A/N:

This chapter may make more sense if I remind you that not everything is in chronological order... Today we have a lot of Kirk/Spock centric pieces and some Sulu/Chekov. Very angst filled chapter. I tried to incorporate a couple bits of humor. In the end I liked it... And even after five chapters I don't own Star Trek. Enjoy!

41. One

"What you are referring to," Spock Prime's voice floated from the view screen, "Is a mental exercise. It is one of nearly a hundred that I must execute simultaneously in order to maintain control over my emotions. It is likely that my alternate self will employ the same methods."

"Hundreds?" I asked. I had never known it was that hard. "If one of these methods should fail - what happens?" It seemed like a stupid question. What happened was obvious. Spock had demonstrated quite clearly all of the following:

Anger happened. Rage happened. Pain happened. One snap in neuron firing... one slip in control and you ended up sedated in the med-bay, arms and legs restrained with everyone afraid of you. The only person who wants to see you is the person you took your anger out on. The person who just seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I want to see you desperately but McCoy says that's a bad idea...

Your hands were bandaged from where knuckles had pounded flesh and then metal until they shattered and bled. Your chest ached from where you were thrown against a wall and shot with a phaser set to stun. When that didn't keep you down you went back for round two until McCoy could hit you with the right level of sedative. Now you probably don't even want to wake yourself up to face the monster you think you've become, even though I would forgive you for it... because we'd been through hell together, and this was no different.

"Jim, in that occurrence the consequences would be disastrous."

Yea... tell me something I don't know.

42. Engineer

When it came to their jobs they had been like high school girls gossiping over the cutest boy in school... of course they did their fair share of that too. They would sit cross-legged on the floor and talk about the future late into the night. Nyota wanted nothing more than to set foot on the Enterprise, no matter the job. Gaila was determined she was going to become the flagship's Chief Engineer.

But then that day came, and they received crushing news... Neither were destined for the Enterprise like they had imagined. Nyota had changed that... for herself... but she had been so caught up in promoting her own desire that she hadn't remembered Gaila. She could have said that her room mate was an amazing engineer... that she could do anything aboard the Enterprise... that she needed her to be on that ship. If she had done that then Gaila would have had a higher probability of surviving.

As it was only one of them had gotten to fulfill their dream.

That wasn't really what bugged Nyota the most, though. The most troubling fact of the whole scenario was that there was no way for Gaila to have known Nyota had been aboard the Enterprise and not the Faragot. So the chances were, Gaila had died thinking Nyota had died also. But the point was she had died believing that she would never have the opportunity to be the Enterprise's chief engineer, and Nyota would never be the communication's officer... because in Gaila's mind neither of them were on that ship.

And that made Nyota feel like a liar.

43. Old

"Twenty years aboard this damn ship?" McCoy expressed loudly as he put down his tray at the table in the mess hall, "I have to say, Jim, I feel pretty damn old." Jim looked up and smiled his adventurous smile.

"Hey, Bones, no one is making you stay."

"Yea and if I left, kid, you'd have no one would be around to save your ass. Then what would you do?"

"Doctor, if you desire to retire from your position, I am perfectly capable of providing suitable protection for the Captain." Spock said from his position beside Jim.

"Yea..." Kirk said with an even bigger smile. "He's good at saving my ass."

"Indeed." The first officer and captain exchanged a glance and McCoy huffed.

"Oh, get a room." He mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me, Doctor?" Spock asked with a slight twinkle behind his eye.

"Nothing, Spock. Just nothing." McCoy huffed again.

"So, Bones, you'll never guess what Spock showed me... apparently there's an empty storage closet on the fifth floor med-bay... you and Christine should totally..."
Spock, who'd gone green around the ears in embarrassment, cut off Kirk very quickly. "I believe the doctor is already acquainted with this particular closet, Captain, and it would be unnecessary to continue speaking."

Unable to restrain himself Kirk blabbed, "It's a great place to hook up."

McCoy stood up very quickly and glared at Kirk. "I'm too damn old for this shit." He then turned and walked away. "I don't want to know about your escapades!" He relayed loudly over his shoulder. Kirk looked at his first officer, amazed.

"Was it something I said?" He noted Spock's ears were still tinged green.

"Yes."

44. Laundry

It was laundry day, and in the somehow fair choice of tasks aboard the Enterprise Uhura had drawn the short straw and was stuck folding the various undergarments from the ship's bridge crew. As Uhura pulled the clothes from a dryer into a small metal cart she couldn't help but notice the predominate light pink hue to all of the clothes.

"You know... Scotty... there's a reason you separate the colors from the whites." Uhura tried her hardest not to laugh. She held up a white, or what used to be white, t-shirt. "Or at least the reds from the whites. Because I'm cool if you get my nightclothes pink..." She threw the shirt aside and dug through the pile in front of her. She found the item in question. "But I can hardly think that the Captain will feel the same about his socks. Or..." More digging. "Sulu probably won't appreciate the pink briefs..."

"Aye... I see where you're coming from Lieutenant..." He looked at the pair of briefs that she held up in her hands. After a moment he said, "But there's only one problem regarding Mr. Sulu's briefs..."

"And what's that?" She resumed folding the laundry with a smile on her face.

"I'm darn sure those were already pink."

45. Parachute

Kirk was very drunk. So drunk in fact, he was falling from the planes of logic and reason and into the realm of stupidity. It had been logical to invite Spock out to the bar. It was stupid to expect to have a good time with his first officer in a place where personal contact was inevitable and the music was played forty decibels to loud to be considered safe.

So because he was completely sober at the time, Kirk had suggested that the two of them split the party and take off to a secluded park in the middle of San Francisco. They had been sitting across from each other at the top of that hill for three hours, underneath the light of the moon and the stars. Kirk had not ingested one drop of alcohol yet somehow he was now completely overcome with an emotion he could only liken to being drunk.

The conversation had been slow and calm and intelligent. Spock's manner was relaxed and easy, or at least in comparison to his normal behavior. Kirk was surprised at how much he simply enjoyed being in the his presence. It was now that he realized he was plummeting from those planes of logic that said they were friends and nothing more... He tried to release a mental parachute to slow his decent. Slow himself to keep from hitting the sharp rocks of Spock's inevitable rejection. Damn, what had brought these thoughts along? Was he drunk and he just didn't know it?

Another hour passed and the conversation continued. Spock flashed that smile Kirk had only seen once before. It made his insides flip and his parachute snag over some unknown force in his mind. When he looked back in the years to come he wouldn't know what had caused him to behave the way he did that night. Without speaking, Kirk leaned forward and placed a small kiss on the Vulcan's lips.

For a moment Kirk's parachute remained snagged, he was not falling but he was not safe. Above him, sanity and logic... below him the rejection ready to drive through his core. He contemplated pulling back into safety and saying it never happened, but the slight movement of Spock's lips against his own was all it took to remove all thoughts of rejection. The return of the kiss was enough to snap the strings of Kirk's parachute of sanity and send him plummeting, and he couldn't have been happier.

46. Lonely

It wasn't that he hadn't fought with boyfriends in the past. It wasn't that he didn't know how to concede he was in the wrong. It wasn't that he was afraid that apologizing would knock him down a level, because it wouldn't. It was, in all honesty, that he hadn't fought with Chekov before. He had never seen those beautiful blue eyes turned against him in anger. He had never felt his heart so torn as when the teen stormed out of his quarters, cursing and crying.

He had sent the boy multiple messages through the comm. He had apologized, he had profusely expressed that he was in the wrong, but Chekov would not meet his eyes when they were on the bridge. It had been two days. Sulu figured it probably wasn't healthy to need someone so much that two days of absence left such a gaping hole in his heart. All the same, among the crew of the Enterprise he had never been so lonely.

47. Birthday

It was Chekov's birthday. Somewhere between the hellos and the cutting of the cake, McCoy had indulged in a bottle of fine Romulan Ale. He then suggested a game of truth or dare in which Spock ingested two Hershey bars and Nyota lost three pieces of clothing. In the same game Kirk kissed Christine and Chekov within five minutes of each other. McCoy and Sulu had a jealous bone to pick but drown their thoughts in more alcohol. The evening ended with almost everyone out cold on the floor, even Spock, and as he curled himself around his barely sober boyfriend Chekov whispered that it was a shame he didn't get to open his presents. He didn't see two red-shirted security officers override the door and begin snapping some very incriminating photos... God, they would regret this in the morning.

48. Few

Few people had seen Nyota Uhura cry. In fact if she didn't count her mother, Gaila, and Spock the count would be zero. She developed an unprecedented control over her emotions, and should those walls every begin to crumble she was able to make a quick retreat to some place where she was safe to lose it all - in private.

She made one such retreat from the bridge today, asking in a choked voice to be excused from duty and ignoring Spock's questioning gaze that followed her down the hallway. In her quarters she locked the door and sat down on the couch, her face in her hands. She cried.

The door chimed. She ignored it. It chimed again. She ignored it again. The next sound she heard was the door override and the careful and controlled footsteps of Spock. She growled at him, "Go away." From her spot on the couch she met his eyes. Her own eyes were bright red, her cheeks streamed with tears.

"Lieutenant, you are in emotional distress." Such a bland statement and yet it could break her.

"How dare you do that! What you did with Kirk... how dare you!" She said angrily. "In front of me and the rest of the world. You practically molested him." She spat the last word, more tears accompanied her accusations. It took him a moment to realize that she was referring to the two finger touch, a Vulcan kiss, the two men had exchanged roughly thirty minutes prior. It had been, in Spock's mind, brief and unnoticed. On this occasion, he was wrong. She was still crying, she was unable to catch her breath.

He moved quickly to kneel in front of her. Placing a gentle hand on her knee he spoke in even tones until she could breath properly. "Nyota..." He said softly. "You were aware of the my and the Captain's relationship before today. It is nothing new to you."

"But it was, Spock." She said even softer. "You're not mine anymore..."

"Our action solidified in your mind that I would no longer be available to you as a romantic interest?" She nodded. He reached out and pulled her close "While this may be true, Nyota, I have been and always will be here for you. There is nothing Jim can do to change the fact that you were my first..." He trailed off.

She removed herself from the embrace. "Why are you here?"

"Because we are friends, Nyota Uhura, and this is what friends do."

49. Translation

HE SAID: If I may speak freely, to partake in such an endeavor, Captain, would be highly illogical. The chances of successful completion of this plan are less than two point five percent. The angle of trajectory and the difference in mass caused by the gravity of this planet, along with the atmosphere's high temperature and extremely volatile gas levels make entry in anything other than a specially constructed shuttle highly difficult. A human jump is an unwise and highly unnecessary solution. However, if you insist to continue, I ask that you wear this transmitter that will allow me to track your position upon entry.

HE MEANT: Jim, really? You're being a dumb ass. There's really no way this is going to work. Let me explain why with science and numbers because that's what I'm good at. You need some serious shit to land here, and a person isn't going to cut it. But I know that you're not going to listen, so if you would just like to inform me of approximately where I can expect to find you when I have to come save your ass later, that would be nice.

50. Empty

The med-bay was silent except for Spock's breathing and the sound of Jim removing the restraints of the unconscious man. "We stopped sedating you three hours ago..." Kirk said to his first officer. "As fast as your body burns through the shit you should be awake by now. Come on now, you can't hide forever." McCoy tensed his hand around a hypospray of sedative as Spock's eyes opened quickly.

"Jim." The man said. His eyes looked empty, pained... "I can't... you shouldn't... unsafe."

"Bullshit." Jim said, glancing back at McCoy. Understanding but not condoning, Bones left, but not without positioning the hypospray just within Jim's reach. It seemed by the time Jim looked back at Spock the man had composed him self slightly.

"Captain... I don't want to hurt you again."

"Me?" Jim laughed. "I've been in barfights that left me looking worse."

"I should be sanctioned, removed from duty."

"No. It was a slip up. It's been a tough week and you were exhausted. Plus I was pushing the wrong buttons."

"This cannot be blamed on you."

"Then it can't be blamed on you either, Spock." There was an intense moment of staring between them until Spock looked away. Kirk absentmindedly examined Spock's now un-bandaged hands. The other man did not object to the personal contact. "You gave us quite a scare..." Kirk trailed off. "Especially McCoy... don't think he'll want to be alone with you for a while." This was intended as a joke, but it went unnoticed. Spock examined the room around him. He noticed a cot on the floor and several items of clothes.

"Is this where you have been acquiring rest?" Kirk nodded, there was no need to lie. "Why not in your quarters?" Kirk thought about this for a moment...

"Because they seem damn empty without you."

A/N:

Well that's the end. 45 was by far my favorite, 49 and 42 were lacking my opinion. Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading through this work, stay tuned for more Trek-centric features. And remember if you have seen anything in the past chapters you would like to see elaborated on or extended, I'll be happy to oblige.