This chapter is a special THREE victim special! Enjoy!

Chapter 5 Still can't catch her eye? Try Flattery

Sai just didn't understand. What did he do wrong in the last chapter? Maybe there was something wrong with him? Did he need to see a doctor? Maybe later. If this continued to be a problem.

He reached across his bed to his small bedside table and grabbed his book, A Dating Guide for the Mentally Retarded (all rights belong to me Tally Mai-chan). Flipping it p and reading over the next chapters title gave him some hope.

Chapter 5

Still can't catch her eye? Try flattery

If everything mentioned in the chapter before fails

then this page is your last resort.

Flattery is your next hope

Flattery may seem like the smart thing to do and should be done first

But.

Flattery that is not timed right can turn out horrible.

Comment her face. Her hair. Her clothes. Just talk about how

Pretty she is.

Just remember. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you will suffer.

Greatly.

Sai wasn't so sure about that hope anymore. This seemed like the most dangerous chapter of them all! Oh well. He wasn't going to make bounds by just moping around his room. He needed to get out and go make bounds,

(Later at the park)

Sai took a deep breath of fresh air. It was a beautiful day in Konoha. The birds sang, the children laughed and everything was perfect. All that was missing now was a girl for him to make bounds with...

"Hey! You!" Barked a rough female voice from behind him. Sai wondered if he was what Naruto called a "chick magnet" for whenever he started to look for a girl one popped up right behind him!

"Yes?" He turned as saw Temari with a mean scowl plastered on her face. "Can I help you?"

"That lazy bum Shikamaru ditched me and he was supposed to be my escort. Since I saw you with Naruto a few days ago I guess that you'll make a fine replacement."

Sai smiled his signature smile.

"I'd be honored to-" he paused remembering his book. "-to escort such a lovely lady as yourself."

"Wha??" Temari was taken back. So taken back that she blushed. She Temari blushed! "Oh.. of course."

"Where would you like to go?" Sai held out his arm like a polite gentle man.

"Well...." Temari said slowly. "I have to admit... YOU ARE A GREAT GUIDE!" Sai laughed at the last part. Temari wasn't kidding. This guy, this wonderful... smart... handsome... no...sex guy had gave her a wonderful time in Konoha! All her last guide did, she refused to say his name, was walk her around to the most boring places and say "what a drag" Every five words.

Sure at first Sai's scary vampire like demeanor was a little off putting but this guy sure taught her "not to judge a book by it's cover"

" I'm glad that you had a wonderful time." Sai smiled at her. He decided now was the perfect time to form a bond with this girl. "But it was an even greater please, though more selfish on my part." he paused. Looking slightly ashamed of himself. " To have lead a exotic beauty as your self around this humble village.

'Oh my pie' Temari thought. 'This guy is perfect.'

"Even though this humble village really is ugly."

'huh?'

"It makes a hag like your self look pretty decent."

'DIE!'

Sai thought he knew what he did wrong this time. If only he hand learned that before he got slashed to bits by wind demon lady's giant fans. Sai was learning but very, very slowly.

Sai was tending to his cuts when a familiar face walked up next to him.

"Sai! What happened?" It was the weapons master TenTen who found our "bonds" master Sai.

"Hello TenTen-san"

"Sai-san?" Tenten said in her annoying high pitched voice (at least in the Japanese anime) "What are you doing? And why are you bleeding?"

"Well I... My you look wonderful today Tenten." Sai said smoothly. Tenten blushed at this and hardly noticed that he changed the subject.

"Oh." Tenten turned away coyly. "W-why are you so"

"Enough about me Tenten-chan" Sai skidded around to face her head on. "Tell me about Tenten-chan"

"Oh well I'm fine I guess." Tenten was extremely shocked. She was wary about him after she heard about the "Hinata" incident but when she saw him hurt and bleeding well she just had to say something. Sai really was different from what Neji described him as.

"You are so beautiful. Your hair is like the rich brown of roasted chestnuts. Your eyes are like pools of chocolate." Sai was hungry. He wondered where the nearest food place was.

"No... I'm not... My hair is not that nice... Well my eyes are beautiful." Tenten stared at Sai. 'What a great and wonderful man. He's so charming. What the heck was Hinata thinking when she sent the whole Hyuuga clan on him.' "Your so nice Sai." Tenten stared at her hands, mindlessly twiddling her thumbs. "Maybe you and I could go out somewhere and... um.........Sai?"

Tenten now just noticed the vacant expression on his face.

"Hm?" he turned sharply to face Tenten. "Did you say something buns?"

A vein popped on Tenten's forehead.

There are only three rules on team Gai. Rule one: Lee is never allowed to eat sugar. Two and three were the most important. Rule number two was that you never, NEVER ignored Tenten. Rule number three... never... ever... EVER CALL HER "BUNS!!"

Sai was at Konoha hospital with 15 broken bones and covered head to toe in bandages. And he thought Temari was bad. Tenten when medieval on his wretched soul. Note to self. Never tick of a wepons master

"Sai?"

Sai looked up at the door to his room. Standing in the doorway was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He wasn't kidding. She was incredibly beautiful.

"My name in Konan- I mean Koann. I will be your nurse." she had beautiful long blue hair and gorgeous sapphire blue eyes. She raised a perfectly shaped eye brow at the boy who stared in awe at her.

"H-how-" Sai was struck speechless.

"What did you do to get so beaten up?" She stepped slowly towards his bed and with the grace of a swan pulled the click board in the little basket at the end of his bed. "15v broken bones. My, my." She shook her head. Stifling a giggle she impishly "Did a girl do this to you?"

Sai's eyes widened. "H-how did y-you know?"

Konna laughed. Oh what a melodious laugh it was! "A womans intuition."

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Sai suddenly blurted. Konna laughed again.

"Yes..." A dark glint formed in her eyes. "You will do just fine." She lunged foreward, her hand constricting his neck. "Tell me everything you know about the kyubi."

"Kyubi?"

"The jinjuri-thingy ma bobber."

"Oh you mean Naruto."

"You know him?"

"Yeah. He's the one who mas bonds with everybody."

"Bonds?"

"Yeah you know bonds. The thing you have with people."

"Don't you mean sex?"

"So bonds is sex? Wow. I never knew. I have been doing this whole thing wrong."

"Just what is that?"

"Making bonds."

"How?"

"Well I got this book."

"Book?"

"A Dating Guide for the Mentally Retarded (all rights belong to Tally Mai-chan)"

"Okay kid I'm going on a limb here but I'm going to help you. Even though I should be interigaint you." Konan let him go and shuffled to thte door way. Looked both ways and shut the door and locked it. Next she glidded to the windows and closed the blonds. "Are you a virgin?"

"Whats a virgin?"

"Okay kid we got a lot to talk about..."

(one hour later)

"I see..." Sai said thoughtfully.

"Well are you good now?"

"Yes... thank you beautiful lady."

"Aww shut up. Oh yes the Kyubi."

"Naruto."

"...Naruto... tell me what you know about him."

"He has a small penis."

"..."

"So does-"

"Okay enough of that. Well I guess I'll be going now. Pein will be wondering where I am."

"hehehehe"

"What?"

"Pein rhymes with Penis"

"..."

Sai was yet again in the hospital. Only this time was because he was brutally tortured by Konna who really was Konan from the infamous Akatuski.

Sai still thought she was beautiful.

Well it still seems like Sai has no luck with girls. Oh well. There's still five chapters left!