What I Leave Behind
Song-Fic. One-Shot.
Spider.
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
My father is a cane farmer. From his hand have been born many smaller life forms that feed on his crop. He is a sustainer of life. My brother, Richard, is a studying lawyer. Every breath he takes involves him doing some good for the world around him. My mother is a nurse, the most noble profession of all. And my sister, even though she's sick, still finds time to help children who are away from their families and missing them terribly. All of my family have a place in the world. Except me. Why am I destined to stroll along unaided by my good deeds, my good karma. I know I'm not a bad person, just a little waylaid by my youth. But I'm 17, time to start getting realistic. This year I realize my potential. This is year I join another noble profession. The armed forces.
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here?
They tested me on mathematics, English language and a little bit of history. Thankfully it was all pretty basic stuff, year 10 stuff. They also did the basic running test (requited to do 6.1 on a beep test, I got up to 8.5) then the push-up and sit-up routine. That was the easy part, only required to do a small handful. That said, after the required push-ups my arms ached. Then a medical, which was never an issue with a pedantic nurse mother, and the psychological testing. It was these psych tests that I worried most about. I was not the toughest person I knew and in truth a bit immature for my age, but somehow I passed them. I started to think then that anything was possible. And before I knew it I was on a bus bound for CribPointVictoria. I was off, away from home, to join the Navy.
So if you're asking me I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
"Welcome to the HMAS Cerberus recruits." A booming voice came across as I stood with the others, my mind taken over by thoughts of what was to come. Around me were many my age, young people who had no idea what they'd just gotten themselves into but went along for the ride anyway. It wasn't a bad ride, just different. "Here you'll partake the usual 11 week training course. After that you either wish you were dead or continue your training." The voice chuckled. But not a normal chuckle. A big, scary, manly chuckle. My blood turned cold in my veins. Is that bad? "My name is Commander White and I'm in charge here at Cerberus. So, introductions over, can anyone tell me why we call this the Cerberus?"
Many around me chuckled, some openly laughed, but I have to admit I had no idea why it was called what it was. And then, just my luck, White pulled a list from his pocket. "Recruit… Webb." My jaw fell and evidently it was that which gave me away. He pointed at me. "I'm sure you can tell us Webb."
I stammered. "Sorry sir, I can't."
White nodded and turned to another who launched into a story about a three-headed dog guarding the gates of hell. I'd never heard of it before, but then I wasn't exactly a history person. Instead I just hung my head. What a good start.
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
My first day didn't get any better. I managed to embaress myself 4 more times before White gave up giving me a chance and spent the rest of the day just giving me funny looks. I figured he was wondering what the DFR had got him into. I myself was beginning to wonder the same thing. But I had been prewarned, it was part of the recruiting process, so there was little I could do. And I wasn't going to pull out, not now that I'd got so far. Innisfail, my home town, was a long long way away. In fact, according to Google Maps (I came to check it on a regular basis, a bit sad but my little connection to home) I was 2,831 kms away from home. Not just that, I was an emotional long way away. I'd chosen this life over the life on the land, something my father had requested of me, so now I'd stick with it. Thick and thin, I'd make it to the end.
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
The third week was fire drills, a practice everyone mad to pass. It was required by all sailors that they know how to react in a fire and emergency situation. Naturally I wasn't great. I managed to get overcome by smoke in the first simulated test, accidently shove someone in the second test and use the wrong method of putting out the fire in the third. I failed all three. In the fourth turn I got it right. Eventually. I thought I was going to die of relief when the Petty Officer who was testing me finally said 'good work Webb' and thumbed me away to join the others who had already passed. It was then that I knew that I could do anything I set my mind to. Not the first, second or even third time, but eventully I'd get there. Eventually I'd get to the end. I pushed on.
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me I want you to know
Now I stand here proudly, amongst all the other recruits, beaming down at the crowd. I can see mum, dad and even Rick has bothered to turn up. Now that's an achievement in itself. And although I don't know what lays ahead for me, I know now that I'm doing the right thing. I am Seaman Billy Webb, and that is what I leave behind.
Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
Lyrics; Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park