Chapter Three: Breakfast
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Ulquiorra was awakened by a sharp stench that made his nose wrinkle in disgust. When he opened his eyes and stood up in the bed, the image of a overdone to black toast appeared inches away from his face, along with the powerful smell of scorched bread coming from it.
"Good morning, Ulquiorra-san!" Lilinette chirped from the other side of the plate with the toast. She was dressed in a… Oh, god… that horrible pink apron with Konata's face on it. "I made you breakfast!"
Ulquiorra shot an indignant glare at the girl, then stared at the toast.
"What are you doing?" He inquired with his customary detached tone, which seemed so much more threatening at the moment.
Lilinette snickered sheepishly. "Um… I thought I'd make you something to eat. Humans need to eat bread and stuff to live, unlike Arrancar. So…"
"How in the name of every known deity am I supposed to consume this overdone slice of bread without poisoning myself?" Ulquiorra said witheringly.
The blonde sulked.
"Why can't you be appreciative of my determination to help you start off your day well?" She murmured gloomily.
"Because even though your intentions are of the most earnest benevolent, you still fail miserably at executing them correctly." The man answered emotionlessly and got up. He looked around for his clothes, completely unbothered by the fact that he was dressed in a pair of boxers and a sweatshirt. One noticeable change in the position of a number of items came to his attention. "Lilinette, I don't recall giving you permission to rummage through those magazines."
She glanced at the pile of magazines, most of them erotic comics and hentai from the previous owner of the apartment, and grinned in abashment. She fiddled with her fingers as she started speaking, with a small blush on her face: "Well, I saw you had a lot of comics on the shelves, so I thought I'd give them a look…"
"These are not ordinary comics." Ulquiorra stressed while drilling a hole in Lilinette's face with his eyes.
"So I noticed… There was this one comic when a boy and a girl were alone in the park, and the girl started touching the boy on his—"
"You were not supposed to read those… those…" Seriously, why didn't he throw those useless porn magazines in the trash the moment he settled down in here? It's not like he was ever going to read them, let alone… 'use' them. "It had stuff children like you must stay away from!"
Lilinette's face flushed red in anger. "I am not a kid! I'm an Arrancar! I can do anything I want, seeing as there is no way I can be underage physically!"
"The concept of underage restriction may be rendered useless when it concerns immortal and non-aging creatures such as Arrancar. However, in your case, you have the psyche and sense of responsibility of a teenager, so I cannot allow you to stay anywhere near those perverted books." Ulquiorra explained while picking up the hentai.
"Give me a break!" She exclaimed in protest. "Just who the hell do you think you are to order me around anymore!? You're no longer an Espada; you're a stinkin human! Stop acting like you're my dad or something!"
"If you want to continue living in this apartment, you will have to follow my rules." Ulquiorra stated firmly. He placed the magazines in a bag, then pulled on some trousers and a shirt and faced the girl. "Now let's go out and eat."
"Go out!? Aren't you going to eat your toast?"
"I'm not certain even a rat would be willing to eat that toast. Furthermore, there is very little food in the fridge, so we'll buy some groceries while we're out for breakfast."
Lilinette grumbled something incoherently under her nose and threw the toast in the garbage bin.
Ten minutes later, they were out on the streets, walking from the small alley towards the main avenue, where the flow of people was drastically greater.
"So where are we going?" Lilinette asked.
"I already told you. We are going to get something to eat."
"Is it anywhere close around here?"
"It is just two minutes to walk to it. Your feet won't get tired."
"What do they serve there?"
"Whatnot."
"Why did you say 'we' earlier? You know fairly well that I don't need to eat, because I'm an Arrancar."
"I just want to ascertain something." Ulquiorra answered evenly. "Are you sure you are not hungry?"
"Positively."
"Anyway, how do you feel in this world?"
Lilinette blinked in confusion. Ulquiorra asked the question completely out of the blue.
"Fine, I guess. It's kind of nice..."
"It's the beginning of September, so the weather is still sunny and warmer than what autumn should be like. Today is a bit on the windy side, don't you agree?"
"Yes." Lilinette answered after a short pause. She didn't know where Ulquiorra was going with those questions. "It was cold when we were under shade, but out here feels really nice."
She was dressed in one of the few cleaner shirts of the former tenant. It still seemed like she had huddled on a sack on herself, but at least she didn't feel so… tainted by wearing it."
"Does that shirt feel?"
"It feels… nice. It's too big, though."
"Obviously, seeing as it was made for a man three times wider and twice taller than you. You are not cold, are you?"
"Just a little."
Ulquiorra slowed down, then stopped. He turned around and beheld her. Lilinette was already on her guard, so it didn't start her.
"So my guess was right."
"What guess?"
"That you are becoming human."
The girl stared at him dumbfounded. She started laughing, but it came forced and unnatural out of her throat.
"I'm becoming human!? That's impossible. There's no way that can be happening…"
"You can feel the changes in the temperature. You can feel the wind. All of this means that you are subjected to the physical laws of this world. You are no longer an ethereal, spiritual entity."
"Bullcrap! I'm telling you I'm not becoming human!"
"Also, last night when I found you lying on the street, all those people who happened to be near the spot were looking at you, not me or my truck. They could clearly see you."
"How the hell am I supposed to be turning human?! Unlike you, I never died as an Arrancar and I was never reincarnated as human."
"That's true. And yet, this paradox is taking place right now, before our eyes."
"Then how can you explain the fact that I haven't gotten hungry by now?" Lilinette asked tartly.
"Your organism is probably still undergoing transformation from Arrancar to human."
"Then why the fuck do I still have my Hollow hole!?"
Ulquiorra scratched his chin.
"That is the most mysterious detail of your strange case. Any human with a hole replacing his stomach would surely be a dead one. I might venture a guess that your Arrancar body has somehow… traversed from being immaterial to material."
Lilinette goggled in horror.
"I don't want to become human!" She exclaimed angrily. "I'm not going to accept this fact!"
"When a bug gets crushed by an elephant, it never has a say in it. When a tree gets knocked down by a fierce storm, the storm doesn't ask the tree if it likes it or not. The same goes in your situation. Also, we should stop talking about this for the moment; we are attracting too much attention."
The girl looked around. Here and there were people watching their conversation from a distance with quizzical stares. Lilinette instantly stared off somewhere else as she and Ulquiorra resumed their walk.
It was a small café with tables and chairs placed right next to the street behind a wooden fence. A single waitress was moving around the tables, taking orders from the few customers who had come this early today, most of them retired folk. Ulquiorra and Lilinette took a seat close to the entrance of the café.
"By the way, don't you have work today? I'm not sure if it's okay for you to be idling around with me." Lilinette said.
"It's Sunday. Today is my day off. I'll be able to spend some time with you. However, don't get too comfortable with it, you might have to get going soon."
"How cold." Lilinette grumbled. "You find a girl lying helpless and unconscious on the road and you can open your heart up to her only for a day? I didn't think you'd try to chase me out so soon."
"As long as opening my heart doesn't involve letting you become a freeloader in my apartment. First of all, I don't earn enough to support two people and pay my taxes at the same time. Second, if you really are becoming human, then this means the laws of human society will take effect on you, too. I can't have you live in my apartment without having parental rights over you and adopting you is the last thing I want to do. Don't take it as an offense."
Lilinette scowled at him.
"Is there a third reason?" She asked coldly.
"Yes. If it turns out your becoming human is just superficial and that you have not lost your Arrancar identity, you'll have to return to Hueco Mundo."
Lilinette was about to retort when the waitress, a pretty eighteen-year-old girl, showed up by her side with the most amiable smile possible.
"May I have your orders?" She chirped out.
"Orange juice as usual, Grace. Make them two glasses this time." Ulquiorra answered in an even voice.
"Oh! And who is this precious thing!?" Grace exclaimed pleasantly and looked at Lilinette, who stared back with all the hostility her gaze could muster, hinting the waitress that treating her like a child would result in a slow, excruciating death. The girl completely overlooked that stare. "I didn't know you have a daughter, Ulquiorra!"
Lilinette choked. Ulquiorra delayed his answer slightly longer than necessary. His disturbance leaked out on his wan face. "She is not my daughter. She is just… an acquaintance. Her… father is not present at town at the moment, so I am looking after her. Making sure she doesn't cause any trouble."
"Why, you!—"
"She is so adorable!" The waitress exclaimed in sisterly tenderness. "I wish my little sister was as cute as you!"
Lilinette's irresistible urge to punch a hole in Ulquiorra's head was lulled by the sudden deluge of compliments from Grace's side. The little Arrancar found herself blushing awkwardly, completely dumbfounded.
"You two look so cute together! I seriously thought you were related!!" Grace kept on tweeting in her sweet voice. Ulquiorra took much curiosity in people like Grace. Mostly because he wondered how they were still living breathing organisms when they had no brain in their heads. His only supposition was that they were some kind of subhuman species that evolved from earth worms.
"We'll also like two ham sandwiches, please. That will be all, Grace." Ulquiorra finished his order and the waitress scurried in the café. Lilinette stared after her slim figure with unfathomable perplexity.
"What the hell was she?" She muttered out at some point.
"Just one of the beatific people blessed with ignorance and irrationality."
"I don't recall asking you to order for me." Lilinette nagged at him. "You know perfectly well that I'm not hungry."
"We shall see soon. It is just part of my experiment to determine whether you really are turning human or not."
"Your logic seems to be slipping terribly."
"Why is that?"
"How exactly am I supposed to eat food when I don't have a stomach? My hole is exactly where it's supposed to be."
The man rubbed his chin pensively while fixing Lilinette with his piercing green eyes. The girl felt uncomfortable, as if she was being probed thoroughly by an alien from inside and out. Five minutes passed in total silence. Grace came and went, leaving their food and drinks on the table. Finally, Ulquiorra came to a decision.
"Lilinette, raise your shirt."
The girl's jaw dropped in astonishment.
"What!?"
"Need I repeat myself?"
"W-What kind of perverted thing do you ask me for, you moron!?" She stammered indignantly with wide eyes.
"I want to see your midriff."
Lilinette was about to lash at him when she understood what he was having in mind.
"What's the point of checking if the hole is still there when we both know that it is?!" She inquired with vexation. "I saw it this morning when dressing up; I assure you it's there."
"You displayed some changes when you and I went out this morning. It may have disappeared."
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Lilinette sighed and leaned on her seat. "How can something like a hole in one's body disappear just like that?"
"If your hole hasn't disappeared, then why isn't the shirt you are wearing right now sinking in the place where the hole is supposed to be?"
Lilinette's mug shifted from irritated to alarmed. Without thinking much about it, she raised her shirt above her belly and gaped at it. She never even felt the change in her bodily composition or her weight. The hole in her abdomen had disappeared, completely covered by flesh and blood. The girl's eyes went wide in amazement. Ulquiorra's gaze remained as concentrated and dull as always.
"Where is it!?" She exclaimed in a high voice, attracting a number of confused glances from the other tables around them. "It was right there just a while ago!"
The former Espada intertwined his fingers and leaned his chin on his hands. "So my theory is correct. You really are becoming human."
Lilinette gaped at him with a face full of bafflement.
"You may have also noticed that absolutely everyone here acknowledges your presence. You are not invisible, nor you are immaterial." He went on in a more hushed tone as he leaned forward. Sweat broke out on Lilinette's aghast face. Her skin was about to turn paler than Ulquiorra's. She leaned back on the chair, her lips shut tight and a vein pulsating on her forehead.
The man took his glass of orange juice. "Now, drink your juice and eat your food."
Lilinette folder her arms stubbornly. "And what if I don't want to eat it?"
His eyebrows twitched. That wasn't a good sign.
"If you refuse to eat your breakfast, I will be forced to exercise my authority as an adult over you and disregard your right of free will for the sake of your own well-being. In other words, I will use any means to persuade you to consume your food, even if that means tying your hands behind your back and forcing the food down your throat. Now, have I stated myself clearly enough or do I need to apply other methods to bring you to your senses?"
The ham sandwich and the juice disappeared faster than one could say "A very effective threat".
"Very good." He said calmly. "Now let's go. I have to think what to do with you somewhere more quiet."
From the Author: Done with chapter 3. When is the next one coming up? I have no idea. I just hope you liked reading it. Review when done, please!