Author's Notes: Hello, this is Kaseykc and my big sis Gavvy Wolf-Kidd! We're writing an interesting fic that's dedicated to *sob, sob* the late Ianto Jones.

I hope you enjoy it and think it's worthy of who it's dedicated to. This is... the memoirs of a Welshman...

Disclaimer: We do not own Torchwood – if we did we would NEVER have killed Ianto, or made Jack do a runner! The characters are either owned by the BBC – evil Ianto-murders – or to us – the fictional ones at least!

Kaseykc

The Memoirs of Ianto Jones

Well, I don't know who's going to be reading this but I doubt it'll be my family. I'll be surprised if anyone I know even reads this since I doubt they think anything of a few thoughts and memories of a dead man.

Actually, if anyone's reading this now it means I'm dead. At one with peace, R.I.P, Dead! It doesn't surprise me so much if I am dead. Death means nothing to me anymore because I'm resigned to it. The life expectancy of my other colleagues wasn't all that great so it's only logical to surmise that mine isn't so special either.

As it is, I should've died a long time ago. But as luck would have it, I didn't. I survived, lived to die another day – dear me, I'm going Bond on myself! I'm no Bond. Bond doesn't die, he's fictional, never existed. I do exist. I'm real. I'm not immortal, and even if I was I don't think I'd be a Bond.

I've led a simple life, up until I turned twenty that is. I never got into fights, wasn't bullied, didn't bully anyone either, had friends and a family I loved regardless of their faults. Then I met them.

Torchwood.

First established by Queen Victoria after she nearly got her head bit off by an alien – which was basically a Werewolf. The Doctor, that same Doctor, saved her life and she showed her thanks by turning him into an enemy of the Empire!

I've never met the man personally, and since I'm dead I doubt I ever will, so I don't know too much about him but, I have read the reports on him – oh the joys of being a Junior Researcher for a year! He's an alien, travels through time, saving worlds, leaving the mess to the natives to clean up. Nothing to show he's an enemy. In fact UNIT – the dear-old United Nations Intelligence Task force - think he's a great guy!

I think I've always known I wouldn't live till thirty - hell I was lucky to get to twenty-five! - but I never would've known that when I died I wouldn't want to die because I'd met someone who just couldn't die, someone I'd have to leave behind one day not by choice but by necessity. It's like that final blow in the gut I got when I was defending a mate of mine in Uni, the one that breaks something important. The one that hurts the most.

I don't know how I died but I hope it was a good death, I'd hate to have died from a splinter – even if it was a poisonous piece of wood from Delcon 4 or whatever. I think I'd like to have gone out like Tosh and Owen, gone out fighting! Not cowering in a corner afraid of the shadows, that's not the death I want. In fact, I don't want to have died at all, but just because I don't want something doesn't mean I won't get it.

I wonder if any of Torchwood survived? Well, Jack obviously but he's immortal so I guess I can't count him. Did Gwen survive or did she die too? Did she ever get to see Rhys' face one last time? Did I get to see Jack's face before I died? Oh God, I hate not knowing the answers but I don't know them now because I'm not dead right now – not now when I'm writing this for whoever to read.

I always said I knew everything, in truth I know most things. If you asked me about Torchwood I could give every piece of information on every single thing that even remotely related to Torchwood without having to look it up. Why? Because that's how my head works, always has done... I can't say always will do because I'm dead and a brain can't function if you're dead – unless you have a resurrection glove and you happen to be a snarky London doctor.

I don't think I ever told anyone about myself did I? In Torchwood One with Lisa she knew almost nothing of my life before I met her. At Torchwood Three Tosh, Owen, Gwen... Jack... they know (knew) only the basics; where I went to school, my dental record, my blood type, my medical history, past relationships – well, only the one with Lisa they know about – and so on. That's all they know (knew).

Jack's entire life is a lie, he doesn't answer questions truthfully if he believes that they will give too much of himself away. I'm no different except I'm a tad better at lying than him, simply because I don't need to flirt or waft some 51st Century pheromones at my questioner. He never had to lie to Yvonne Hartman's face about why the Ghost Shift was delayed, he didn't have to almost face the consequences when he was caught and get away with it by the skin of his teeth did he? No. I did.

I loved Lisa. Always will, but my heart doesn't focus on her anymore. Not after the second death, the second time I caused her death by my own selfishness. I love Jack, I think I always have. Love at first sight and all that, seems that the only type of love I know is love at first sight.

When I first saw Lisa she was walking down the corridor in front of me, talking to a twitchy little man who I watched get his brain ripped out a year and half later, looking like a goddess. Chocolate brown skin that made me shameful of being whiter than the walls around me, lovely dark brown eyes that showed her intelligence; they were so calculatingly warm that I thought there was fire hidden within their depths.

I watched her as she walked on by oblivious to my presence, I was invisible to her. I was meant to be invisible, that was what I was good at and it was required of me to be covert. I didn't see her again for almost a month after I first saw her but I felt like I was high on some sort of drug that made everything better, made my job easier; all the faces, all the names faded away when I thought of her. It was obvious I fell for her, hard.

When I finally got to meet her officially, face-to-face, I had to consciously stop myself from getting on my knees and begging her to go out with me. Anyway, I met her whilst Yvonne was standing next me talking about the Ghost Shift – that cursed woman ruined so much all because she was an unstable schizophrenic! - to Lisa and myself. She was asking about the recalibrations that needed to be carried out so as to allow activation, I felt like I was on cloud nine and missed the part where she deemed it a good idea for Lisa to go on my next incursion so as to retrieve the parts we needed from a UNIT base outside the City. When I finally realised what she'd said it was too late and I couldn't get Lisa off the op. To say I was angry would've been an understatement, but I don't let my anger show because that's a weakness.

To cut a long story short I promised myself that I'd do anything to protect Lisa, which included taking a bullet for her, because I couldn't stand to let her get hurt. We infiltrated the UNIT base and acquired what we'd come for without incident. Upon extraction though, that's when it all went to hell.

Out of the six of us, excluding Lisa, who'd entered three were down before we made the perimeter fence. I was focused on getting Lisa out of there intact and my other two team members were in charge of getting the stuff out. Lisa was ahead of us by about five or six-feet so she reached the fence first. She turned to look at us and her beautiful, brown eyes were wide and filled with terror and a small glint of inherent determination. It made me so distracted that she was so afraid that I didn't notice the two soldiers off to the side of us before it was too late.

They fired on us and then there were two of us left; I helped my last member with the stuff and reached the fence where we unceremoniously turned it over. My team member was over in a shot and Lisa was just about to go next when one of the soldiers who'd shot at us only moments ago turned his weapon on her. With only a second or so before she was hit I did the only thing I could think of; I shoved her aside as I aimed my own weapon and got hit as I returned fire on the soldier. His bullet hit me just below my right collarbone and effectively made my right arm useless, my bullet hit him dead-on in between the eyes. A fine shot since he was over twenty-feet away.

I got Lisa over the fence and somehow myself also, we got away from the base and I ended up in the infirmary of Torchwood One for a fortnight.

It was in the infirmary that I told Lisa that I'd loved her since I'd first met her and quite a few other things that I won't ever mention again – well, I mentioned them when Owen had to stitch up a rather nasty slash across my torso from a very kind Weevil but that was a one off. Never have I loved and hated morphine as I did in that infirmary. But, at least she knew I loved her and I was shocked to hear that she'd loved me since she first saw me; which was in the corridor, I wasn't as invisible as I'd thought.

Love at first sight. I loved her, then I lost her.

Love at first sight, I met Jack for the first time. I loved him, every little thing about him I loved. I lost him, every time he died I lost him for a little while and then I went and died for good; losing him forever.

My name is Ianto Jones, I'm a Torchwood Three operative and this, this is my story.

TBC...

Ianto Jones, you're better than Bond. Hope you liked this little bit. More will be coming soon.

Tell us what you thought since we both love reviews, they're good little things.

RTD – Bring him BACK! Death be DAMNED! Make him IMMORTAL! Make him like JACK! Please...