You and Your Stupid Dream…

'On your head' my father commented. 'It won't hurt, I guess' my mother had resigned. My brother had just laughed. What a foolish dream, straight out of the blue. Where did this come from, they had asked, and where was it going to go? In their mind one of those stupid pipe dreams that 17-year-old girls made when they were bored. In their mind I'd get over it when I got a boyfriend, or when my Year 12 results came in. She'd go off to uni and forget about it, but I knew that wouldn't be true. It was a dream that was in my veins and no matter how hard they tried to tell me it was foolish, how I'd regret it after I started the early mornings and continuous work, it was there to stay. On my head so be it. I would not turn back to them and say they were right, even if they did turn out to be in the end. I would give this a try, why not, why shouldn't I? I was a girl from the right side of the tracks, smart and pretty but lacking any real skills in the form of combat or self-defence. I'd never even seen a gun before. And now, here I was facing a four-year stretch at a good university doing Economics and all I could do was yawn. I desired only one thing – freedom. Freedom and the ability to make a difference. Why shouldn't I join the navy?

As a young, not so rebellious but enough to give my parents a headache, teenager I had had those dreams of grandeur. Fame, fortune and jet setting around the world. And while the images of gold and movies had faded, the test of time showing me they were mere tokens in this fickle world, the dream of bigger things stayed with me. When I had gone for my year 12 certificate it had been with the image of a top university degree, ace of my class, and despite being one of the better students at my school I was nowhere near the top. And then the results came in and I only just scraped into university, in by the skin of my teeth to a course I still didn't understand why I had chosen. Bachelor of Economics, even the name was dull and the idea of walking out in my early 20s with only this on my head was a frightening prospect. In my teenage years I hadn't even had a job, a part-time job not on the top of my list of things to do. I didn't need the money, my parents came from the right side of town, but as the thought of a future of HECS debt and continuous study faced me I wished I had. At least in work I could find solace in order, something I had always admired, but now it was me and the piles of homework. My first year was a disaster, my harder days plagued by the images of patrol boats and the open ocean. The sound of waves, engines and people I knew I would like. The ocean was calling, but I could only ignore its call.

When I finished my first year, only just achieving a passing grade on all my subjects, I knew then that the dream had got the better of me. I couldn't think of anything else and I knew that whatever would happen to me out there, on the open ocean, I would never regret the choice I was about to make. I could not stay on these land legs any longer; they were failing along with my attention at university and my patience. Any longer ignoring these dreams I could break. I visited the defence jobs website only a day after my results came in.

My first attraction to the navy had come in the form of my friend Lara who was a studying nurse and had pointed out the merits of working as a nurse in the army. The army had never been my friend, a self-confessed Greenie and anti-war leftist I knew that my feelings for the army would stand in my way. But the navy had never given the same impression. Rather the idea had stuck with me that it was about defence, keeping the illegal fisherman out of our waters and keeping the terrorists off our shores. They seemed so just, so loyal and so welcoming as well. Despite knowing I likely wouldn't see a patrol boat until my third or fourth year, depending on my position, the thought of one day being out there, saving sharks from shark-fin fishermen and keeping smugglers from taking things that could hurt the country on and off our shores stirred the little hippie inside of me. Eager to please I worked on what I knew, researched what I didn't and tried to get really fit. If there was anyone who wanted to join the navy more than me I was yet to meet them.

Knowing my stuff, and knowing my strengths, helped me impress the officer who handled my application. I told him what I could bring to the navy, offer to its services, but also what I felt it could give to me. He listened to my speech, nodding appropriately at places, and even smiling when I explained the little hippie analogy. He had then told me that he too and had been put off by the images of the army when he had joined, hence the navy, but had now learnt that it wasn't all about that. Nonetheless he appreciated my opinions and thought they reflected well, and nicely summed up, the navy. He'd contact me soon enough, to see what positions he could offer me. I told him straight out. I wanted to be a Navigator.

My pickiness almost became my downfall, the position of Navigator not exactly the easiest job to get, but my perseverance soon impressed my superiors and I was taken in to the compulsory four years in the navy, Navigator handed to me almost on a silver platter. But, unlike everything else in my life, this silver platter hadn't been easy to get and so it shone even brighter when I held it up to the light. My first job came in the form of Lieutenant Commander Mike Flynn, CO of the HMAS Hammersley, a now de-commissioned patrol boat. But the name would be passed on to where I am now. The Hammersley now a new Armidale Class patrol boat, an Australian Warship. And up here, in the bridge, I am the Navigator.

The road hasn't been easy. It's been long. It's been interesting. It's been hard. But the message here is that no matter what people think or say, no matter how far-fetched your dreams sound, and no matter what stands in your way, you can do it. Just never give up on yourself and you can achieve what I have achieved. Maybe you don't have the same dream as me, I'm not saying you do, but the general idea here is that whatever you want can become a reality. If you want it badly enough.

Just ask me and my stupid dream…

Nikki 'Nav' Caetano
Royal Australian Navy
Navigator, HMAS Hammersley
Cairns, Australia