Disclaimer: I don't own Sea Patrol. Lyrics are 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon
Why?
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
It was almost like watching the one thing you valued in your entire life, the one part of you that you thought you knew and understood, get run over by a truck. Or like watching a small puppy, cute and adorable, have to be put down. It's that kind of heartache, that fighting and flighting pain that you feel. Fighting or flighting simply because that's what you want to do. It's instinctal, a human reaction, to run or fight. I felt like doing both when I could only stand back and watch everything I thought had been for me, everything I had wanted, simply disappear before my eyes. The ship was sinking and as I watched it go away, further and further away, I could only feel cold. A moment a long time ago, a chance to fix everything, had been wasted and now I could only see their eyes, locked on one another with affection, and feel the most intense pain.
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
You love him don't you?
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
It's never been easy to watch you, we've never been on a stable surface. But now what can I say to make this good? Should I smile it off and pretend it isn't breaking my heart that you love someone else. What did he say to win you around? Can I try that too?
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
Every time you went out on those boarding trips I could only ever stand by and watch you. I could only ever hope you'd come back to the RHIB alright. I couldn't be there to protect you every time, and I certainly couldn't be what you needed all the time, but I know you were strong. You helped me more times than I can count on one hand, whether you know it or not. You are an angel.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
You told me that he knew exactly what you needed to hear in every situation, exactly what you needed to know when things got bad. He never gave up, he never broke down and he never told you a lie. But then what could I have done to get you? When all I ever did was these things too? All I ever did was smile when you needed me too, listen when you wanted to speak, and crack a joke when you needed a smile. So I couldn't be perfect, so I couldn't be absolutely right all the time. I was who I was, so why should I be ashamed?
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
And now I watch you and it's like I can't breathe. Is it anger? Not at you of course, could never be. And it isn't at him. How can I scold him for being faster and just better than me? Maybe not better, and certainly not smarter, but quicker. Quicker to seize his chance the moment he had it. And my shame? I had one long before him. How could I knock this back?
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
I'm only angry with myself.
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
I only hate myself.
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
You look at me now like you don't understand why I haven't smiled in a week. You look at me now like I'm ill, there's something wrong with me. What have they done to you, she asks me, who have you become? She doesn't know me. She never has. Maybe that's my own fault?
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
How can you understand me when i don't understand myself?
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
Shore leave comes and you go, with him. I just stand on the deck and watch you leave. He doesn't even notice I'm there. He doesn't even see me. But how can I blame him when you're on his arm? How can I say I would do any different?
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
Do you notice me there?
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
It's like a child's game now. Notice me. Notice me. Maybe I should do what he always did? Maybe that is the way to get you to see me. But why try to be him when you have the real thing? You don't need another him. You don't need me. So what can I do?
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
But what can I say if she's happy? What can I do if she wants to be with him? Why do I ask myself these questions? Why don't I just tell her the truth. Bec, I know I'm just a friend in your eyes, but you are so much more to me.
And I don't know
Why
Why
I don't know
My name is Robert Dixon, and I love Rebecca Brown.