Disclaimer: As I have previously stated the IT Crowd does not belong to me. It belongs to Graham Lindeham.
Author's Note: This story takes place at the same time as part one (immediately after the episode 50/50). It's Roy's idea of what could have been. If you have NOT read part one, please go back and do so before continuing onto part two.
ROY
Roy had never understood why he had such bad luck with women, now he was finding out. He was too nice for them. There was his date, running after the most brutal guy she could find. He had not, apparently, been enough of a bastard to get her to sleep with him. Damn it!
The worst thing about this situation, however, was the fact that his boss was here to witness his humiliation. Admittedly she's been okay about it so far, even lending him her handkerchief to deal with the bloody nose Daniel, her date, had caused. It was possible that she was trying to save face, hoping that by helping him he wouldn't spread what a godawful night it had been. Hopefully not though. Hopefully this was a peace offering after the war they'd been waging on each other for the last week or so.
Not that fighting with Jen wasn't fun. It was bloody brilliant! The amount of stupid stuff she would do made work seem like a TV sitcom. But at the moment getting home was more important than continuing the bet.
"Here you are." Roy reached into his back pocket and handed Jen a crumpled note, "I don't think the bet proved anything. How are you getting home?"
"I'll just catch a bus." Jen sighed.
"Nonsense!" Roy snorted, what a stupid idea, "I'll call you a taxi."
He headed off toward the middle of the road pushing Jen's now red and soggy hanky back into her hands. There was an on duty cab driving past. It narrowly avoided hitting him as he gestured it over. Why did he have to be so freaking tall and lanky and awkward?
As he strolled back to Jen Roy tilted his head forward again, his nose had finally finished bleeding. He looked across at his workmate. Her black coat was wrapped about her, hugging her curves and frankly looking much better than her dress. He red hair was messed up slightly by the wind. This combined with the pool of streetlight around her made Jen look like a femme fatal from a dodgy 1950's film noir. In fact she looked better than his date had, much better.
Plans started to form in his head. He hadn't been able get Rebecca to sleep with him but Jen had had a very disappointing evening. He was good with disappointed women, they had nowhere else to go AND they seemed to like 'nice'. Besides she looked so very do-able in the coat that he had to try.
The taxi pulled up to the curb. Jen smiled at him almost invitingly as he opened the door. She stepped into the cab, her neck passing just below his face so he could smell the faint vanilla-y rosy perfume she always wore. It had never smelled so good.
"Jen." He stared at her mournfully, "I'm injured. Can I come back to your place? Please?"
"And I thought you had no idea what that word meant." Muttered Jen under her breath, and then louder, "Why?"
His eyes stayed steady as his brain darted around for an answer. I want to get in your pants was apparently not acceptable.
"Um…I don't have any bandages?"
"You don't need any, Roy, you have a bloody nose."
"No ice pack?"
Jen shook her head and folded her arms as the taxi driver rolled his eyes in the mirror.
"Jen, you've just had a tough evening with the security-thicky as your date. Moss has sent you to some weird family restaurant for dinner, the least I can do is help you plot your revenge on them." It wasn't the best reasoning in the world but Roy was desperate.
"Fine." Jen moved across the seat to let his clamber gracelessly into the cab, "But just for a tiny short incredibly small amount of time, because to attempted to stand up to Daniel."
"Great." Roy flashed her a sheepish smile, "And can you pay, I spent all my money on dinner and paying you back."
Jen groaned. It looked like this was going to be a long evening.
They eventually reached the door of Jen's apartment. The taxi had taken them halfway across London, cost a fortune and been relatively uncomfortable for Roy but shockingly seemed to take no time at all. To his great shock he found that Jen could actually be funny, although her topics seemed to be limited to shoes and Heat and who she currently fancied. He prayed that he would make it onto the list before the evening ended.
"Tea?" Jen asked, grinning madly as they entered the house.
"Yup." Roy nodded, silently hoping for and end to all these niceties that seemed to always have to take place before anything could happen.
He followed her into the kitchen, "Wait, Jen you know how you always have…healthy food?"
She nodded, "You're not going to give some kind of…fake sugar…in my tea are you?"
Jen laughed, before opening her cupboards and revealing that she had no sugar by accident. Roy came to stand behind her to help her look. There must be something here. His hand knocked against hers as they ravaged her tiny kitchen in the search for unhealthy sweetener.
"I give up." Roy threw his hands up in the air and rested against her bench.
Jen meanwhile was crawling under the sink to see if there was any sugar down there. It seemed a bit illogical to Roy that anyone would keep sugar under their sink but as her current position gave him a decent view of her arse he didn't really mind. She made a small, excited sound and suddenly there was a loud crack.
"Ouch!" yelled Jen, as she emerged slightly disorientated, she hit Roy's chest.
"You okay?" he muttered realising that she was close enough to be kissed.
"You have really big lips." Jen whispered, leaning up.
Roy started to say something but the disorientation of hitting her head and glass of wine Jen had drunk at dinner had already worked their magic on her. She kissed him. It started off as a soft grateful kiss and then became harder, pressing against his lips in away that was sure to leave bruises. He kissed her back, equally as hard, pushing her towards the sink.
Roy's hands roamed down her back, finding her arse and lifting it onto the edge of the sink. Her hands pulled off the leather jacket he was wearing and began tugging at the back of his jeans. He began pulling up her dress, revealing her flowery underpants.
***
Roy's eyes flashed open with a start. Why in God's name was he having a wet dream about his boss? She wasn't that attractive, was she?
Work today was going to be a nightmare.