flying solo. This is true. Yes, I have had many ladies on the Grand line put their humble hearts on the line for me, but I have always turned them down kindly. It is just that the sea has always been my first love and being a captain of ten thousand faithful men doesn't leave a lot of room for "free time".

I hope you have been appeased,

Captain Usopp

Dear Greatest Captain Usopp,
Do you have a thing for any of your friends? Does anyone actually have a thing for each other as some stories suggest?

Yukidaru

Yukidaru,

A "thing" for my friends, you say? Well, that is certainly unheard of! Also, what are these "stories" you speak of? Captain Usopp is stumped, needless to say the least. Though, it wouldn't surprise the great Captain Usopp that there are individuals out there who would use their time to earnestly write small bits of fiction in honor of Captain Usopp's exciting pirate adventures, and believe me, the adventures have been numerous! Let me tell you one that actually happened a few months ag- Oh! Yikes! It seems I have dodged your original question hasn't it? As far as a thing for my friends, I have none. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like they are bad or incapable people. Let's just put it this way: after you have lived on a vessel with a small group of people, you begin to see sides of them you don't want to or never imagined existed. I mean, sure, maybe Robin was pretty acceptable at first, but after running into her in the morning time, all romantic feelings that may have existed suddenly fly out the window.

Bye for now,

Captain Usopp

Dear captain Usopp,

I know you are the world's awesomest warrior, and uber cool, but several things have happened in the manga that made me (I cant beleive I am about to say this, but) DOUT YOUR STRENGTH!

1. Kuma was easily able to send you flying, YOU, EASLILY!

2. You had to be rescued by SOME OLD MAN from A BEETLE!

Please me explain these things to me.

From,

Fanboy man

Oi! Fanboy man,

You are not the first one to ask questions along these lines. First off, I am deeply honored that you have such praise for me, the great Captain Usopp. Thank you, it is greatly appreciated. Though, after spouting out all those syllables of praise, why do you still feel the need have those questions answered? Oh well, I promised I would before hand, didn't I? Yes, it did appear that Kuma was able to send me flying, but that was because I was not feeling like myself that day. Did you notice Captain Usopp seemed to be a little off that day? This is because he had a flare up of his dreadful lung disease: lungitisbigbaddisease! Also his head was hurting. And he was seeing double. And…well, you get the picture. In my greatly weakened state, anything could have happened, believe me. Rescued by some old man? I have to say, it doesn't sound vaguely familiar at all. Not one tiny bit! So don't worry you little head anymore, because Captain Usopp is still as great, fearless, and remarkable as before!

Still amazing,

Captain Usopp

Dear Captain Usopp-sama, concerning your USOPP-O-BLASTO

My life savings is a grand total of eight beri (I'm so proud of myself for saving that much!!). Is that enough?

Dandy Wonderous

P.S: I have to go to a wedding this month and I need an escort who is smooth, sauve, and sophisticated. So do you know if Sanji is available? Thanks!

Dandy Wonderous,

Nice to write to you again! How have you been lately? Are those ferrets still hanging around? Captain Usopp is terribly sorry if they are. Ahh…I notice that you are interested in the purchase of my USOPP-O-BLASTO™, nice that is a smart choice. You claim to have eight beri to your name? I will not lie or fill you with false hopes, but that is not nearly enough. Though if you would like, the ever giving Captain Usopp will allow you to make small payments of beri for the rest of your life, or until you have paid of the final amount of the USOPP-O-BLASTO™, interest included. Oh! Regarding Sanji and the wedding: of course! He would be more the willing to escort you. Hahah, I would have forced him to anyways, because I am the great Captain Usopp, and all of my faithful crew follows my every order. I have to warn you though, Sanji is one for the wooing of women, and so if he tends to act a bit unfaithful towards you during the wedding, I am sorry. It is to be expected. He may surprise me though and actually pull through with his newly reinstated "one woman" regime. Can't say I did not warn you though, if he doesn't.

Good luck,

Captain Usopp