Hello readers! It has certainly been a long time since I graced you all with my ever-glowing presence, hasn't it? Yes, I know you are very upset with Captain Usopp once again. I grant you my deepest, sincerest apologies, faithful ones. It is just that your Captain Usopp- sama has been on the brink of death for the past few weeks. I would tell you the gory details of the disease my humble immune system has been battling, but the truth may be much too gruesome for your innocent, but ever eager eyes. All of this aside, I've come to thank you all. It is a great effort that each of you displayed while waiting for your beloved Captain Usopp to finally update. Don't get me wrong, Captain Usopp is possibly the greatest warrior of the sea, but even he needs encouragement time to time. Shocking, I know it is! Oh…there I go rambling again. Anyways, enjoy the newest set of advice that I have so humbly prepared for your eager eyes.

Usopp,

Babe, it's me, Perona.

Why are you bein' that way, baby? I thought we had somethin' special! I thought you said you loved me an' you never wanted no other woman! You said I was yo' beautiful undead queen! Where'd you run off to, leaving me behind a broken woman, with no big, strong pirate captain to depend on?

Baby, I know we can make this work! Gimme anotha chance!

I'll do that thing you like, you know, the thing with my elbow...?

And another thing! Who's this Machiko, or Makiko chick, calling you up all hours of the night?! I KNOW you a one woman kinda man! I know you wouldn't eave me for some old two-bit knitter that can't even garter stitch!

Look, Usu baby, whatever I did, we can fix it, can't we? Come back to me baby! We can find a nice dark island, you know, somewhere cold and damp like we always wanted? We can raise our own little horde of terrifying lap ghosts!

Please, baby, I know you want me!

~Your forever and eternity, your one and only baby-girl,
Undead Queen of the Florian Triangle,
Perona (Or as you like to call me, Purrona)

Hello Perona,

Wow. This sure is awkward. Perona…hahahaheheheh…ahem! It seems I have possibly upset you, doesn't it? Well, I'm sure you want an explanation for my behavior, right? Here is the honest cause of my actions:

The great Captain Usopp-sama had just awakened from his drug-induced restless slumber. Groggily, he shuffled slowly to the refrigerator encamped in his vessel's galley. As Captain Usopp slowly reached for a small bottle of orange juice, he was hit upside the head with a terrible blow from a gleaming frying pan. As heavy as the cooking object seemed to be, Captain Usopp was immediately knocked unconscious from the barbaric blow. He did not awaken for another forty-eight hours.

Now Perona, I understand if you are angry at the one who would dare to crash his cooking utensil upon Captain Usopp's sacred head. Do not blame Sanji unjustly though, he was just jealous. He has always been jealous of Captain Usopp- sama, and who could blame him, I'm just that amazing! What I'm getting at is that after I was knocked unconscious by the frying pan, Sanji mischievously logged into my computer and started answering all of my reader's questions.

Sanji has always been jealous of the ease in which Captain Usopp meets and woos fair maidens. Poor kid tries so hard to impress a young lady such as you, but then his thunder is stolen by Captain Usopp. Don't get me wrong, it is not like I try to steal Sanji's potential lady friends, it is just a natural occurrence. Like gravity or Zoro's constant napping.

You are special to me Perona, but Captain Usopp has more than enough room for the special ladies in his exciting life. If you would like, you too could sign up on the "Usopp potential wife finder dating sheet". It is basically a time table where many fair maidens of the sea can pay for a date with Captain Usopp. I have to find my future wife somehow.

Thanks for understanding,

Captain Usopp

Dear Capitain Usopp the Great,

I have some questions:

1. What stuff do you and the crew watch on T.V.?

2. What are your top 10 fav songs?(im doing a music meme)

3. Why is the crew called the "straw hats" when you where a bandana?

Thanks,

from Cheezit

Cheezit,

Nice to meet you! Hmm…I assume that you are doing a project of some sort, and you want to use Captain Usopp's exquisite music taste as the inspirational backdrop to your art? Don't worry, I would be flattered to answer your questions and further enhance your musical education with my amazing taste in music!

You want to know what television programs my faithful crew watches? Wow, aren't you lucky. Not only are you going to be granted a boost in your musical taste, but it seems that Captain Usopp will benevolently grant you with his mystical sense of television programming.

Anyways, Captain Usopp likes to watch crime dramas and death-defying action movies. You know, the James Bond/Bruce Lee/ Jackie Chan/ Chuck Norris- type of movie? Those genres of movies are the best in my humble and ever honest opinion.

Luffy hardly watches television. He is usually off somewhere on the ship annoying someone, or getting into some kind of trouble. Though when he behaves, Captain Usopp sometimes allows him to watch about five minutes of his T.V. When he gets the chance, Luffy likes to watch these crazy cartoons usually consisting of a talking animal of some sort and a homeless bum. Do not ask me? I don't understand him either!

Nami is a simple woman. She usually watches shows on the women's television network. The programs she views are quite redundant and overdramatic if you ask me. She calls them Soap Operas, but I don't understand. After all, there is absolutely no opera whatsoever. Or soap, for that matter. A mystery!

Zoro never really watches T.V. All he does is sleep, train, eat, drink, sleep, train…and you get the picture. Although, late one night, Captain Usopp arose from one of his nightly slumbers, and he could have sworn he witnessed Zoro watching Desperate Housewives! Shocking! I know.

Sanji is boring. His favorite television programs are consistent of cooking shows and horror movies where a woman is running from an axe murderer in a sheer dress that eventually falls off. Overdone, clichéd, and just plain ridiculous! Really, c'mon that whole "Sexy damsel wearing a sheer dress in distress" has been done so many times before.

Chopper is a genius. He agrees that crime dramas and action flicks are far superior in the movie industry. Also, when he gets the chance, Chopper likes to watch the Discovery Channel and programs consisting of blood, guts, and X-rays.

Robin never watches T.V. She is constantly trying to persuade my crew to stop said habit themselves. But they rather listen to their beloved Captain Usopp. Robin reads books, and more books, and more books. What a boring woman, right?

Franky is quite high on the intellectual scale as well. He enjoys watching crime dramas with Chopper and Captain Usopp. His only fault is that he claims action movies are "overdone". Oh well, his loss I suppose.

Brook is pretty predictable. When he is not playing his violin for Captain Usopp's pure entertainment he can be spotted watching music videos and complaining about how the younger generation has no taste in music.

Captain Usopp's musical tastes are quite eccentric. He always listens to the most amazingly, awesome tunes. I bet you are just itching to see the list of his top ten favorite songs. The list is as follows:

Captain Usopp's Top Ten Musical Gems

Alfie- Lily Allen

Anna Molly- Incubus

Apologize- Timbaland

Baby Got Back- Sir Mix A lot

Repetition Of Hatred- Dir en Grey

Pride Of The Tyrant- Rhapsody

Butterfly(from Dance Dance Reveloution)- I Love You! Project

I Told You So- Carrie Underwood

Ass Up- D.J Ten Remix

I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby- 3OH!3

The reason Captain Usopp's faithful crew is called the "Strawhat Pirate Crew" is because Captain Usopp is a master of disguise. Also, Luffy has an overwhelming sense of pride in Captain Usopp and his fellow nakama, so he requested that the crew be named "Stawhat" as a type of decoy for the valiant Captain Usopp. Obviously the sails show that Luffy is the presiding pirate captain but it is all a guise in Captain Usopp's honor. We can't have the marines capturing the amazing Captain Usopp- sama now, can we?

Sincerely,

Captain Usopp

Dear greatest captain usopp,
Thank you for ansering my question from earlier, although I have another for you oh wise great brave one. Earlier when you were first beginning to sail the grand line and it snowed you made a beautiful ice sculpture and claimed it the winter woman. Was it made after any lady that previously tried to grant your undying love?
-Yukidaru

Yukidaru,

Haha, no problem! I love answering my faithful reader's burning questions! The snow maiden that Captain Usopp conjured up with his blessed hands was truly a beautiful work of art, wasn't it? To answer your question, Yukidaru, the snow maiden was not based off of an old flame or old female acquaintance. The winter woman was Captain Usopp's own personal picture of the perfect woman. Didn't you glance upon her beautiful appearance? The curves, the hair, everything! It was all perfect. Now, I'm not sure if a woman like the snow maiden exists out in the Grand Line, but if she does, I hope she is comforted with the knowledge that Captain Usopp is humbly waiting for her love!

Until next time,

Captain Usopp